This week, I highlight the negative connotations we attach to the act of asking for help and what we make it mean about us. I’m seeing so many of my clients face this challenge of wanting to do everything themselves, and I’m sure many of you are dealing with the same issue.
I have some breaking news for you on why wanting to do everything without outside help isn’t necessarily productive or helping you grow, and I’ll show you how you can condition yourself to be okay with that. My goal this week is to help you get your power back and open you up to thinking about getting help in a totally different way!
Hi girl, welcome to Soul CEO; a podcast for women who know they’re destined for more. I’m Lindsey Mango and I’m going to show you that you can have it all and teach you how to get it by becoming the CEO of your soul, life, and business. Let’s get started.
Hello, my wonderful Soul CEOs. You guys will not believe how many times I will hit record and then stop it and start back over because my intro sounds crazy. Because I’m literally – I don’t know if I have told you, I think I have but I record my podcast in my closet because the sound quality is so good here, and I’m staring at like, dresses, and I have to act like I’m talking to another human being and foster the energy.
So sometimes I’m like, hello, and then I’m like, nope, sound weird, start over. And it’s very, very funny. But anyway, so I really work on envisioning you guys and talking to you and the energy I would have if you were sitting right in front of my because staring at my dresses, while I love fashion and I love my clothes, I don’t really talk to them.
So I have to envision you guys when I say hi and start these podcasts. Anyway, let me jump into today’s topic. So I work with tons of high achieving women. In fact, I think all of you guys are probably high achievers, right? Because you’re here, you’re listening, you’re working on yourself, you’re learning, you’re growing.
And us high achieving women, we have high expectations for ourselves. We push ourselves, we continue to elevate our goals and who we are and how we show up. And it’s so exciting and amazing and it also creates an offset of challenges within us. And so I noticed something over and over and over again, and tons of my clients and in myself, and in this group of high achieving women, which like I said, I’m sure a lot of you guys are, or most of you are because I feel like it’s just generally the nature of somebody who’s a high achiever to want to grow and listen to this stuff and do this work because they just want to keep excelling.
It’s like a part of their nature or a part of them to keep pushing themselves because it’s fun, because of the challenge, because they enjoy it, because they just want to keep improving and get better. Like, it’s a huge part of like, how they want to live their lives.
So with every positive, there – I feel like there’s an opportunity for an offset of a negative with a strength, right? So when you’re a high achiever and you’re independent and all these things, you want to grow and you want to like, do it on your own, and that’s something that I find so common among the people that I work with.
So what we’re going to talk about today is asking for help. Ooh, some of you guys probably heard that and are like, “Ooh, I know right away that I am not good at asking for help.” I was having – what’s so amazing is I work with such awesome, brilliant human beings and this was actually inspired by one of my clients, Carissa, who was having this conversation with me where we were talking about asking for help or needing help and this is kind of what evolved through this conversation.
And whenever somebody talks to me about, you know, the negative emotion that they feel when they ask for help, I ask why. So I would ask you guys the same thing. If you envision like, needing someone’s help or asking for someone’s help and you have a negative response to that, like, my first question is why. Like, what do you make that mean about you?
Because seeing that is what’s creating this negative experience when you think about it. And this is something for me because I was an athlete and I’ve been raised to like, compete, I had a lot of unraveling to do in that, and I feel like I’ve also be raised to be super independent. Like, my boyfriend, Chris would probably crack up because he’s like, “Oh yeah,” like, he’s probably shaking his head if he’s listening to this.
Because I’m super independent and I’m really, really grateful for that, but it also made it super challenging for me to ask for help and for me to be okay with the fact that like, I don’t have to do it all by myself and like, we really don’t do anything by ourselves.
I think for some reason, us high achieving women like, feel like it’s a badge of honor if we do something all on our own and all by ourselves, and I have some news for you: we don’t do anything by ourselves.
Like, we do, but we co-create. And what I mean by that is like, in order for – yes, I’ve built this business but like, in order for me to build my business, I have to co-create with all of my clients. Like, they have to be open to hiring me, right? They have to work alongside with me, they have to show up and do the work.
So like, yes, I’ve built this business, but I wouldn’t have a business if it wasn’t for them. And I wouldn’t have a business if I didn’t learn all the things that I’ve learned from the coach, and if I didn’t have the support from my boyfriend, Chris, and my parents, right?
Like, we really do all co-create. Like, nothing happens all by ourselves, right? Like, even the groceries you get at the grocery store. Even if you go to the grocery all by yourself, bring all your stuff home, put it in your fridge, like I’m envisioning when I was single and living alone and I was super independent, did everything on my own, I would have been like, “Yeah, totally, this is all me,” but guess what?
You had to go to the grocery where people helped you, they checked you out, you had to get groceries that people had to farm or whatever you want to call it, like, we literally don’t do anything by ourselves.
But we have such a negative connotation with it, and I’ve had to do a ton of work in my life, and like I said, a lot of my clients struggle with this because of what they make it mean and usually they make it mean something negative that they’re dependent on someone else or that they need someone else’s help.
And it makes them feel like a less of a person or really, really negative. And during one of my coaching calls with Carissa, which is where this was inspired by, we came to the conclusion that it’s really just how you look at it, right? Like, it’s really just how you perceive asking for help and the emotions that you associate it with. Just like anything else we talk about here.
But I want to open you guys up to thinking about it in a totally different way. So usually the word need has kind of a negative connotation, and I really worked to not “need” anything. What I mean by that is I feel like need comes from kind of a lack place. Like, it means like, I can’t do it on my own and I need it. Like, I don’t really get to choose, like, I just need to have this.
And to me, that comes from like, a lack, fearful mindset. And so I think that’s really where this all starts. When we think of asking for help, we think of it in terms of I need your help, like, I can’t do this without you. Like, if I’m asking for your help, that means I absolutely need your help, and that comes from that negative, fear-based mindset.
And so what I asked my client and what I want to ask you guys is what if you just saw it as choosing to receive instead of needing, right? Like, we don’t do anything without choosing to. Like, every single emotion you feel – I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like you get to choose because some of it does get locked up – most of it gets locked up in our subconscious mind and we just act based off of that, but we really do choose that.
And everything like, we do, we’re choosing to do. But what’s important is to take your power back and seeing that you’re doing it. So what if instead of needing someone’s help, even like, a coach, right? Like, in order for someone to be open to coaching, they have to be open to the fact that they want to receive this information to grow to the next level. And sometimes I think people are even turned off by that. Like, by hiring a coach because they feel like it means that they need help and that means there’s something wrong with them, right?
And that really isn’t what it is. It’s like, you’re open to receiving the help, you’re choosing to receive the coaching and the mindset work so that you can grow to another level. So I just want to ask you guys that if you have trouble asking for help, if you’re super independent like me and you like to do stuff on your own, I would really look at why and then I would at the fact that really, you’re choosing to receive from an abundance of people throughout your entire day.
And that it doesn’t mean anything bad, and it doesn’t mean that you need them, that you wouldn’t be able to survive without them or that it has to come from a lack or fear place. But what if you just decided whenever you get help from somebody, you’re just choosing to receive it? You’re choosing to receive the support. You’re choosing to receive the coaching. You’re choosing to receive your boyfriend helping you bring the groceries in.
You could do it on your own. And you don’t need it, right? But like, you’re asking for it. And even stuff that like, you can’t do on your own, like I’m just thinking for example like, I could not fix my car. Like, I have no idea. I guess I could learn how if something went wrong with it, but I would rather have somebody help me with it, right?
So even in that instance when I can’t do it, when I really don’t know how, I could teach myself, which would take probably months or years, who knows, we don’t even want to mess with that, right? But I choose to receive help from a mechanic shop or I choose to receive help from my boyfriend who does know more about it.
It’s not like I’m being forced to ask for help. Like, I’m choosing to receive it. So the next time you have a negative reaction to receiving help, or you’re like, “Ugh, I want to do it all on my own,” I really want you to look at where that’s coming from and what you make it mean if you were to ask for help.
And if you could shift your mindset to believe that you’re just choosing to receive it, you’re choosing to receive all the greatness that other people have to offer and the support, and that it doesn’t mean anything less about you, how you would feel about it then.
Because I would hate for somebody to not grow to the extent that they could because they make it mean something about them that they hired a coach, or that they went to a therapist, or that they asked their friend or their boyfriend or somebody for help. Like, you get to choose all of that. Like, nobody forces us to do anything. And you’re choosing.
So take your power back. It’s not that you need the help, it’s not that you’re incapable. It’s not that you are being high maintenance or whatever you want to call it. It’s that you’re choosing to receive help, and that, the person giving it, if you believe it from that like, pure place and you feel good about receiving it and someone feels good about giving it, you’re also elevating how they’re showing up in a really amazing way, right?
Like, when someone shows up to me and they’re choosing to receive my help as a coach, I feel amazing. I get to do what I love, I get energized by it. So what if you also saw that the person you’re choosing to receive help from genuinely, truly, deeply wants to give it and that it makes them feel amazing and it elevates who they are in the world?
Like, imagine if we all just felt that way about everyone who co-created with us and joined us and helped us in some way, that it elevated everybody we came in contact with when we received their help and when they received ours, and then it would just like, create a ripple effect in the world. And that is what’s so amazing and so powerful.
So you don’t need anybody’s help. You’re choosing to receive their help. And how could you choose to receive more help in your life or choose to receive from more people to help you elevate yourself?
So all my high achievers out there, I hate to break it to you, but you’re really not doing it on your own, and that’s totally amazing. I love being independent. I love being able to do all the things on my own, and I also see that when I choose to receive from the people that I love, when I choose to receive from people who are abundantly giving to me, that it makes me feel really good and it makes them feel really good, and we create a ripple effect in the world.
So really look at that. How do you respond to asking for someone’s help and what would happen if you just believed you were choosing to receive it? Because that’s really what’s happening.
So I love you guys, I hope you have a beautiful day and I will talk to you next week. Bye.
Thank you so much for joining me for today’s episode of Soul CEO. If you want to go even deeper into how to create a vision of the life you really want, how to become the woman in that vision and how to deal with the roadblocks we all face along the way, head over to lindseymangocoaching.com/high-vibe-formula to get your free training of my High-Vibe Formula.