S1.Ep42: How do I have BOTH: Time with my son & the business I want?

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Does business building feel like a game of tug-of-war with your brain? 

Kathleen called in to The Life Coach Hotline with this very dilemma. Something she’s coming up against often is the idea that she’s supposed to build her business in a very specific way. However, while her brain offers her a multitude of ways she ‘should’ be growing her business, it’s not helping her produce the results she wants. She knows she needs to trust her intuition, but she’s struggling to commit to a path that aligns with where she is in life right now.

In this final episode of season one of The Life Coach Hotline, I’m walking Kathleen through the objections she’s navigating around building her business in a way that enriches her life. We’re exploring the power of creating a business in a way that feels fun and fulfilling, and you’ll also hear what you can expect from season two! 

Click here to grab my free meditation that will help you take the work we’re doing on the podcast and implement it into your belief systems so you can go out and create the life you really want. 

Click here to access my Life Membership where you can coach with me, dive into over 50 different modules, find a community, and so much more so you can implement what you’re hearing here. 

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • The biggest obstacle Kathleen is facing in building her business.
  • How doing things the way she thinks she should isn’t creating the results she wants.
  • Why we cling to what we know, even if it’s not working.
  • The objections Kathleen’s brain is offering her in listening to her intuition.
  • What you can expect next from The Life Coach Hotline podcast.

Featured on the Show

  • If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/lifecoachhotline.
  • Click here to grab my free meditation that will help you take the work we’re doing on the podcast and implement it into your belief systems so you can go out and create the life you really want. 
  • Click here to access my Life Membership where you can coach with me, dive into over 50 different modules, find a community, and so much more so you can implement what you’re hearing here. 

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?

Hey guys, welcome to the final episode of season 1 of The Life Coach Hotline. Listen all the way through the end, I’m going to share what you can expect from season 2, when you can expect it, how you can continue to apply this work moving forward, as well as give you a little free bonus. Let’s jump in.

Kathleen: Hi, I think the thing that I have been struggling with most, I started my business five years ago and I feel like the thing that I come up against a lot is this idea that I know that I want to create a business. Like a successful business that’s actually working and bringing in income that can support me and my family and all the things. But I think my brain thinks that I’m supposed to be doing it a certain way. Like this is how you should do it or this is how you have to do it.

And then I think about the way that I would want to do it and it seems like, oh no, you can’t do it that way. And if I were to even explore that and actually commit to how I think I want to do things, that will be almost like a waste of time because that’s not how it’s supposed to be done and it can’t work out that way. So I feel like I end up doing way less than I normally would because it’s just like, oh, well don’t even try.

Lindsey: Don’t even bother.

Kathleen: Yeah, and the opposite way is like, well, you don’t want to do it that way, so you’re not going to do it.

Lindsey: Yeah. Okay, this is wild, not really. I’m like, of course. I literally, not that this matters, but before we got on I was literally making a reel about this exact thing. So my brain is like, like, yeah. So when I post it later, go watch it.

Kathleen: Okay.

Lindsey: Okay, so here’s what’s interesting. So when you’ve had a business for five years, and it sounds like you’ve kind of been playing this tug of war of like, here’s what I really want, but we’re not allowed to do that, so we’re just going to do it the way we think we’re supposed to. Like, do you feel like over the past five years you have been kind of falling in line with how you’re supposed to do it?

Kathleen: I think so. And I think like, there’ll be maybe glimpses where it’s like doing it how I want to do it. And honestly, if I think about it, that’s probably when I actually create clients and have some momentum.

Lindsey: Usually.

Kathleen: And then I’m like, oh no, we’ve got to be doing it this certain way. And yeah, I feel like I just keep coming back and forth from that. And then I end up, I’m not actually committing to doing something for a long period of time. And so I’m not, yeah, I’m not creating the results that I want.

Lindsey: Okay, so how does it, just for a second, I mean, you’re obviously aware and all of that. But like, how does it feel to see that you have been doing it the way you’re “supposed” to do it, and it’s not creating the result that you want?

Kathleen: I’ll feel a lot of like, the first word that comes to mind is discouraged. But I think if I went a level deeper, it’d be shame.

Lindsey: Okay.

Kathleen: Because I think it’s like, oh, you’ve been doing this for over five years, and you haven’t figured it out yet, kind of thing.

Lindsey: And what does that mean?

Kathleen: It means I’m thinking I’m supposed to be further along than I am, making more money than I am, having more clients than I do.

Lindsey: Yeah. Okay. That would feel kind of bad.

Kathleen: Yeah.

Lindsey: But I also think what’s so interesting, like aside, I mean, we can go into the shame more. But my thought is what’s so interesting is, what if the only reason it’s not working is because you’re not trusting yourself? So it has literally nothing to do with you as a human being, like you’re flawed and you can’t get clients or can’t create the success that you want. It just has everything to do with the fact you’re not trusting your gut and your intuition and what feels right for you. Like that’s the only reason, it’s nothing personal.

Kathleen: Yeah, I’m kind of laughing to myself inside because that’s kind of what I coach people on.

Lindsey: Of course. Usually, I will say it almost always ends up that way, like in the best way.

Kathleen: Yeah, I coach women on their relationship with food and their body, and a big piece of that is around trusting their bodies and trusting themselves and connecting with that intuition piece. So yeah, and I feel like I sense that. Like I feel myself pulling myself in a certain direction and then it’s like, oh no, I see this person doing it this way, or that person doing it that way, or whatever it is.

And I just feel like, I don’t know, I come to this point where I’m like well, our circumstances are different. And I know it shouldn’t come to the circumstances, but sometimes it’s like our circumstances are very different. Like I have a two year old at home, I’m trying to do things at nap time.

Lindsey: Yes, that is different.

Kathleen: I’m trying to manage this and I can’t work 40 hours a week right now. So I mean, I guess I could figure that out if I wanted to. But I think that’s the point, like I don’t want to do that.

Lindsey: Yeah. Okay, so here’s the thing, we always cling to the thing that we know, even if it causes, I’m sure you know this, like a discomfort or it isn’t even really working, because it feels safer than the unknown.

Kathleen: Yeah.

Lindsey: Which is really what’s happening here. And so all that I was trying to show you was like, it really isn’t working. So whatever you’re clinging to, like the safety of that is really not safe at all.

Kathleen: Right.

Lindsey: So then my question is what if we just, like I always imagine with this type of work where it’s like you’re like – I always imagine the derby horses, they’re like stuck in the starting. And right now you’re stuck there. And I’m like, what is so scary about just opening up the, I don’t even know what it’s called, but like the front and just letting you run out and just trusting what you want to do in business?

Kathleen: I think the way that I want to do it feels like this audacious thing. And it’s not really, it’s just that I want to build a business in way less hours than maybe I’ve been told that you need to have with the phase of life I’m in right now. And so I feel like if I say that out loud sometimes, that other people would be like, what are you thinking? Like, you can’t just do things that easily or with that less time, like absolutely not. And I think that’s a big piece of that.

Lindsey: Okay, so if they see that, if they point that out, then what?

Kathleen: Then I guess my thought is like, oh yeah, who am I to do this? This isn’t how it works. And if I go this direction and do this and say like, oh yeah, this is how I’m doing it and proceed with confidence, and it doesn’t work out, then it’s almost like I would get the voice in my head that’s like, well yeah, told you so, that’s not how you do it.

Lindsey: But does it work creating the result you want now?

Kathleen: No. It sure isn’t.

Lindsey: So it’s kind of just fun, and we’ll address the who am I in a second. But it’s fun to see that you’re like, well, if I do it, then my brain will be like, see, you were right. But it’s like you’re already proving yourself right in a way because you’re not getting the result that you want. So it’s like you end up in the same place in this fearful scenario. But how differently would you feel if you actually went for it and ended up in the same place rather than not at all?

Kathleen: Yeah, I mean, I definitely would be enjoying the process of it all way more. And I would feel just a lot more relaxed. I’d be having more fun with it. I think I’d be more proud of myself because I’d actually be doing things that I want to be doing.

Lindsey: Yes. How does that feel to see that?

Kathleen: That feels really good. It’s like, it just feels like, yeah, there’s this version of me that’s trying to just push me ahead just a little bit. Like, just do it. Just go.

Lindsey: Yeah. I think it’s so fun to look at it, that’s a lens that I will say, not that my personal experience matters, but that’s always been useful for me. Even at the beginning of this whole journey of taking the risk, I was like, okay, so the options are spending the rest of my life telling myself that nothing bigger is possible and just working at a job that I hate and living life in a way that I don’t like and that’s how I spend my life.

Or the other option is believing in these astronomical possibilities for my life and waking up every day trying and failing. And let’s say I get to the end of my life, and I never accomplish what I think I’m capable of. I’m like, that sounds way more fun, way more appealing, way more like at the end of my life I’ll be damn proud, rather than just being like, I just told myself every day that I couldn’t have what I wanted.

Kathleen: Yes. I love that.

Lindsey: That’s essentially what you’re doing right now, right?

Kathleen: Yeah.

Lindsey: It’s like you’re just deciding that it would feel better to you, even though it’s scary to just try it the way that you want.

Kathleen: Right. Yeah. And I think the other, I guess, objection that my brain has is like, well, you haven’t fully tried it the way that you don’t want to do it. And I think my response is like, well, yeah, of course, because I don’t want to do it. So I think that my brain is like, well, if you just really committed to that, then that’s what works.

But I think ultimately, the only way I would commit to that would be a just very grueling experience for myself. Like I could go that route, but it would feel really shitty. And maybe there would be some results coming from it, but not in the way that I’d want it.

Lindsey: Yeah. Well, and I think that’s like, there’s two things. I think one, it’s like I love the thought of literally all ways work. I mean, my clients will tell you over and over again, this is what I’m like, all ways work. So like, yeah, sure, you could flip that on its head and be like, yeah, I’m the type of person when I truly commit to something and go all in, I will get the result that I want, which you believe that about this other way, let’s say.

And so the only reason you have it is because you haven’t committed to it. But why would you commit to that path, when you could commit to one and like problem solving and figuring it out and trying and failing and learning in a path that feels more aligned for you?

Kathleen: Yeah. I love that you picked that thought out because I wasn’t even seeing that I was thinking that because I do believe that about myself. Like if I commit to something, I keep going, I will definitely figure it out.

Lindsey: Yeah. So why not commit to the path that sounds way more fun and lighter and fits your life?

Kathleen: Yeah.

Lindsey: How does that feel? What are your thoughts?

Kathleen: I mean, it feels like I’m on the edge of the cliff and it’s like, yes, obviously, this all sounds amazing and wonderful and makes so much sense. And then it’s almost like I just want someone, and maybe that can be you, but I feel like it has to come from me too, but like just wanting that permission of like, yes, go do it. Because like you said, I think the biggest fear is that it’s not going to work. But it’s not working anyways.

Lindsey: Right.

Kathleen: So go try this thing, and if it doesn’t work then tweak it and try something else. But being willing to actually do it.

Lindsey: Yes. What do you think would give, like what would I need to say that would give you that permission?

Kathleen: I think, and I know that you’re a mom too, and I think I just want the permission that I can build a business at home as a mom with my kid.

Lindsey: Yeah.

Kathleen: I’m sorry.

Lindsey: It’s okay.

Kathleen: And just like, I don’t have to like kill myself to do it or spend every waking hour on my business when what I really want to be doing is spending that time with him.

Lindsey: Yeah. I like to think you can. I like to think I do.

Kathleen: Yeah. Yeah. And like allowing it to be the simpler thing where –  Yeah, because that’s what I’m wanting. I want to have my time where I’m with him and I’m fully present with him. And then the time that I work and know that like, I mean, I’m not trying to create like a million clients in one week or anything like that. Like I’m literally comfortable with doing this one client at a time. And that can happen and like that can happen in an instant. It’s happened in an instant a million times before. But just like, allowing that for myself.

I don’t have to be taking, like I think the thought was that every hour that I’m not with my son, I need to be grinding it out in my business. And if I’m not, then that means that I don’t care enough.

Lindsey: What if the hours that you aren’t grinding it out means you care about your business, or the hours that you’re spending with him means you care about your business?

Kathleen: Yeah.

Lindsey: How could that be true?

Kathleen: I mean I think something that this is a good reminder of is that like, I’m a life coach. And if I’m spending all my time doing things that I don’t want to be doing and just pushing myself and only working and not experiencing my life, then that’s not really helpful to anyone. And what I want to do is be, especially for moms, like, hey, yeah, you can do all sorts of things that you want to do.

And for me, I never thought that I would want to be at home with my kid as much as I am. Like I never thought I was going to be a stay at home mom, but it’s really important to me now to be home with him. And so that’s really changed kind of how I see myself. But it’s like to be able to do this and to be present with him and just get to spend the days with him and then have these few hours a week where I’m with clients or I’m working on my business. I mean, that’s how I want to be doing it.

Lindsey: Yes. So what’s the first step? What’s the jumping off the mountain?

Kathleen: I think the first step is just giving myself permission to go for it. And then establishing like, okay, these are the hours that I have child care and I’m going to be working. And the rest, like I get to just be with him or be with myself or do the things that I want to do that enrich my life and like, let that be what it is.

Lindsey: How does that feel? Does that feel clear? Do you feel committed to that?

Kathleen: I do, yes.

Lindsey: I love it. I’m excited for you. This is huge. The one last thing I’ll offer, too, is really two things. One of them is the who am I conversation. I always find that, first, like that’s such an interesting thought. And I always say that our brain always offers it when we’re at the point of growth. So usually we hear that and we kind of turn the other direction. Whereas I want you to kind of change your relationship with that thought and be like, oh, this is like go forward, not who am I?

And the other thought I have is for anyone and at any level of success, who am I, in my mind, like my response to that that I’ve built over time is just like, I just am someone who has the courage to believe this is possible for me. That’s who I am. That’s literally the only reason why certain, I always think like that’s why certain people are on stages and why certain people aren’t. It has nothing to do with like they’re a magical unicorn or they have some skill or something. They just believed that they had the courage to believe that, and that was it. And so I think that’s just such a useful response to that thought.

Kathleen: Yeah, I love that.

Lindsey: And then the other piece is what I’m going to post about, I just want to tell you really quick because I think it’ll be useful. I was watching Kevin Hart receive the Mark Twain award on Netflix or whatever. And they have a joke thing around it as well and Chris Rock was doing like, I don’t know if you’ve seen it.

Kathleen: I haven’t seen it.

Lindsey: But he was doing his own little kind of bit, but also celebrating Kevin Hart. And he said that when he met Kevin Hart, Kevin asked him for advice. And he’s like, and I gave it to him. And he’s like, Kevin was one of the very few people that actually listened. And he said, what I told him was that like all these peers and these comedians that you’re surrounded by, you’re seeing them as your peers, you’re seeing them as competition or whatever.

And he’s like, you’re so much bigger than that. And by staying in this little silo of how you think you’re supposed to be a comedian, it’s actually keeping you from greatness. Like you need to get out of this community. You need to get out of that and go be in your own thing. That’s keeping you from the greatness that you’re capable of. And he was like, within 800 days, he really did that. And he goes, and he was bigger than me.

And I think it is such a good reminder where in business that I think it’s so easy, especially on the internet now there are so many gurus, there are so many ways that we’re supposed to be doing things. And it’s like, if you think about it, that actually is keeping you smaller than the bigness you’re capable of, which is the trust in yourself and the path you want to take.

Kathleen: Yeah. I love that. Thank you.

Lindsey: You are welcome. I’m so excited for you. This is going to be huge.

Kathleen: Thank you so much. This is so helpful. I’m so glad that I did this. I really appreciate it.

Lindsey: Me too. Of course. I cannot wait to watch you build your business with your son at home.

Kathleen: Thank you.

Lindsey: Yes, you are welcome. Please let me know if you need anything else. And I’m grateful and honored to be able to help today.

Kathleen: All right, I will. Thank you so much, Lindsey.

Lindsey: Talk to you soon.

Kathleen: All right, bye.


Lindsey: Oh my gosh, such a good episode. So here’s what to expect next. First, if you’re like, okay, I want more, I don’t want to wait for season two. Here’s what I recommend doing. Go back and re-listen to the podcast episodes from The Life Coach Hotline that specifically hit on the problems or challenges or places that you are stuck in your own life. You are going to hear them from a completely different angle the second time around.

As well as I would recommend answering the questions that I ask the people that call in for yourself. Pause the episodes, answer them, walk through the coaching for yourself. We cover such a variety of topics over season one, including body and health, including relationships, including business, including money mindset, including purpose and getting started with a business idea or a career path. I mean, you name it, we have covered it.

So go back and listen to the episodes that specifically apply to you and take the coaching. If you haven’t listened to all of them, then make sure to go back and do that.

The second thing is season two is going to go live January 1. So we’ve got a little bit of time, I’m taking a break to record some kick-ass episodes and finish growing my baby and having my baby and taking lots of time for that. But what I can tell you about season two is one of my focuses is to work on coaching all of you guys who want to call in, of course, to the podcast, but to also coach even more high-level well-known people on what they’re struggling with.

So get ready for some kick-ass guests as well as take the opportunity. I’ll be posting about it on Instagram @LindseyMango_, because I’m going to be recording episodes over the course of this summer. Take that opportunity to call in and get coaching. Season two is going to be a freaking doozy.

The third to last thing, I am going to give you guys the opportunity to grab my free meditation. This meditation is all about helping you take the work that we’re doing on this podcast and really implement it into your belief system about yourself so you can go out and create the life that you really want in every way.

Go to LindseyMangoCoaching.com/limitless. We will also put the link in the show notes so you can just scroll down on the podcast app, grab it there.

And then the final thing is if you want to coach with me, if you want to take this work deeper, if you want to learn these tools at a really high level and change every aspect of your life, go to LindseyMangoCoaching.com/life. This will give you access to my life membership, where you can coach with me, learn from like 50 plus video modules, have a community of support, worksheets, all of it so that you can truly implement what you guys are hearing today, get coaching and create change in your life.

Because here’s the reality, our brains want to operate on autopilot. Your brain will continue, no matter how much you’ve felt a shift, it’s going to want to go back to doing things the way it always has, which is going to continue to create the default life that you have right now, which might be great, but you’re listening to this because you want more.

So make sure to go there, grab the free meditation, get access to the Anything But Average life membership. And I will see you on the inside.

If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.

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