A lot of my clients ask me about love. Yes, we talk about business and mindset, but without love – romantic, family, friends – those things can feel out of whack no matter how much work we do. That’s because relationships are so integral to growth. Love is the foundation of everything!
Hi girl, welcome to Soul CEO; a podcast for women who know they’re destined for more. I’m Lindsey Mango and I’m going to show you that you can have it all and teach you how to get it by becoming the CEO of your soul, life, and business. Let’s get started.
Hey guys, how are you? I am so excited about today’s topic, and I actually recorded it earlier, and we had some technical difficulties, which is totally fine, but what I shared in that episode was that I was in the middle of my workout, and I was hit with inspiration and I literally just left the gym because I had to share what was on my heart and what was on my mind.
And so I just came home and I was sweaty, and actually I’ll be honest, it’s the afternoon now and I’m still in my sweaty workout clothes. This is real life. Some days are not very glamorous. It’s been a busy but amazing day. But so here I am, I’m re-recording it, but I just left because I wanted to capitalize on that moment of inspiration and really wanted to share what was on my heart, and I’m still in the zone, I’m still feeling it, so you guys are going to get just as much as you would have earlier if it had recorded right.
But I was so excited because love is a topic that so many of my clients come to me with, and it’s something that I have done a ton of deep work on in my own life. And I know on social media and here, I talk a lot about business and mindset when it comes to every area of life, but I don’t talk a ton about love.
But it’s a huge part of what I do, it’s a huge part of our lives. In fact, I really think it’s at the foundation of everything. Like, if our love life is out of whack or causing us stress, or just causing any sort of issue, I feel like it is the main priority. It affects everything.
And I’m not just talking about love when it comes to your relationship, I’m talking about any sort of love in any relationship, whether that be friendships, family, or your significant other or your husband, or wife, whatever it is. And I think it’s so, so important. So I’m definitely going to talk about that here, and I’m going to continue to share my story and my journey in that because I help so many women in this area.
Because it’s something that I think we all crave, and I think love and relationships with other human beings is what triggers so many growing opportunities. And because I can’t think of anything else in the world that can be scarier than putting your heart on the line, or falling in love with somebody, and I can’t think of anything that creates more vulnerability than that and can trigger us like that.
So I think relationships are such a good indicator of areas that we have to work on, and so the title of this is My Love Story, and the reason why I titled it that is because I’m going to give you a little bit of background about my story and my relationship with my amazing boyfriend, Chris, but it’s not going to be what you think it is.
I will share our story, like our full story, I’m sure at some point, and I do share it on social media, and I will tell you guys we are as happy as we look. He is absolutely amazing, but I’m going to share a different piece about my love story. And I’m just really excited to share it with you guys because again, I’ve had so much opportunity to grow when it comes to this relationship with him, and my relationship with myself.
And I think that that’s where this really starts, and that’s what this is really about. When I started coaching with my coach and doing this work, I had started to realize that I was bringing up some of the same fears and some of the same thoughts that I had had in past relationships, and so I realized in some way I was contributing to whether it was the people that I was attracting, or what I was creating in the relationships that I had.
And I’m talking about my love relationships. I realized that I was contributing to it in some way, and I think we all are contributing to that type of relationship in some way and the results we create, whether they be good or bad.
And so I started to do a lot of deep work on that. And what I realized is that I was struggling to feel fulfilled and happy in my own life and fall in love with myself and my own life. So I realized that over so many different relationships and over a couple serious relationships that I had, I had been trying to fulfill a gap within myself and in my life with a human being, and with the lover that I was with, or the person that I was dating.
And that was kind of where it all started and so I ended up after coaching and growing, I ended up growing apart from the guy I was dating at that time, and it was a really tough decision for me. And now I was single and I had done all this work on myself, but now I had this new opportunity to really fall in love with being alone. It’s kind of like that saying, you have to love yourself first, or you have to be happy alone before you can, you know, be happy with somebody else.
And not to be cliché, but I think that is totally true, and I really believe we have to love ourselves and have to do the work on ourselves before we can fully and deeply love somebody else. Now, when I say that, I don’t mean that if you’re in a relationship now or you’re married and you realize you’re struggling with this that you have to be alone to do that. I don’t think that’s the case, and I’ll kind of get into that a little bit in my story, but I feel like it’s such an important component.
So no matter where you are, your work in your relationships always starts with you, and always starts with how you feel about yourself. So I was newly single and I was excited and I was excited to be open to the idea of just dating people and learning about myself through that process and really falling in love with my life, which I already really loved, but really falling in love with being alone, and valuing myself and treating myself the way that I wanted somebody else to treat me.
Like, that is such a big component of my love story, is realizing that if I wanted somebody to treat me like they valued me and love me the way that I wanted them to, I had to love myself that way, and I had to treat myself that way. And so that was a huge part of my dating process was to learn how to treat myself that way, to learn how to always fulfill my own needs, and not in like, a controlling way, but in a very loving way. And look at the people I was dating as something that was adding to my life.
Like, I realized I had to be whole in order to love somebody fully, that their job wasn’t to fulfill a gap in my life. So I did a ton of work on that, I spent a lot of time alone, I took a vacation all by myself, and it was so much fun. And I really started to tap into that deep love for myself, and what that looked like to value myself.
And it started to help me realize and grow into the woman that I am now, and I paid a lot of attention to the men I was attracting in my life then and the people I was dating, and what I was okay with, and something that I realized about myself and that I’m going to share more of – I actually started writing a book. Don’t get your hopes up, I don’t know when it’s going to be done, but it will come at some point, I promise.
Because I’ve realized that I believe what we believe we’re worthy of is what we will ultimately attract into our world, or what we will allow to stay around. So I think sometimes something amazing may happen but if we don’t believe we’re worthy of it, we will sabotage it.
And so I started to do a lot of deep work on myself and I had recognized that I really like to hustle for my worth, and I find that there’s a lot of women that I attract and a lot of high achieving women who do that, and I coach them on that a lot. So I really started to do some of that deep work, and after dating and struggling some, and going through some tough times and getting triggered, and all of these things, I did tons of work on that and I got to place where I really felt happy with where I was.
And I remember saying, probably two weeks before Chris asked me out on our first date, that I was genuinely happy alone. And that I wasn’t going to force dating and I really loved my life, and of course, just like they always say, when you really are happy alone, the guy appears and two weeks later he did, and I’ll never forget that date. It was amazing. It was like a four, five-hour date. He treated me so amazing, like no guy had ever treated me.
And it was just so awesome and I’ll tell you guys that I remember leaving that and thinking like, “I’ll remember this date for the rest of my life,” which is really cool to look back on now. But the thing was that I really had become happy in my own life and with myself and fell in love with myself to the capacity that I knew how.
And I will tell you that my love story with myself, and our love story as in Chris and I, it didn’t end there. I didn’t realize that this belief that I just mentioned earlier about hustling for my worth and believing that I had to achieve or be the best or be a champion in order to be loved was something that I really held on to deeply.
And Chris was the perfect person to help me see this because for the first time ever, I felt like I was being loved completely unconditionally. My parents love me unconditionally, but I mean by somebody else, loved fully and abundantly, unconditionally, and loving somebody from abundance and from a full place looks so much different than loving somebody from a fearful place.
And I think in a lot of the relationships I’ve been in in the past, I had loved other people from fear, and I think they loved me from fear. And that feels like a very needy love, and I think when you really do your own work, you’re able to love people from that place. And so for the first time, I had a man who just adored and loved me exactly as I was, and what it did was it shined a light on this idea that I still loved myself based on a condition.
Based on the condition of whether I was achieving or I looked a certain way, or my body was a certain way, or that my business was at a certain place. And it was so eye opening, and it caused so much fear. Like, I will tell you guys, the beginning of our relationship at first, I was so excited, I was all in, and then the reality started to come in and I had all these fears show up based on my past programming, and it really had nothing to do with Chris and everything to do with my work.
And I will tell you guys that your work on yourself will show up a lot clearer and in bigger ways when you start to put your heart on the line, and mine definitely did that. So I started to realize I still had more work to do, and in past relationships, I had been so fearful of bringing up my fear because I thought it would make people run, and so I had a lot of work on vulnerability with him and sharing that and realizing that when you love somebody from abundance and when you love somebody from a whole place, that doesn’t mean that the first sign of fear you run and he showed me that.
And so he was my perfect teacher, and he still is every single day. Like, I’m going to get a little emotional about it, but because of the way he shows up and the work that he’s done on his own life, it just constantly blows me away, but I wrote something and I want to share it with you guys because I think it’s so accurate. And this is why I’m sharing all of this to tell you guys that ultimately, how you feel and how you love yourself will be how you’re able to love other people.
So if you feel yourself lacking in that area, lacking in your self-love or feeling like your relationship isn’t quite where you want it to be, I would turn inward and look at how you’re taking care of yourself or how you’re viewing your worthiness, and what would it look like to really love yourself deeply, and how would you be able to love the person that you’re with if you really loved yourself exactly as you were. If you believed you were worthy of your love and other people’s love without doing anything.
And that is so powerful, and that is real love. So Chris was such a huge mirror to me in what I still had work to do, and I still have work to do, and even in our current lives, I have brought this belief with me through my entire life that I have to achieve and do and be something in order to be worthy of my own love, and I am constantly having to be aware of it.
And again, I’m so grateful to have such an amazing man who is willing to grow through this all with me, and I’m so grateful for the work I did leading up to this point because I don’t believe that I would have attracted or even allowed for a relationship to grow the way that it has if I didn’t do the work I did originally, and do the self-love work and value myself, and really fall in love with my own life.
But I wanted to share what I wrote and this is a part of the introduction of my book, and it’s not about relationships, it’s just about worthiness and so many different things that I am really finding deep knowledge and deep growth and that I think need to be shared with the world, but I’ll just share this with you guys because I think it’s such a reflection of how your love story with other human beings and with your significant other is going to be dictated on how much work you do on your own love story with yourself.
And so here it goes. I said, “Enter, my boyfriend, Chris. Chris is the type of man that every woman dreams of having. He looks at me like I’m the only person in the room. He looks at me the way every woman wants to be looked at by their lover, and he treats me like it too. His saying is always, show, don’t tell, but he always tells me how he feels and he shows me a million times over. He loves me and he has been the perfect reflection of the fact that I don’t and haven’t fully loved myself. My love for myself has been conditional, and his love is not. Whether I’m looking my best and most fit and totally at ease, or I’ve taken five days off of the gym in a row, haven’t showered in three days, been working on something in my business and in a totally crazy mood, completely forgetting to eat lunch, he loves me anyway. And nothing brings darkness forward like shining light on it. He has shined light on it, and I will tell you, it’s been scary as hell. There were times in our relationship where fear consumed me, where I felt running would be easier, where I wanted to buffer, which means distract myself in my business, or in so many other things.”
But – and here’s what I want to say about this is – and I go on in this story, so if – whenever my book comes out, you guys will have to read it to hear the rest and hear how this kind of all unfolds in terms of worthiness, but he was the perfect reflection for that. And this is how I know so deeply that the love we have for our self and our worthiness is going to directly reflect in the love that we have for other people.
So if you want to have your own love story, if you want to have and receive deep, deep love in your life, whether that be with your kids, your family, your friends, your significant other, it starts with how you love yourself, always. And really seeing that we are worthy as human beings exactly as we are, that we don’t have to do or be anything to be worthy of love, that we are love.
And it doesn’t matter your circumstances or situations, but I believe that so many things in our lives build different beliefs to support what our worthiness or what our love or how our love is deserving. We have so many different belief systems that we build around the stories that we have of what we have to do or be in order to be loved.
And the work is getting back to that truth of being worthy of love and loving yourself exactly as you are, no matter where you are in your journey. No matter if you’re kicking ass in your business and in the best shape of your life and looking perfect, or whether you are having the most awful week, you haven’t worked out in months and you have totally failed at every single thing you’ve done, you are worthy of love.
And really leaning into that and seeing that and believing that and doing the work on that, that is what will create your love story. Your love story starts with you. And then, you can create a love story with somebody else. Whether you’re in that relationship now, or you’re seeking that relationship.
So I love you guys so much, I wanted to share this specifically this week because this will come out a couple days after our one year anniversary, and we are going to be celebrating and enjoying our time in Florida, and it was something that I wanted to share because it’s so deeply on my heart and I just know how many people need to hear this message and need to know that if they want to experience love on a deep, deep level and want to have the relationship of their dreams, that they have to love themselves.
So I love you guys, and I hope you have an amazing week. And thank you so much for creating space and listening to me share my real and raw story with you guys. I am sure there will be more to come, and I hope you guys have a beautiful week and day. Thanks, bye.
Thank you so much for joining me for today’s episode of Soul CEO. If you want to go even deeper into how to create a vision of the life you really want, how to become the woman in that vision and how to deal with the roadblocks we all face along the way, head over to lindseymangocoaching.com to get your free training of my High-Vibe Formula.