Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.
Hello, and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Guys, how are you? Before we jump into today’s episode, I’ll just be honest, I have a little bit of a tightness in my chest because this week’s episode is quite different than the episodes, than any episode that I have ever released in the past. And it’s somewhat vulnerable for me and the reason why I’m doing it is because I know how valuable it’s going to be.
So I’m going to kind of explain what it’s all about and then what I want you to pay attention to in the episode so that it can offer you the biggest transformation and growth that’s available to you. So Chris and I recently had this idea to, we coach each other a lot. We’re kind of like the saying iron sharpens iron. And we challenge each other and coach and all of that.
And the other day I was like, “Why don’t we just start recording these conversations? I can’t imagine how much value there is in this, like for people to hear us being coached and us coaching each other.” And so Chris was coaching me and we just came upstairs and hit record and literally recorded it as if the microphone was not there.
And some really amazing stuff came out and I’m thinking about doing more of these episodes in the future because I also coached Chris, I’m hoping to release one of those. But the reason why I specifically wanted to share this episode was for a couple of reasons. I think the first reason is if you are thinking about starting a coaching business but you’ve never experienced coaching or seen coaching in action, I think it can feel very elusive or hard to decide if coaching is something that you want to do.
And I think this episode is really going to illustrate to you what coaching looks like, like what transformation is available and what coaching conversations actually look like and will look like when you’re a skilled coach and when you’re coaching clients. So that you know is this something I really want to do?
I think the second thing is it shows what is available to you as a client when you’re on the receiving end of coaching. The coaching that Chris offers me in this episode is the exact style of coaching that I offer my clients. It’s the way I ask questions, it’s the way I dig deep, it’s the way I get curious and challenge you so that you can see things from a different perspective so you can make powerful decisions and go out and actually create different results in your life.
And I think it’s so powerful to see and experience what that’s like on the receiving end of it because that’s what you get when you join Anything But Average. You get access to coaching every single week to have these types of transformations so that you can change your life and start your coaching business and sign clients and all of it.
And the last reason I wanted to share this with you guys is because my realization, I think, is quite applicable to probably everyone listening and the realization they need to have in order to start taking steps to change their life. And you’ll hear the transformation, there’s a lot of transformation that happens. But really what it comes down to is being willing to take emotional risk.
What you guys will hear is I have a goal for my business and I was really doubting it and feeling uncertain about it. And that’s what Chris coaches me on. And what you’ll see is after failing to hit my goals in the past I am afraid to get back in the arena and basically get punched in the face again.
And what it’s done, that fear has held me back from playing bigger, from believing new things, from making powerful decisions, from really going out and essentially creating this goal and helping more people and hitting my business goals. And what I realized is that if I’m not willing to take the emotional risk, meaning like believe that it’s possible, believe that I can actually have it and make decisions from there, then I just keep playing safe. I keep living safe and I create a life, essentially, that I regret.
So you guys will hear all of that. But I want you to apply this to you, wherever you are. I want you to think about what is the cost of you not taking the emotional risk you need to take in order to go after what you want in this life. Because when you see that the cost of that is far greater than the emotional risk, you will make a decision in that moment. And you actually hear me make that decision on the episode.
So it’s emotional. It’s real. It’s raw. It’s imperfect. The sound quality is probably imperfect too because we literally were just having a conversation with the mic on. But I really believe you guys are going to get so much from it and I hope that it inspires you to make a decision right now to take the emotional risk required for you to go out and create what you want.
So without further ado, with enough build up, this episode is Chris Goodman, my husband, coaching me on hitting a goal of enrolling 50 students in Anything But Average. And I also, as I’m getting coached, kind of bring perspective to it because that’s what helps me learn, and I’m sure it will help a lot of you guys learn too. So without further ado, here it is.
And before we jump in, don’t forget Anything But Average is open for enrollment. My program that teaches you how to start your coaching business, sign clients, so you can create the anything but average life that you want.
And I really want you guys to think about that throughout this episode, is joining this program the emotional risk you need to take and believing that it’s even possible that you can do it the emotional risk you need to take in order to create what you want? And what’s the cost of not doing it? Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. I will see you on the inside of the program, and let’s jump into today’s episode.
Chris: In a dream world what end result would you have, let’s say July 31st?
Lindsey: So my initial thought is the goal for enrollments in ABA is 30. But something I’ve been thinking about is like 100 and using that as the thing to stretch my mind to.
Chris: Well, I think this can be confusing because it’s like typing into Google 30 or 100.
Lindsey: Right, and that’s what I’m saying, is I can feel, like I don’t feel like I’m committed to 100. I’m just using 100 as like the guide to my uncomfortable growth, I guess.
Chris: Why? Why isn’t 30 uncomfortable to grow?
Lindsey: I think it is. I think 100 just stretches my mind to think a little bit bigger than I’m thinking.
Chris: Just hear me out, how could you stretch your mind at 30?
Lindsey: Well, I’ve never had, I’ve had 28 enrollments in ABA in a launch. So, I mean, 30 is a goal that I haven’t hit yet.
Chris: So then why think about 100?
Lindsey: I just thought it was a fun way to think bigger because the goal will eventually be 100 and I thought if I start showing up now. But let’s think about it, okay, what would blow my mind? Like let’s think about it from that lens. 50, if 50 people enrolled in July in ABA, that would blow my mind.
Chris: So I like how they do this in the one thing, they have realistic, stretch, and impossible goals.
Chris: So it sounds like 30 is realistic.
Chris: 50 is a stretch, and 100 is impossible.
Lindsey: Yeah, like I know 100 will be done eventually.
Chris: Yeah, but that’s what I’m saying.
Lindsey: But not this month.
Chris: It’s not that 100 is actually impossible, it’s just your current awareness it seems like it would be.
Lindsey: Right. Yeah, okay, so let’s do 50.
Chris: Yeah, 50 would stretch and put pressure on your, like healthy pressure on your systems, or your comfort and your systems to see if you can hit that.
Chris: All right, so on a scale of 1 to 10, how much, 10 is total belief. How much belief do you’ll hit 50?
Chris: All right, why?
Lindsey: Because it feels like it’s possible. It feels like a miracle would need to happen or like something drastic would have to change in order for me to hit that goal because it’s double, almost double our biggest launch yet.
Lindsey: I’ll just tell you all the gut reaction reasons. My brain is like, I took three months off and haven’t been working. I’ve been focusing on changing your life overall and some of my content. So my brain hasn’t been specific enough to starting a coaching business to kind of hit that nail directed towards the right person that’s going to enroll in the program. Have we brought in enough new people?
And of course the fun one is like never done that before. I have some thoughts like, I know time doesn’t create results consciously, but my brain is like, you know, I have a baby, I’m a mom and I have three days a week. So I’m going to have to take a lot of action or, you know, I’m going to have limited time.
And then I think one of the biggest things that’s been showing up for me is that when I opened up my program it’s like I had this, I thought hundreds of people were going to join right off the bat. And so I noticed this yesterday that it’s like I’m afraid to believe that big again because I felt so shell shocked and so disappointed. And it took me a while, it’s kind of like if I’m a boxer and I’ve never been hit before, and then like I got socked in the face so hard and blacked out.
It’s like I’m afraid to get back in the ring and get hit again that hard. And so it’s almost like, because I also think it was expectation, which I think is a little bit different than possibility. And so it feels like it took me a while to get my bearings again and accept that it might take some time and growth for me to hit the goal. And so I’m having trouble really believing and putting myself back in the arena again.
Chris: Okay. Tell me what your beliefs would look like at 10 out of 10.
Lindsey: For 50 enrollments?
Lindsey: First, thought is like of course, there have never been so many people who want to be in this program. I’m the best person to teach this to them. They’re committed and willing to do whatever it takes to hit their goal. There have never been so many people who want to be in here. Their life’s going to change the moment they click enroll. 10 out of 10, that it’s done, 50 people will join before we’re even halfway through the launch. There’s plenty of people. I know exactly what I need to do. This is going to be fun.
I think my brain would even then, I think about this a lot, it would be focused on like we know 50 people has done it, how can we help more people make this commitment to start their coaching business and in turn change their life? It’s a very like all of it, and this is kind of what I’ve been toying around with with going into this launch is it’s like a very fun energy. It’s a certain energy, it’s a playful energy, it’s service, like how can we help more people?
Chris: Okay, so just look at the major difference between these thoughts, something drastic would have to happen. Three months off. Been talking about changing life versus starting a coaching business. Don’t have enough new people. Never done it before. Only have three days per week to work. Afraid to believe that big because I took a big hit before.
Versus, of course, never been so many people who want in. I’m the best person to teach this to them. They are committed and willing to do whatever it takes. Their life changes the moment they click enroll. It’s done. There’s plenty of people. I know exactly what I need to do. This is going to be fun, playful, certain, service.
The first thing I see in the first set is it’s all about you. It’s all about your miserable experience of…
Lindsey: It is miserable, babe. No, I’m kidding.
Chris: The truth is your ego has got a white hot light focused on all of your insecurities, all of your not enoughness.
Chris: And so of course it’s finding all the evidence to support that.
Chris: Versus this next one is outward focused. This is fun, this is about them, this is about serving, this is playful.
Lindsey: I think the part where I get a little screwed is I can even, listing off the thoughts 10 out of 10, I can actually access some of those feelings in my body, like immediately. So that tells me that they’re accessible in some way, shape, or form.
I think what’s hard for me, and I know consciously that if I just chose those thoughts and feelings and did every launch from that place, then whether I created the result now or not, I would create the result eventually, right? Like that’s how this works.
But there’s something, there’s some resistance or there’s some, like I can feel it in my body that doesn’t want to let me go there. It doesn’t want to allow me to just believe that, choose to believe it, decide like this is what we’re going in with. And whether we sign 10 people or 50, our job is to just keep believing these things until it happens. And there’s something in my body that doesn’t want to let me go there. It’s afraid.
Chris: Well let’s just see if we can figure out what it is. If we didn’t judge your body or your brain for feeling that way.
Lindsey: I don’t feel judgment.
Chris: No, but just leaning into it.
Lindsey: It feels risky. It feels kind of like what we were talking about downstairs. It’s like if I believe that and I lean that hard into it, my brain likes to say that, well, then we won’t fix the problems. It’s funny to even say this out loud. But like, you know, if I just feel good and show up in service and have fun, then I’m not going to be aware of the problems that need to be solved. And I won’t use pressure, which is kind of my go-to to fix things so that we do get there.
And then the other thought is I’m going to make unsafe decisions. I’m going to plan my budget with my bookkeeper for things, if I like really lean into that I’m going to plan for things and then the money is not going to be there in my business. We’re going to, you know, focus on distributing it somewhere and then the thought is like I’m going to be blindsided. And my brain is saying like other situations where this has happened before.
Chris: Okay. So it’s not worth that risk?
Lindsey: It is.
Chris: Is it?
Lindsey: I guess the immediate thing that comes up is there must be in that there’s a feeling that I’m avoiding. Like there’s some feeling that I had when I believed and I went all in, and I made decisions for my business and our lives and then I got punched in the nose. And whatever feeling I experienced there is one that I don’t want to experience again.
Chris: I think I know what it was. It’s a mix, it’s disappointment in yourself mixed with insignificance.
Lindsey: You going to tell me or ask me?
Chris: No, I’m just going to cut straight to it. Am I wrong?
Lindsey: Probably, I mean, I could see truth in that. I think, yeah, I think it’s disappointment. I think it’s sadness. I think it’s frustration, not feeling good enough. You know, it feels like other people launch their things and have thousands of people join and here I am having to work so hard. It sounds so victimy, but like work so hard to try to get my goal and it feels frustrating.
Which means that really the feeling that I’m avoiding is, insignificance is true but it doesn’t feel like the feeling that I connect.
Chris: No, that’s why I said, you know, the surface feeling is disappointment. But if we burrow down to what’s really underneath of it and why that bothers you.
Lindsey: Yeah, it’s just of course it’s not feeling good enough.
Chris: Yeah, that’s what I have written down, is a mix of not enoughness. Because you are the business at that point, right? You’ve hitched your worse insecurities.
Lindsey: Yeah, I mean, my typical go to is I hitch my achievements to my personal value.
Chris: Yeah, and the money is the yardstick to measure whether or not it’s good enough.
Lindsey: Yeah, or the number of enrollments, or whether I hit my goal or not, like whatever. I mean it’s just whatever I can measure. It’s just like sports, right? It’s like measuring it based on the number of points your team scored.
Chris: Yeah, and what happens if nothing changes there?
Lindsey: If I don’t let go of that? Or if I keep doing it this way?
Chris: Isn’t that the same thing?
Lindsey: Well, no, it’s the opposite. So if I let go of it, then I will have fun and create the business that I want and live a life where I can be happy no matter what I achieve and I’ll achieve a hell of a lot more. I know that. And if I don’t let go of it, I’m just going to keep myself stuck doing this over and over and over again.
So I’ll either, in that scenario I’ll either achieve the goals and then it’ll never be good enough because there’s always more to achieve and I’ll always be chasing this feeling. Or I won’t achieve the goals because I’m continuing to come from insufficiency and that I’m not good enough. And I’m making, I posted about this the other day, you can’t be in service when you’re in survival.
And to me, this is like my body being in survival. It’s like my version of it, right? Like I can’t survive if I’m not achieving the most because I’m not lovable and I’m not worthy. And so that just will keep me in this cycle because it’s also keeping me from taking the risk emotionally to believe the things I need to believe, to do the things I need to do.
And the hard part is it’s like I’m so, obviously with my coach brain, I’m so aware of it, like I see it. I see what’s happening here and I know that the only way out is to take that risk and lean into it. And I can have compassion that my brain is really attached to the story. And I feel like I do let go of it, like for short periods of time. Like I let go of it for a month, I let go of it for six months even, but it’s like my brain just kind of defaults back to this pattern.
And I think it always will, like I joke with my clients, this is my shtick. Like this is my thing and so I just have to be super conscious and aware that for a lot of the time I’m going to try to tie my value to my achievements, and that’s my work. But I still feel this, like it’s almost like I’m like, okay, so the way out is I trust fall. Like I just have to fall. And I’m like, I see that and the only way I’m going to get with the result is if I stand up, lay back, and fall
Because I know if I don’t do that, I won’t get to where I want to go. But I’m like, but I keep putting my foot back like, but I don’t want to fall. I don’t want to smack my head on the ground.
Chris: And that’s when you start thinking something drastic would have to happen to have enough new people, because you can’t trust that that’s the case.
Lindsey: Right, because if I do, then I risk all of this.
Chris: So let’s look at that part that. It’s such an extreme, trust fall or complete control over every piece of it and no risk.
Lindsey: And it’s funny, I’m okay with taking a lot of risk. It’s the emotional risk, right? Like I’m good with putting my money where my mouth is and showing up and doing uncomfortable things like outside. But it’s like the emotional risk is what I’m afraid of.
Chris: What’s the truth about emotional risk to you?
Lindsey: You’re not going anywhere unless you’re willing to take emotional risk.
Chris: Yeah, the most important parts of your life—
Lindsey: Yeah, this makes me a little emotional because I think anything great in my life was from taking an emotional risk. Like having a baby is like the biggest emotional risk you could ever take because it’s like you’ve never cared more about anything in your life. And something could happen to them, but you choose to take it because if you don’t the cost is getting to experience the love that we get to experience and getting to experience her and have her and let her be a human in the world.
So it’s really the same thing here, that it’s like without the emotional risk, without being willing to take the emotional risk it costs me everything. And when I put it like that… Yeah, okay. This is going to be really valuable for people to hear.
Chris: If they can hear it, we’ll see. Well, let’s stay right at the side of that. What’s that mean?
Lindsey: It means that to me I have no other choice.
Chris: To do what?
Lindsey: Than to be willing to believe thoughts that don’t feel true yet or to be willing to take the action and make the decisions and lean into the 10 out of 10 things. Because if I don’t do that I cost myself, and honestly it’s not even about me, I cost my clients, the people who could change their lives by being in this program. And also me being an example for my clients, like I cost them that example. I cost Eva that example.
So it’s just like it just isn’t an option because I’ve committed my life to being an example. And I’ve committed to growth, and I’ve committed to living a life unlike anyone else. And honestly this is the cost of that. This is what people aren’t willing to do.
Chris: It seems awfully heavy handed, this is the cost, the risk.
Lindsey: I feel passionately about it, I think. I don’t feel like I’m beating myself up with it, I think it feels like fire in my belly.
Chris: What does?
Lindsey: The idea of that, that if I’m not willing to take the emotional risk then it costs me everything. And not in like a beat myself with a stick kind of thing, it just is kind of like when I first changed my life, I realized that life was so short and that was the motivation that I needed to finally decide to do whatever it took to change my life, and I did.
And I think this is the same kind of turning point. I think human brains are human brains and I think I’ve done that for taking the emotional risk. And then I got my face knocked in and I went back in a little hole and got scared. And now it’s like the come to Jesus moment that it’s time to do it all again. And I can trust that I believe I’m capable of handling anything. I really do.
So if that’s the case, then I can be willing to take any emotional risk. It’s just sometimes it doesn’t feel like an option, you know? It feels like it just happens, that all of a sudden you get scared and you start believing old things and they feel true. But that’s part of the work.
Chris: So let’s daydream what it would look like if you did take the emotional risk that you are talking about.
Lindsey: Man, I’m sweaty. I can already feel, remember I said I have that feeling, like I’ve told you before it almost feels like I’m like a wild horse like stuck running in place trying to get out of the, what are they called? What are those things called like at the derby when they’re in the beginning and they’re like ready to take off?
Chris: In the gate?
Lindsey: Yeah, that’s what I’ve felt like is like I’m in the gate and I’m a wild horse and I want to get out there and do amazing things and take my business to the next level.
Chris: But what would the first step be?
Lindsey: And what I was saying is I can already feel a release of like the gate has opened and I can run out there and do my thing. So what was the question?
Chris: I said let’s daydream what it would look like if you were taking that emotional risk.
Lindsey: So it’s that, to me it’s like the freedom of getting to run wild and take the risk with my ideas and show up and ask for what I want, and share value, and have fun with it. It’s funny, a lot of people don’t think having fun and showing up in service is risky, but it is. It’s usually safer to not do those things.
So it feels like freedom. It feels like I can just show up and do what I’m here to do.
Chris: Which is?
Lindsey: Help more people do this exact thing. Like, hey Lindsey, want to know why not as many people that you know you can help are buying? It’s because they’re not willing to take the emotional risk because you are not. And that’s really, I mean, to me, that’s why I teach what I teach, that you always have to lead with example, people are all just mirroring you.
So so far, I’ve gotten the result that’s reflected the emotional risk I’ve been willing to take. So if I want to help more people take more emotional risk, I have to be willing to take more emotional risk.
Chris: Okay, so if you were being the example, then what?
Lindsey: I would just lean into this. I think the biggest thing is noticing when I start to get in fear, when I start to believe the same thinking. And I have to go back to being willing to believe in things that my brain doesn’t see physical evidence for and following that up with action and decisions no matter what. No matter how uncomfortable it is, no matter how scary it is.
Chris: Well scary is relative, isn’t it?
Lindsey: Yeah, because this is more scary to me, actually.
Chris: Right, staying here, you said that, in so many words, this is exactly what you don’t want.
Chris: So what’s scarier?
Lindsey: Right, and I think that’s what I was saying about when I change my own life, I realized the cost. Like it felt scary to take the risk, right? But the cost of that was actually scarier because the cost of that was not changing my life. And then literally I kind of think in extremes and I think about the end of my life a lot. But I think, or I know that it would mean getting to the end of my life and looking back with regret. And to me, that’s like the scariest thing I could ever imagine.
And if I’m not willing to take the emotional risk now, like, yeah, I’ve built an amazing life and I’m really proud, but there’s so much more for me to do. And the cost of not doing it is everything. And I guess to me that’s why, it’s not about the results because, again, my company is growing, we’re helping people, we’re getting awesome results, our lives are amazing. It’s not that, but it’s like I’ve felt like I’ve been at a plateau probably because I’ve stopped taking emotional risk at the level I need to. That’s what it feels like.
Chris: So tell me more about what it would look like to move forward this week without regret.
Lindsey: I’ve noticed that I question myself when I go to create content and like overthink it and try to get it just right. I think I would just show up in total service. And any idea I have to share, any value, any realization I have or something I know that’s going to help people, I would just put it out there. I would just show up just serving and taking all the ideas that I have.
And I tend to go do a lot, so I think part of my work in the emotional risk is sitting with some of those ideas. But sitting with them and the discomfort of that for me, but then going and doing the things that might be crazy, that might not make sense on paper why I would do something and doing it anyway.
Chris: How do you know when you’re in service?
Lindsey: The result doesn’t matter.
Lindsey: So it’s like it’s about one person. It’s like the same thought I had when I started my business before anyone gave a shit about what I was doing. My thought was somebody somewhere is sitting in their bedroom at home all alone And she’s not liking or commenting on my content, but she’s hearing my message and I’m just going to show up for her. And that’s how I showed up every day.
And slowly that person showed up. And then the next person showed up and the next person, the next person, the next person. So I didn’t care about how many comments I got or whether somebody reached out to me. I cared that, I believed that that was what was happening and I showed up for that.
Chris: On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 is high, how much do you believe there are 50 women sitting in their room listening to you?
Lindsey: Good question. Oh, 10.
Lindsey: Yeah, I think there’s thousands, I know there’s thousands. And the key is the emotional risk, like the only reason that they’re not starting the coaching business and going after their dream is the emotional risk of what their family thinks, with their friends think, the fact that they’ve done this before, the fact that they got knocked in the face and they don’t want to take that emotional risk again.
So if I really think about it, this is the way out and I have to go first. I can’t expect people, and I’m saying this now because I’m also thinking about this podcast being shared. For people listening it’s like that’s why I’m all about leading by example, because you can’t ask other people to do something you’re unwilling to do. You can’t be the example and lead the way for them if you’re unwilling to do it.
Whether they consciously know it or not, they can feel it. And they won’t buy because of that, they won’t take the emotional risk, at least with you.
Chris: But should they?
Lindsey: No, I don’t think they should. I think they have every right not to because you’re not leading the way, you’re not willing to do it. And that’s what all of our brains do, is we go, well, I’m not going to take the emotional risk until I have evidence or until I get the result. But that’s exactly why everybody else doesn’t take the emotional risk. And so you literally will never create the result you want doing that.
Chris: Yeah. So you’ve gotten all of the best things in your life by taking emotional risks, Eva, me, your business, your health, by prioritizing that right?
Lindsey: Taking the risk of choosing to love my body and follow foods that feel good and working out instead of like whipping myself into submission.
Chris: Yeah, all that required a decision before you became that person. So with this, what do you have to decide today?
Lindsey: I think I already have.
Chris: What is it?
Lindsey: That there’s no other choice but to take the emotional risk. Like I think it’s, I knew it unconsciously but I think I’m finally seeing the cost of not taking it. I think because I have such amazing results and my business is making lots of money, it’s like my brain can kind of convince itself like we’ve taken the emotional risk and we’ve got great results. But I think at every, if you want to keep growing to new levels it just requires more emotional risk.
And so I think I kind of got stuck thinking like, yeah, we’re here, we’re doing it. But the next level is just going to require even more emotional risk and that will never end, fortunately and unfortunately. But that, to me, is a fulfilling life then.
Chris: And no regret.
Chris: Okay, now what?
Lindsey: Now that I’m sweating my butt off I feel good, I’m like ready to go.
Chris: Well to go what?
Lindsey: To go help some people. And honestly I think one of the first places is sharing this episode. I think I want to share it on my podcast and I think if you want to share it.
Chris: Well I’ll ask the podcast owner if he’s give permission for that. We’ll have to see.
Lindsey: Who said you owned this?
Chris: It’s my microphone and my computer.
Lindsey: Oh, so I own your whole podcast from the last two years since you used my mic?
Chris: No, let’s not turn it into my podcast.
Lindsey: Okay, got it.
If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.