Hey, guys. Before we jump into today’s episode, I just wanted to share a couple of things with you. Today’s episode is with Lyndsey. She has been waiting for a kidney transplant, and we recorded this episode, I don’t even know, like, maybe 3 months ago. She just recently posted an update on her Instagram, and things are not going super well. She’s still waiting on a kidney transplant, and just a lot has happened since this.
So I believe in the power of a collective group of people sending love. And even though you don’t know who she is, I’m not sharing her last name, I just ask if you could just think about her and think about her family and send her lots of love and prayer, whatever it is for you, and just hopes that she finds a kidney which is a match it and that she can heal and get better.
With that, I also wanna wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. I didn’t know it was Thanksgiving when we originally planned this one, but I think sometimes stories like these and things like these can put life into perspective. So I hope that this episode provides you an opportunity to feel a little bit more gratitude for your life, for your health, for your body, for the idea that you never know what can happen and to appreciate what you have in the moment.
Oh, and last thing, I’m going to have a couple fun Black Friday things, a bonus for joining the Life membership, and a mini 1-on-1 package. So if you are interested in those, go to my Instagram. I’ll be sharing all about it there. If you don’t follow me already, type me in at lindseymango_. I will be putting all that up on my stories.
Anyway, love you Lynds and we are all thinking of you.
Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?
Lyndsey: Hi, I’m Lyndsey, a wife, mother of two, a business owner, who at the age of 32, is currently going through organ failure. Back in April, I was hospitalized for fluid on my brain and it has trickled down to where in June I had about 15% function left of my kidneys.
So I am currently on the search for a kidney for transplant, but I have ran into the problem that I have a very high HLA, which it’s compromised from a couple of things where if you’re pregnant, you kind of just build up antibodies against foreign blood in your body and I’ve had a couple blood transfusions. And so right now, I’m at the position where I have essentially a 4% chance of finding a match.
Lindsey: Okay.
Lyndsey: And so I’ve just kind of experienced a lot of, obviously, sadness, the why me. I had really big goals for my business this year, however, I’m not going to make any of them because I’m in the doctor multiple times a week. I’m not really cognitively completely there. And so just trying to accept that this is just a part of my life, this is one valley. In one year, hopefully, I’ll be back to my normal self and be able to achieve those goals.
Lindsey: Yeah, I’m so sorry to hear that. I just feel teary eyed, I just can’t imagine what that’s been like.
Lyndsey: It’s been a lot. It’s been very difficult for me because I’m a person who takes care of everybody else. My husband is in the military, we’ve been married for 12 years. I’ve birthed children on my own, I raised children on my own while he’s been overseas, and now it’s like I’m in a state of helplessness.
Lindsey: Yeah. Okay, so tell me more. Like, if you could walk away with kind of like an outcome, what do you most want from our time together here?
Lyndsey: Just more encouragement to understand that, okay, yes, I may not meet my business goals this year, but my main goal should be survival, and like mental clarity. My husband and I broke away for a little day trip, we’re on our way back now, just because I feel just sad. I mean, I hate to use that word, but I’m just sad all the time. And just to understand it’s not woe is me, there is a reason that all of this is happening.
Maybe I’m a vessel to whatever the outcome may be. For example, the Sharp Kidney Transplant Center that I’m currently going through, their initial process is around six months and I was able to complete that in five weeks because of my persistence and constantly calling and following up.
Lindsey: Wow.
Lyndsey: And so maybe I am the vessel for them, you know, a mirror to them saying, hey, this process shouldn’t take six months.
Lindsey: Wow.
Lyndsey: So I’m just trying to find the good in, what it seems to me, what little there is.
Lindsey: Yeah. Okay, so let me ask you this. How often do you allow yourself to feel sad and bad about this?
Lyndsey: At least three times a week.
Lindsey: Okay.
Lyndsey: I usually get my blood drawn every Monday and then I get results usually Tuesday or Wednesday and it’s just like, woe is me.
Lindsey: Okay, what would happen if one of your kids had something like this and they were kind of having a similar thought process? Like, how would you meet them there? Or show up for them?
Lyndsey: Oh goodness. I mean, honestly, I would just be so devastated. I think I would just spend quality time with them and just be reassuring. It’s like, we’re going to get through this. My husband is big on like the first couple of people they choose, that’s going to be your 4%. Like, we’re not even worried about the 96% that’s not going to match. So just really putting a positive perspective on that for them.
Lindsey: Do you feel like you’re giving yourself the same kind of love, compassion, support, understanding too like, hug, right? Like, of course, this is terrible. This sucks. Do you feel like you’re giving yourself that as well?
Lyndsey: No.
Lindsey: Okay. What do you think you’re usually doing?
Lyndsey: I think I’m just playing the woe is me. I think I’m Superwoman, I think I can do all the things. And right now, I can’t do even some of the things and it’s just really trying to accept that. But I can’t because it’s been ingrained in my head for so long. I’m a go-getter, I’m extremely intelligent and now it’s like I have to repeat myself 10 times. It’s exhausting for me to just see myself failing in front of my eyes.
Lindsey: What if you’re not failing, though, like, at all? How could that be true?
Lyndsey: I’m fighting for literally my life.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Lyndsey: And I have to take medication every day, I have to do shots and just different types of medical treatments. I have more than once told the doctors like, I’m done. I’m not taking medicine anymore, I’m just done with it. But every day I take my medicine for my kids.
Lindsey: How would you view them if they were doing all of that and fighting for themselves and taking care of themselves?
Lyndsey: Just so strong.
Lindsey: Could you see yourself that way?
Lyndsey: Yes and no.
Lindsey: Okay.
Lyndsey: Because I see myself as strong, but I always see myself – Like I know I can be better. I know that I can reach that business goal. I know that I can cook seven meals a week for my family. I know that I’m capable of all of these things, but I’m constantly missing the mark on them.
Lindsey: But are you capable right now?
Lyndsey: No.
Lindsey: So what’s happening is you’re measuring yourself based on an expectation and the standard of Lyndsey operating at like 100%.
Lyndsey: Yeah.
Lindsey: And right now, 100% for Lyndsey is like, taking her pills, getting up for the day and going to the doctor. That is 100%. How do you think you would feel differently if you saw it that way?
Lyndsey: That would be difficult for me just because, like I said, I’ve hit the mark on them all the time. But, to me, it’s like I always want to say, okay, I’m setting realistic expectations for myself. This week I am going to cook dinner three days a week. And I do it, but I never give myself that pat on the back of, okay, good job. Because I know that I can do more.
Lindsey: What would you have to let go of to really be in awe and celebrate yourself for even the smallest of things? Like what comes up when you think about doing that?
Lyndsey: My work.
Lindsey: You’d have to let go of what? I’m sorry, you cut out for a second.
Lyndsey: Like let go of my work, my current client load, just so that way I can meet my husband for lunch or pick my kids up early and do X, Y and Z.
Lindsey: Okay. What comes up when you think about doing that?
Lyndsey: I don’t want to because, I mean, I did cut back on a couple of clients that I had, and that has helped kind of free my schedule a little bit. But even when I am at my sickest, I enjoy working because, A, it’s a distraction to me. And, B, it proves to myself that I still got it.
Lindsey: Couldn’t you believe that about yourself with or without your work?
Lyndsey: Yes, it would just be a very different measurable.
Lindsey: Okay, what would you have to measure?
Lyndsey: I think it was like you mentioned earlier, taking my medication or getting to those doctor’s appointments on time, doing more exercising, eating healthier.
Lindsey: This is so interesting. So I’m just going to point something out that I’m seeing. It seems like you kind of have a mentality, just based on my limited information and what I know about you, that it feels like it’s almost like it’s never good enough. It’s like even if you’re at peak performance, it’s never good enough.
Lyndsey: I would agree with that.
Lindsey: Okay. And I’m curious to know, like our brains only hold onto things that it thinks serves us. So your brain thinks that by telling you that story over and over and over again, that’s what helps you perform at a high level. Would you agree with that?
Lyndsey: I do, yes.
Lindsey: And again, I don’t think this matters here or there, but I am interested in like, because I know that you – I just know this because you submitted this, right? But, like you said, an autoimmune and all of that is kind of the cause of this. Is it possible, and not in a regretful way, but is it possible that that thinking is what is kind of part of the catalyst of all of this?
Lyndsey: Thinking of what? Like the autoimmune disease does not attack again?
Lindsey: No, like that it’s never good enough. How does that make you feel in your body on a day to day basis? Like even before you had any of these issues.
Lyndsey: I never knew I had the autoimmune disease.
Lindsey: Got it. Okay. Perfect, makes sense. Okay. But when you think it’s never good enough, how do you feel on a day to day basis?
Lyndsey: Just let down and extreme sadness. It’s like, oh, if I could just do this one thing I would be happy. I do that one thing and it’s like, oh, but if I just did this I would be proud of myself. Oh, if I just did this one thing.
Lindsey: Yeah. And how does that feel on a day to day basis? Is it like pressure, stress? Like what is that?
Lyndsey: It’s extremely exhausting because while I am trying to chase that, which I think every entrepreneur is, I’m also trying to literally physically and mentally survive.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Lyndsey: For me, I want to accept that this next, let’s just call it 12 months, the goal is Lyndsey survive, get transplanted, heal. And then the next 12 months resume with my business. It’s okay.
Lindsey: What would help you accept that?
Lyndsey: I think just repetitiveness, telling myself that. I don’t want to say chopping up my goals, but maybe reanalyzing them and bringing them down to, like you’re mentioning, okay, this is Lyndsey at 50%. Let’s match the goals at Lyndsey at 50% and not 100%.
Lindsey: Yeah. I mean, I think it’s even like you can see that your 100% looks different right now, right? Like, this is your 100%. What would it take for you to let go of the idea that it’s never good enough? Like, what if it was always good enough? What comes up when you imagine having that mentality? Or like it was always amazing and something to be celebrated? I mean, in the action and what you’re doing and what you’re accomplishing.
Lyndsey: I think that I would feel excited. I would feel less pressured.
Lindsey: Okay.
Lyndsey: Which would, I mean, obviously, would just make me a happier individual.
Lindsey: Mm-hmm. And what do you think would happen to your goals?
Lindsey L: I think they would follow suit.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Lyndsey: I think that’s my aha moment.
Lindsey: Yeah. That’s so huge. It’s like one of the patterns of our minds is typically we tell ourselves that story because we think that pressure and force helps us perform and create results. But what it actually does over a long enough timeline is totally burns you out, burns your body out, burns your mind out and it’s like no matter what you do, it’s never good enough. So it’s like who’s inspired to keep going?
Imagine if that was how you parented your kids, right? Like if they never felt like it was good enough, eventually it’s just like, I’m just going to feel bad all the time no matter what I do.
Lyndsey: Right.
Lindsey: And that doesn’t fuel forward more desire and action to create even bigger and better results. What actually fuels that forward is desire and inspiration and feeling good and feeling proud. How does that feel?
Lyndsey: Very true. But for me it’s like, okay, how can I obtain that?
Lindsey: I think it’s going to probably be two things. It’s going to be on a moment-by-moment basis, right? Like, it’s like your brain has, I always imagine your neural pathways, your brain has walked down the same path, I would guess, for your entire life. So it’s used to this.
So the first piece is just noticing when you’re doing it. Noticing when you’re like, this isn’t good enough, I should be doing more. And recognizing, like instead of believing that it’s actually true, just being like, oh, I’m just walking down the same path again.
And then I think the second thing is, this is going to be really uncomfortable for you, I think, but celebrating everything. Like truly relishing and being in awe, the way that you would be in awe of your kids if they were really struggling and they got themselves to the doctor. Or they spent time with your family when it was really hard and difficult. Or they got out of bed and just moved around for the day.
And you can make it a practice where at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day, you are writing out all the things you’re celebrating yourself for, rather than spending your time focused on what you didn’t do that you fell short on. How does that feel?
Lyndsey: It makes me excited and I really want to try this. I did buy a journal that kind of just kept up with all my doctor’s appointments and stuff. So I think this would be a great place for me to do that, those celebrations.
Lindsey: I love it. That’s so good, it’s going to change so much for you. I can’t imagine what this journey has been like and how hard it’s going to be and it has already been. But I think this will make a really big difference for you.
Lyndsey: I think so too.
Lindsey: I’m sending you so much love and wishing you the best of luck. And thank you so much for calling in and getting coaching on this. I think it’s really going to impact a lot of people.
Lyndsey: Thank you, Lindsey, I appreciate you.
Lindsey: You’re welcome, I appreciate you too. I’ll talk to you soon.
Lyndsey: Okay, see ya. Bye.
Lindsey: Bye.
If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.
