Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?
Camille: Hi Lindsey, this is Camille. I’m really looking for some clarity on who my coaching business would be helping, like who my audience is. And also how to build a sense of credibility within myself to coach people who are older than I am.
Lindsey: Ooh, okay. Well let me ask you this, which one feels more prevalent to you? Which of these? I think we can get to both because usually they’re tied together in some unique way, so I’d like to start with the thing that feels the most heavy to you.
Camille: I think identifying the audience or niche. I just made the decision to start my coaching business this week.
Lindsey: Congratulations, that’s exciting.
Camille: Yeah, it is. And I know that it’s a calling, I know it’s a gift of mine because I’m constantly hearing people telling me like, wow, you’ve really helped me identify what I wanted. It’s been really big for me to even acknowledge that that’s something because I’ve taken so many different life roads to get to this point, but I’m having trouble really making it concrete in my head, like who am I helping exactly?
And I think that the question of how do I coach people who are older than me with credibility is something that I could probably coach myself through. Like I think it’s just in my head.
Lindsey: Well it is, of course, but. Well can we just take a second to sit and relish in this? Like the fact that you have felt this bigger calling and you have allowed yourself to finally admit it and step into it. Like that’s so huge.
Camille: Yeah, it is.
Lindsey: Do you feel that?
Camille: Yeah, it’s been something I had to kind of stand up for myself to do.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Camille: Yeah, because I’m a musician by trade, I’m a singer. And I was classically trained and did a bunch of jazz training and it’s been great and I love it. I love everything that I do through it, but I’ve always been seen that way. Like that’s been my identity since I was little because I was really good at it, it was a gift. But it wasn’t all that I was. The other part of myself was this thinker and strategic mind, somebody who’s really good at being very discerning and clear in my thinking.
And that was a part of me that I just didn’t even have the time to explore or go into. I was really good at coaching other people and giving them advice and kind of walking them through stuff, but I couldn’t do it for myself. Like it’s really hard to do it for myself.
Lindsey: Yeah, well I think that’s the value of what you do. And I also think there’s your credibility right there. You’re doing it.
Camille: Yeah, and it’s pretty incredible the results that I’ve seen people make, like I know it is. When I had to go back to this and I started putting down like, what have I actually accomplished? What are the results that I’ve gotten to try to help myself figure this out, like who would I be helping?
I know that I’ve helped coach someone, been a really integral part of their coming back from the brink of suicide and really deep depression. And then I also coached my sister into designing and creating her dream job that she literally ended up writing her job description for and solved this financial stability that she’s been longing for and a housing issue for her. And it was such the perfect answer that it still took constant cheerleading and prodding and holding the vision with her and reminding her of these dreams that she had since she was little.
And I look at these things and I’m like, wow, these are some big results. And why haven’t I done this for myself? So yeah, this week has been a lot of self-realization. A lot of that.
Lindsey: So huge. That’s amazing.
Camille: Thanks. But I guess I don’t know how to put that into a niche. It feels really big, lofty, big ideas, which are great and give us direction. But I feel like I’m missing the business know-how, I guess, of like how do I then put this into something that I can rely on and demonstrate time in and time out?
Lindsey: I think that niches are a really interesting topic when it comes to any business industry, but specifically the coaching industry because a lot of times our brains, we’re kind of told or we get the impression that we have to have a very clear, specific niche in order to be successful. And then we start to make decisions from there.
And I’m just curious, and I’m not saying that niches aren’t valuable and that clarity isn’t really valuable, it 100% is. But it’s all about why you’re looking for it and what’s the driving energy and feeling and whether it’s going to be helpful or not.
So let me give you a quick analogy here. When your sister was wanting to create this vision or this dream role, was it something that already existed? Or did she have to think a little bit outside the box in order to create her truest, most authentic vision for herself?
Camille: It was definitely outside the box.
Lindsey: Okay. And what would have happened if she told herself, I have to have this very clear niche or this very clear thing of what I need to do and business know-how?
Camille: Well, actually, she felt like she had something really clear that she wanted to do. And part of the funny thing about this was that she didn’t recognize when an opportunity presented itself that she could make it what she was looking for, if that makes sense.
Lindsey: Oh, yeah. Okay, so what if that’s exactly what’s happening here?
Camille: Okay, but how so?
Lindsey: Well, it sounds to me like you feel like you have a very big vision in what you can do.
Camille: right.
Lindsey: And that you can help people. Where is the disconnect? Like you can go out and start helping people and making offers.
Camille: I guess because when I’m coaching someone, it feels very tailored and specific to that person. And I don’t know how to tell people what I’m offering without it being specific to the person.
Lindsey: I’ve heard this a million times. My brain’s gone through this, all of that. So you’re not abnormal. I think the thing is, my question is, if you could sum it up, if there was no way that you had to say this, if there was no box you had to put it in, what do you like to help people do? No matter what their problem is, no matter where they’re stuck, what is it that you feel like you want to do for people?
Camille: I guess I would say it’s resolving any internal conflict or double-mindedness. That there’s often a sense of two boring sides of yourself that you’re trying to put together and you’re not sure how to. And oftentimes, I have found that the solution is really digging in deep, stepping away – Okay.
Lindsey: You getting it?
Camille: Wow. Okay, so like stepping away from the specific application and returning to a core sense of who you really are, who you want to be on the inside. And then building that person up as much as you can and recognizing what are the things that you really want.
So I think that’s especially true when talking to people about relationships. Yeah, there’s oftentimes like, oh, but I’m feeling these two different things. And I have found when people really get quiet and think about how they want to show up in the world, not only in this relationship, but at your best, when humanity is at their best, what is the gold standard for yourself? How do you want to be in the world? And then how can you? What steps can you take right now to start applying that to the world in this situation?
Lindsey: Wow, I think you have what you do for people.
Camille: That’s slightly intimidating, but yeah.
Lindsey: What’s intimidating about it?
Camille: Oh, you know, just show you how to be the best possible version of yourself. Humanity at its best, it feels really far out there and far reaching. But at the same time, I know that that’s true. To me, I believe that people are good and the source of dissolving any interpersonal conflict has been remembering that and coming back to that as a truth for yourself internally so that you can be calm and you can be at peace and then go forward into the situation with integrity and love.
Lindsey: So good.
Camille: Yeah, and I think that really creates peacemakers in the world, which I think we definitely need.
Lindsey: Yes. How do you feel saying all of that? Do you now feel like, oh, it’s clear?
Camille: I guess it really requires me to stop looking for the perfect audience and allow the audience to identify themselves when they come to me and say that’s what I’m looking for.
Lindsey: Yes, that is a perfect way to describe this “dilemma” or how you said it, internal conflict. It’s like you just did exactly what you do for other people. You’re like, I’m feeling this internal conflict. What I really want is this, so I’m going to decide that and then let those people come to me rather than picking a box and trying to find the right audience. It’s like if you think about it, that’s what makes you a leader.
Camille: Yeah. So being more specific on what I want to do rather than on who I want to help, because who I want to help comes because of what I do.
Lindsey: Yes.
Camille: Yeah.
Lindsey: And the more you talk about that, the more you do that, like think about that for yourself even, right? If you hear someone kind of beating that drum and sharing that message in a million different ways, wouldn’t you have three years ago self-identified and been like, that’s me?
Camille: Yeah. Yeah because that’s the reason I’ve focused on any of the things that I’ve done, has been because of wanting to forward that feeling in the world. I think it’s what gives people hope for the future that people are good. There has to be a sense of inherent trust that others are good and wanting good for us as well.
And that gives you a reason to show up and do your best. And it gives you a reason to demand more of yourself and feel that it’s actually realistic to demand more of yourself because you know you’re capable of more.
Lindsey: I love it. Okay. How do you feel now?
Camille: I feel like I came with a question that was irrelevant.
Lindsey: I did my job. That’s usually how it goes. We think the problem’s one thing, you know this, you’re a coach now too, right?
Camille: Yeah. Yeah, oftentimes it’s like just asking a better question.
Lindsey: 100%. How do you feel about helping people who are older than you then?
Camille: I think it’s funny because the people that I’ve helped who are older than me all have known me for a while. So I didn’t feel like I had to establish credibility with them, they already knew the value of what I could bring. But also, talking about it this way, I’m not having to do that because the people who are identifying themselves as wanting to work with me have already determined my credibility from what I’m telling them.
Lindsey: Yes. And they’re choosing to do exactly what you’re saying, which is trust. Trust you. Trust themselves. Trust that the possibility exists for them.
Camille: Yeah, it just erases the question entirely because I’m not identifying them, they’re identifying me as someone that they want to work with.
Lindsey: I love it. And one last thing I’ll offer, I mean, you’re so clear and this is so powerful because so many people get stuck on this. So I just want to offer this in case your brain, I call sometimes these things like their mental chew toys. I think I have a coach/client who has referred to it like that, I can’t remember. But they’re just places our brain likes to chew on and just stay stuck in.
And so I just want to offer a thought that might be useful for that is the human brain and body, it operates the way it operates just because that’s what it’s meant to do and it has nothing to do with age. So what I mean by that is our brains are wired to survive. Our brains are wired to, like we listen to fear over love and all of these things, I’m sure that you’ve seen in your work.
And my thought is always that it doesn’t matter how old you are, because if you haven’t learned how to trust yourself, trust what you really want, the bigger vision and making decisions out of love and trust, you won’t have the life that you want. You won’t be creating the results that you want. And that doesn’t disappear just because you’re older.
I’ve met 60 year olds, I’ve done consults with 65 year olds who are making decisions out of fear that I know I can help and they know I can help them because it has nothing to do with age and experience. It has to do with whether you have an understanding of how to recognize when your mind is doing that and decide otherwise.
Camille: Yeah.
Lindsey: What are your thoughts?
Camille: It’s a really good thing to remember that the challenges don’t change. The experience or application of it might, but the challenge itself doesn’t change because everybody’s facing the same warring with themselves.
Lindsey: Yep.
Camille: Contending with their fears and needing to face them with facts.
Lindsey: Yes. I love it. How do you feel now?
Camille: Much better.
Lindsey: Good.
Camille: Much, much better.
Lindsey: I’m excited to see what you do.
Camille: Thank you so much, Lindsey.
Lindsey: Thank you for calling in.
Camille: That was really helpful because I’d heard a lot about start thinking about who you’re going to help and what you’re going to identify. And I was like, what? So this kind of lifted a huge burden off.
Lindsey: Well, I’m so glad. And I think that that is such a common thing with coaching and just business in general. And really with life, I mean, that’s what you’re helping people with too, right? It’s so fascinating how we just want to put ourselves in boxes and then we go to do something new and then there’s more boxes that we think we have to kind of operate by, when really they’re meant to be helpful and they can be, but it’s all about why you’re doing it that matters and whether it’s serving you. And it wasn’t in this case.
Camille: Yeah, definitely.
Lindsey: Well, thank you so much for calling in, Camille. I’m so excited to see what you do next.
Camille: Thank you, Lindsey.
Lindsey: You’re welcome, I’ll talk to you soon.
Camille: Bye.
Lindsey: Bye.
If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.
