Lindsey: Hi, welcome to The Life Coach Hotline. This is Lindsey Mango, your life coach. How can I help you?
Hi guys, welcome to the Coach the Experts podcast series featured on The Life Coach Hotline podcast. I want you to imagine that you get to be a fly on the wall for the coaches, the mentors, the leaders that you admire, to hear what their mind offers. The drama they have, the limits they have, the things that they need coaching on, that’s what this series is all about.
I would say maybe a little over a year ago, I can’t remember exactly, but I put a podcast episode out on my former podcast where my husband coached me. And I will say that was one of the most profound episodes and one of the episodes that got the most feedback, the most downloads, the most so many things from people.
And I spent a lot of time thinking about why and here’s what I realized. So often we put the people we admire on a pedestal. We don’t think that they have the same fears, the same limitations, the same thoughts, the same drama that we have.
And when we do that, when we put them on this pedestal, what we do is we make ourselves wrong for the fear, for the drama, for the discomfort, for the limitations we put on ourselves. And we expect that those things have to be eliminated completely and almost like we have to have the perfect mindset and the perfect approach in order to create the success and the life that we want.
By so many people listening to the episode where I’m being coached and by you listening to this series where I’m also going to have one where I’m being coached on who knows what, I haven’t even decided yet, you are going to realize that the people you admire and the results that they have and the success they have created have the exact same minds you do.
And you’re going to hear how they shift through some of their biggest blocks, some of their most vulnerable things live, to where you can see that even though you have some of the exact same thought processes as they have, that you can shift yourself. You can have a breakthrough and you can still create successful results alongside having all of the very human fears, doubts and discomforts that all of us have.
No one is unique. The reason why people have success and the people you admire have created the results that they have isn’t because they don’t have the same fear, drama and doubt that you have. It’s just what they choose to do with it that matters. And that’s what this series is going to offer you.
So buckle up, you are getting, I feel like, something that no one ever shares, which is the inner workings of the mentors and leaders that you follow, and what a coaching call for them looks like. And it’s going to offer you breakthroughs. It’s going to offer you the possibility of the success and the life that they have because you’re just like them.
And it is going to give you an opportunity to take what they learn and have transformation in real-time. It doesn’t matter what we’re specifically talking about, you can apply it to anything in your life, and it is going to change you. It changed me just by coaching these experts.
So without further ado, if I haven’t hyped it up enough, welcome to the series. I’m going to be coaching an expert, a leader, a mentor, a coach that you probably know. And if you don’t, you need to go follow them. And you’re going to hear tears of vulnerability, breakthroughs in real-time and you are going to walk away changed forever. So let’s dive in, welcome to the series.
This is the final episode of the Coach the Experts series. On today’s episode, apparently I see myself as an expert because –
Chris: It’s good to have a great self-concept.
Lindsey: Because my husband Chris, who is a life and business coach, is here to coach me because, I mean, I shared this at the beginning of the episode. I think we put that intro in front of every episode about my intention for this podcast, which is that you see that the people that you admire, the people you learn from, the mentors and leaders that you follow have the exact same brain as you do.
And I will say that one of my most popular episodes from my last version of this podcast was the one where I was coached. And I think it’s because people just saw my humanness and I think it’s so funny to me because I’m like, of course I’m a human, of course I have the exact same thoughts that all of you guys have.
The difference maker, or I think what matters is how you handle them, which was really my intention for this podcast and my intention for this series, is so that you can see how people like that handle their thought processes and work through them so that they can go create the things that they want in the world.
So today Chris is going to be coaching me. Hey, Chris.
Chris: Maybe. Maybe, I haven’t decided yet. The jury is still out. No, I do want to add one thing, it’s kind of like when people are surprised when they find out we both have coaches or we both seek coaching. They’re like, well, wait, why would the coach need a coach?
Lindsey: I’ve never had that.
Chris: You haven’t had that? I get that all the time. Like, why would you need a coach? Or I can’t believe you have a coach, I thought you were blah, blah, blah. To that point, we’re all human. We all experience fear. We all have to up-level in some kind of way when it comes to our life or business. And we need great leaders around us, too. So I think it’s excellent that you’ve brought on the experts before you so that everybody can see the different perspectives in addition to your own.
Lindsey: Yeah, I love it. Well, thank you for being here.
Chris: You’re welcome.
Lindsey: Not really like you had a choice. Let me make sure I clicked video because that would be fun.
So I brought three things, and I’m going to let you pick which one you want to coach me on. I think I kind of have a preference, but –
Chris: Oh, well, then let’s go with the one you have a preference for.
Lindsey: Well, I wanted to share because I think they’re all important for people to hear.
Lindsey: The first one is as we family plan to have two kids, I think I have just some fear and discomfort thinking about what that transition is going to feel like and be like and just managing that and a business and a life and all sorts of things. But I think the main thing with that is the thought I have is like, of course, and it’s just uncomfortable. And I also have the thought I can handle anything and I will expand to that life. So it doesn’t feel like anything I feel really stuck on. I think it’s just human.
Lindsey: The second thing I had was one thing I’m working on this year is creating more friendships and like intimacy in all of my relationships. And I can see I’ve been working on that, coaching myself, getting coaching. But I can just see there’s lots of excuses in my head which point to something bigger, which is like, it’s hard, it’s not worth my time. Like there’s not that many people that live close to me in the Midwest.
Like all of the things that people tell themselves about dating, whatever, I find my brain making excuses for. But I don’t feel like I’ve let that stop me. And I think I’m leaning in to creating that. So that was the second thing. I’m open to coaching on that.
But the third one was something I work on a lot with my clients and students. I mean, this is more business related, but it’s all related to creating things we want in our life. I’ve been coaching a lot of my clients on this. The idea of your job is to show up like you have a million people, a million raving fans right now, even if you have five. Even if you have the amount that I have.
And I can see that there’s some growth and expansion there because I don’t think I share the same way I would if that was the result I had. So I can see that there’s a gap between how I show up now versus how I would show up in that scenario. And so that was the third thing.
So anything in particular you want to take a stab at?
Chris: Yeah, take a breath. I think you ran yourself out of breath there. I think the first thing is that the last thing is all of them, because how you show up in business is how you show up in life. How you show up in life is how you show up in business.
You said I have some fear around when we expand our family to two kids, that’s going to change things, how you’ll be able to show up. And you said, I’ll know I can handle anything and I’ll just expand. That thought didn’t show up in the last one for some reason. And same for the middle one about growing your friendship circle. If you carry that same thought, I can handle anything, I’ll just expand and continue to show up, that would resolve that one too.
So my thought is, let’s see if we can go with the last one.
Lindsey: Interesting. Good point. Okay.
Chris: What was that?
Lindsey: Well, I just thought, I was just noticing the difference between my thoughts and feelings around what you just pointed out versus the other ones. I think when it comes to expanding our family, there’s a couple of things. I think, one, there’s a level of commitment that’s there. It’s just like my thought is that there’s no other choice. There’s no other option.
So it’s like, even though I know it could feel so hard sometimes, like the most difficult thing we’ve ever done, I trust myself that it’ll be hard and that’s totally okay. And it’ll be uncomfortable and that’s totally okay. And it will also be beautiful and magical and all of those things. But I think there’s just this level of like, yeah, I’m so committed to the outcome.
I’m so committed to the vision that we have for our family that none of that matters. Like it does, there’s space for my humanness, but none of that matters when it comes to choosing to not take that step because we’re going to and that’s that. So I can decide how I’m going to handle the process and I just don’t think it’s a problem.
And I think the flip side is there must be part of myself that’s making my expansion in my business and the people that I serve optional.
Chris: Okay. Tell me more about that last part.
Lindsey: Yeah, I’m going to share my innermost thoughts sometimes that maybe I skip over, I delay sharing or I think like that was too much for today or whatever. I don’t think I’m like, oh, and I’m going to do it anyway. And that’s going to be uncomfortable and that’s not a problem because I’m so committed to –
And as I’m saying this, I can already feel the transformation happening. But I’m so committed to serving these people and changing their lives that I don’t care if I look dumb or weird or I’m outcast from the crowd, because that is how important this mission is and me evolving and growing is. I think my growth is that important, but I think I sometimes miss that connection.
Chris: All right, take a breath. You mentioned, I can feel the transformation. What did you mean there?
Lindsey: I essentially was selling myself on why I’m willing to do that. Like, I think my fear is people aren’t going to relate or connect or – It’s really interesting, I mean, I think it’s very human. I think we all want to be liked. We all want to be accepted for our truest selves. I think there’s a part of me that fears people are going to think I’m weird or people are going to not relate or connect with my perspective.
Or this kind of sounds funny, but I tend to be an optimist and I think people are going to think it’s not real or unrealistic or whatever. So I think with that, I’m fearful of those things happening. But when I’m selling myself on why I’m willing to do that, like the commitment to it, none of that matters.
Chris: Well, aren’t people allowed to have an opinion?
Chris: But you don’t want them to have a bad opinion?
Lindsey: Yeah, I mean my not helpful part of myself is like, yeah, they could all love me, that’d be great.
Chris: So in that moment, who’s that really about, them or you?
Lindsey: That’s about me, for sure.
Chris: What do you mean?
Lindsey: I’m making my comfort more important than my mission and than their growth and my growth, my evolution.
Chris: So let’s back up, you said I’m making my comfort more important than their growth. Which part of you is doing that?
Lindsey: The scared part. The little girl that wants to be liked.
Chris: All right. So let’s go to the moment where that starts to happen. When that happens, if that happens, what will be your protocol to stop the scared part of you from driving this?
Lindsey: Yeah. Oh, go ahead, finish.
Chris: That was it.
Lindsey: I think it’s the thing that I do so often in my membership, and I think so often we want to jump to like offer myself this new thought or connect back to the mission, which I think is a part of it. But I think the biggest thing is honestly just compassion.
Chris: For who?
Lindsey: For that part of me and offering myself – Which would look like, of course you’re scared. Of course you don’t want to be exiled from the community. Of course you want to be liked. That is human. And just giving that part of myself love and honoring it, not making it a problem.
If Eva said that, I would never be like you shouldn’t feel like that or connect back to the mission. I would give her a big hug and I would be like, oh honey, of course you feel that way. That’s so human of you. And just offering myself that, I think, dilutes it, loosens it in my body.
Chris: All right, so close your eyes. Take a breath. What words do you need to hear in that moment?
Lindsey: I think what I said, which is, of course you feel this way. It’s only human. Of course you want to be liked and loved and accepted by others. Of course you’re afraid to be big. And then I think this is where part of the shift comes in, which is and this is important. You have something to say and share. This is on your heart for a reason.
And then the biggest thought for me is like, even if it changes one person’s life, it’s worth it. And I feel in my body, like I can guarantee that will happen. And then there’s knowing that’s what will actually change millions of lives.
Chris: Great job. Now what?
Lindsey: I think I just have to practice it. I think the biggest thing is having the awareness of when it’s stopping me and practicing leaning in. I do think there is an intention piece. I think in day-to-day life it’s really easy to miss that. My thought is like, I need to spend some time with that, like each morning reflecting on what would I say or what would I share today if a million people were listening, if a million people were hanging on my every word and wanting to hear what I had to say.
Chris: Well let’s just answer that right now. What would you say?
Lindsey: That’s a good question.
Chris: You asked it.
Lindsey: Well, thank you. I ask really good questions.
Chris: The expert asks great questions.
Lindsey: Let me think, what was the question again?
Chris: So, basically, if I had something to say that millions of people needed to hear, what would it be? Or what is your something to say?
Lindsey: I have a specific thing that comes to mind, but I think the biggest thing that pops up is just like all of my thoughts about life. I think the other day when I posted that thing about Eva, my perspective on Instagram about being in the store and realizing that this woman’s kids were grown and all of that, that is how my brain works often.
Like I’ll be in an emotion or I’ll have a thought and then I’ll have a shift in real time. But I won’t always share it. I won’t always because my brain is like, oh, well, how do we say that? How do we post that? Whatever. And I did that and it felt really meaningful to me, what I had to share. And it really landed, which is great. That’s the goal. And it’s also not the goal, I got my message out.
But I think I would share those things often, like that inner monologue. That in real time, I mean, they’re transformations, but I like to think of them as little miracle moments. That’s what Gabby Bernstein calls them. And just sharing them and not being caught up in how they need to look or how they’re supposed to look or whatever, just share them in a way that I want to.
So I think that’s part of it. I think it’s the message that I do share, but in a bigger way that – I think there’s two things. It just really came to me. I think one of them is, of course, the message of like we really can have it all. Like we really, it sounds so cliché, but the only limits that we put on ourselves are the ones that we will create. And so we can create, have, do, be whatever we want.
And I think really the biggest thing is the third piece. I think sometimes, I’m reading this book called Bittersweet, and I think it’s actually one of my assets, is that I think I – I don’t know if the words philosophize, if that’s even a word.
Chris: It’s a word.
Lindsey: But I think about life a lot. I think about the end of my life. I think about the end of chapters. I think about there’s things about – This is going to make me cry, but there’s things about like when I get online and I read something about someone passing away at a young age or whatever, it’s like I can’t help but get sucked into it.
It really is that bittersweet feeling because I think I feel so connected to the fact that, I always say this, but I’m like that morning they had no idea that they were going to have their last cup of coffee. Or that they were going to leave the house and that was going to be the last time they saw their family. Sorry.
And I think that I think about that stuff a lot and I think it’s part of why I value life and other people’s lives so much because I recognize how important they are and how temporary they can be. And I think that’s why I really care about the work I do and I care about the growth in my life. And I think sometimes I’m afraid to talk about it because I don’t know how to say it. I don’t know how to –
And I’m sure I’m just saying it right now, but my brain is like, I don’t want to be morbid. I don’t want to be that person that shows up online and is like, you’re going to die. I know I wouldn’t say it that way, but I really think that is one of my unique lenses. And I think that is what makes me so hungry for growth and change and why I care so much about other people and their potential, because I can’t imagine the feeling of looking in the mirror one day and knowing you’re at the end of your life and knowing that you could have given more.
That, I think, sometimes I tuck away because it feels really big. But I think it’s a message that has to be shared because I think people ignore that. And I think that’s what keeps them settling. So yeah.
Chris: So yeah, what?
Lindsey: So that’s probably what I need to say. So what I’m going to do is I’m just going to take that clip and I’m going to go record it and put it over a bunch of videos.
Chris: All right. There’s an important distinction in between what you’re saying that I want to make clear. There is a distinction between you, the experience you’re having of you, and the performance of you, that what you’re getting tripped up on over and over is the performance. You said how to say it.
Lindsey: Yeah, that’s just fear.
Chris: Well, let’s not dismiss it because in that moment you’re not seeing that distinction. Because I know if Eva came up to you one day and said, I have this music in my heart and I’m afraid to go write it, I’m afraid to share it, I’m afraid to sing it.
Lindsey: But really I don’t know how to.
Chris: Yeah. But you know that even the music she would create is different than the heart of Eva and who Eva really is. It’s just something she’s doing. Is this making sense?
Lindsey: Oh, I see, you’re trying to draw a distinction between disconnecting that from my identity.
Chris: Yeah. So in other words, how people receive you is not who you are, right? It’s like somebody saying, I need to become more, I’m not enough. Well, you’re plenty. But maybe you can be more effective or you can communicate it more clearly. Is this landing?
Lindsey: Yeah, but I think you just offered me a transformation that maybe you didn’t, like it wasn’t your intention, which I think is the magic of this.
Chris: Yeah, what was it?
Lindsey: Well, I was just thinking about the music example with Eva. We’re watching this show called Loudermilk and they were talking about music or one guy was using something or writing and he was saying like, yeah, you just put it out and it’s bad. And then you put it out again and it’s bad.
Chris: He didn’t say it’s bad, he said it’s shit.
Lindsey: Yeah, I couldn’t remember that. And then you work on this thing over here and then you come back again and you do it again and it’s still shit until it becomes less shittier.
And I was just thinking about that with Eva that I’d be like, yeah, you’ve just got to put the words on paper. You’ve got to try. You’ve got to make noise. You’ve got to whatever. And that is how, that is the creative process. And I think I was like, oh, when I stop myself before I even do it, I’m not allowing it to be shit first and then I’m not allowing it to – Like I’m imagining like a sculptor.
Chris: And in fairness, you’re not allowing it to be brilliant. It could be brilliant on the first iteration.
Lindsey: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I believe that’s possible too. But I think we’re talking about the fear here.
Lindsey: And I think that just helps me be like my job is to say it shitty the first time and not be afraid of how it sounds. And then know that that is the beginning of the sculpting. And that is how I’m going to chisel away at it over and over again until it continues to become something beautiful. And really what matters at the end of the day to me is that it’s impactful.
Chris: Okay. Now what?
Lindsey: I just feel, I feel that shift.
Chris: Good. What’s it feel like?
Lindsey: It feels light. It feels like clarity. It feels certain and like direction. It feels like the how is irrelevant. I mean, again, as a coach, I know when you ask how, it’s never really about that. But I wasn’t catching that I was doing that.
Chris: The fear was doing that?
Lindsey: Yeah, that was just fear, that we only ask how when we’re stuck in fear or something’s blocking us from trying or figuring it out. And I also feel this like resolute certainty around what I need to do.
Chris: Which is?
Lindsey: Which is I just need to share that part of myself more often. I think I do sometimes, but I think I need to share, not force it. I mean, I don’t have those thoughts every single day, but I often do. And I think I need to share it. Sometimes it feels like it’s literally coming out of me like poetry, like the words. And I think I just need to allow those to be put out in the world.
Chris: John Maxwell has this great line that we should endeavor to be rivers, not reservoirs. If we have something to share, we should let it flow without regard to whether it goes far downstream or wherever it goes. We shouldn’t hold it like a reservoir, it’s just our job to let it flow.
So what if it wasn’t so much about how and fear and da, da, da, da, it was more about just being authentically you? And that when you feel that calling, to acknowledge there’s something flowing and I don’t need to know where it came from or who it’s going to land with or how, it just has to flow.
Lindsey: And that just reminded me of one of my past – Well, actually she’s a student in my membership, but she also coached me, Whitney Uland. We were talking about the creative process one day and she was, it’s a funny example but it’s so perfect and I go back to it so many times. But that creativity can be constipated. And sometimes it’s not about the first idea, maybe that idea is shit, but it’s about getting it out because that’s what keeps the flow going versus when you strangle hold an idea and try to perfect it.
It’s like you literally block all the other ideas from coming and all the other ways of saying it. And so it’s just a reminder of that same kind of thing we’ve been saying here, but my job is to let it flow. And again, maybe the first time won’t be great, but maybe that leads to the next great idea or the next way that I want to say it, which is even better than the first time.
Chris: Yeah. So for you, what’s the next step?
Lindsey: Well, I think one is just sharing this episode. I think that I’m saying everything I want to say and I don’t even feel vulnerable about that. It’s interesting, I guess my podcast feels a little bit safer.
Chris: Yeah, maybe.
Lindsey: But yeah, I think I could take the recording even and use it for things. I think I also have to ask myself some powerful questions and answer them. I think part of what made this easy was I just spoke from my heart and I think sometimes I need to ask myself questions to create authentic answers of what I want to say or what I want to share about.
But really, I think it’s just paying attention. Paying attention to myself when I have those moments, when I have those miracle moments, when I have that perspective about life. And writing them down and putting them out in the world without regard for how they look or how perfect they are or how people will receive them.
Lindsey: And I have to trust myself. I have to trust myself that I’m going to say what I feel and that’s what matters. I don’t ever have the thought, you’re going to die one – I mean, maybe, but I just have to trust myself that it’s going to come out however it needs to and that’s what matters, that I don’t have to fear it sounding a certain way.
Chris: Yeah. Carl Jung said that which is most human is most universal. And I think you see that on the content that hits a nerve with people, is that when you share your humanity or vulnerabilities, I mean, look at Brené Brown and her work. It’s not about the most curated person hitting a nerve, right?
Lindsey: Not at all.
Chris: It’s about the humanity that you’re sharing because we all can relate to that.
Lindsey: Yeah. And I think that it all circles back so perfectly, I think that all of that realization, like my grandma passed away, a girl I played volleyball with that was like 23 years old was killed in a really terrible accident and not even an accident, and that’s what pushed me to change my life. And so it just made me realize that’s – It made me come face to face with that my life could end at any moment. And I think maybe that’s what people do need to hear in order to be inspired to change.
Chris: Yeah. Let me do something. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath through your nose. We’re good, we’ve got a few minutes. Yeah. Reset there. We’ll just bridge this between where we have been and where we’re going, but take another deep breath through your nose, fill your lungs all the way up. And then take another little breath in through your nose. Breathe out.
And while you keep doing that, breathing in through your nose, filling your lungs, you’re not breathing. I know you can follow instructions, you’re an athlete. So while you do that, I want you to imagine a quick scene where you’re sitting on the back deck, it’s perfect outside. You have a hot cup of coffee. Eva’s inside playing. Everybody’s good. You don’t have to worry about anything. You’re in your comfortable, beautiful pajamas, and you hear this buzzing behind your head.
And when you turn around, you briefly see a hummingbird fly away. And that’s the last you ever see of it. You never see that hummingbird again because it flew back into the woods and it said, I don’t know if Lindsey is going to like how I look. I don’t know if she’s going to appreciate the color on my throat. I think she’s going to think it’s weird how I can fly backwards.
I think she doesn’t understand how long my tongue is and that I got to get really close to that feeder that she’s got right next to her and it freaks me out. I don’t like that. That makes me feel vulnerable. So I’m just going to go back and hide in the woods. What do you think about that?
Lindsey: Now I feel sad.
Lindsey: Because I look at the hummingbird like it’s magical no matter, like all of those things. And that if it hid itself, then I wouldn’t get to appreciate its magic, which is the point of all this.
Chris: The Mango magic.
Lindsey: I suppose, I guess this is why you love me too. And if I hid it from you, then that would probably be hard to love me, harder.
Chris: You’ve tried.
Lindsey: I have tried. I’ve given it a valiant effort, but you’re pretty formidable.
Chris: I’ll go in the woods and find you.
Lindsey: Thank you.
Chris: You’re welcome.
Lindsey: That was really great.
Chris: You did great. I love you.
Lindsey: I love you too.
Chris: Anything else for them?
Lindsey: No, I’m just excited to share this message and all the messages that are going to come from all of this. And I just appreciate you guys. And if you got value out of this, share it with somebody who you think needs to hear it.
Lindsey: I also think the last thing is whoever you are, whether you have a business or not, or you’re on social media, I mean, I think this is so, what we’re talking about here is so human. Like we just joked that it can show up in relationships or anything. And so I think all of my listeners do that, but apply this to wherever it applies in your life and wherever you’re hiding yourself, your truest self from the world.
So anyway, thank you guys. We’ll be returning back to our call in –
Chris: Weekly scheduled programming.
Lindsey: Well, I mean, we’re essentially doing the same thing on all the episodes, just people aren’t known when they call in. So you guys can still book and call in for coaching. You can use an anonymous name if you would like to. And we’ll just be back. We’re going to be talking about some new year’s goals. I think it’s the perfect time.
Actually, originally I was going to have those episodes go out in January, but now they’re going to be going out at the end of January and into February. We’re talking about money, we have an episode on money that has a huge breakthrough. We have an episode on wanting more, but knowing that they keep not being committed to it.
All sorts of things that are going to really be impactful because I think at this point, the newness of the new year is starting to wear off. And so I think these shifts are going to be really vital and transformative. So stay tuned. We will see you next week on Wednesday. And thank you so much for your amazing coaching.
Chris: You’re welcome.
Lindsey: Love you guys. See you soon, bye.
If you want to call in to The Life Coach Hotline, go to https://lindseymango coaching.com/lifecoachhotline. Talk to you soon. Bye.