S1.Ep24: “I keep settling even though I want more”

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Maria is calling in to The Life Coach Hotline today because, while she knows she has so much potential, she’s in survival mode, resisting living her best life. She’s ticked all the boxes; a great job, marriage, and kids, but feels something is missing. Sound familiar?

Why are you settling even though you know you want more? What does your no-turning-back moment look like? How do you want to feel when you’re on your deathbed taking your last breath? And what does it mean to live a beautiful, full life?

Join me on this episode to hear me coach Maria on what it means to go all-in on her potential, and how to trust in her dreams. She’s sharing the reasons why she thinks she can’t fulfill her potential, and the profound shift she experienced during our call. 

If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline.

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • Why Maria feels like she’s resisting living her best life.
  • The reasons Maria is telling herself she can’t fulfill her potential.
  • What it means to trust in your own potential.
  • How fulfilling your potential is just a decision.
  • The difference between trying and failing versus not trying at all.

Featured on the Show


Click to Read Episode Transcript

Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?

Maria: Hello, my name is Maria and I would like coaching on why am I resisting on living my best life in every area.

Lindsey: Okay. Tell me more. When you say you’re resisting it, what does that mean?

Maria: Yeah, I feel I’m not committed enough. I go all in on something, like on a diet or a job or anything like that, and then I lose my interest at some point and I don’t do it anymore.

Lindsey: Yeah, okay. This is going to be so good, especially if we have this go live for the new year because I think this is super common. I think this is the pattern that so many of us, I myself, have been stuck in in the past. And so what I’ll offer just to start is really, there’s nothing wrong.

Like there’s nothing wrong with you, this isn’t abnormal, this is totally normal so you don’t need to make it mean anything about you. And the only “problem” we have is that you haven’t hit a point of like no return, where something inside of you thinks that making change is so important and so meaningful that you can’t imagine not changing any area of your life.

So just to give you an example, and I actually made a video on this recently, I don’t know if you saw it.

Maria: Yeah, I did.

Lindsey: Yeah, but most of the time, let’s just say smokers for example, people usually don’t stop smoking until they go to the doctor’s office and someone is like, you have cancer, you have to stop smoking. Or weight loss. Like you will not live if you don’t get this taken care of is usually when we finally decide to make a change.

But we don’t want to wait on that moment, right? And to live an amazing life, you have to become someone who doesn’t have to wait on those moments, right? So what we have to do is we have to find something that has leverage for you.

So my question is, why do you want to change every area of your life?

Maria: Because, like so many others, I feel like I have so much potential and I know that I’m just surviving right now. I’m doing like a little bit more of the bare minimum, but there’s so much more for me to do and to change and to upgrade. But I just, I mean, I start something and then I stop it and I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m not in a really, really, really bad space.

Lindsey: We don’t want to have to wait to get there, so let me help you.

Maria: Yeah.

Lindsey: So you know you have potential and you know you’re just surviving right now. What happens if you don’t change that?

Maria: I’m sure I’m going to regret it when I’m really, really old.

Lindsey: Let’s go to that place. It’s the end, you’re like laying, waiting to take your last breath. What are you going to think?

Maria: That I should have tried harder. I should have tried more things or fought more about things that I didn’t fight enough, I guess. Failed more, lived more. I feel like I’m doing what everybody else is doing, what you keep saying in your reels. Like I studied, I worked, I’m married, I have kids. Okay, that’s all fine, but there’s something missing. But like what is it?

Lindsey: Well, what’s missing is just that you know you have more potential. I think sometimes we make that feel so elusive and confusing because we’re like, I don’t know exactly what that means. You don’t need to know what that means, but you need to trust that.

Maria: Yeah, maybe I think I have it on like a pedestal. Like that there is this grand life that I’m not living and maybe I think that I have to make all these huge changes in order for my life to be something extraordinary. But maybe I should just do small changes.

Lindsey: Oftentimes we think fulfilling our potential is a destination. It is not. Fulfilling our potential is just knowing every day that you’re giving it all you got. And that can change in a moment. Like I’ll just give you a personal story. The reason why I connect with this, the reason why I help people with this is because I feel emotional just thinking about how you feel because I felt that way.

And I remember the moment for me when I invested in coaching and finally was like, “I’m freaking doing this. I’m going to finally fulfill my potential.” A week or two later I was on a plane and I remember thinking I could die today, even though I didn’t really accomplish anything more yet, like I hadn’t started my business yet even. I hadn’t done anything different, but I remember thinking I could die today and be proud because I decided to go after my potential. Like I feel like I’m growing and I’m taking life by the horns or whatever and going after it.

And so I think that’s the thing, is we associate that with this like, oh, I have to have this, this, this, my life has to look this way for me to feel like I’m doing it instead of like, it’s just a decision that you get to make every day. And it doesn’t have to be more than that. And that’s ultimately going to be what, over time, does change your life. What are your thoughts?

Maria: Well, the thought I’m having is me being on a plane and thinking that this could be my last day and thinking that I have like three souls back at home who kind of depend on me. And I think the reason I’m not doing more or getting out of my comfort zone is because I feel like I have to be here for them.

Lindsey: Oh, this is so good. So your brain right now is associating you can’t go for your dreams because of them?

Maria: Yeah.

Lindsey: Okay, we’re going to flip this on its head because how do you show up as a mom, as a wife, as a human for them when you are making them the reason why you can’t fulfill your potential?

Maria: It’s a huge burden to put on them, although I’m not saying it. But it’s a huge burden because it’s my choice to not go after something.

Lindsey: Yes.

Maria: That’s what you asked, right?

Lindsey: Yes, totally.

Maria: Yeah, okay. Yeah, it’s a huge burden on them.

Lindsey: Do you think they would want that for you?

Maria: No, no. Of course not, no.

Lindsey: So how could it be true that you must do this for them?

Maria: I must show them what’s possible or show them that there’s so many other things in life. There are so many failures, like “failures” that we have to go through in order to feel like we have lived. Not just ticking boxes, like getting married and having a job and having kids. Not those things only. Does it make sense?

Lindsey: Yeah. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense to me though, it matters if you feel it.

Maria: Yeah, but because English is not my first language, so I’m trying to –

Lindsey: Well, you’re doing amazing. But yes, it makes sense.

Maria: Okay.

Lindsey: It makes sense. And I think my question is, does that feel true to you?

Maria: Yeah, it feels truer. Yeah.

Lindsey: And here’s the thing, they might be uncomfortable with some of the decisions you have to make for you and your dreams. But that’s where you have to hold true to the belief, they might not know this, but I’m doing this for them. Because if I’m not being the best version of me, if I’m not fulfilling my potential, I’m not showing them what’s possible. I’m not breathing life into their dreams. I’m not being the person I’m here to be.

Maria: Yeah.

Lindsey: What are your thoughts?

Maria: I’m taking notes.

Lindsey: Good.

Maria: Those are things I want to remember after our call. I’m doing this for them. This is what I wrote down, like failure. I’m writing the word failure because I’m really afraid of failure and I don’t want to pass it on to them, being afraid of failure. I want them to fail as much as they can.

Lindsey: Yeah.

Maria: Like trying, you know?

Lindsey: Yeah.

Maria: Like failing, trying.

Lindsey: Yes. That literally, so often we associate it with the outcome, but it’s like you could be so pumped, like I’m failing. Because there’s a difference between, and you know this, I think, that’s why we’re here, like not trying, right? That type of “failure” versus trying and actually failing. Like whatever, taking steps, posting, whatever, I don’t know specifically what you’re trying to work on. Investing money in something and having it not pay off, it’s like, you could be so freaking proud of that. Like you could be like, I’m doing it. I’m doing everything I said I wanted to do because this is the example that I want to set for them.

Maria: Yeah. I had the thought that living your best life was about being in the best shape of your life, like having a dream job, a dream marriage and the kids and all that. But right now I’m realizing that, at least for me, living my best life means trying and trying and trying and failing again and again.

And I wasn’t trying anything because I was afraid of failing because what if I didn’t reach the goal, like the dream body? But if I make the end goal to fail like a thousand times, even if it doesn’t give me my dream body, then that’s okay because my goal is to fail while trying to live. You know what I mean?

Lindsey: 100%. Like my jaw feels like it’s on the floor because I think that – Well, I’m like, that is part of what I sell, right? I think it’s like, we can’t blame you and I’m selling you on that, but really what I’m selling you on when you come into the work with me is that living a full, beautiful life just means giving your life all you got. And that does mean failing every day.

And here’s the thing, a byproduct of that will likely be the body, the money, the success, all of that. But the fulfilling part, the part where you feel like you’re fulfilling your potential every day is this part.

Maria: Yeah, fulfilling my potential every day. I’m writing that down. Sounds good.

Lindsey: How do you feel now?

Maria: I feel relieved. I feel relieved. It’s good to know that you can fail and try and not feel that you have to be perfect. It’s okay if you made like a thousand mistakes because I felt that making, okay, one mistake, you can learn from that, maybe two. But it’s okay if you make a thousand mistakes.

Lindsey: Yes. How do you think you will, on that last day when you’re taking your last breath, if you live life that way, what do you think you’ll think?

Maria: Grateful. Grateful for having lived, like really lived. And that’s okay if I haven’t accomplished anything. I would have tried and my kids would have seen me trying. That’s the most important thing. So good.

Lindsey: Me too, I have got goosebumps. This is so amazing.

Maria: This was like, I don’t know, like 10 minutes of profound work. That was deep, I loved it.

Lindsey: I’m just celebrating you for even scheduling the call in the first place and being here. And the fact that you’re here is you being all in on your potential. So, so amazing. I’m so excited to see what you do with it and please keep me updated.

Maria: Thank you, thank you. Of course. Of course. Thank you.

Lindsey: You’re welcome. I’ll talk to you soon.

Maria: Okay, bye.

Lindsey: Bye.

If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.

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