Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?
Georgie: Hi Lindsey, this is Georgie. I have a coaching business and I really want to fill it out with one-on-one clients. I have a few clients at the moment, but I just have a lot of drama about getting more clients.
In the last few months I’ve had some calls with amazing women who’ve said yes to coaching. And then I liken it to online dating, which I’ve actually never done, but they just disappear and ghost me.
Lindsey: Okay, perfect. First of all, where’s your accent from and where are you calling from? It’s so amazing.
Georgie: Thank you. I’m calling from Australia.
Lindsey: So good. I love it. We had someone else with an accent right before you, so this is so good.
All right, let me ask you this first. When someone ghosts you, what thoughts do you have?
Georgie: I do have the thought that it’s rude.
Lindsey: Okay. And how does that feel?
Georgie: Kind of like disheartening.
Lindsey: Do you make them ghosting you mean anything?
Georgie: I think it makes me feel like I don’t trust myself because I’ll be on the call and we’ll be in the zone and they’ll say yes to coaching and I’ll feel like we’re going to have a relationship, back to online dating. And then, yeah, I kind of make it mean that they were lying to me and I didn’t realize or I had a vibe that they didn’t have. So yeah, I guess it creates a bit of distrust within myself.
Lindsey: Okay, and where else does that distrust show up?
Georgie: I think probably in sharing about my coaching as well, even though coaching has changed my life, even though I’m right here being coached.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Georgie: When I share it, I don’t always feel as confident or trusting as if I’m listening to someone else or if I’m talking one-on-one with a friend about coaching, I guess, rather than sharing it in my business.
Lindsey: Got it. Okay, I want to go back to the ghosting thing because it sounds like this also shows up elsewhere and I think working through that will help with all the other things.
What is the story you tell yourself that you tell yourself when you’re on the call with them? Like when you’re excited and you’re like, they’re saying yes, we’re going to have this relationship, all of these things, what’s the story you tell yourself then about your trusting yourself and about your coaching business and all of that?
Georgie: Oh, good question. I think I feel validated when they say yes.
Lindsey: Okay. Tell me more, like validated, so what is validated? Like you’re a great coach? You know what you’re doing? Tell me more.
Georgie: Yeah. So probably like the thought, oh, this is working. My business is going to go well. I attach a lot of meaning to it.
Lindsey: Also you said something earlier, like I can trust myself. Like I know I’m on the call, it feels good. I did a good job. They said yes. Like I can trust this.
Georgie: Yeah, exactly.
Lindsey: Okay, how could that all still be true even if someone ghosts you?
Georgie: I mean, I do trust myself as a good coach. I do still believe in coaching tools, so that doesn’t change if somebody doesn’t want them.
Lindsey: Okay. What about this is working?
Georgie: This is working. I kind of believe it in a baby thought way.
Lindsey: Okay. Baby thoughts are good starts to adult thoughts. Yeah, like what if it’s equally as working if they ghost you, say no or say yes?
Georgie: I like that concept. It’s just wrapping my head around it.
Lindsey: It’s totally true. Like I always like to tell people, I’m going to sell you on this new thought now. All the big time coaches, myself included, many, many, many times have been ghosted, have been told no, have had all of the experiences you’re having. Part of the consult process is to filter in and out your best clients.
So you basically got the gift of someone falling off because likely they got scared, they got uncomfortable, they weren’t willing to share their truth, right? All of which has nothing to do with you. And you basically let go of someone who just wasn’t ready yet. So it is working.
Georgie: It’s bending my mind in a good way.
Lindsey: Good.
Georgie: That’s it. It’s like the consult process is working because –
Lindsey: It’s doing exactly what it was made for, yeah.
Georgie: Yeah, exactly. And even I have my clients, like up on my wall right in front of me and I was looking at them before being like, they’re perfect clients, right? They’re exactly the right clients for me. They feel great. And that’s because the consult process worked.
Lindsey: Yes. If someone ghosts you, it’s working. Perfect. You don’t want to, like I promise you don’t want a client who ghosted you, right? And that doesn’t mean anything about them, right? The thought I always have is so much compassion. Like really think about that, what would make someone ghost someone in dating or if you’re listening to this, apply it to that, right? But like in a consult, why would someone ghost the coach?
Georgie: Yeah. Yeah. And I have thought about that. It might be like, I don’t want to tell her that I don’t actually have the money or I’m too nervous to go ahead with coaching. I’m too scared. I don’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her no, I’ll just say nothing. You know, same thing as dating.
Lindsey: 100%. Sometimes what helps me too is I imagine when that fearful part of someone comes out, it’s almost like the kid version of them, right? Can you imagine if a kid was like, “I’m just too scared to go forward for my dreams.” How you would feel differently about them versus – We’re all humans, right? Like that rude adult who just didn’t send us a message to let us know, how could they do such a thing, right? How does it feel to see it like that?
Georgie: Yeah. I have a young daughter, a bit older than yours, but yeah, I can imagine her being like, I’m too scared to tell that person my dream or I’m too scared to keep going. And I wouldn’t be like, you message her back. You get your email up and you write her.
Lindsey: You are so rude, right? You’re like, oh, I love you and I’m so sorry that you feel that way.
Georgie: Yeah.
Lindsey: And of course you do, that’s okay.
Georgie: Yeah, so true.
Lindsey: How does that feel?
Georgie: It feels much lighter. Like, yeah, I can almost feel my eyes and my face changing in my expression of how I’m thinking about them.
Lindsey: So good. Hmm. Same thing for this other thought, my business is going well. How is your business going well right now?
Georgie: Well, I have some clients. Amazing clients.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Georgie: I have a lot of people who tell me they love following me and that my stuff is helpful. I think I’m making a difference in the world. I believe in these tools and I think I’m making a difference.
Lindsey: Let me remind you, you are getting paid money for your ideas. Like you just one day were like, obviously I’m sure work went into that too, but you’re like, I have something valuable to offer people. Then you offered it to them and they sent you money for it.
Georgie: Yes. On the internet.
Lindsey: On the internet. What? Let me ask you this, if you really believe that your business is going well, how do you think you’d show up differently today and tomorrow?
Georgie: I think I would just confidently move ahead with my tasks instead of kind of thinking, is this going to work or spinning in confusion as we like to do.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Georgie: And I think I would just pitch in the next client that’s ready to go.
Lindsey: Yeah. And what happens if every day you’re like, it’s working? Like this business is growing, it’s happening. And you looked for evidence of that. What do you think would happen over time?
Georgie: I think I would feel a lot more happy and excited day to day. And I think people are generally attracted to that, so I think it would keep working. It would work even more.
Lindsey: Yeah. How does it feel to see that?
Georgie: It feels exciting. It feels a little bit distant at the moment because it’s not my default thinking.
Lindsey: Yeah. Oh, distant like the thought process.
Georgie: Yeah. Yeah.
Lindsey: What is something you can believe? If you can’t totally believe this business is going well, what could you believe? I’m kind of thinking like this business is really close to going well, but I don’t know if that feels that good. But it feels kind of exciting and I want to keep going.
Lindsey: Okay. What about this business is working?
Georgie: Yeah, I think I can believe that.
Lindsey: Okay. So I would start with that thought. This is one of the hardest parts about creating any new result, but I also think about how people build their business, it’s like every day if you start to assume what’s going to happen today based on what happened yesterday, you just literally recreate that over and over and over again, right?
And slowly what you do is, like you said, you get in confusion. You probably don’t make quite as many offers. And then you get more evidence and then it keeps going.
Georgie: Yes.
Lindsey: But if you could work on tapping into the thought, “This is working,” or even the idea that this is going well and looking for evidence of that every day until you feel it, right? Like we know you don’t – Like it’s BS if you just tell your brain something and it doesn’t believe it. You’ll know you believe it when you feel it, but what if that was the only thing you had to work on?
Georgie: Yeah, I love that. And I think when you said this is going well that time and looking for evidence, I was like, oh yeah, things have been going well and I haven’t been looking at that evidence. I’ve just been looking ahead at the empty tunnel of what’s next.
Lindsey: The ghosting people, right? Like all the evidence. It’s like your brain is going to believe whatever story you tell it. And our brain loves to believe the un-useful stories because we think, our brain thinks those stories will help motivate us into action to fix it, right? It’s very survival. It’s like if we look at our pile of food and it’s running out, it will send us into fight or flight and urgency. So we run out in the world and we go find food so we can live.
That’s what our brains are trying to do. But that survival isn’t going to be where you create new amazing outcomes from. It’s only going to keep you at the level of surviving. And that’s obviously not what you’re here to do, I would guess based on the fact that you have a coaching business, right?
Georgie: No.
Lindsey: So your job is to tell yourself a different story that makes you feel inspired, excited, motivated to keep showing up day after day after day.
Georgie: Yeah.
Lindsey: And looking for evidence like it is your job because it is.
Georgie: Yeah, I love that idea that looking for evidence is my job day to day in my business. That’s pretty fun.
Lindsey: Like look, it’s working. Keep a list on your phone all day, every day, every little thing. Oh, it’s working, someone messaged me. A client ghosted me, perfect, I’m closer to the next best dreamy perfect client. Ooh, someone commented on my post that it was really valuable, amazing. They’ve never been closer.
I bet you could probably – I’m just curious, I’m throwing this out there. But I bet you could come up with a list of a couple of people who I’m guessing have been interested in your content and said they love your stuff, that you would enjoy coaching. Does anybody come to mind?
Georgie: Yeah, definitely.
Lindsey: Have you made them an offer?
Georgie: Not directly, no.
Lindsey: Okay. Make them some offers. How does that feel?
Georgie: A little scary.
Lindsey: Of course. But remember what you’re offering them. They don’t have to say yes. What are you offering them?
Georgie: I’m offering to help them change their lives in the direction that they want to go.
Lindsey: What a gift. I’m not like an avid mass messenger, but if there’s someone I meet or someone I know at like a mastermind or something, like I have no qualms about being like, I know I can help you. If you’re open to it, I’d love to get on a call to talk about what it would look like to work together.
And it feels so loving and so from service because I’m like they can say no, but why wouldn’t they? I have what they need to completely change their lives. And I’ve had almost every person that, again, I don’t do that a ton, but every person I have ever done that to has like, oh my God, thank you so much.
Georgie: Yeah, so true.
Lindsey: I love it. How does that feel?
Georgie: Yeah, it feels good. It feels really good.
Lindsey: All right, so looking for all the evidence that it’s going well and that it’s working, that’s the only thing you’re paying attention to right now.
Georgie: I love it. I love it.
Lindsey: So good. I’m so excited for you. Let me know how it goes. Thank you so much for calling in, Georgie.
Georgie: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Lindsey: Of course, I’ll talk to you soon.
Georgie: Okay.
Lindsey: Bye.
Georgie: Bye.
If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.
