Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?
Lana: Hi Lindsey, this is Lana and I have been stuck in wanting to become a life coach for the past three years and it’s been at the level of my dream only. I’ve done some tiny actual actions towards that, but I’m still nowhere without any clients.
Lindsey: Okay, so the goal is you want to sign clients, is that kind of what we’re working on?
Lana: Yes, more to help people than just sign clients. But yes, this is ideally what I would like to do with my life.
Lindsey: You want to get paid to help people right?
Lana: Yes. Yes.
Lindsey: Okay, perfect. Okay, so something that sticks out immediately is you’re talking about wanting to be a life coach, and I’m curious because in my mind it sounds like you’ve tried some things. I also know you, like you already are a life coach, but I’m just curious, are you waiting on signing clients to actually feel like you’re a life coach?
Lana: I do think so because the first step for me is to tell people that I’m a life coach, otherwise how are they going to know even to ask for help, let’s say? But then how can I say I’m a life coach if I don’t have any clients? I coach myself only, basically.
Lindsey: Yeah, but let me ask you this, could a doctor be considered a doctor before they have any clients?
Lana: Yes, because they have completed all the requirements for a degree and whatnot.
Lindsey: Okay, so let me ask you this. When you feel like you’re not a life coach until you sign clients, how do you show up?
Lana: Not confident because how do I know that I can help you if I haven’t helped anybody? Which actually is not true now that I say it. I do help people a lot with advice, I just don’t get paid for it because I’m not charging them. I’m talking about friends or people who I work with, which is not a life coaching business. I do help. I don’t get paid for it but I don’t know why it’s not the same for me.
Lindsey: Yeah. Well, right now it’s just not the same in your mind, right?
Lana: Yes.
Lindsey: Because you don’t even have to help your friends to be able to call yourself a life coach. But what’s happening is when you’re waiting on a client to really step into that identity and confidence, I am a life coach, it’s keeping you from signing the clients because like you said, you don’t show up as confidently, right?
Lana: Correct. My most dreadful question is for somebody to ask, oh, you’re a life coach, how many clients do you have? And I’m not going to lie.
Lindsey: Yeah, no. Well, we do not recommend lying here.
Lana: Right. Right. So I’m going to be like, oh, you know, nobody yet.
Lindsey: Yeah. What’s wrong with that? What does that bring up in you? What does that mean?
Lana: I don’t think I would want to go to a life coach who hasn’t had experience coaching yet.
Lindsey: Why?
Lana: Because how am I going to be confident that they can help me if they haven’t helped anybody else?
Lindsey: If they’re confident in it.
Lana: So why don’t they have clients yet? That would be my question to that coach kind of.
Lindsey: Yeah. Well, the reason why you don’t have clients is because you’re telling yourself that you’re not confident yet because you haven’t signed clients because you haven’t helped anyone. That’s the only reason why.
Lana: Right.
Lindsey: It keeps you stuck in a loop essentially.
Lana: So what do I do?
Lindsey: So my question is what would help you feel like a life coach right now and feel confident in that? What would you have to believe?
Lana: I don’t know why in my mind it still circles back to the client.
Lindsey: It’s really interesting.
Lana: You just asked me a question and my first thing is a client. Like if I have a client, then I’m a life coach.
Lindsey: Yeah. So this just tells us how deeply ingrained in your mind this is, right? But you said something earlier that’s important. You said, I don’t want to be somebody’s first client because how do I know that they can help me? Right? So you’re associating the idea with signing a client with the belief that you can help someone and with their belief that you could help them.
But you can hold the belief that you can help somebody before you sign a client. Like you can have certainty in that.
Lana: So I’m just questioning myself now that you say that. Why don’t I have that? Because I’ve changed my life multiple times already.
Lindsey: Yes you have, you’ve had insane transformation.
Lana: So I don’t understand why I still lack the belief then.
Lindsey: Well, your brain is just telling you stories, right? We don’t need to make it a problem that you lack the belief or we don’t need to understand why. I mean, we can if we go there. But just right now, you’re not letting that be enough. You’re not letting the fact that you’ve changed your own life be the best example that your coaching can help other people. What keeps you from believing that?
Lana: Like even now I’m transforming, you know, when I joined. I’ve seen amazing results, but I have a goal. Let’s say even the weight loss goal that I’m working on right now. So my goal is a certain number, certain feeling, you know, finally getting back into my clothes before I had my son. And I’m not there yet.
And I’ve made a lot of progress, but I’m not at the end of my ideal goal. So I think that could be part of the problem. Like I want to be at the end.
Lindsey: What would that give you?
Lana: Because being in the process is not good enough until I reach the goal.
Lindsey: Yeah, and I’m sure this also shows up a little bit in your business too, right? Like you’re like, oh, well, if I could sign clients, like I’m still in the process of hitting that goal too, right? So if I’m telling people they can have anything that they want or create anything that they want, but I don’t yet have the business that I want, then I’m also in process there.
Lana: Yes, or I don’t have the weight that I want.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Lana: So how can I tell people you can have whatever you want if I don’t have that yet. But again, why my focus is on my goal instead of all the progress that I’ve made already.
Lindsey: Exactly.
Lana: I know that.
Lindsey: Because here’s the reality. You are, like especially if this is the work you’re doing, you’re going to do, you are going to be a lifelong process.
Lana: Mm-hmm.
Lindsey: Like I have new goals. I have new things that I have my focus on, right? Here’s my question. Where would you be without coaching?
Lana: Like if I wouldn’t have a life coach, where would I be?
Lindsey: Yeah. Like if you didn’t have that where would you be?
Lana: Oh my God.
Lindsey: Even years ago, right?
Lana: Oh yeah. It would be way different and not in a good way. Like life coaching – And that’s why it sits so deep within me that I know how amazing life coaching is. I know how powerful it is. I know how, I mean, it’s insane. Like I want to yell to the world for everyone to get a life coach because I truly believe it. But then I don’t believe in myself being a life coach, I guess. And I don’t know why.
Lindsey: Only because your brain is focused on what you haven’t yet accomplished and that meaning that you’re not a great life coach or that you’re not sure that you can help them. Instead of, look at where you would be if you never had a life coach. Like there are people out there in that position waiting for you. They don’t even care about the weight goal right now, right? Like some of them might have that, but like they have other things that they need help with.
But you’re like, my results aren’t good enough yet for me to really be confident in helping you.
Lana: Right.
Lindsey: What are your thoughts when I say that?
Lana: It just basically tells me that not with brain actually I can feel it a little more at ease that I also don’t need to reach that goal because, like you said, I’m going to have new goals. I always have challenges in my life that I make for myself. I mean, healthy ones. I always have goals. Like I’m the person who needs that drive and something to work forward to.
I honestly thought we were going to be talking about first steps that I’m lacking or not doing and not the belief, and you caught it somehow.
Lindsey: Yeah, that’s my job. Yeah.
Lana: You know how you have highs and lows in your beliefs even?
Lindsey: 100%, yes.
Lana: Okay, so I was lacking belief as being a life coach. But I have, it’s not even days, like not moments, I’m not sure what the word I’m looking for is. Like it can last for like a month or it can last for a couple months, but here and there I have these uplifting moments and I don’t even know where they’re coming from and I feel like I can do it. I can conquer the world. Anything is possible.
And I’ve done life coaching videos on Facebook. I’ve done posts. I’ve done a lot of things and then I stop. And then I start it and say this is it. This is it. Never. I take action and I back off. And I then take some other actions, I back off because I didn’t see the results from the first action, which then I ask myself what result am I kind of waiting for?
I’ve had lots of feedback as far as likes and comments and stuff like that. I didn’t ask for action as far as like, reach out if you’re in need of a life coach or if you want to learn more or stuff like that. I haven’t done that and I think it goes back to where we started, the belief. Because why would I ask somebody to reach out to me if I don’t know if I can help them?
Lindsey: 100%. You nailed it. And what’s interesting is that our brains are really tricky, right? Like you thought like, oh, we’re going to get into like, what do I need to adjust in what I’m doing? But when you have that belief, the actions automatically reflect it. Like you couldn’t help but make offers to people if you knew you could help them, right? Like that’s just going to happen.
And that’s the power of this work because our brains are tricky like that. It’s like I must learn how to do this thing or that thing. I’m not saying that those aren’t valuable, but only when they’re layered on top of powerful beliefs and thinking.
Lana: Yeah.
Lindsey: Otherwise, they just kind of hide those things. So you’re seeing it clearly, how do you feel now?
Lana: Now I’m back to the question that I thought we were going to touch base with. How do I start? Do I just share my personal growth, my experiences? But then where would I put this life coaching aspect as an offer?
Lindsey: Okay, so your brain is going back to how and being confused. Typically, our brain likes to go there when we’re not in belief and certainty. So let me take you to a different place and just see what comes from that.
Lana: Okay.
Lindsey: I want to take you to the place where you know that you can help them. I think there’s a part of you that does know that. You’re like, look at how much my life has changed. I know I can help a person who’s stuck in that position or who is stuck in the same kind of thoughts or patterns that I was stuck in, right? Do you feel that?
Lana: Yes.
Lindsey: Okay. Now I want you to imagine that there’s somebody following you on social media or somebody in your personal life right now who is craving help, who wants your help, who wants to learn from you. What would you do?
Lana: Yes. I see what you’re saying, but then this is my brain’s reaction to what you just said. What am I going to talk about? Because I don’t want to talk about my experience as being in an abusive marriage because it was so painful for me and so hard to go through, I don’t want to go back through it through somebody else’s experience while I’m helping. Does that make sense?
Lindsey: Totally understandable, yep.
Lana: So that’s exactly what my brain told me as soon as you finished.
Lindsey: Okay, so what if we just took that experience off the table?
Lana: Okay.
Lindsey: Because here’s the thing. It’s not actually – Yes, that experience is very important to your journey, but I’m guessing you’re not wanting to help people in abusive marriages. Like that doesn’t sound like your jam.
Lana: For that reason, correct.
Lindsey: Yes. Which is great. I think that’s so good to have that boundary for yourself. But there are so many things you learned about yourself from that experience with life coaching tools that you could speak to without talking specifically about that.
And if we just took that experience completely off the table, are there not so many other things and experiences that you’ve had that life coaching has helped you shift?
Lana: Yes. Even now, what you said, oh God, hold on. So the experiences that I have learned being in an abusive marriage, just because for myself to heal and to move forward, I did everything that I could to cut that part out. I’ve done therapy, I didn’t just put a band-aid on it and forgot about it. But I’ve done my therapy, I’ve done all that, but I obviously don’t want to go back as far as even remembering.
But I can definitely dig in and see what I learned that has nothing to do with being in an abusive relationship. I never thought of that because, again, I just closed the door so shut with like 100 locks on it that I never go there. But I don’t have to go there in order to remember the lessons that I learned. That’s actually very good because there are a lot of lessons that I learned which have nothing to do with the actual abuse. So I can definitely –
Lindsey: Yes.
Lana: Yeah.
Lindsey: And in between that, right? Look at who you are today. Even prioritizing yourself, learning to – You’re in the Life Membership, right? So I know some of the things you’ve worked through like learning how to move your body because you want to, not because you’re forcing yourself to. Believing that more is possible for yourself. Your brain just hasn’t been attuned to it.
I guarantee now that you’re like, oh, every single thing, every single experience is an opportunity for me to share the value of this work. In your everyday life, how you show up as a mom, how you show up for yourself, how you show up for your relationship, how you show up to coach volleyball, right?
Lana: I already have a plan. I’m going to have to make a list of the lessons learned. I’m just going to look back at my life and I’m going to write down, even if it’s a crazy big list or whatever, I’m going to write down all the lessons that I’ve learned and I’m just going to go from there.
Lindsey: Love it.
Lana: Because I’ve learned a lot of lessons.
Lindsey: That’s so valuable for people. Now here’s the last thing I want to touch on, do you feel confident that you can help them?
Lana: Using my own experience in those lessons, yes.
Lindsey: Love it. So are you going to make offers then for people to hire you?
Lana: Now, yes. Because if I use my own lessons, like I’ve been there instead of just saying, hi, I can help anybody. But if I actually back it up with my story or with my example of some sort of whatever lesson was learned at the time, let’s say, then yes, it’s easy because I’ve done it.
Lindsey: So good. Now here’s one thing I want to offer you because that can also be a little bit of a trap where people are like, well, they have to have gone through my exact experiences for me to be able to coach them. So what I want to offer is that the lessons and what you’ve learned applies to everything.
Lana: Give me a quick example, please.
Lindsey: So moving your body, right? It’s been difficult to move your body because you put all this pressure on yourself. You don’t feel – It has to look like a 90-minute workout, right? Like that did not motivate you to want to do it, right?
Lana: Yeah.
Lindsey: But changing your thought process of like, wait, everything counts. Something is better than nothing, I can actually move my body in fun ways, has helped you stay motivated, consistent, and has helped you lose weight, right?
Lana: Yes.
Lindsey: So that thought process can literally apply to anything. If someone’s telling themselves, if they want a result and they’re telling themselves this terrible, awful story about how hard it’s going to be and that they have to do it this way, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? They’re probably not going to do it or they’re going to do it for a short period of time and then quit.
So the best thing that they can do is learn to shift their perspective to look at what would make it actually fun? What would I want to do? If there’s a million paths to achieving this goal, what ways do I want to do it? And creating that type of energy around it, which will help them show up more consistently and over time, create a better result and sustainable result.
Lana: Right.
Lindsey: All of your lessons are the exact same. They actually have nothing to do with the thing, the specific thing that you’ve worked on. They all apply to anyone in any situation.
Lana: Yes.
Lindsey: How does that feel?
Lana: I’m excited.
Lindsey: I’m excited for you. This is so huge. People need your work, they need your help.
Now, you’re in the Life Membership, so now you are aware of this. So you can come back and bring when you start to notice yourself like not making offers or you want to quit, right? We’ll be like, okay, something’s happening. You’re telling yourself it’s not working. You can’t help them, any of that. But you also have this episode to come back and listen to too.
Lana: Yes, perfect.
Lindsey: So good. I’m so excited for you. You’re going to change so many people’s lives.
Lana: I’m excited. I’m really excited.
Lindsey: So good. Well, I will talk to you soon. Thank you so much for calling into The Life Coach Hotline.
Lana: Thank you. Thank you. Have a wonderful rest of your day, bye.
Lindsey: You too.
If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.
