Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?
Kelsey: Hi, this is Kelsey. I’m excited to be on here with you today.
Lindsey: Me too. Hi, Kelsey.
Kelsey: I have been struggling, I guess, mentally with just social media growth, business growth. I just actually got into digital marketing a couple months ago and I’ve just really been trying to figure out how I can be successful in this without copying everyone and also growing. And it just feels like such a big mental hurdle when I feel like nothing I’m doing is working and I just want to finally have success in something and create something that’s successful.
Lindsey: Yeah. Okay, perfect. So the first thing I’m going to ask you about is you said something that kind of cued me up. And I think it’s probably playing a role here. You said finally be successful at something. That kind of tells me where your brain is at. It tells me a little bit more about what’s going on. So tell me more about when you say that, what do you mean and how do you feel?
Kelsey: Oh gosh, okay. Well, pretty much my entire life, as a kid, everything, I’ve always quit. I’ve always stopped something and gotten bored of it or just felt like maybe this wasn’t it, maybe there was something better or whatever. And I mean, I did dance, everything I did as a five year old, I remember being like, oh, I don’t know if I want to do that.
And I have had like my whole life just always unsure of what it fully was that I wanted. And then feeling like, oh, I found it. But then either not giving it enough chance to gain success or traction, or just felt like maybe this wasn’t it again. So just this constant like, why can’t I do it? Why isn’t it working? Maybe it’s something else I need or something else that’s better for me or all of that.
Lindsey: Okay, tell me more about what it would mean if you were “finally successful” at something, like what that would mean for you.
Kelsey: Oh gosh, that’s a good question. I would just want to see what I’m doing as actually working. And not like in a small, you know, because of course, there’s little successes, like oh, I got two followers today or something. Or like I got one sale.
Kelsey: But to me, I’m like that’s nothing. Like how come I’m seeing so many people making thousands or getting thousands of followers? And either it happens more quickly for them or it looks easier. And then it’s like, I don’t want to just have like one or two here and there. I want to be like, wow, I actually did it. Like I’ve gotten thousands, I’m big now. I’m a big dreamer, so that’s kind of hard because I’m like the sky’s the limit in my mind. So it’s like, why can I do that if they’re doing it?
Lindsey: Yeah, what a powerful thought to have about yourself, like, if they can do it, why can’t I do it? Okay, so here’s my question. When you start something, like your social media or whatever you’re doing, and you told me like, I want it to actually be working. It sounds like you said the two people following you or the one sale you’re getting, you kind of already told me but I just want you to reiterate, what’s the thought you typically have about something like that?
Kelsey: Well about if it works or if it’s not working?
Lindsey: No, when you get like two followers or you get one sale, what’s your thought about that?
Kelsey: Okay, yeah. I get like, oh yay, someone’s here. But then it’s like, but where’s more, you know what I mean?
Kelsey: Like okay, when is it actually going to pick up? Yeah.
Lindsey: Okay. So it predominantly has a flavor of like it’s not good enough. Like, cool, yeah, that’s great. But that’s not enough. I want explosive growth.
Kelsey: Yes, totally.
Lindsey: Okay. How does that make you feel when you tell yourself like, oh, that’s not good enough. Like, cool, great, but we want more. How does that feel to you?
Kelsey: That’s so frustrating and discouraging and hopeless.
Lindsey: Yeah. Okay. And what happens when you feel frustrated, discouraged and hopeless?
Kelsey: Well, a lot of times I just scroll, see what other things are happening and then get more frustrated? Or I mean I keep going, but I just feel very irritated by it and like maybe I can’t do it. And I definitely think like, maybe I just shouldn’t do this. Maybe it’s not going to work.
Lindsey: Okay. I want to paint a picture for you, right? Because you said this is kind of a pattern in your life where you start something and then you stop it and you move on to another thing. And one thing I’ll offer you is I did that for a period of time in my life. And I just chose to see that as one of my greatest assets, that I follow my soul, that I follow my desires and it’s all leading me there.
So I just want to offer you, first and foremost, just a different story about that.
Kelsey: Yeah, that’s good.
Lindsey: And, on the flip side, when you get a result, you tell yourself it’s not good enough. You’re like unimpressed by it is kind of the vibe that I got. And then what that does is it moves you into scrolling, getting frustrated, you keep going but I’m guessing when you’re trying to post but you’re feeling frustrated or it’s not good enough, what does that look like? Tell me, actually, before I move on. What does that typically look like?
Kelsey: Well, then it’s usually me just trying to copy what others are doing and being like, okay, well, maybe this will work.
Lindsey: Yes. Okay, so copy what others are doing. And then you’re like, well, maybe I can’t do it. Or maybe it’s something else.
Kelsey: Yeah. Yeah, like what am I missing? What is it? I mean, I go back and forth with like, well, what they’re doing isn’t that special. Like I feel like, oh, I’m better than that. But then at the same time, when nothing happens, then I go back to being like, okay, well, what is it that I’m doing wrong? Or why can’t it work?
Lindsey: Okay, so could you see that the only reason that you don’t create the explosive growth or that you could, because you said your desire is that you create something that’s finally successful. Part of the reason nothing becomes “finally successful” is before you get there, you stop, right? Or you kind of lose energy and kind of go through the motions or copy people. And then you end up quitting or going and doing something else.
Do you see that the only reason that happens is because you’re telling yourself it’s not working or it’s not good enough, even when you do get a result?
Kelsey: Yeah, I mean, I know my thoughts are so huge on this and the mindset. But then I’ll try days where I’m like, okay, I’m just going to believe and trust and whatever. And then when I still see nothing happened, then I go back to that. And I kind of feel so stuck and like is my thought really what’s going to determine my success? Like yes and no.
Lindsey: Well think about it like this, I want you to think about something different. Imagine you got that sale, or you got two followers, or three people liked it and you were like, oh my gosh, it’s working.
Kelsey: Oh, that’s so true.
Lindsey: How differently would you feel and how differently would you show up, not just the next day but over, let’s just say a month? If you told yourself like, oh my gosh it’s working, how would that feel and what would that look like?
Kelsey: Oh, I love that. Oh my gosh, I already love it.
Lindsey: Right? Like how differently would this whole scenario be?
Kelsey: Yeah, I would be excited and want to keep doing it.
Kelsey: Yeah, that’s good.
Lindsey: And over time, what will happen is that’s how you create explosive growth. Even though some people’s growth might be or look explosive, even if let’s just say someone got on social media and they just blew up, right? Like that happens sometimes.
Lindsey: But there was probably some sort of work that went in before they even got to that because that’s the kind of, we’re talking about social media here, like the game with social media. What works for other people, works for them because they’re being most authentic to themselves, and trusting themselves and their unique ideas, their weird ideas, their crazy ideas. And that’s why it works for them, which is why someone else duplicating it doesn’t work.
Lindsey: So there’s something that went into them being somebody who owned that part of themselves that much, that when they got online it just translated very quickly, right? And we’re not arguing that there’s not, I mean, statistically and factually, when you were on social media earlier, it was probably easier to blow up, all of those things.
But that’s not beneficial to focus on because all it does is make you feel like crap and make you feel like it’s not happening fast enough. And then you keep telling yourself, it’s not good enough, it’s not working. And then that’s what creates a spiral down.
Kelsey: Yeah, that’s so true. And then I guess the other thing is me almost feeling like I don’t know what my voice is in this. Like what to post or like who am I in this in a way? So I constantly feel like, oh, well, I don’t know what to post or like, how do I do this? What does work?
Lindsey: Totally. So a powerful question you could ask yourself is, if I knew anything would work, what would I want to do? What would be fun? It’s so funny because this is kind of the challenge of some of this work. It’s almost like the harder you try, especially I feel like with social media, the worse it goes.
Lindsey: Right. It’s not like not putting in effort, like that’s important. But I mean, the harder you’re like, maybe this is the thing or I’ve got to be this, right, the more kind of inauthentic it feels to you and the more it kind of falls flat. So a great question to ask is, what I said, like if I knew I was going to get a result, what would I want to try? Like no matter what, no matter what I did, no matter what I tried. What comes up when I say something like that?
Kelsey: Well, so I am huge, like I love encouraging and inspiring women and just like dreaming, you know, dreaming big. But I also am now trying to promote a course that can help women make money and do stuff like that. Then I get stuck in my head of like, well, how can I incorporate both, one, thinking the algorithm is going to get all confused. Two, I don’t want to confuse people. And I want it to flow together somehow, but I don’t know what that looks like because I don’t see people doing that.
Lindsey: But is that actually true? Like you follow me, I talk about a lot of different stuff.
Kelsey: Yeah, yeah, it’s true. It’s true. But I feel like, oh, you’re big.
Lindsey: Well, but that’s actually how I’m getting even bigger though, is that I’m trusting that. I’m trusting that. What happens a lot in the online world is we put all these rules on ourselves. We hear other experts telling us, here’s how it’s supposed to be done: find a niche, do this thing, right, and I’m not saying that. There’s value in that, but the biggest value if you want to create influence and impact is by being you, because that’s where no one’s like you.
And following all of those things that don’t maybe make sense, like in terms of like, well, I don’t know, how does this all fit together, this inspiring people, but then also selling this course? Following that is what creates opportunities and possibilities and connections with people that do create sales and things like that.
One question that’s popping in my mind is, have you ever had an experience when you do something, like something even simple, like it doesn’t make “sense?” Like, you’re like, I want to go to a coffee shop, or I want to go on this trip. And your brain is like, well, that doesn’t make sense. Why would I spend time doing that? But you do it anyway and an opportunity or a possibility opens up because of that. Have you ever had an experience like that? Does anything come to mind?
Kelsey: Yeah, totally. Nothing specific, but I’ve definitely had that. And you’re like, wow, I’m so glad that I did that. Yeah.
Lindsey: Yeah. But you couldn’t have been like, “You know what? I’m going to go to this coffee shop so I ran into this person so I do this.”
Kelsey: Right, right.
Lindsey: The brain really loves like tactical, like tell me to do this thing and I’ll do it so I can have the certainty that I’m going to get the result. But the way that you’re going to actually create the result is having the certainty in yourself, following those loving decisions, those like, this is what feels good, this is what feels fun. That’s what’s going to be what creates better and bigger results.
Kelsey: That’s so good. Oh my gosh, yeah.
Lindsey: And it’s uncomfortable, though, right?
Lindsey: Literally this happened to me the other day, it was like, what time was it? Our nanny leaves at 4:00. It was like 3:15 and I felt like I wanted to go to a coffee shop. And my brain was like, this is so dumb. Why would we drive 10 minutes to go to the coffee shop and then 10 minutes back, when we could sit in our office and work. But I’m like, no, that’s what I want to do.
When I get there I have this inspired moment, I film a quick video, it’s already gone viral. And I think, had I been sitting in my office being like, no, no, we have to work, why would we waste that time? That would have never happened.
Kelsey: Yeah, so true. That’s so good.
Lindsey: So following that is your guidance. It’s just, it’s going to be uncomfortable. It’s going to take some courage. It’s going to take some trust. But the best, like I always give this for homework for my clients, I’m like, you need to keep a note section in your phone that every time you follow what sounds fun, what sounds light, what sounds like desire, what comes of it? And not from the place of it’s not good enough, it’s not working. But literally I am finding the connection of how this is working.
The more you do that, the more you have evidence, the more you trust that. And then it becomes this compound effect.
Kelsey: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can tell that like, because I’m thinking of creating content then I’m like, okay, what am I going to do? And then like my brain doesn’t think I’m anxious or whatever. But then I know I’m getting stressed out and I’m like, okay, I just need to do something to post or whatever.
Kelsey: And then I feel like I’m running out of time. Okay, I can’t do anything. I don’t have any inspiration, so I just need to do something.
Lindsey: Yeah. Okay, so I always joke with any of the clients that I work with that do anything on social media. I’m like, always imagine, and we’re humans so this isn’t a problem, but it’s just an opportunity to pause and evaluate. Imagine that you’re telling your audience the thought that you’re having, like, that’s creating the post. Like, oh no, I’m running out of time so here, I’m just going to throw this out here.
Do you think that’s going to create the result that you want? Or like, oh gosh, I don’t have anything to say so I’m just going to throw this out there, right? That is the energy that you give off. And that’s the thing about social media and just really any result we’re creating, it’s an energy game.
Kelsey: Yeah, yeah.
Lindsey: And I’m going to tell you a quick story and then I’ll leave you with just a couple of things. I feel like you already got some huge shifts from this.
Lindsey: I was watching something from a comedian and they were like, you know what? Because one of my favorite things, I love comedians and I love where it’s like they were following me around in my house making jokes about my life. Those are my favorite comedians. You’re like, what? How did they know that I do that?
Kelsey: That’s great.
Lindsey: But he was like, I could sit in my office for like five months and try to write jokes. And it will be painstaking and I could put all this pressure on myself. And I think I’m working because I’m sitting in my office. And he’s like, and then I can go out for one day, live my life, go out to lunch and have an experience that I write 20 jokes from.
Lindsey: And I feel like that’s the perfect example of business, of social media, of all of these things. And literally, with anything though. Romance, like any result you’re trying to create, your best contribution is living your life, is living your life in alignment. That is where your best stuff is going to come from, your best inspiration. It’s not going to come from sitting in your office and being like, again, I have nothing against offices. But if you’re like, got to be in here, got to work, got to get content done, got to check these boxes, that ain’t it.
Kelsey: Yeah. Yeah, so true. And that’s how I want to live. I’m like, I just want to be inspired and live life and not worry. But then I struggle with actually doing that.
Lindsey: Your brain gets in the way, right?
Lindsey: Totally normal. So two things I’m going to leave you with. The first thing is constantly looking for how it’s working and relishing in that, no matter how big and small. When I first started my business I remember nobody was paying attention. I remember I used to think, literally, I told myself this, there’s a girl at home alone. She doesn’t like, she doesn’t comment, but she is being impacted by my work.
And I just kept telling myself that no matter how many people liked it or commented, because that story kept me going and kept me pushing, which and creating that result over the long term. So you have to every time your brain wants to take away from it and be like, that’s not good enough, you need to be like, okay, this is my opportunity. How could I believe that one new follower or one like or one whatever is like, how can that be impactful? How can I be in awe of that? How is it working?
Kelsey: Yeah, that’s so good.
Lindsey: The second thing is following what feels fun, what feels light, what feels inspiring. I always think that our job is to create the soil for the flower. And so often we’re focused on the flower, like getting it right. And I’m like, no, but if you just create the soil, if you just live a life that creates you feeling inspired and excited and on fire about your life, the flower will automatically grow.
So focus on what brings you into a place of inspiration, what makes you feel on fire and excited for your life and the content will come.
Kelsey: Yeah, that’s so good.
Lindsey: I love it. So good. Thank you for being here, Kelsey. I’m excited to hear how it goes.
Kelsey: Thank you so much, you’re amazing.
Lindsey: I’ll talk to you soon, thanks.
Kelsey: Okay, bye.
If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.