Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey, your life coach. How can I help you?
Claire: Hi, Lindsey. This is Claire and I’m calling today as I would like some help with my business.
Lindsey: Okay.
Claire: So I started a coaching business in 2019. And for the first two to three years I only focused on nutrition. And at the end of last year I decided to do life coaching, because this is really what I wanted to do. I just had a lot of impostor syndrome around it.
Lindsey: Okay.
Claire: So I had to work on that. And the thing is, since I started my coaching business, I’ve decided to have some free clients just to start to get a bit of practice in life coaching. And that went very, very well.
Lindsey: Awesome.
Claire: And then I started a podcast, which was also quite successful, I will say. I love doing it and I had very good feedback. But life has been a bit difficult on a personal level this year, and I have a full-time job as well. So the time and energy for the life coaching business has been difficult to find.
I really want to build this business and make it my full-time job because I really love it. But I just struggle to see at this stage what I need to focus on and where do I need to put my energy? So I know there’s plenty of things I could be doing, but as I said, time and energy is a bit limited. And it’s just about, I just struggle to find where do I need to start?
Is it nurturing the audience I have with maybe emails and podcasts? Is it growing a following on social media? Is it growing an email list by having a few freebies? Is it doing more sales? So I have a coaching program, do I need to have some low-cost paid offers? So yeah, I can see all the options.
Lindsey: Yeah, I can see what’s happening.
Claire: Where do I start?
Lindsey: Okay, so here’s the thing, let me ask you this. When you tell yourself you have limited time and energy to make this happen, how do you feel?
Claire: I feel frustrated because I was really keen, so I’m going to get a bit personal here. But I was really keen when I started in October full of energy and everything, but then I had a miscarriage.
Lindsey: I’m so sorry.
Claire: So I’ve been going through fertility for a few years, so like just trying to have a baby and we couldn’t. And then I had a miracle pregnancy, I had a miscarriage. Then I had to start IVF. IVF failed. Within two months of it failing, I lost a few people close to me in my family. Like we had three deaths in a month and a half. And then I had to go back on IVF and I’m actually having a miscarriage right now. So IVF was successful and I’m miscarrying.
So time and energy is not really an excuse I use, but in the last eight months, all of this has happened since December. So it’s been a lot to deal with. I have a full-time job as well. So time and energy is definitely a bit of a struggle. I wish it wasn’t, but it’s all really things I couldn’t really control.
Lindsey: Yeah, I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sending you so much love. I can’t imagine how difficult it’s been.
Claire: Thanks, yeah.
Lindsey: So the reason why I ask is we’re not arguing that. Like that’s a lot, right? That’s a lot. And I think the biggest thing is what I see happening is when you’re feeling like it’s limited, which let’s just argue it even is. But when you’re looking at it from that lens, it sounds to me like you get really stuck in being like, okay, I’ve got one hour, whatever it is.
So there’s a million options and then you kind of, it sounds like, you can tell me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you just kind of spin because you’re like, well, I could do this, I could that. What’s the most productive use of my time? I could do that, I could do that. And then what ends up happening over time?
Claire: Well nothing happens because then I just get into my head and then I’m like maybe nothing is working because my niche isn’t well defined. Maybe it’s me. And then I do nothing. So what I did actually do is I’m planning to do some retreat days, one in September, one in November and one in October. So I’m collaborating with another wellness professional where I live to organize retreats. So that’s happening, which I think I’m really excited about.
Lindsey: That’s amazing.
Claire: But yeah, it’s just I had big plans for this year and, obviously, the year hasn’t gone as I wish it went. And I’m like, right, I have three months, I have four months left and I don’t want this year to really just be a year of miscarriages, death and all of this. I really want to do something this year.
Lindsey: Okay, so let me ask you this. And I promise I’ll scratch the itch of what you need to be doing, but what happens if you do end the year and you don’t end up with these results or these big things that you had imagined?
Claire: Well, I think in my head it’s just felt like, am I ever going to be able to have this business? Am I ever going to be able to build it? If I achieve nothing this year, am I actually going to be able – So I’m giving myself three years to build it, am I actually going to be able to build it as a full-time job?
Lindsey: Why are you giving yourself three years to build it?
Claire: It’s just because of fertility things. I thought that I wanted to have a baby, and I live in the UK, so we have very good maternity care and all of that. And I think because we were trying to have a baby and I have to go through fertility treatment, which is extremely expensive and all of that, I kind of want to keep a full-time job and a secure salary to be able to finance all of this.
And then I think in three years, if in three years I haven’t had a baby, then the plan will have to change. But basically, I gave myself three years.
Lindsey: How does it feel to give yourself three years?
Claire: In a way it feels safe, but in a way it feels like it’s a long time.
Lindsey: Well, I’m just curious, I don’t mean in the way that you should make it shorter. I mean, how does it feel to tell yourself I only have three years to make this happen?
Claire: Well, in a way I feel like if I had less time, maybe I will do more. If I had less time, maybe I would be doing more because I wouldn’t have the option of not succeeding, basically.
Lindsey: Okay.
Claire: But at the same time giving myself three years, it’s safe but it’s also what if actually I need four years? So yeah, I think I gave myself three years to have a deadline kind of thing.
Lindsey: Yeah, I think it sounds like you’re trying to create a little bit of pressure.
Claire: Yeah, I can see that.
Lindsey: And I’m curious, how does it feel when you feel pressure, like even in your day to day? Because you’re also on limited time.
Claire: Yeah.
Lindsey: And you’re like, I’ve only got three months left of this year, I’ve got to make it count. How does that feel overall?
Claire: It feels stressful.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Claire: It feels stressful, but I also feel like I really want it to be my business. I really wanted to do it. And I really want, it sounds so silly when I say it but I really want to help people live a happier life.
Lindsey: That’s not silly at all. That’s why we’re here.
Claire: I know. But I really feel like this is what I want to do.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Claire: And I’m very like, I want to do it.
Lindsey: Right. But what I want to offer is when you, first of all, you’ve had a really tough year.
Claire: Yeah.
Lindsey: And you’re putting all this pressure on yourself because you’re like, I have to prove to myself that I can do this. And then I’m running out of time because I only am giving myself three years, which creates pressure. And when you feel pressure, my guess is, based on our limited conversation here, that you spin because you’re like, I only have so much time. So I have to pick the right things to do.
Claire: Yeah.
Lindsey: And if I don’t pick the right things, then I’m not going to get there and I run out of time, which causes you to spin and not really try things. It’s not like you’re not working at it, but then you just, kind of the pressure builds and you’re like, oh no, is it creating results yet? It’s not, okay. We’re running out of time. Like, that’s kind of the cycle that you’re in.
Claire: It is. And it’s funny you say that because I thought I had to give myself a deadline.
Lindsey: Well, if you want to use –
Claire: I feel like that’s what you do.
Lindsey: I’m not saying a deadline isn’t important, but it’s about why. And why right now, is you’re trying to create pressure. And here’s the reality, pressure, if you think about it, is kind of like a survival emotion.
Claire: Yeah.
Lindsey: And that makes it hard. You’re building something you love. How do you help people live lives that they love or create lives that they love more? Is it like you’ve got to put pressure in there, that’s really going to make your life happier?
Claire: No, definitely not. Yeah, no, it’s not pressure at all.
Lindsey: What is it?
Claire: Well it’s setting some goals, so it’s looking at what they want to improve and what needs to change. And then set some goals that are meaningful to them and then work towards these goals. But there is – Yeah?
Lindsey: Go ahead, finish what you were saying.
Claire: And I usually tell them to have the big goals they want, and then just try to take some baby steps. And I see the irony here.
Lindsey: I thought this might happen. Go ahead.
Claire: I see the irony here. I usually tell them you have this big goal and when you start taking steps towards it, the big goal might change and the direction might change. And you might find that one day is just everything going to unlock? And maybe it will take time and maybe it won’t, but just enjoy the journey and make sure that every day you work towards it and believe that it will change and you will get where you want to be.
Lindsey: Okay, so I’m glad we’re recording this and this will become an episode so you can hear yourself say this again.
Claire: I can hear myself.
Lindsey: But tell me what your thoughts are now that you’re saying this out loud.
Claire: Well, I think it’s very interesting what you said about putting pressure, because giving myself three years is probably, like I could give myself three years, two years or five years. I just picked three because it sounded like a good number, honestly. That’s kind of what it was. And I can see that I put pressure on myself because I want to get there. And I get more paralyzed, like I freeze and I don’t do anything and I don’t know what to do.
Lindsey: Exactly.
Claire: And then I do all of it and I don’t do it well. And then is it working? Is it going quick enough? While actually, if I just relieve the pressure a little bit, I could be trying different things and living it more as an experience and a journey, and then just trust that it will work, I suppose.
Lindsey: Yes.
Claire: Yeah.
Lindsey: And here’s the beauty of this, especially with coaching, even though you’re not helping people in their business, you’re helping people lead happier lives. And one of the biggest, most important things you can do as a coach, because this is what I do too, is lead with integrity.
And when you lead from example of even building a business, because they all have goals, too. But like you, you are like the joyful – And don’t use this against yourself when you’re feeling pressure. When you’re feeling all human things, that’s normal. But realizing that how you do this is more important because if you just allow yourself the trust, it’s inevitable. You’re going to get there.
You’re probably going to do it faster than three years without the pressure. But when you’re trying things, experimenting, having fun, following the things that bring you joy, enjoying the experience, that’s going to be intoxicating. People are going to be like, “I want what this girl is having, this is amazing.”
Claire: Yeah.
Lindsey: Rather than your brain is doing the exact same thing that their brains do that rob them of the joy of their life.
Claire: Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, it makes sense.
Lindsey: Okay, how does it feel to see this?
Claire: It’s good. It feels like it makes sense. And I don’t want to give myself three years, I’m going to give myself the time I need. And I feel like I’m pretty, as you said, you lead with integrity. And I feel like I’m preaching trusting the process and committing to the process and just trusting that it will happen when it will happen. And enjoying the journey when I’m not doing this. I’m like, girl, you have three years. You have a long time. Come on, do it. You have amazing money you’re going to make. Yeah, so there is a disconnect.
Lindsey: Yes. Okay, so I’ll give you a little bit more. Like I feel like that’s all we need. Like that’s a huge breakthrough, you’ve got the answer. And what I’ll offer is all of these ways work.
Claire: Yeah, okay.
Lindsey: All of them work. There are a million ways that work to create the results that you want. So how do you want to do it? What would be fun for you to do? If it’s inevitable that you’re going to get there, how do you want that journey to look? And make your decisions about what you do based on that.
Here’s the other thing, you’re likely going to, because you have limited time and there’s a lot of heaviness going on this year, right? Like you’ve got to create space to grieve and all of those things, like so, so much. And it’s like you’ll probably feel like you’ll want to do these things. Time expands, energy expands, joy expands because of how you’re doing them and the energy you’re doing them with, so that it won’t feel so much like there’s only so much time and blah, blah.
It’ll feel like this thing that you’re just drawn to that you want to do. And you’ll probably end up doing it more.
Claire: Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.
Lindsey: Okay, how do you feel?
Claire: I feel like you removed a massive weight off my shoulder.
Lindsey: I am so happy to hear that. This is a game changer. And your brain is a brain, so it probably is addicted to pressure, like the rest of our brains are.
Claire: Well I think it’s also because of all of the coaching that I took before. When I said I had three years, they’re like, why do you have three years? You should only have a year and a half, two years. You give yourself too much time and you should do it quicker.
So that’s why when you asked me why three years, I tried to justify why it was three years and not less. And then you were like, oh, but you only gave yourself three years. And I thought, well, that’s a new perspective on it because I thought you were going to tell me off because I gave myself too much time here.
Lindsey: Ah, yes. Here’s the other thing too, it’s all about why you make the decisions you make. So sometimes it can be helpful to set a goal that creates pressure, or not pressure, but like from that place. But it’s all about trusting yourself. And it sounds like you’ve outsourced a little bit of that trust to someone else thinking like, oh, they know better than I do.
Claire: Yeah. And it’s funny, because when you say, like as we talk, I’m just thinking about the goals I had for myself, like money wise for the business. Or growth wise, in terms of following and subscribers and things. And I think I checked and I wanted to grow by like 120% this year. And I’m like, there’s no business at the beginning growing that fast.
If I could just make maybe a bit more money, have a bit more followers than last year. Just growing steadily, instead of trying to be like this overnight, massive transformation in my business, which I don’t even believe I can achieve. And I think maybe I’m putting pressure on myself and setting myself up for failure.
Lindsey: Yeah, that’s so good. And exponential growth can happen, but here’s what I’ll say. It happens when it’s like desire and you’re trusting in the vision. Like I can tell you one of my favorite things is my belief that I just won’t stop until I have everything that I want. And just that gives me this internal certainty of the inevitability that I will get there. Rather than you got one year. I would be so stressed. Now, I’ll probably accomplish my dreams in a year, but it’s because of the certainty, right? Like that creates that.
Claire: Yeah. I think you uncovered something bigger here, actually, as we talk. Because I think I don’t have 100% belief that I can do it. I think I still have some limited belief about my ability to have this as a full-time job. And I think setting myself goals that I know I’m not going to be able to achieve and putting all this pressure on is kind of like self-sabotaging myself and setting myself up for failure. So if I don’t get it, I’d be like, oh, well, it was just not achievable, but that’s what I thought.
Lindsey: Yes, such good awareness. We could do a whole ‘nother episode on that. But our next caller is calling in. Thank you so much, Claire.
Claire: Thank you so much, this was amazing.
Lindsey: I’m sending you lots of love and thank you for calling in. I can’t wait to hear how it unfolds.
Claire: Yes, thank you very much. Bye.
Lindsey: You’re welcome, bye.
Lindsey: Bye.
If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.
