Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.
Hello, and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. This week I’m interviewing one of my mastermind students, Victoria Miretti. She is a dating and relationship coach who helps her clients find love and thrive in relationships through private coaching.
After getting coached herself and spending years studying the research and science behind dating, relationships, love, intimacy, communication and connection, she not only found her dream guy, but she’s paying it forward so that other people can realize it doesn’t have to be so hard. And it can actually be quite simple to find and experience the love life they really want.
Her coaching is an open, inclusive and safe place where her clients can be all of themselves. Where they can discuss the raw, sometimes hard to hear, messy truth about what’s really going on that’s holding them back from experiencing the relationship that they really want. Victoria lives in New York City and works with her clients remotely.
Lindsey: Welcome, Victoria, I am so excited to have you on.
Victoria: Hi, Lindsey, I’m so excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me on.
Lindsey: I’m so excited for the audience to hear your journey. We were talking about it before we hit record, about how so often we think our journeys are going to look very linear. And I think yours is just such a great example of things happening gradually and then suddenly.
But before we get to that I want to take it back to when you got into coaching. Like how you got connected to this world and kind of your journey to getting started. And then we’ll get to the part where, you know, the mastermind and the results you’re creating now. So let’s go back there, what did that look like for you, Victoria?
Victoria: When I first started with coaching, it was actually because my company at the time was offering executive coaches. I was working at a firm and there weren’t a lot of women partners in the office that I was at. And they really wanted to support women getting promoted and making partner. So they offered executive coaching. I was like, “Sure, I’ll take that.”
And I loved everything the coach was asking me and I was like, “Why is she asking me all these questions? Like I want to know this stuff for myself, for my own personal development.” So I just got really curious and went and got certified as a coach myself.
And when I did that, I was like, “Well, actually, you know what I really need help with? Dating and relationships.” Because I found myself single for like seven years in New York City, like having pseudo relationships after pseudo relationships. And I was like, you know what? I am the common denominator in all of these failed relationship attempts. So I’m going to go ahead and get coached.
And I researched the best people in the field. And I got coached and it completely changed my life, right? Not only did I remove a lot of blocks that were in the way of me really experiencing the love life I wanted, but it also had a ripple effect, right, on my entire life. Like how you do one thing is how you do everything, right?
And so it just improved my relationships at work and with friends and with my family and just really made me just more of a content, fulfilled person. And when I realized my love life didn’t have to be so hard and no one should have to suffer year over year of like trying to figure this out like I did, I just knew I had to pay it forward. And so that kind of started my journey into coaching.
Lindsey: So good. And I want to talk a little bit about the love life aspect, like what ended up happening with that?
Victoria: I got coached for a while and it really opened up a lot of blocks, like things that I was doing, or thinking, or believing that were really getting in my way of like just attracting the wrong people, right? Like emotionally unavailable people, just people who were not my match.
And so once I started doing this work, it was like every month I started attracting better and better guys. And then I met Justin, who is my boyfriend and my partner who I live with, and it just meshed and it just worked. It was just unlike a love I’ve ever experienced.
And obviously he’s amazing and we’ve been together for three and a half years. And we love each other very much and he makes me feel seen, and heard, and adored, and celebrated. And he wants the best for me and he is like the biggest cheerleader for my coaching career. And he reminds me that I’m a freaking badass when I need it and when I forget. And that’s the love that everyone deserves, and that I hadn’t had before that. So yeah, I’m very grateful for coaching.
Lindsey: I’m just digging in here because I just think coaching completely changed my relationship too, and it’s like I always think like that was just one of the “gateway drugs” into coaching because that was an area where I felt the same way, where I was like I am the common denominator. I keep like repeating the same, it was like Groundhog Day over and over and over again.
Victoria: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was like the same guy, different face but over and over again.
Lindsey: Yes, exactly and I’m like, I feel the exact same way over and over again, what’s happening? So I’d love to, again, we’ll get back on track with your coaching business, but I’d love for you to share some of the specific things that were blocking you. Like what were the things you were believing about men or believing about yourself that were really holding you back?
Victoria: That is a really good question. So I had a lot of things, but I will just say, okay, I’ll highlight a couple. I think one of them was I had this belief that men only wanted casual relationships.
Lindsey: Oh.
Victoria: Yeah. And like I, obviously, desperately wanted a committed relationship. And I kept meeting guys in the city who just wanted casual. And it was really eye opening to know that that belief that I had, that I just thought, it’s a belief but I kind of thought it to be fact.
Lindsey: Yeah, because you’re like, look at all this evidence, every single guy I date wants a casual relationship. Like it’s not a thought, it’s actual like fact and information.
Victoria: Totally, but it was attracting those guys that proved it to be true, right? And so once I shifted those beliefs, I’m like, no, there are really good guys out there that are looking for the exact same thing that I am, right, then I started attracting better and better guys that actually did want the same thing that I wanted.
Another thing was I struggled with boundaries. I really found it hard to speak up for myself and say, no, maybe I don’t want this. I kind of was the woman who kind of went with the flow with like whatever the guy wanted.
Lindsey: Me too.
Victoria: Yeah, like I desperately wanted to be validated by them, right? And I thought, well, if I don’t, you know, if I speak up for myself, they might not like me anymore and they’ll go somewhere else, right? And so when I started putting boundaries in place, it was like they wanted me even more.
It was like I learned that men love a woman who is confident and knows what she wants, knows what she doesn’t want, isn’t afraid to say it, and can say it like in a clear, concise manner like it’s no big deal, right? Because men love and like, they value what they earn, right? So they want a challenge in a sense, right?
And so when I put those boundaries in place, it really like gave off this energy of like I’m so confident in who I am, and my worth, and what I want, that if you’re not okay with my boundaries I’m fine with that because I know I’m going to find a great guy who is, right?
Lindsey: Yes.
Victoria: And so as soon as I started doing it, it was like they were working harder to try to be that guy for me. And I was like, oh my God, why didn’t I do this years ago? It was crazy, it was literally like night and day.
Lindsey: Oh my gosh, so good.
Victoria: And so it was like, yeah, like all these little things that were limiting beliefs or just me not acting in congruency with my worth that was really impacting the love life I was having.
Lindsey: So good. And I think some people listening might be like, well, wait a minute boundaries are, like some guys don’t like that, or whatever. But the whole idea is when you do that you turn away all the guys who, that’s like one of my big realizations I had before I found Chris and before I really went on this journey.
I had enough awareness to be like, “Wait a minute, if the people that I’m dating now aren’t even working hard to rise up with me and like to my boundaries,” I’m like, “What’s it going to look like in 30 years when they’re tired and they’ve seen my face every day for the last like, you know what I mean?
Victoria: Oh my God, totally. Yeah.
Lindsey: I was like, wait, if they’re not even willing to work for it now, then there’s no way we’re going to have a love life that has a spark and lasts for a lifetime. So everybody listening, I think it’s just powerful to hear that. It’s like you want to turn around the wrong people. You want to put a boundary and have a guy go like running for the hills because it’s like you don’t want that kind of guy or partner in your life.
Victoria: Absolutely. Yeah, and I always say you can’t say or do the wrong thing with the right person, right?
Lindsey: Yes.
Victoria: So putting those boundaries in place allows for you to see how they’re going to show up, right?
Lindsey: Totally.
Victoria: And allows, like you said, the right person to show up and prove that to you. And what you said is so true, it’s like when we’re dating, right, it’s like we’re essentially showing our best self, right? We’re putting our best out on the table. So it’s like, you know, they’re showing you who they are, right? It’s like it usually doesn’t get better in terms of effort, right? Usually it’s like the same or tapers off, right? So they’re really showing you who they are.
And you reminded me of another point too, that I learned through the process was letting myself practice saying those boundaries, right? Or asking for what I wanted and asking for what I needed. And in times of conflict I didn’t really have the tools back then to really have those conversations, right? And I never learned those tools growing up, right? I always say this stuff should be taught in schools, right?
Lindsey: Yeah.
Victoria: But they’re not, right? And so for me, it was a lot of the communication tools as well to resolve conflict. And I was of an anxious attachment style, I was attracting a lot of avoidance and like the cycles and dynamics that come along with that, and the necessary conversations that that requires were all things that I learned and had a big impact on me.
Lindsey: So good. Chris has always said, I forget who the quote is actually by, but it’s like when people show you who they are, listen. And I think that’s so good, it’s so applicable here.
And I want everybody listening to hear what we’re talking about. We’re talking about love right now, but apply this exact same thought process to clients, to money, to opportunities, to possibilities. This is exactly the same process. And this is why, I’m guessing, Victoria, it impacted so much of your life too, like outside of relationships because I know that was the same for me.
It’s like the same things, like boundaries, and asking for what you want, and not just going along with what the world, the universe, your job, whatever tells you how it’s supposed to be. It’s the exact same shift that has to happen in order to sign clients, make lots of money, create whatever outcome that you want.
Victoria: Yeah, I love that.
Lindsey: And you have to be the first domino and I think that’s the hard part, right? It’s like we want the guy to show up to prove to us that it’s possible, or we want the money, or the clients so that we can start to believe these things. But that never happens because you just keep proving true, right? Like you said, like that guys were unavailable, and it’s the same thing with like nobody wants what I have to offer, or only a few people want what I have to offer.
So that’s the, I think, one of the biggest challenges is like you have to be the first domino. You have to go first and decide to be the person and set the boundaries and do the things and believe the things ahead of time without the evidence. And that’s when things start to change.
Victoria: Yeah, I love that you said that because even with my clients, like most of my clients are like, “No, I do have confidence, I do think I’m a catch, right? I do believe that I’m worthy.” But once we start dialing down to it, it’s like are all of your beliefs and your actions aligning with that worthiness, right? And that’s where we really catch little things that are maybe not congruent to that belief, right?
And it’s the same thing for my coaching journey, right? It was building up that worthiness and acting in congruence with that in my love life. But also as a coach, understanding what I bring to the table and that I can help people through this now and that I’m really good at it, right?
Lindsey: Yes.
Victoria: And it’s like building up that worthiness as a coach and all the little things that line up with that, right? Acting in that way and thinking the thoughts that are in alignment to that. But it built up in my coaching journey with you as well.
Lindsey: I think that’s like, they’re just like little snags that we don’t see. I think that’s the value of people who want to work on their love life having you and the value of people being in my rooms and my containers is it’s like, actually, I think it’s one of the “worst” things we can tell ourselves, it’s like, but I do think I’m worthy, I do think I’m this. Not because it’s not valuable to think you’re worthy, but because it’s like you’re not curious and willing to see those little dark corners where things are hiding.
And that’s where we come in, to be like, “Yeah, but what about this? You say you believe you’re worthy, but then you’re allowing a guy to not call you back for two weeks. Or you say you’re worthy of clients, but then you let your clients just like move your calendar around 100 million times or you change your packages to try to please them. It’s like these are these small shifts that create massive impact.
Victoria: Yeah, I always say it’s like the last like, five to 10% that shifts everything and opens the floodgates and totally changes someone’s experience.
Lindsey: Yes, so good. Okay, so you started in ABA, which is so fun, I always love to interview people who went from ABA, which is the original program to help people get started and find their first clients, you up-leveled to the mastermind. So tell me more, you started your coaching business, tell me more about that journey and like getting into ABA and kind of that piece of it.
Victoria: Like I said, I spent years studying the research behind this stuff and really making sure that I was going to be a good coach, right? I had worked with really quality coaches and I wanted to work at that level, right? And if I was going to be a coach I wanted to do it right and really bring the tools that worked for me, right?
So when I met you it was really like, okay, now I’m ready to do this. And it was like, okay, but I don’t really have any clients. And so you really helped me build, like I was talking about before, that confidence. That like, yes, you have all the tools, you’re a good coach, now act as it, right?
It was like have that full belief that you are the dating and relationship coach to help women or people. I used to just coach women, now I coach both genders, but you are the dating and relationship coach to help people, right? And for your clients, you are their perfect coach, right? And just really having that belief that you can really help someone, and you’re doing a disservice to your clients by not putting yourself out there and just like going for it.
And you really shifted my confidence and beliefs, honestly, from the get go. I remember like our first coaching call or whatever, and you helped me with my confidence and I got like two clients literally like the next week.
Lindsey: So fun.
Victoria: So it was like, oh, okay, now I understand what’s happening, right? And then after that it was just like slower and steady and kind of building up that belief and kind of shifting my thoughts to really kind of test what was working and what wasn’t working for me that really started kind of having those clients trickle in.
Lindsey: So good, I love it. So then you up-leveled to the mastermind. You’ve been in, what, three rounds so far?
Victoria: That’s right.
Lindsey: Tell me more about that kind of like unfolding.
Victoria: Yeah, so I think my goal the first round was just to have like one client a month, right? And I met that, I think, like maybe 50% of the time. I remember it was like I was getting a client every other month. Which I didn’t meet my goal, but I was like, “You know what? I’m like halfway there, I’m getting there, right?” And that felt really good.
And then going into the second round, I thought, “Okay, I want to not only meet my goal, but I want to do it consistently.” And so then in the second round is where everything kind of fell in place. And that belief was so strong that I really did have one client a month, consistently, every single month through the second round.
And I know you always say when you do it multiple rounds and you can really test different things and see that growth, right? And that’s definitely been my journey. But it was, yeah, it was testing different things out, like, what is enough action, right? I thought I should be doing more.
And I remember I also had perfectionism. It was like, I have my to do list and I have all these things I want to do. And you would, I remember you would push me and be like, “Okay, well, what’s the one thing on that list? that is going help you to sell?”
Lindsey: Yeah, because Victoria, by the way, works like legit full-time, like big, like they’re all big girl jobs, but I’m like this is like a big girl New York job.
Victoria: Yeah, I’m a consultant full-time.
Lindsey: So I’m like, wait a minute, why are we doing all of this stuff?
Victoria: Right, yeah. And it was like I wanted to be perfect and it was, yeah, and you really changed my perspective to say, okay, just do these top couple things, right? Like what are the things that are going to get you out there helping people right now, right?
And it really just like shifted things for me in a way that was like so profound. And I started doing those things and then obviously it worked. And so yeah, it’s like each part, you know, every few months I would run into something and then you would help me through it. And so it’s just been those first couple rounds, it was really like every couple of months I was putting another piece in place, right?
And so it’s not that I was seeing it all happening, right? I wasn’t seeing the results so much where it was like, “Okay, now the floodgates are open.”
Lindsey: Yes.
Victoria: But every one of those little pieces, I believe, were necessary to get me to where I am today, right?
Lindsey: Yes.
Victoria: And even looking back I was like, oh, you know, second round, I was like on cloud nine, right? I met my goal, right? This is exactly what I wanted and I was meeting it consistently, right? So then I was ready to up-level myself for the third round, but not to kind of go ahead of myself, but all of those little things I believe were necessary for all the growth I had in my third round. If I hadn’t done all those things, I don’t think I would have been ready for what kind of happened this round.
Lindsey: Okay, so before we get there, I think it’s really important to note that looking back, right, hindsight is so like, yeah, like I was 50% of that goal, and then I started hitting that goal. And I think it’s hindsight, we look at things so differently and I think it’s important for people to hear like, what were some of the challenges?
Because I remember at some points, there were a couple months that would go by where things got really challenging. And you were like, “I’m doing it and it’s not working, it doesn’t feel like it’s working. And I have this fear of success popping up now. ”
Victoria: Yeah.
Lindsey: I think it’s important to note, because I think so often we hear these stories, right, and we’re like, “Well, wait, my journey doesn’t feel like that.” And so I just want you to share a little bit about like what were some of those low points though? Because I very much remember some like, and even on those first two rounds, and we’ll talk about this last round, but that were really hard and where it didn’t feel like things were working at all, and that you were never going to get to where you are now.
So what did that part look like? And what really pulled you through?
Victoria: There were a few different things that I struggled with so I’ll just choose a couple. So number one, I was constantly looking at others to validate me, right? So my main platform that I was working on was like Instagram, right? And so every time I would put something out, I’d be like, “Do you like this? Do people like this?” And I would really, like look at how people reacted to my posts, instead of being like, “What do I love? What do I think is in service to my clients?” And putting that out.
And so once I kind of switched from, okay, what do I think people will like, to what do I like and what do I know is going to be powerful to help my clients, was a huge shift for me because it was like no matter what I put out, I loved it. And no matter how much engagement I got, it motivated me to keep going, no matter what the result was. And that created a ripple effect to then over time it was that belief that, no, this is what my people need or whatever.
And then people really started to, you know, it resonated with people. And I really started to get more engagement and I really started to get more clients coming in the door being like, “Oh, I’m interested now.” And then like you said, I really did struggle when I would get a new client, right? Or even if it was like, oh, I got like, a couple clients in one week, that was actually really hard for me.
I think some people, their work is to get to the good stuff. My work was like staying in the good stuff. My work was when I felt abundance and I was in success. I had this like, like Gay Hendricks calls it, like this upper level limit of I wasn’t used to everything in my life going well at the same time, right?
Like at that point, like usually my love life was the thing that was struggling and it was like everything else was pretty good. And then now I’m like, okay, well, the coaching practice is the thing that I’m building up. And so now if my coaching business is going well, and my love life is going well, and everything else was going well, like I didn’t feel safe. I was like, when is this shoe going to drop?
Lindsey: Your brain is like, “Something’s going to go wrong.”
Victoria: Exactly, and my brain was so used to this default level of abundance and happiness and joy, that it would like self-sabotage me and have me go back down to what I was used to. So I would sell a client, and then it would like make me get really tired. Or it would make me run and hide and avoid posting for a week. Or it would make me do all these unconscious things that were kind of, or it would make me pick a fight with my significant other, right?
Lindsey: Yes.
Victoria: So it was like I really had to practice being in that abundance and knowing that I was safe. And when that feeling would come up of like self-sabotage or whatever you want to call it, like really doing affirmations and meditating and trusting that I can be there and it can get better and it can even grow and I’m safe in that too.
Lindsey: Yes.
Victoria: So that was a really difficult process for me to get through. That just came with practice, right?
Lindsey: Yes.
Victoria: And so, yeah, it was like, oh, when things are going well, like that was the hardest part for me.
Lindsey: Yes, so good. So what do you think was the value of continuing on in this container multiple rounds? Because I think that there, I think it’s so easy in those moments when it doesn’t feel like it’s working or whatever, to be like, oh, we need to do a bunch of other things. Or this isn’t it, I’ve been in here for six months.
What do you think really helped with, or how do you think it helped to stay in the same container, to continue to focus on this work, to come back to it over and over and over again in this space?
Victoria: Yeah, I mean, there’s so many reasons why it’s so powerful. I mean, I think number one, it’s really easy for people to be like, “Oh, this is the one thing I’m missing. So let me go over here and get that.” And it’s like, “Oh, it must be this other thing then so let me go get that,”
And staying in one container really makes you focused on the things that are actually unique to you that you need to work with. And it’s like having you really know my brain and knowing the things that I get tripped up on, when I start falling into those things again you call me out in the most loving way. And you can also see like, oh, okay, we’ve tried X, Y, and Z, what about this over here? Have you thought about that? Have you looked at that, right?
And not only you, but everyone in the mastermind really is invested in you. And being in three rounds, there’s many people who’ve also been in those three rounds with me that know me well and support me and call things, you know, can detect little things when I don’t. And so it’s almost like everyone’s kind of working with you to figure this out.
And yeah, so it also allows you to, like you always say, it’s like change one thing at a time, right? If you keep changing all these different variables, you actually don’t know what’s working and what’s not. So it allowed me to really shift it. Like every few months it would be like the 5%, and the 5%, and the 5%.
And my results might not have been going up like 5%, 5%, 5%. But it was like, yeah, it started really gaining traction over time and it was, like some of those little changes would be like, here’s another floodgate. And it’s like, okay, now we’re steady for a while and then like here’s another floodgate.
So I felt like it was really powerful for me, but also a really safe space. And knowing if I struggled with something, I was looking around and like, “Oh, okay, some other people are struggling with this too,” right? It also helped to not beat myself up and feel like I was alone in these things. And it’s like, oh, okay, this is the way that, you know, everyone is going through it, right? I’m the type who beats myself up about things. It was just a very loving environment where we’re all empowering each other and it makes you even more motivated to like kill all your goals.
Lindsey: Yes, I love it. Okay, so then we get to this, what did you make the first round and the last round in your business?
Victoria: So my first round I made 6k, 6 or 7k I want to say.
Lindsey: Okay.
Victoria: And then my third round?
Lindsey: Your second round.
Victoria: Oh, my second round I made around 15k.
Lindsey: Okay.
Victoria: So I was amazed, I like more than doubled it, right?
Lindsey: So good.
Victoria: So yeah, I was very happy, yeah.
Lindsey: And then what did you make this last round?
Victoria: So this last round I made $60,000.
Lindsey: In six months. How does it feel to say that?
Victoria: It’s nuts. I mean, I’m so grateful. It’s like literally I feel like I’m living my dreams. I’m living the life of my dreams. I have a whole roster, I have literally everything I’ve ever wanted. And it makes me so happy that, you know, the purpose of my work is to pay this forward, right, and help as many people as I can to shift their love life and help them through this.
So I truly feel like, you know, I have a full roster of people that I get to help every day. I love every single one of my clients and they are so fun. And yeah, I’m just like in pure gratitude and joy that, yeah, I just feel like I’m living the life of my dreams. And yeah, I can’t even believe, like I look at that number and I’m like, “Wait, what?” Yeah, it’s actually 60k.
Lindsey: It’s so funny because I remember talking at the returners retreat that we did, like, what was that in January? So like eight months ago, nine months, almost a year, that’s crazy. And I remember talking about this and you like feeling like it feels so far, but it also feels close. And just like talking about that vision. And then like here you are.
Victoria: Yeah, it’s crazy. It’s totally crazy.
Lindsey: And I think something important to point out, and we’re going to talk about like what created that in this last round. But I think it’s really important to point out that the way you talk about the 6k in six months in the first round, and then the 15k in the second round is super valuable for everyone to hear. Because I think so often in this industry we are only like wooed and wowed by like really big numbers. And we discredit the results that we create.
And what you said was like, “I was in awe, I more than doubled my revenue and it was amazing.” Instead of where so many people’s brains go is like “This isn’t enough, this isn’t good enough. It’s not happening fast enough.” And I think that’s one of the pivotal things that has allowed you to compound your results so quickly, is that you stayed in that, what we call, like I love the book, The Gap and The Gain.
And something we really focus on in the mastermind is staying in the gain and focusing on what you are doing and what you are creating, is that you did stay in that place where you’re like, “Whoa, this is awesome.” And that’s what’s allowed you to have this like gradual and then sudden explosion.
So let’s talk about it, and I think that you said that before we started recording, that like that shift that happened in this round that started to create this just like giant up-level.
Victoria: Yeah, totally. No, you’re absolutely right. It was, you know, I had a long-term perspective, right? This wasn’t just something that I was trying out. This was something I knew that was like the mission of my soul. And so I was going to figure this out no matter what. And so if it happened in six months, or if it happened in a year, or it happened in two years or whatever it was, I was sticking around for that because I knew it was going to happen.
And so yeah, I don’t know, it did allow me to be in the gain and really, yeah, just really bask in gratitude and in all of those big changes and growth spurts that I had. And so I guess if I could take us into this round and kind of go into what I think, you know, or what I know really created this massive shift for me now is leaning into gratitude, right?
So at the end of the second round I was consistently signing like one client a month, which was my goal and that was great. So starting out in the third round I was wanting to, now my new goal was two clients a month. And I was playing around with different thoughts and really changing like my identity.
I really felt like I was going through a shift in identity. But what that looked like from the outside was I was getting rid of the things that got me the one client a month because I was trying to shift into a bigger place. And it looked like, okay, then there were a couple months where I kind of like, I wasn’t signing anyone.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Victoria: And it really looked like things were getting worse.
Lindsey: I remember those calls. Like I remember, I mean, and this is the safe place, like in this room, right? I remember you crying and I remember just feeling so deeply for where you were at that point. But it’s kind of like the breakdown to the breakthrough. So keep going. Sorry, I just wanted to point that out.
Victoria: Yeah, no, thank you for pointing it out. It was like maybe my biggest low of the entire mastermind with you since I started. I felt like, what am I doing wrong? That now it feels like I’m going backwards. And I’m like, I felt like I was trying so many things and why isn’t something sticking or landing? And I really felt like I was shifting, but I wasn’t seeing it in my results.
And there were a couple of things that I was even going through personally too, not just in my coaching life, and I really was like going through it. Like I really just felt like what is happening right now? Yeah, and I remember you being so like loving and compassionate towards me and like really kind of shifting my perspective into like, okay, let’s get curious and let’s work through this. But also let’s be compassionate for yourself that you’re frustrated, right? And that’s understandable.
And so when I got to that place I was like, okay, well, I can’t stay in this mindset of being like, “Everything’s going wrong.” And it was almost like, starting from the bottom again almost. And I was like, okay, I need to do something drastic. I was feeling so bad in those days, like in those couple weeks that it was like, you know what, I just started saying to myself, “I love my life, I’m so grateful.”
Because even at that time, like a lot of my clients ended their contract at the same time. And then one of my clients didn’t finish her last couple sessions, which looking back I’m like, it’s because she got everything she needed.
Lindsey: Yes. But when you’re in your own head and you’re in the low moment your like, “It’s falling apart, everything.”
Victoria: Yeah, “I’m a terrible coach, no one likes me.” Yeah, all the things. I was like, I have a great life. Let me just start looking for evidence of what I’m grateful for. And so I just literally would wake up and just say to myself all day long, “I love my life, I’m so grateful.” And I would think of little things in my life that I loved, right? That really made me feel like I hit the freaking jackpot.
It would be things like I get to work from home. Like I work remotely, I have these huge windows in my apartment that lets in all this sunlight. When I’m working from home it’s just a beautiful, like I have all these trees behind me that I get to look at every day. I have this like forest that I get to take walks in every day. And I call it my enchanted forest, it’s like so magical.
And you know, just like I have a partner who loves me and we get to do all these fun things together. And we get to go shopping at this farmers market that’s super fun every weekend.
And it was like, really, really not only just, you know, I’ve done this in my past where it’s like, okay, wake up in the morning and journal and write down three things you’re grateful for. No, it was like really getting into gratitude. Like finding things that really got me to think. Like having that gratitude wash over you. Like oh my god, I am literally living the best life.
And and so the more I thought that and said that to myself over and over again, the more reasons my brain would just like naturally start thinking of of why I’m living like my dreams. And it also was like, okay, I’m in this for the long haul, I have a full-time job that lets me get paid and live a great lifestyle while I’m figuring this coaching stuff out.
And it allows me to coach every day. And I don’t even care if I run out of clients and I have no clients, I get to put out content on Instagram every day and impact people’s lives and help people through this stuff that I love to do. And so no matter what my results are right now, I’m living the life of my dreams. I get to do this every day in a way where I’m still getting an income that lets me live a luxurious lifestyle.
And so I was always thinking like, by the end of the year I want to quit my job and just do this full-time. And I think I was so attached to by the end of the year, and I know that this is something you helped me work through. And it was like, okay, even if it doesn’t happen by the end of the year and it’s a couple more months, or whatever it is, that’s okay. And I still feel like I’ve hit the jackpot and I’m living a great life.
And so, in that way I really think I stepped into a greater unattachment and a greater sufficiency in like, okay, what I have right now makes me feel like a freaking millionaire. Honestly, just like my life is so freaking good. And if I get more, amazing and that’s great. But if I don’t, right now is good enough. And living in that gratitude and joy every single moment, then it was like everything started pouring in.
Lindsey: I have full body chills.
Victoria: Yeah, and I truly believe it was that. And even the little thing of like, oh, my client stopped, didn’t finish her coaching, it was like going back to the basics. It’s like, no, I can help someone. My content is really good, my tools are really good, I can really help people through this.
Sometimes we think about our thoughts and I would think like, “Oh, this feeling of helping a client, right? How would that make me feel, right? And you know, we’d practice getting into that feeling, right? And I was really leaning into, okay, if I got this number of clients, I would feel amazing, right? I would feel validated, right? I would feel enough, da, da, da, da, da. And I shifted it to when I’m in service and helping others, what does that feel like, right?
And that feels like alignment to me, that feels like this warm, loving feeling in my heart when I’m experiencing the magic of the coaching partnership, and they’re getting those massive results. And so I just like, it was like gratitude and that yummy feeling. It was like the two feelings I was in every day. And then all of a sudden, literally, the floodgates opened.
Lindsey: How many clients, you signed like, what, 10 clients in a month or something?
Victoria: Yeah, I mean, I have 13 clients right now. Yeah, I probably did sign like 10 of those within, yeah, like a month or three weeks. And I remember talking to you, I’m like, “I would love to have a full roster of like nine clients.” Right? And I’m like, 13.
Lindsey: You blew it out of the water.
Victoria: Yeah, it’s like, yeah, screw nine. And I was very fortunate that my content that I was putting out was really resonating with people. It was like everything changed, I’d gotten more followers, consults were coming in around the clock, it was like all my ideal people. And it really was from that final like really, really being unattached and feeling enough.
Lindsey: It’s like what I say sometimes, like when you’re in survival you can’t be in service. And I think sometimes that can feel a little elusive. And I think it’s, like when you are embodying that gratitude and that amazement at your life. And here’s the thing, everyone listening, like you get to experience that right now.
Don’t think like, “Oh, Victoria, well, she has this and that’s what makes her grateful.” No, Victoria could have been focused on at that point especially, right, that everything was falling apart. But instead she shifted her focus to how amazing her life was and the appreciation, and that put her in an energy of service. That put her in an energy of joy and like magnetism.
And so I think sometimes it’s hard for our brains because I always joke in the mastermind, like our brains would love for me to be like, “Hey, guys, pick up the phone 20 times, one of those people is going to sign as a client.” So it has like this tactical like, okay, this is how this works.
But I think it’s really important to show tangibly how this plays out because when you create content from this place of like, my life is amazing. My love life is amazing, my world is amazing, right? The words you say are different. The things you share are different. The things that you like, the service-based things you talk about are so different, versus when you’re in the energy of my life isn’t good enough until I get more clients, or more money, or whatever outcome, or find my love life, right?
You’re in the energy of, I almost think it’s like this leaning forward where you’re trying to write posts and content to get clients. Where you’re trying to do things to get an external result. And those are very different energies, and I’m sure you see this all the time with dating, right?
It’s like when you’re in the place when you’re like happy, fulfilled, love your life, you’re being the woman who is like in a relationship and essentially creates space for it because you’re not relying on the other person to create it. And that’s how you attract it even faster.
And that’s the same thing in business, is it literally changes the words you say. I want everyone listening, and Victoria you can even share on this too, but like when you think about sharing something from this place of like, I’m already in love with my life, I don’t need anything else, here’s what I want to share and say today. Versus I hate my life, this isn’t good enough, I need to sign some clients to be happy. Think about how differently what you would actually say and share is.
And that shift, that difference is the difference between 60k in six months and signing one client. So when I say that Victoria, like what do you, like what resonates or what was the difference for you when you started showing up that way?
Victoria: Yeah, no, I think everything you said is totally right. It wasn’t easy for me. I mean, like I said, I had a bunch of clients who were like just ending the contract. So I think at that time I was down to one client and even that client was finishing in a week or two.
So I was like, “Great, I have no clients. Where am I?” I could have really just continued to sink in that insufficiency, but I chose to find the evidence that I love my life. And being in that joy, I think you’re right, really resonated with people. People would reach out to me and say like, “I just loved your energy.” Or like, “Oh, I really resonated with this and there was just something about your kindness,” or whatever, right? That that really resonated with them.
And it’s true because I remember one of my videos that really resonated with people, it’s like the content I had already put together a couple months ago, but I kind of like pulled it out of the chest or whatever and I’m like, “Oh, I can use this one.” And it’s like, yeah, it’s like shifting, like a couple tweaks and words that when you’re in that energy and putting it out there, people can sense your sufficiency and your joy for your own life. And that is very attractive.
Lindsey: Yes, and they’re like, ‘I want that.” As a coach, it’s like when you are that person, people think, I want that. And when they think, “I want that,” that’s when they reach out. That’s when they start asking for your help and they schedule consults. Versus if you’re not in that energy, it’s like you’re kind of illustrating the exact same life that they’re experiencing now. It doesn’t create this possibility for them, which is something they really need in order to step up into a coaching container.
Victoria: Totally, yeah. And I remember like, okay, then I got one client and I was like, “Great, this is amazing,” right? And then I got two and I was like, “If it’s just two this month, this is freaking amazing too. This is enough, I’m so happy. And I can help one more person, right? But if not, this is enough.”
And I just kept saying that. Every client that like kept rolling in, it was like I was just staying in that energy that really just like, it just kept coming in more and more and more, and keeps coming in.
Lindsey: That’s so freaking good. I love it. So where can our listeners connect with you, Victoria?
Victoria: Yes, so the main platform I’m on is Instagram, they can follow me at Victoria Miretti. That’s Victoria M-I-R-E-T-T-I, all one word. And they can also reach me or find more information on my website at victoriamiretti.com.
Lindsey: So good, we will link that so you guys don’t have to guess on the spelling or anything like that. So, Victoria, thank you so much for sharing your light, for sharing your story. I know it’s going to inspire so many people, no matter what journey they’re on to just like stay the course, keep doing the work because the gradual and then suddenly is happening. And when you keep leaning in, this is what happens. And you’re such a beautiful, true example of that. And yeah, I’m just super grateful.
Victoria: Thank you so much, Lindsey. And thank you so much for being on my journey with me and helping me through it. And thanks for having me today.
Lindsey: Yeah, of course. All right, guys, I will talk to you next week on the podcast. Thanks Victoria, I’ll talk to you soon.
If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.
