Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey, your life coach. How can I help you?
Emma: Hi, this is Emma. I am trying to get help being guided on figuring out my life purpose, basically, and all that that entails.
Lindsey: Awesome. Well, tell me more about it. Are you stuck in confusion? Like you have no idea what it is, or you kind of have a feeling and you’re afraid to go for it? What does that kind of look like?
Emma: It’s a feeling that I can’t describe.
Emma: It’s like I can feel it in my core and in my bones that I am meant for this life. And I can feel it. When I close my eyes I can embody, and basically, it’s a feeling of freedom. I’m like obsessed with feeling free. But I guess I don’t know how to get there or like the logistics of what that looks like. And then that comes in a lot with my hang-up on money and how can that financially be plausible? If that makes sense.
So just like working the path, it feels bizarre to me of leaping from here to there.
Lindsey: Okay, so I literally just got full body chills because I was like, I know. I remember so deeply how this felt too. I was like, I see this life for myself. But how the hell do I get from where I am now, to that reality? Which is a totally common place that people get hung up on.
So here’s my first thought, there are a million ways to create that path. I’m sure you’ve probably explored some of them, I would guess. Or at least in your mind explored some of them. My question is, have you tried things? That’s the first thing I want to ask.
Lindsey: Okay, so you try things. And then what ends up happening?
Emma: The few times I’ve felt brave enough to like, my soul is dying at this nine to five corporate boring cubicle job, I’m going to do it, I’m going to try this. The main two things I can think of is I tried the teaching route. I got a long-term substitute teaching role. Teaching was something I was interested in for a long time, but I needed to go back for my masters if I was going to do that.
So it was a long-term substitute teaching position. Tried that. And then before, I’ve tried to be a yoga teacher. I got certified to be a yoga teacher. So those are kind of the two points. And there’s little things, sure, of trying here and there.
And so I would try it. I would leap, I would feel ecstatic at first. So free, bursting, all the things. And then it didn’t feel exactly like I wanted it to feel and I couldn’t tell if that meant this was wrong. If it’s my intuition telling me something or is this my anxiety? Am I just fearful? Is this uncomfortable? Is this just new?
Emma: And I can’t tell, so then I just kind of sit with it for a little bit and it fizzles out and I kind of bail, tail between my legs back to safety of boring nine to five, blah, blah, blah.
Lindsey: Got it. Okay, perfect. That is super helpful to kind of hear the experiences that you had. Let me ask you this, let’s just take away the things that you’ve tried. If you won the lottery, this is actually something I focus on in the purpose module of the life membership.
If you won the lottery and you didn’t have to work, what would you want to spend your time doing? I always think it’s so interesting because I think most of the time we think like travel the world, all of that, of course. Like total freedom. But eventually I think most people, especially when you feel in your body that you have a purpose, like there would be a point where you’d be like, I want to do something.
Lindsey: What would that thing be for you?
Emma: Yeah. So yeah, I feel like once I got it out of the way, I would just leave and relax. And I would travel. And I would start a garden at home and build my dream house and just be. Like everyone thinks that that’s it. But yeah, after a while, knowing that I just had the financial ability to try things, I would love to open up just like, I don’t know what to call it.
Just honestly just some sort of workplace. Like a community space that I can – Because I’ve always been a little bit of everything. I love thrifting and the vintage world. Like having a little storefront of vintage thrifty clothes, people could shop. But then like an upstairs loft or something that can be used for just workshops.
I would love to host workshops. I would love to host yoga classes. I’m sober, so like a place for sobriety meetings to meet because we don’t have a lot of options that aren’t just like dingy church basements, to be very honest.
And so just like a space and like curate and host and mingle and have a space to have a little bit of everything. But then this set routine of like the bottom floor being, I don’t know, like a bookstore and clothing thrifty store and records and something like that. But then that seems like too much. But I like a little bit of everything, but just kind of a big space.
Lindsey: I freaking love it. Okay, so this is what’s so amazing and so fascinating, right? Because this happened to me too. And I see this pattern happen so often where we take our foot and we take that little step. And we’re like, I’m going to try this thing. Maybe this will be it.
But what I find, and that’s a whole other conversation, maybe we’ll do another podcast on the difference between fear and intuition because that’s a whole other thing. Such a valuable topic. But what happens is, we don’t always take the step for what we actually want, because you just clearly told me exactly what you wanted.
But you took steps towards substitute teaching and being a yoga teacher, which sounds like it might be a little piece of it. But usually what ends up happening is because it’s not fully that thing that you’re like, yes, like full body, this is my dream, that’s probably why it fizzled out. Because there was still a lot of fear involved in that decision. Like there was probably some logic like, oh, here’s what makes sense. Here’s how I can get some freedom, so this is what I’ll do. And that’s likely why it fizzled out. Does that land?
Emma: Yeah, because I feel like we live in such a society that the norm is like, here’s your box. You get one box, so fit in it. And so if I’m operating from that mindset, which it’s so hard to operate outside of, I feel like an alien. I feel insane half the time, like I’m looking around.
Lindsey: Welcome to the alien club, you’re in the right place
Emma: I’m like, am I the only one? I feel like I’m screaming and no one’s looking up. Like, why is everyone just okay with these boxes and I hate them? I was like, okay, here’s one box. A yoga teacher, check. Here’s one box of an educator, check.
But if I’m honest, yeah, I want a little bit of each box. I’ve been dipping my toes in the thrifty vintage world and partnered a little bit with a friend that owns a store and like thrifted with her on the side, and done the little booths at like the Paristown Flea and stuff like that here and there. But yeah, it’s like, no, if I’m honest, I want a little bit of each box. I want to paint the whole picture.
Lindsey: Yes. And here’s the thing, when you go all in on the thing that’s truly what you want, sure, you’ll have anxiety and drama and all of that. That’s a piece of the equation. But it won’t fizzle out.
Emma: Mm-hmm, because I do, I crave routine and security and safety. Safety is a big thing for me. But I’m kind of flighty. I’m like an air sign. I have ADHD out the wazoo. So I need some variety too. And so trying to figure out how to blend those of like, structure plus freedom.
Lindsey: Yeah. Okay, so here’s the other thing that I would be curious about, because that fear, that risk, of course it’s there, right? It literally triggers like leaving a job or going after our dream, it triggers that survival emotion of like, I might die. I might not be able to pay my bills, all of these things.
And so my question is, or the thing that I’ll say first is that’s something that you can learn to build over time, like that trust. Like witnessing that fear, taking the action anyway and all of that. But my question is, what would keep you from keeping your full-time job right now, it sounds like you have, and also being all in on this vision? What would be different if you did that?
Emma: If I went all in instead of the full-time job?
Lindsey: No, you kept your full-time job and you went all in on your dream?
Emma: I mean, the initial thoughts are like that’s too much. I don’t have enough time. How would I fit in all of that? The immediate response is like, that’s impossible, I have to either do one or the other. But I obviously don’t think that’s fully correct. That’s my fear again. But it feels, I guess the word is unrealistic.
Lindsey: Yeah. Okay. And when you tell yourself that’s unrealistic, then what do you do?
Emma: I settle and I just stay. Or I work myself up so much that I don’t, like I make the leap but I don’t do it smartly. I do it out of a survival response of like this is going to save my life, so I have to.
Emma: It’s like burning bridges. That’s what I do, I feel like I either settle and stay and suffer silently, which I don’t know why all those just started with S, but they. Or I’m like, eff it all, I’m just going to leap and figure it out as I go. And then it’s like, whoa, okay, well, this is not really thought out. You’re burning this bridge. Of course it feels insane and scary, because I went about it like this, without any thought.
Emma: It’s like one or the other and neither one of them are helping.
Lindsey: Okay, how does it feel to see that?
Emma: To see that that’s what I’m operating out of?
Lindsey: Yeah, like that this is the pattern.
Emma: It helped. I kind of had a way that I was surprised those words were coming out of my mouth, that I could see that. So it was very enlightening. So now it’s like, okay, now what? How can I change that? Like now what?
Lindsey: Yes, okay. Because I think you make a really good point. I’m like, all for, like if you follow me or whatever, I’m like chase the dream, all the things. But when I started my coaching business, I did not leave my full-time job, because here was my thought. I was like, I know my business is going to be successful. I literally saw my job as a business investor. I was like, I’m going to invest in coaching, I’m going to invest in these things. This is going to give me that feeling of safety while I build that muscle of belief that I can actually do this, that I’m going to make a crap ton of money and all of that, right?
So this all came down to your thought that it would be impossible that I could do both. So my question is, how could it be possible?
Emma: Yeah, I mean, a lot of the time I’m just sitting at my desk.
Emma: Like while I’m there at work at my full-time job, yeah, I’m working. But how often am I actually just listening to music or scrolling on my phone because I’m bored and I’m stuck at work? So yeah, I forget, I guess, once it’s like, okay, I stepped in the box. So that’s it for the day, from 8:30 to 5:00 I’m here in this box. But it’s like, I’m not as trapped as I think I am, I guess.
Lindsey: Exactly, which your brain wasn’t even available for that possibility when you were telling yourself this is impossible.
Emma: Yeah. And so, of course, after work, weekends, all of that. But I feel so depleted by the time I get out of the box that I’m like, oh my God, I’m too drained. And that can be true sometimes, for sure. But if I’m honest, I do have quite a bit of time during the day at my current job to –
Lindsey: I seriously built my – I hope my employer is not listening to this, but I seriously built my business working my other job. Like at my work, at my desk, in between appointments, whatever.
Emma: It’s true.
Lindsey: So there’s that piece of it. And there’s also like, I’m also not for burning yourself into the ground. So it’s about finding creative paths, just like the one you just found. Like, hey, wait, there is a way. And then it’s like, okay, well, what can I try? What can I start selling? What can I start with to start building this income that is the most accessible, that’s the easiest, that maybe requires the least amount of time? Okay, let’s do that. Let’s focus on that while I have my job.
Then it’s like, okay, now we’re building some money. Okay, what other steps can we take? And then maybe that looks like the vision of you then buying a space. But my thought is always when it comes to starting businesses and following your purpose, again, this isn’t cut and dry. But I’m like figure out a way to make money simply and easily that doesn’t require an insane amount of overhead or upfront investment, unless that’s your dream.
There’s always a way.
Emma: That makes sense.
Lindsey: And it’s like, start thrifting. You’re already doing it, but like even more. The idea of like, I’m turning this into a business.
Emma: Yeah. Yeah. I guess, yeah, I just have been living in such polarity of it’s this or that. But you can start blending them and then, yeah, it still feels safe because you can look behind you and be like, okay, that’s still there. So I’m going to tiptoe this way.
Emma: I’ve only been thinking about it like, stay and settle or just completely leap, and that’s the only way to do it.
Lindsey: Yes. And you can take bigger risks when you maintain that safety net.
Lindsey: Okay, I love this so much. This is literally what I help with in the membership in the purpose module. I have no idea if you’ve ever even thought about joining, but I can support you and help you with this. So if that’s something you’re interested in, I would definitely recommend getting in there.
Emma: Thank you.
Emma: Thank you so much.
Lindsey: You are welcome. Okay, awesome. Well, I’m excited to hear how it goes. Thanks for coming on.
Emma: Thank you so much for having me and for being so accommodating and flexible.
Lindsey: Of course. Awesome. Well, great. I’ll talk to you soon, Emma. Thanks for calling in.
Emma: Have a good day. Bye.
Lindsey: You too, bye.
If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.