If you have ever had the thought you don’t like me based on what you see here, this is for you… And if you like me, you may like this too. The negative emotion that shows up for us when we see or experience other people… isn’t about them… it’s about us.
Let that sink in.
I have always been a super competitive person. If I do something, I want to be the best! I want everyone to be amazing, but not better than me……that’s it, I said it!
Something I have realized but haven’t wanted to speak for some time now! You may read that and think I’m a shitty person or a crappy coach and here’s the thing:
I thought that too…
I went into a Retreat a few months ago not knowing how I wanted to transform… not sure where I needed to grow next… I got so much inspiration while there, learned so much I have been able to teach my clients, but on day three I wondered if I was going to have the transformation some of the women had there.
I mean the real type of transformation where you ugly cry and realize the thing that’s been holding you back… but let me remind you of what I said earlier:
I like to be THE BEST….
So I created a story in my mind that I was wayyy past that level, and I was here for the experience and to learn more to teach my clients. However, the best way to teach is from a place of mastery, and I know that.
Throughout the weekend, the thing that continued to show up for me was the attention everyone else was getting! I love to feel significant and there are a lot of amazing women at this event and I felt like the things I normally get noticed for weren’t being noticed!
This felt so childish, but honestly it kept coming up for me… and here’s the crazy thing: I thought all the other ladies needed it more than me, needed the attention, needed the conversations and needed the oos and ahhs when they walked down the stairs all dolled up…..that I didn’t because I had grown so much and done so much coaching work before this…. funny how our minds work to protect us from feeling hurt.
My transformation took place when I decided to speak this truth in front of all these woman… the truth I felt was so ugly and childish that everyone would think “what a selfish asshole and attention-whore for thinking this” (haha I know brutal, but truly my inner monologue) and guess what… they loved me more… they saw me, really saw me… and I know (because they said it) that’s some thought “finally a crack in Lindsey Mango!”
That actually didn’t hurt at all because I knew if I was around someone who always strived for perfection and to win, I would have the exact same thought.
My mentality to be “the best” at whatever I have done has served me in so many ways and contributed to my success (which I am grateful for) but where it hasn’t served me is in creating deep and abundant relationships with women.
I mean really think about it… if I always want to be “the best” how can I fully celebrate other women in their success and beauty and authenticity? How can I ever feel full and happy with where and who I am because my worth is based on if I am better than others?
You just can’t.
After the vulnerability hangover and much thought I realized this:
I don’t have to be the best at everything or anything, there will always be someone or something better AND there will never be anyone better at being perfectly, imperfectly me.
So I guess I was right: I want to be the best, but not in a way that makes me better than anyone else…. I want to be THE BEST version of me and I hope you strive to be the best version of you. There is no one better or worse than that, just a continuous, fulfilling journey of being a better you.