Ep #34: Arrogance Vs. Confidence

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One thing that so many of my clients have in common when they come to me is they have difficulty sharing their achievements with others. And it makes sense because, especially as women, we get fed so many messages about staying humble and not being arrogant. But I truly believe that this needs to stop.

The truth is, arrogance and confidence are not similar in any way. They come from completely different energies, and all trying to avoid sounding arrogant is doing is stopping you from sharing your gifts with the world.

Join me on the podcast this week to discover the difference between confidence and arrogance. I’m sharing why so many people are afraid of putting themselves and their achievements out there, why this is actually depriving the rest of the world, and what you can do to start embodying confidence by sharing your successes.

I’ve realized that so many of you want to take the steps to create an Anything but Average life but are still on the fence about joining. If you know you want to create a business doing something you love or create something purposeful so you can live the life you truly want, schedule a 15-minute call with me here to talk about joining!

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • Why so many people wrongly think arrogance and confidence are similar.
  • How being humble does not serve you or anyone else.
  • The different mindsets that come with arrogance versus confidence.
  • How I help my clients step into confidence around sharing their success stories.

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream business a reality, join my Anything but Average program.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Hey guys, welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast, with your host, me, life coach Lindsey Mango, where I am going to teach you how to change your life, find your purpose, and change other people’s lives because that’s what it takes to have an anything but average life. Let’s get started.

Hello and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything but Average. Guys, we are so close to Thanksgiving and I am so excited. I love Thanksgiving. I love all the holidays, but I love Thanksgiving.

And you want to know my favorite – one of my favorite parts? Aside from family. Aside from all of that. One of my favorite foods. I don’t even know if you could call it a food. It’s actually a dessert. It’s something that my grandma made, I think, my whole life. And she passed away about five years ago and it is something she literally brought to every Thanksgiving.

And what’s so fun about it is I could cook it more. I could bake it more throughout the year. But I only bake it around this time and I think that’s what makes it so special. It’s not just like a dessert that I make for anything. It’s a dessert that I make for the holiday that my grandma always used to make it for. So it’s so special and it also is, I think, the best dessert anyone has ever had.

It’s so funny, my first Thanksgiving with Chris’s family, he was like, “Wait until you try the pumpkin pie.” Which by the way, is delicious. But I was like, “Oh, just wait until you try…” guys, wait to hear this name, “Wait until you try my grandma’s pumpkin dessert.” It’s really creative…

But it is so good. It’s like homemade gram cracker crust, cheesecake – kind of like a cheesecake in the middle, but thin, not as dense, and then a layer of pumpkin on the top and then whipped cream I’m getting hungry just thinking about it right now.

Anyway, I make it every year and it blew his family’s mind and they’re always asking me every year if I can make it again. And it’s just so fun because I feel like it’s like bringing my grandma with me to holidays. Yeah, so that’s what I’m most excited for.

Alright, so today, what I wanted to talk about was the difference between arrogance and confidence. I know so many of you guys are going to be excited about this because this is something that comes up a lot with my clients as they are stepping into the coach they want to be, as they are serving people, as they are starting to market online for the business that they’re creating.

And as they’re starting to create amazing results in their life and in their business, they start to have this inner battle of talking about it, talking about their transformation, of talking about their results, of sharing how powerful this work can be. And what I’ve realized is they have this fear, a lot of women, we have learned, like, stay humble, don’t talk about yourself, don’t share the amazing things about you because it’s cocky or arrogant. It’s a negative thing.

And there’s a lot of programming from our past around that. And what it does is it stifles us from showing up confidently and powerfully and celebrating ourselves and celebrating others fully the way that we could.

And so, I was thinking about how there is a massive difference between arrogance and confidence. It’s not even in the same school or it’s not even in the same country. I don’t even know the best way to say that. But it’s totally different.

And I think when you start to understand the difference, then you can be really clear about showing up confidently and powerfully to share and celebrate yourself and share what’s amazing about what you have to offer instead of hiding it and dimming your light and being humble, which doesn’t help anyone.

I’m going to say that again. Being humble, is how I define it – and it will make sense after we talk about what arrogance versus confidence is. But being humble is not going to serve people. Being humble keeps you from shining your light and sharing what you could share with the world and sharing how amazing you are and showing people how amazing they are because you’re holding yourself back.

So, today, what I want to talk about is the difference between arrogance and confidence, how to know when you’re being arrogant and how to know when you’re being confident so that you can show up more confidently in your life and in your coaching business.

So, here’s what I’ve realized. Arrogance comes from a place of lack or fear. Here’s what I mean by that. Arrogance comes from thinking something like, “I’m not good enough. I need to prove that I’m good enough.” Or, “I’m better than other people and I have to believe I’m better than other people so that I can feel good enough.”

It all really comes down to the same thing. If you think that you have to prove to others that you’re good enough or that you think of yourself as better than other people and that’s why you’re sharing your accomplishments or sharing what’s so amazing about what you’ve created or talking about whatever it is, that is coming from arrogance.

Now, I’m not saying that with judgment. I’m saying that from awareness and also from compassion. For any of us, we’ve all been there. I have constant growth in this. It’s something that you can have compassion for. Because it comes from not feeling good enough. It comes from a place of lack and fear about ourselves. And that’s why people show up arrogantly.

Now, on the flipside, confidence is coming from a very loving place. It’s coming from a place of wholeness, from a place of, “I’m amazing and you are amazing too,” from a place of, “I’ve created this and you can create this too,” from a place of, “I am worthy and I am enough and so is every other human. But I don’t have to prove that I’m better than other people. I don’t have to tell people. I don’t have to show people. But I want to share this because this is amazing and other people can have it too.” That’s what confidence is.

So, the line between arrogance and confidence is the difference between lack and fear and love and abundance. So, how do you step into being confident? The biggest shift that I help my clients make in Anything but Average is to see that any result they create, anyone can create it too.

And when you believe that anyone can create it and you don’t have thoughts or drama about sharing it with other people because it’s almost like air. I want you guys to think about, if I as like, “Oh my gosh, I’m so grateful for my lungs today and the fact that I can breathe and just take air in,” you might say something like, “Oh my gosh, this is so amazing, I’m so grateful.”

But you wouldn’t feel like you were being arrogant because you’re like, “Air, everybody has access to air. Everyone can breathe air.” I mean, for the most part, right. Which is also why we can be grateful for it, because some people don’t necessarily have the best air to breathe. But that’s besides the point.

When you really start to see, like, everyone can have the amazing reality, the amazing results that you are creating in your life and in your business, then you’re sharing it like, “I’m having this. It’s amazing. And you can have it too.” Not, “I’m having this and you can’t have this and I’m better than you.” That’s the difference.

I want you guys to remember that sharing things confidently, sharing the amazing life, the amazing results that you’re creating is the best gift you can give to other people. It helps them see what’s possible for them. It helps them see that they can have it too. It helps them believe that if you’re having it, they can have it too. And that is such a gift you can give to other people and it’s such a powerful thing you do in your coaching business when you’re serving other people.

When you’re serving people and you’re like, “Hey, I lost 20 pounds. You can lose it too, I’m celebrating myself for that, you can have it too,” you show them what’s possible and you help them bridge that gap, by sharing your story.

That’s the difference between confidence and arrogance. If you find yourself wanting to share an accomplishment but not, or if you find yourself wanting to share an accomplishment because you feel like you have to prove to everyone around you that you’re good enough, that’s something to look at. The energy that you show up in is going to create the energy that people receive it with.

Now, here’s the other thing. I can confidently share all of my accomplishments and feel excited about them because I believe every single one of you can have them. But I can’t control how other people receive it. I’m sure other people in the world have heard me and think that I’m cocky and arrogant. But that’s because they have the same belief system.

They believe that people are better than or worse than. They feel less than when they hear that and that’s why they react to it the way that they do. So, it’s all the same side, like two sides of the same coin.

But what you need to know within yourself is that sharing your accomplishments, sharing the amazing results that you have created is such a gift for everyone around you. And just to look within you for why you want to share these things and if it’s coming from lack, recognize that. Connect back to how you’re worthy and amazing and enough and you have nothing to prove. That’s something I work with my clients on in my program.

Or, if you want to share something and you realize it’s coming from that place of, like, “I’m having this and you can have it too,” share. Know that you can’t control how everyone perceives or receives information. But what you want to do is make sure you’re clear on it within you. So, that’s the difference.

Alright, I love you guys. If you want to join Anything but Average and take this work deeper so you can show up confidently and powerfully and be an example of what’s possible and create the coaching business you really want, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage.

If you’re on the fence and you want to talk to me about it, go to calendly.com/lindseymangocoaching/abacall. All of that is actually on my social media. So, if you just go to @lindseymango_ in the link, you can find all of those links and I can’t wait to see you on the inside. I’ll talk to you guys soon. Bye.

If you want to take this work even deeper and coach with me in my signature program, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. In this program, I will teach you how to take this work and create results so you can have a life that blows your mind in the areas of money, purpose, health, lifestyle, and romance. I can’t wait to see you on the inside.

I love hearing from you!

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