S1.Ep39: Starting a business: “What if no one joins?”

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How do you create the business you really want despite having thoughts about your capability? This is exactly why Kelsey called The Life Coach Hotline. She’s worried she doesn’t have enough experience, and she doesn’t know where to start.

Kelsey recently pivoted in her business, moving away from digital marketing and working towards establishing herself in a new niche. She has big plans for a membership program, but she has some unhelpful thoughts standing in her way. She knows that the way she’s thinking is preventing her from making progress, so I’m helping her unpack all of it and figure out the next steps on today’s show.

Tune in this week to discover how to create the business you really want. I’m coaching Kelsey on the energy she’s bringing to her business, and the changes she’s thinking about making, and I’m helping her see the bigger picture as she shifts her niche and figures out what she wants her business to look like.

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • How your negative thoughts are keeping you stuck.
  • What happens when your brain is trying to solve the wrong problem.
  • How to decide whether your big vision is aligned with what you really want.
  • The worst possible energy for making changes in your business.
  • How to see that the decisions you’ve made in the past were the best decisions you could make at the time.

Featured on the Show


Click to Read Episode Transcript

Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?

Kelsey: Hi, I’m excited to be on today. So I feel like I have a lot to say, so I’m going to try to narrow it down a little bit.

Lindsey: Okay.

Kelsey: So I recently have switched my niche. I was doing digital marketing the last six, seven months. And I was doing like the make money online niche and I just this last month was realizing my passion is really like the faith niche, helping women in their identity and like their purpose and stuff like that. And so I had switched over to that.

Now, I have been thinking, or I have been planning to start like a mentorship membership type thing. And ideally I would love to do something like what you’re doing, but I have many thoughts that are not good.

Lindsey: Okay.

Kelsey: And I know that, but a lot of them are that no one is going to join, I don’t know how to do it, I don’t really have that experience like you do so much in your program, like you cover everything. And I don’t know if I would want to do that or if I really could do that. So I just feel kind of all over the place and not sure what’s the best next step.

Lindsey: For sure. Okay, so powerful. So my first question is more just around awareness. So when you’re telling yourself like no one is going to join, I don’t have the experience, I don’t know how to do this, do I want to cover everything, I’m not sure I can, how do you feel in your body?

Kelsey: Stressed.

Lindsey: Okay.

Kelsey: Overwhelmed.

Lindsey: Okay. And what do you do when you’re stressed and overwhelmed as it relates to your business and creating this?

Kelsey: Yeah, usually nothing.

Lindsey: Okay, perfect. So super simple, I just kind of wanted to bring awareness around it. And this is like the thing with this work and thoughts, is taking like a step back from them, and you’re aware obviously, you’re like I know they’re not good. Which I’ll offer that all thoughts are neutral. It’s more about are they getting me the results I want, which I think you’re obviously aware that they’re not.

But I think what’s really important about this is realizing like, okay, these are the sentences in my mind that I keep telling myself. And when I tell myself them, I don’t do anything which also means I’m not actually solving for them. Do you know what I mean? Like I’m not actually getting experience because I’m not doing anything.

Kelsey: Right, right. True.

Lindsey: Like no one is joining because I’m not telling them about it. I’m not even giving them an opportunity to join. You’re not learning how to do it because you’re telling yourself you don’t know how to do it. And that is such a tricky thing about thoughts, right, and about our brains, is that maybe these are some “gaps” that need to be filled. And by telling yourself these things, you don’t actually make any progress on those things.

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: So I just think it’s good awareness for everyone listening and for you to have, right?

Kelsey: Yeah, definitely.

Lindsey: Now, here’s my question, really at the end of the day, like if we look at it, this is all coming back to you’re just afraid.

Kelsey: Yeah, totally.

Lindsey: Like you’re going to do something new and different and it sounds a little bit more aligned, like with your soul and your soul’s work.

Kelsey: Yeah.

Lindsey: And sometimes that can feel really scary because it’s like, well, if this doesn’t work then what? This is actually what I really want to do.

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: So you’re just scared and this is your brain’s way of protecting you and keeping you from failing, from taking the risk, from the embarrassment, from whatever feelings that you’re trying to avoid.

Kelsey: Yeah.

Lindsey: Like that’s literally all that’s happening. How does it feel to just see that or like take a step back from that?

Kelsey: Yeah, I mean it’s true. Definitely. And I try to remember that, like of course I’m going to feel that way. But then I keep going back to the logistics or the practicality of it, because I have thought about maybe I should make a course instead, which feels less, well, it feels less intimidating because it’s not going to be like people have to join. But it feels also overwhelming because I wouldn’t even know what I would put exactly in the course.

Lindsey: Right. So here’s what’s happening, your brain is trying to solve the wrong problem, right? Like it’s trying to be like, well should I do a course instead? Should I do this? From this place of fear and stress. And here’s what it all really comes down to, okay?

So my thought is, okay, so you try something, like you do the best you can and make – Like I used to do courses, programs, literally on Facebook. I would make videos and teach them live, they would become the membership or whatever course, I would sell it. And like that was as simple as it could be.

But our brain over complicates things, like drastically when we’re afraid and when we’re stressed, because then we don’t do anything. So it really can be that simple. And what if nobody does join the first time you offer it? Or what if it 100% like your first version is probably not good, like in a year you’ll look back and be like, okay, that’s not that great. Like we could do better, right? Like, what if that happens? Then what?

Kelsey: Yeah. I mean, then I at least would have learned.

Lindsey: Exactly, but there’s more to it than that, because it really is that simple. But in your body, you’re not just like, oh, well, I learned something and then I’ll make it better. Your body is telling you something else. What is it telling you?

Kelsey: Oh, boy. Probably that I failed again, and I couldn’t stick to something and, you know, all of those.

Lindsey: Okay. So this is the story we want to address.

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: And what does it mean if you failed again, and you couldn’t stick to something?

Kelsey: I mean, it just feels like a never ending cycle. And like will I ever come to the thing that is right, or that will work?

Lindsey: Okay, so here’s the thing, the only reason you’re not sticking to something is because when you fail, what happens?

Kelsey: I think it didn’t work.

Lindsey: Okay. And then what?

Kelsey: And then I don’t want to try again.

Lindsey: Okay, and then what? I’ve coached you before, so I know, but I don’t want you to tell me. Go ahead.

Kelsey: I mean, I just, I don’t know, I feel like a failure.

Lindsey: Yeah, and then you change what you’re doing.

Kelsey: Yeah.

Lindsey: Thinking, you just literally said it, you said, will I ever find the thing that will work? So your brain is thinking something works or doesn’t work based on the thing being right.

Kelsey: Yeah.

Lindsey: That’s not true. All of the ideas and paths you chose up until this point could work.

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: They work for people, right? This doesn’t mean like you’re a flawed human or bad or anything like that, but it’s because you’re making whether it works or not, the responsibility is on the offer or on the career path or on whatever, rather than whether something works or not.

And I see this happen with people launching courses, they’ll keep changing it. It’s like, if you’re changing it because it’s not working, you’re going to keep doing this because there are so many failures that happen and learning and all of that, like, it only works when you work it.

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: Until it works.

Kelsey: Yeah. But how do you see the differentiation of it’s not working because maybe the offer is wrong or it’s not like speaking or the messaging is wrong or whatever versus –

Lindsey: Yes, that’s very different. And that’s about coming from curiosity. And here’s the difference, here’s the distinction. Because I love the thought, like, and this just serves me so well and serves my clients so well is, like, all paths can work. There is a way to make all of them work.

And I know it’s easy to be like, well, if I sold hot dogs out in the winter, would that, you know, it’s easy to make all these arguments. It’s like, yeah, maybe you’d change your strategy. Maybe you’d be like, okay, I’m going to do this a little bit differently. But there is a way to make everything work.

So the question is, are you changing it from a thought of this isn’t working, like, in terms of I failed, this isn’t working, it’s not right and that kind of energy and that’s the only reason you’re changing it? Or are you changing it from a place of, like, I know this is going to work. I’m going to make this work. What can I adjust in this to make it work?

It’s like the difference of, I know that’s hard to believe if you were to offer something and nobody buys. Let’s just say that, okay?

Kelsey: Yeah.

Lindsey: Now, I want you to think about offering this course, this membership, whatever. Nobody buys. Just as an example, not that it’s going to happen. And your thought is, this doesn’t work either or this doesn’t work. What do you do?

Kelsey: Then I think of something else.

Lindsey: Right. So, you are literally creating the result of you never sticking to anything.

Kelsey: Yeah, it’s true.

Lindsey: Because you, not because the idea is bad, you change it.

Kelsey: It’s true, because then I think, well, if it was supposed to work, it would be working. Or maybe this isn’t really what I want or whatever, because it would work. At least I would see some, I don’t know. I guess I’m not confident enough in what I think is what I’m supposed to be doing, usually, I guess.

Lindsey: Okay. So, that is a different conversation because I actually agree. Like, I tried network marketing twice and part of it was working. And part of the reason why I don’t feel it really worked until I shifted was because I don’t feel like it was my real soul’s purpose.

Kelsey: Right. Right.

Lindsey: The question is simple that I ask anyone, and I actually cover this in the purpose module of the membership, is if you could make a kajillion dollars doing anything, all of it could work, any path would work, what would you do? Or if the offer you put in the world was working, would it be this?

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: If the answer is yes to that question, then you have found something that does align with your soul or with your purpose. And the only reason you’re changing it is because it’s not working.

Kelsey: Right, yeah.

Lindsey: So, I’m not saying that adjustments won’t happen. But here’s the other thing, just because you found your soul’s purpose doesn’t mean the first swing you take at bat is going to be a home run.

Kelsey: Yeah, it makes sense.

Lindsey: Right? Like, that is just a thought – How do I say it? Like a thought error. Like think about what that creates when you’re like, if this was it, then it should be working or would be working. That would be like if I was meant to run marathons, then I should be able to go run 26 miles tomorrow when I haven’t literally run a mile in I don’t even know how long.

Kelsey: That’s true.

Lindsey: It’s like, wait, no.

Kelsey: Yeah, true.

Lindsey: If I’m meant to do it, then I’m going to do it until I make it happen.

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: So, that begs the question, does what you feel like you’re walking up to, this like faith-based niche and helping women identify with that and their purpose, is that what you would do if you could make money doing anything?

Kelsey: Yeah. I know for sure that. My big vision has always been like, I want to do speaking and events and write a book and things like that. But those are big picture things. And so I’m trying to think like, well, right now what can I do to actually help bring money in? Because I need to make money somehow. And this feels like the most, I guess, aligned with what I would want that could still lead to that.

And then I do kind of like talking to more of the aspiring entrepreneurs and I’m like, but can I do both in this thing? Like so many, just so many thoughts. And I’m like, well, Lindsey does like business and life, right?

Lindsey: Yeah. It can really be whatever you want it to be, right? And again, I think it’s just your brain is kind of indulging in the confusion of that. Like I think like it’s yes, it would be this and maybe some other things. Maybe it evolves a little bit. Maybe I add something else in, right?

I think that tells us something. You’re like, I want to speak on stages and I want to do this. But right now, the thing that I think I have to do is this. I think that does set you up a little bit for the pattern you’ve been stuck in. I’m not saying that there might not be a great reason to start a membership now and all of that or like doing it for the reasons you have are a problem. But like, why aren’t you going out and getting on stages if that’s what your vision is?

Kelsey: Oh God, that’s a whole other story.

Lindsey: Right? But like, do you see what’s happening is you’re like, you tell yourself like, I can’t have that, it’s too scary. I’m not whatever, I’m not ready for that. And then you basically knock yourself off of what you feel like is your real purpose. And you’re not trusting the process of like, who knows the magic that will happen when you start doing that and the fun ways you can learn to create money and support yourself while following what you really want to do.

Kelsey: Right. That is true. Now you’re making me re-question everything.

Lindsey: Well, and again, here’s my question. Do you imagine when you are speaking on stages, when you’re doing that, that you do have a community of women that are buying something from you, that you’re working with, that you’re supporting?

Kelsey: Yes, totally. I’m like, I want a brand and I have like merchandise and I have conferences.

Lindsey: I love it.

Kelsey: Like, that’s what I’ve wanted for years.

Lindsey: Yeah. So that is why, like think about that. I think that there’s no problem. I love money. I love making money. I love helping my clients make money. Like all of it. There’s nothing wrong with that. And I’m just curious if the thought like, well, I want to do this, but I just need to figure out how to make money now, if that is a reason that feels like fiery in your belly that’s going to make you want to show up and fail and learn and try and put yourself out there, or is it for some other reason?

Kelsey: Oh man. I mean, yeah, I still want to help women and all of that, but definitely the bigger reason is because I don’t know what else to do right now to make money. And this at least is like in that realm of what I like and what I want.

Lindsey: Yeah. But again, not a problem, but I just think you have to be clear on your reasons and good with them and feel like they work for you. I’m like, you can also, like here’s the thing, sometimes I even recommend people doing this. It’s like, sometimes you have to work a job or work something that you don’t necessarily really love in the process of building something you love, like to support yourself and support your family and all of that.

But here’s what I will say, starting a course and starting a business and all of that is going to require the same level of discomfort, fear, and all of it that it’s going to take to get on stages. So like do both or, you know what I mean? Usually I’m like, if you’re really looking for a way to create money that’s fast, that’s easy, I’m not saying that you can’t do this and you can’t launch this and it can’t work and all of that.

And I’m like, what if you picked the lowest hanging fruit, the thing that you know easily you could make money doing while you build this, while you go out and take risks and all of that. That’s another thing, I think in this world we’re all about taking leaps. I mean, like I’m all about that too. And I’m like, and it’s not a problem to try to support yourself.

Kelsey: Right. Yeah. No, it’s true. I mean, and then I’m a realtor and it’s like, that’s another situation because it’s another business like this where you have to get clients. And so I can’t even make money easily doing that either. And that’s not really what I want to do.

So I’m like, I have like no easy way to make money unless I really do get a job that I don’t want.

Lindsey: Yeah.

Kelsey: So I’m like, oh God.

Lindsey: And again, sometimes you just have to do that. But also I think you can see this as an opportunity to get to work, be willing to be embarrassed, be willing to fail. Like you might launch it 10 times and have nobody sign up. You’re going to adjust it every time, but if every time you tell yourself this isn’t it, this isn’t going to work, blah, blah, blah, you’re going to be done before you even start.

Kelsey: Yeah, that’s true. In your experience have you, because I know yours is ongoing. It’s like people join whenever. Have you felt like that was easier than doing like three months or, you know, where people do like a three month thing or a six month thing and more launch things?

Lindsey: Here’s what I’ll say. Every offer, like type of offer, has its perks and has its challenges. So having something that’s ongoing that people can buy at any time, I will say there isn’t as much advantage. Like there’s not as big of an incentive versus if I’m like, you have to buy by tomorrow and that’s it. And this is your only offer to do this.

Like people have to have enough internal gumption and I have to be like a baller at marketing and I’m continuing to grow in that to help people jump off that ledge.

Kelsey: Yeah, totally.

Lindsey: Versus if I have a start date. But then there’s also the fun of like, I get to sell all the time and have people who when they hit that moment, they get to join in that moment, rather than have them wait until a start date or until a program.

So the reality is, I think this kind of comes back to the original question, which is your brain’s like thinking there’s a right offer, there’s a right, like if I pick this, then this is going to be better. This is going to be easier.

Kelsey: Totally.

Lindsey: It’s all going to require growth. It doesn’t matter, all paths work.

Kelsey: Yeah. Right. True.

Lindsey: It’s just your job to decide. And I would recommend deciding, and this is what I help a lot of my students do is like deciding what’s the most in alignment. Because if you’re going to have to go to bat for this, if you’re going to have to like, I’m not saying it has to be “hard,” but I do think there’s an element of you have to take risks. You’re going to have to get uncomfortable. All of that.

It’s like, why would you choose something that didn’t feel in alignment? Like that’s going to be even harder to get yourself to get out there and do that kind of thing. So really the question is what kind of container do you feel the most excited about helping your students in?

Kelsey: Right. Right.

Lindsey: What kind of community do you want to create? And answering that question and then letting that be the guide for how you make decisions.

Kelsey: Yeah, that’s so good. I know when I started thinking about it, like a few days ago I was thinking about, okay, well, maybe I could do a membership. And you know what? Maybe I could just add videos here and there and then I could add extra resources and I could… I’m like, oh, I like that. Oh, that feels good. Like it started making me excited and I’m like, okay, so maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do.

And then I was thinking, then I could learn all these things that would help me figure out what course I would want to make at some point in the future. And so it felt really good and right. And then my mind takes over with all the logistics and practicals and what if no one does it and all of that.

Lindsey: Yes. So that is where, like your brain is literally going to do this throughout the entire process. And I will say, this isn’t me selling you, this is me just saying this in general to everyone listening too. This is the value of having a coach and having support, because here’s what happens. It’s like with every decision, whatever path you’re working on, weight loss, whatever, your brain is literally wired to just keep you stuck in the same spot.

So like your brain is trying to throw smoke and guide you over here. It’s like, think about how far you get off path if you’re not, like, I literally always say your brain is like a child. Like it does not want your best interest. It is trying to keep you alive and safe.

So every little thing, there’s like when you have someone helping you move through that, take the next step, keep moving forward, like that cuts years off of how long it takes to create what you’re looking for. And I think that for you, every time your brain offers that, you have to recognize what it’s doing.

Kelsey: Yeah.

Lindsey: And you have to go back to like, okay, right now your brain is selling you on all the ways that this is confusing and all the ways this isn’t going to work or all the ways that this will be complicated. And then there’s a whole other story that’s available to you, which is that it could be simple, that it could work, that there could be someone who wants to buy it right now. Like all of those things.

And that’s where you have to become a master at redirecting your mind. Otherwise your mind will take over and you will just be off in a whole other path.

Kelsey: Yeah. So true. Oh my gosh. It’s true.

Lindsey: All right, do you feel like you have more clarity?

Kelsey: Yes. I mean, yes.

Lindsey: And I think at the end of the day, here’s the reality, not making a decision is your brain’s way of keeping you safe. At the end of the day, you’re just going to have to decide and go all in on it and never look back. Because if you’re always thinking, was that right? Should I have? You’re never going to be all in on the path that you choose.

Kelsey: It’s so true.

Lindsey: And then you’re just going to get confused and go back to square one over and over again, right? So it’s like based on your answer to the question of what sounds the most fun? What do I feel will support my clients the most? What would be –

One of my favorite questions is what would be simple, fun, and easy? The only reason we wouldn’t do that is because we don’t think people are going to buy if it’s not more complicated, which is all fear, lack of belief in them, lack of belief in yourself. That’s not going to lead you where you want to go.

So that will give you a clear decision. Then you need to like work on coaching yourself or getting support when your brain wants to divert away from that and spin in all the other options and confusion.

Kelsey: Yeah. That’s so good. Okay. Now, sorry, this is the last thing.

Lindsey: Go ahead. You’re good.

Kelsey: For messaging, so I feel like I have a hard time with the messaging. How to articulate what will speak to someone regarding this? You know, like you have to speak to the person for them to want to join a membership. How do you, I don’t know, tap into that better or get clearer on that where it becomes easier?

Lindsey: Well, I think the first thing is you have to start.

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: You get better by doing it.

Kelsey: True. Yeah.

Lindsey: And I think you’re not, like I think you’re asking “the right” question. But if this is the question that you’re asking yourself, I’m curious, what do you do when you’re like, how do I talk to the right person better? Like what does that scenario look like?

Kelsey: I don’t know. I just, I try and figure out what – Because I’ve been doing social media for a while now and I’ve gotten so much better. But I’m like, I don’t know, like should I rephrase this or will this speak to that person? Or maybe I, you know, I’m trying to figure out how to change these things because I feel like when I do it more like just how I would naturally, nothing really happens.

Lindsey: Okay. So it sounds to me like you start to overthink it.

Kelsey: Yeah.

Lindsey: And get real like nit-picky about it.

Kelsey: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey: And so my question is, what is the feeling in your body that you think would actually help you create more powerful content, marketing, and messaging?

Kelsey: Probably excitement.

Lindsey: Okay.

Kelsey: Inspiration. I mean, for sure.

Lindsey: Yeah. And I would even say some certainty.

Kelsey: Oh yeah. Yeah.

Lindsey: Like I know what they’re struggling with. I know what they’re thinking. I know what they woke up thinking about. I’m guessing you want to serve these people because you do understand them in a way that nobody else probably does.

Kelsey: Right.

Lindsey: So I always tell people that what matters more than what you say is how you say it and why you say it.

Kelsey: True.

Lindsey: So the biggest thing is getting connected to that. And then there is, I’m not saying that there’s not a strategic piece of it, but it’s about how you’re doing it. There’s a difference between like, I want to help these people. Like, okay, what I’m saying, nobody’s reaching out, no one’s joining. Why aren’t they? What did they wake up thinking today? What are they telling the person they’re sitting at coffee with? And how can I, like what do I need to speak to with that?

That’s very different than like, how do I get my messaging right?

Kelsey: Right. Right. Yeah.

Lindsey: Or how do I say the right thing?

Kelsey: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Lindsey: So I think that it’s just like, really connecting to the feelings and the certainty and then going into like, okay, you can get curious, but more in like a powerful way where you’re like, I’m going to answer these questions. Like you tell me right now, your ideal client for this, what is she saying to someone at coffee?

Kelsey: Oh, gosh, probably, man, I want so much more out of life. I feel just kind of purposeless and discouraged and bored in life. I just, yeah, I want these desires, but I don’t know what to do with them or how to bring them forward.

Lindsey: You know exactly who you’re talking to.

Kelsey: Myself.

Lindsey: Exactly. So then the question is like, what did I need to hear? What does she need to hear?

Kelsey: Yeah. Well, my problem is everything, I’m very big on the encouragement, motivation part, but not like the tangibles of it. So I’m like, you can do this. Like those dreams are there for a reason. But then the tactical is like, how do I help you with that, you know?

Lindsey: Well, yeah, I think that’s something you have to, and again, same thing, don’t spin. But like, how are you going to help them with that?

Kelsey: Right. Yeah.

Lindsey: And like having fun thinking, okay, well, what do they need? They need to figure out what do they really want to do with their life? And, you know, however your faith kind of spins on it, right? Like, what would you do in that scenario? That’s what you’re going to help them walk through.

Kelsey: Yeah. So good.

Lindsey: Amazing. All right, well, thank you so much for calling in. I’m excited to hear how it goes.

Kelsey: Thank you so much.

Lindsey: You’re welcome. I’ll talk to you soon.


Lindsey: Bye.

If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.

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