And hey, it’s great to have a tribe of really supportive people around, cheering us on through the ups and downs of entrepreneurship and personal development! The problem arises when we base our actions and what steps we’re taking off of whether other people believe in us or not.
On this episode of Soul CEO, I want you to listen very carefully to why it’s important that you learn to support yourself the way you wish others supported you. I’m breaking down how to get your power back by creating stronger beliefs in yourself and your goals, and how doing this work will help you attract the right people into your life.
Hi girl, welcome to Soul CEO; a podcast for women who know they’re destined for more. I’m Lindsey Mango and I’m going to show you that you can have it all and teach you how to get it by becoming the CEO of your soul, life, and business. Let’s get started.
Hey there, how are you guys? I am loving this. I hope you guys are loving this as much as I am. Of course I love it, it’s my podcast, but it just excites me so much and gives me so much inspiration. I’m so excited every time I get on here to talk to you guys and share all of my little miracles and transformations and things that happen and occur to me.
So I am excited to be here. Luckily the weather is warming up a little bit. I’ve been taking my little pup, Luna, on more walks, which has been amazing. For those of you who are dog lovers, I am a dog lover too. I have the most adorable little black lab. She isn’t even a year old and I just love her. She’s actually a black lab mix. We adopted her and she is just the sweetest.
She’s definitely still learning. You know how puppies are, but she is full of life and such a good reminder of the present moment. I feel like animals are so good for that.
But anyway, I am so excited to talk about today’s topic because I find this specific thing happens with a lot of my clients and with a lot of people in general. And it’s probably something that you guys have experienced on this journey at some point or I would say it’s one of the top questions that I get from people when they start to embark on this journey and when they start to embark on their growth.
So let’s get into it. I feel like a lot of people start on this path and start growing and they are not supported by other people on their journey, right.
We teach people how to treat us and all of a sudden, we want to grow and change who we are in an amazing way. Some of us want to start businesses, some of us pursue passions that maybe we never thought about pursuing. And what happens is the people around us, all of a sudden, are like, “Wait, what happened to Suzie? I knew her to be this way. I knew her to be quiet and reserved in the corner and all of a sudden, she has a voice. Like, what’s happening?” Or, “Oh my gosh, you’re going after this big crazy dream – no way, that is not happening.”
People have all sorts of reactions to when you start this personal development journey and a lot of times, when people start businesses or start pursuing passions. So I want to tell you guys, you are not alone. This happens to so many people.
So first of all, I think that’s the value of having a tribe and creating a tribe. I will tell you, when I first started this journey I have had supportive parents, which I’m really grateful for. They had their own fears, for sure and a lot of people around me had fears and didn’t necessarily support it. So I didn’t have a ton of people in my tribe, but I just kind of created it, right.
I hired a coach and having a coach is automatically a part of your tribe, right. You hire them to help you grow but they’re also your number one supporter; the person who’s constantly believing in you. And so that’s a huge part of it, but then also, kind of, creating your own tribe and all of you guys listening are on that same path and maybe struggling with the same thing.
So connect with other people who are on like-frequency and who are doing similar things. And if you need to find that tribe, connect with me on social media. Connect with people who you see are walking down that similar path because I think that is so important.
But this isn’t really what I want to talk to you guys about today. What I want to talk about is this idea of relying on the people in your life for their support. So, so many people come to me and they’re like, “I wanted to change in an amazing way and I’m pursuing my passion and I’m starting a business and I feel so excited about it, but I feel so upset and demoralized when the people around me – my husband, my significant other, my family, all of the people – don’t support me.” And it hurts and it sucks and I will tell you that it dies, right, it stings.
But here’s the thing – what I find is when we have uncertainty in our vision, in our path, in our journey we look for other people’s support to create more evidence and to create more confidence in that journey. So one of the biggest things that I talk about is this idea of supporting yourself the way that you want other people to support you.
So nothing’s gone wrong if you’re looking for support outside of yourself. Like I said, a tribe and having people who believe in you are amazing, but I will tell you, if something stings or hurts from another person because they don’t believe in you, that is one – a part of dealing with that can be sad and can be hurtful and that’s totally okay and normal. But if you are basing your actions and what steps you’re taking off of whether they believe in you or not, then that just shows you, you have more work to do.
So we are in control of how we feel. And when somebody does something or says something that stings or causes and emotional negative reaction within us, it’s really just a sign that we have work to do on our self. So when you tell somebody about your vision and your dream or about your amazing journey that you’re on and they have a negative reaction and it causes you to question your ability and question your confidence, that’s just a sign showing you that you have some work to do in creating a solid belief that this is possible.
Now, you’re probably thinking, “Well when I start this journey, I don’t know. I’m working on believing if it’s possible and it doesn’t help to have people not support me.” But we can’t blame them because, again, like I said, we teach people how to treat us and you’re, all of a sudden, changing the game.
And people base their reactions and how they feel and their fears and what they say and do off of their own belief systems and their own path. I’m going to say that again; people base how they react and what they do and what they say and how they feel and their fears on their own belief systems.
So naturally, if you’re going to go down this journey or down this path and they haven’t been down it or they don’t believe anything is possible or they don’t believe that they can have an amazing business, they’re going to naturally respond with their fear, with their negative emotion, with their thought that that’s not possible. Because if they thought it was possible or if they really wanted to do it, they would be pursuing it.
So it means nothing about you unless you make it mean something about you. And that’s what usually happens. We go and share our amazing dream, someone says something and then we question it. Or we go and share our journey and someone says something negative or spiteful or fearful about it and we take it on as our own belief. We take it on to support or create more evidence to go against what we’re trying to do. And that’s on you. That is your work.
So, girl, or man, whoever’s listening, I’m giving you your power back right now and telling you, this is your job. This is your responsibility, to do the work on. So anytime you tell somebody your amazing vision or dream or your path and you get a negative response and then you make it mean something about you or you create more evidence, that’s just telling you and showing you that you don’t 100% believe in it.
And that’s okay, nothing’s gone wrong. When I started this journey, I didn’t really know what it was going to look like. Now, I knew I was committed, no matter what – right, the last podcast I talked about that – but I didn’t really know what it was going to look like.
So when other people questioned it, it hit a nerve within me because I wasn’t quite sure of it. But I decided that it was my job and my responsibility to continue to build more beliefs and build more evidence and pursue it until I had 1000% certainty in it. And I will tell you that even now, having a successful business and life and relationship and all of the things, right, like, there are probably still people out there who still think I’m crazy for the crazy big dreams that I have.
I mean, I have insane dreams. Like, I want to change the world, guys. And people are going to react with their negative opinions based on their own beliefs, and that’s okay. Because if they don’t believe it, I do so it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t impact me anymore.
So this is kind of telling you this on the other side. I’ve built so much evidence. I’ve taken so much action. I have worked so hard and I really believe that anything is possible and that my dreams are possible. So that doesn’t hurt like it used to, but I’d just like to give you that power back. And it was such a huge opportunity for me when I first started because it showed me that I still had work in creating a stronger belief. And that gives me power to do something about it, right.
So how do I create this stronger belief? I look for more evidence in my life that it’s possible. I look around at people who have done it and I see that there’s physical evidence that this is possible. Or even if you’re pursuing something that isn’t created in the world yet – maybe you have created something amazing and I think all of us are doing that, but on some degree, especially as coaches, we teach our own philosophies but they might have come from Greek philosophers so many years ago. So we are all kind of
putting our own spin on it and learning our own things from it and teaching based off our own journeys.
But something that I love about getting to create whatever you want in the world is the ability to create what you wish existed. So sometimes we create stuff that doesn’t exist, but you have the opportunity to take action and fail and figure it out and say, “Okay that didn’t work. This did work. This is possible because I can see that I have all of the this did work, this didn’t work, this totally failed, this totally was a success.”
So it’s basically our job to build that belief, to take action like it. And that’s the thing is sometimes we don’t know if it’s for sure possible, but where you can create evidence is taking action like it and taking the action that you would take if you knew it was possible because that builds belief that it is going to happen, right. Maybe you fail and maybe it goes wrong, that’s okay. If you’re committed, you’re going to keep working at it.
So I always like to point out to people that when they are on this journey and this happens to them and you’re trying to share it with your family and your significant other and they have things to say about it, you have the opportunity to do that work if it halts your belief or if it holds you back from believing that your dream is possible and say, “Okay, this means that I have to create more belief in this. I have to look for more evidence that this is possible.” But then you also have an opportunity to set a boundary with those people.
Like, if I’m working on my confidence, I’m not going to surround myself with a bunch of negative people who aren’t confidence boosters, who are going to tell me all the time that I look awful, right. That’s going to not help me build my life in the direction that I want to and build the confidence.
Now, we can’t just say bye family, I’m never seeing you again. So this is where you have an opportunity to set boundaries with them and say, “Hey,
it’s not okay I don’t feel good when you say something like that and when you don’t support my idea.” And not from a place of forcing them to believe you or forcing to change their mindset about it because you don’t like it that they’re trying to change yours – we have to show up to other people the way that we want them to show up to us. But that also doesn’t mean that you have to share your stuff with them – share your dreams and passions with them – if they’re not going to be excited about it and uplift you in that.
So it could be something where you just don’t talk about it with them specifically or where you set a boundary and say, “Hey, that’s not okay. I don’t appreciate when you say that about my passion or my dream. And again, not from a judgmental place, not from a place of changing their mind but just from a place of saying, you know, I’m setting this boundary right here and this is the line and it’s not okay. If you cross it, this isn’t going to work for me.
So that is the power of understanding your mindset and understanding where other people are coming from and where you’re coming from and then seeing that it’s your job to support yourself the way you want other people to support you. That’s kind of what I’m getting at with all of this is you have to support yourself the way you wish other people would. So when you talk about your dreams – when you talk about your passion or your path and your business, whatever it is, you have to support that like you want everybody else to support it.
So think about that. if you envisioned telling your whole family and you wanted them to jump up and down and cheer you on and say oh my gosh that’s totally possible, that’s amazing. You have to do that for yourself, always. You have to be your number one cheerleader. You have to be that person for yourself.
So support yourself the way you want other people to support you. And then here’s what will happen – you will either start to find people who
support you the way that you support yourself and attract them into your world and find them, or you will just be okay with the fact that they don’t support you. And it won’t even bother you anymore. It won’t even be a thing.
So for me, there are some people that I shed in my life as I supported myself and started to create this really strong belief that anything was possible, that my standard changed, my life changed and they didn’t align anymore. And I love them to death but I set them free and I set myself free. And then there’s other people that came into my world because they did support that, they did see that and they are on board with that. And then there’s people that I love anyway that are a part of my life that don’t necessarily see it, and that’s okay and I love them and it doesn’t matter because I can support them and I can support myself the way I want to be supported.
So that is such a huge challenge with so many people and I would ask yourself, what ways do I want these people to support me? What do I want my family to say? What do I want my significant other to say; my friends to say, everyone to say in support of me or tell me or what things do I want them to provide in terms of support? Write them all down and then figure out how you can give yourself that.
Like, I’m talking about to the point of sending yourself flowers, if that’s what you envision people supporting you doing. That is the power of supporting yourself and creating that belief and doing the things you wish that other people would do because eventually, you’re not going to need it. And then, guess what, they’re going to show up and they’re going to give it to you and it’s going to feel amazing, but you also aren’t going to be relying on it.
So I want you to also feel like me, on this podcast, I’m supporting you. I might not know you. You might be somewhere far, far away and we have never met and we have never interacted, but you’re listening and I support
you. I am your tribe. My coach, when she started coaching, she really didn’t have any support in her journey or when she started this path. She, like, used podcasts as her tribe. She used the teachers and the coaches and the people she followed as her tribe and chose to believe in herself and utilize those things to help her feel supported.
So I’m supporting you. Use me. Use this podcast. Find a tribe. Find people. But then, first and foremost, support yourself the way you want other people to support you. So I’m sending you so much love. I know this can be such a challenging journey, especially when everybody feels like they’re against you. But I promise, if you do the work, things will change.
So thank you guys so much for being here. Don’t forget, if you want a chance to be on my bonus episode and coached live, go to my website, lindseymangocoaching.com/itunes for instructions on how to enter. So I love you. I hope you have an amazing day and thank you so much for tuning in.
Thank you so much for joining me for today’s episode of Soul CEO. If you want to go even deeper into how to create a vision of the life you really want, how to become the woman in that vision and how to deal with the roadblocks we all face along the way, head over to lindseymangocoaching.com to get your free training of my High-Vibe Formula.