Ep #55: Comparison

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As someone who’s had an athletic background, competition was a big part of my life and so I naturally saw everything as a win or lose situation. I used to be the queen of comparison, comparing everything about myself to others, and it was so exhausting.

Comparison is one of the biggest topics I help my clients with because, let’s face it, sometimes we can’t help it. I want to offer to you this week that comparison isn’t a problem, but gaining a deeper understanding of why you might be doing it and how to bypass it is the pathway to the other side.

Guys, this is your opportunity for growth. If you want to let your potential clients have the pleasure of working with you, to believe in the work you’re doing, and be drawn to you, this work is crucial. I’m showing you what comparison really is and why we do it, and my top tips on how you can limit it to become the confident coach I know you can be.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in my signature program, Anything but Average. It’s where I’ll walk you through everything you need to know about starting a coaching business, so click here to enroll and I’ll see you on the inside! 

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • What comparison really is at its core.
  • Why comparison is the worst thing you can indulge in for you and your business.
  • What causes us to want to compare ourselves to others.
  • How to stop comparing yourself to others.

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream coaching business a reality, join my Anything but Average program.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.

Hello and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything but Average. I don’t know if you guys can tell, but my voice feels a little scruffy and rough around the edges. And that is because I was at a bachelorette party this weekend, stayed up way later than I normally do, and probably talked a bazillion more words than I normally do.

By the time this episode actually goes live, I think that will be almost a month ago. But right now, it was just last weekend. And for those of you guys who follow me, it was for my friend and coach Stacey. And it’s so fun. I was actually getting so many messages from so many of my students and clients about how fun it is to watch us because a lot of our group of friends were coaches.

And somebody told us – Whitney actually, she did the podcast interview earlier, maybe a month ago. And she was like, “I felt like it was like the royal wedding coming together watching all my favorite coaches hang out.” And it was just so fun to hear her say that because you never think about yourself that way. You know what I mean?

It’s just – I was like, oh, we are the big dogs. Some of you guys might hear that and be like, “Wait, I already thought that.” And it’s definitely something I’m working on in my self-concept and feel more and more every day. But still, I’m like, wait a minute, what? It’s going to be like Brooke Castillo and all her coach friends. That is us.

Anyway, I am super excited about today’s episode. Gosh, I think I start every episode with that and we’re just going to go with it. I don’t care. I’m always excited. Do you guys get that?

Actually, one thing before we start. At the bachelorette party, we had this joke, if you’ve ever been around me, if you know me, I am as optimistic and positive and peppy as I actually am online. I know that’s shocking.

And so literally, nothing can happen without me looking at the bright side. It’s just how my brain works at this point in my life. And so they were all joking that they needed to put a shock collar on me because every time I say something peppy and positive when it’s not a peppy or positive situation, they were like, “We need to shock her.”

And we were cracking up about it. So anyway, it was just a funny story that I was thinking about. So I wanted to talk about comparison today. And I think I’ve actually done an episode on this a long, long time ago, but it’s something I want to talk about because I have such a different perspective, like an even better perspective on it now because it’s not something I’m experiencing in this moment.

Doesn’t mean it will be like that forever, but I really worked through it and I’m on the other side, where I don’t find myself paying attention to anyone else and what they’re doing and the results they’re creating. And I’ve actually gotten this a lot where people are like, “I jumped off your email list because I kept comparing myself to you,” or a lot of my students, they spend lots of time scrolling social media, calculating when did this coach start, and oh, I’ve been in business for four years, why is she so much more successful than me?

And I was thinking about what comparison really is at its core, what causes it, and how to actually get around it. So that’s what I’m going to share with you guys today because comparison is like – it is like the kryptonite, it’s the worst thing you can do for yourself, for your business, and just in general in your life. It steals your joy; it steals your ability to feel proud and excited about what you’re doing. It holds so many of my students back.

And again, we coach on this inside Anything but Average to make sure that this doesn’t keep them from flourishing and creating the coaching business that they want. So we’re going to talk about comparison, why we do it, what it actually is, and how to bypass it, how to actually work past it so that this isn’t hindering your growth.

So my definition of comparison is selling yourself on other people. It’s thinking about all of the positives or all of the results that they’re creating and how great they are, or how much better of a coach they are, what they offer that you don’t. It’s comparing, it’s looking at where they’re better, different, more experienced, more than you.

And essentially, at its core, it is selling yourself and your brain on how they’re better than you. That is comparison. Now, I want you guys to think about that for a second. When you are spending lots of time selling yourself on somebody else, what you’re not doing is spending time selling yourself on you and how great you are and how great of a coach you are and what you have to offer your clients and the uniqueness that you bring to the table.

Or even how amazing you are if you’re comparing yourself in a relationship, right? If you’re comparing to your boyfriend or girlfriend’s last person that they dated, you’re selling yourself on them instead of selling yourself on why you’re the best person for this job, for this role, for this relationship.

And every time you do that, you lose confidence in yourself. That’s quite obvious when it comes to comparison. But I like to think of it from that standpoint of selling yourself on someone else is taking away from selling yourself on you, which I want you to imagine that you’re literally stealing money and stealing opportunity from clients and from yourself when you do this. Every single moment you do this.

So why does the human brain actually do this? It compares because when you feel insufficient, meaning you don’t feel good enough, it’s your brain’s way of confirming that belief. Our brain loves to make us feel bad because if it makes us feel bad, we will either stay safe and not do anything and not go after our dream, or our brain also thinks if I make you feel really bad, then maybe you’ll get your shit together and make yourself good enough so you are just as good as this other person you’re comparing to.

When in reality, it does neither. It makes you feel terrible, it makes you doubt and lose trust in yourself, and then it produces worse results. I want you guys to hear this. Feeling shitty, making yourself feel bad is the worst way to create motivation and change and to create the result that you want in any area.

So when we feel insufficient, when we don’t feel good enough, then our brain is like, let’s look outward, let’s solidify that and show you that other coach that’s doing such a great job, or that other person who started way sooner than you, or your friend who decided she wanted to be a coach and now she’s moving faster than you.

Now you’re looking for more evidence and you’re selling yourself on all these other things, instead of on you. Now, something I teach my students and I want to offer you guys is one of the strategies I use and I talk about with my clients is to limit your opportunity to do this.

Now, this doesn’t heal the core. I’m not big on let’s just change the circumstance. But it’s like if you’re getting hit in the head by something and it would be easier to handle what’s going on in your own brain by just taking a step to the right and not letting that thing hit you in the head, that is going to serve you in your ultimate growth.

So something I want to offer is to limit your opportunity to compare yourself. What that doesn’t mean is just ignore it and be like, it’s all these other people’s fault, I need to just totally remove myself because there is so much growth in this and I’m going to talk about that next.

But constrain who you’re following, what you’re paying attention to. I don’t follow and scroll a lot on social media and pay attention to what everybody else is doing because I spend that time selling myself on me and what I’m offering people and the value I’m creating for other people.

So if you find yourself constantly going back to this person’s page and comparing yourself, unfollow them for now. Come back later. One thing I also want to offer with that is if you compare yourself to me or someone you admire, someone you follow, my thought is stop.

And what I mean is sometimes I see people – I want you to imagine if I played volleyball, which I did, for 20 years, I didn’t play for that long but I played at a D1 college. I was a very successful athlete. I want you to imagine it’s your first year of playing volleyball and you’re comparing your skill to me, who’s been playing at the D1 level for two years, whatever, when I was a junior.

I’m nowhere near that age anymore unfortunately. It just doesn’t make sense. So also just remember at least compare if you’re going to compare, and we’re going to talk about how not to do that, but at least compare yourself to someone who’s on the same playing field.

Don’t compare yourself to somebody who has been playing the same sport that you just started for 10 years. You’re just not even giving yourself a fair chance. So that’s just one thing I also want to offer there.

But the first thing is limit your opportunity. Unfollow people. Limit the time you are on social media scrolling so that when your brain does start to feel like you’re not good enough, it doesn’t just go automatically into the action of scrolling and comparing.

Then the other piece of this is every time you catch yourself wanting or compare, or you’re doing it, not a problem, the first step to any change is awareness and bringing awareness to what you’re doing. I want you to sell yourself on you.

When I say that, what I mean is look at – don’t think about them. Look at what do you have to offer? Why is what you offer so amazing and so unique to your clients? Why is your coaching idea or business that you want to start amazing? Why do you have a unique story to tell? Or what about you is magical and different?

What are all the things that you bring to the table, and selling yourself on that. This might be very uncomfortable at first but once you start doing it, the more you do that, the more confident you’re going to feel. Because the truth is, guys, if I spend all day selling myself on other people’s work and how they have better results or they are offering more or whatever it is, imagine how I’m going to feel about what I’m offering.

And when I feel that way, I’m going to produce a much less result. And then I’m going to continue to compare and then you spiral out of control. You keep staying stuck in that cycle. You want to just sell yourself on what you do have to offer. Not what you don’t have to offer.

Something that really – I used to be the queen of comparison and wanting to – even with my body and my appearance and everything was a contest. Coming from an athletic background, there’s a winner and there’s a loser, and it was so exhausting all the time.

And I’ll never forget, I had this moment, and this might not sound like something that would make you feel better, but I had this moment where I realized there will always be someone out in the world who is smarter, prettier, fitter, more skilled at this, does more, whatever.

And so if that is a fact, then I might as well spend my time focused on what I do have to offer, what I love about myself, what I enjoy about myself, and who I am, and what I bring to the table, than thinking about that gap constantly. The more I think about the gap, the less I bring to the table.

And that really helped me just make peace with the fact that this isn’t a competition. There is no winner, there is no loser. I just get to feel good about myself, my business, my coaching, what I’m bringing to the table because of what I do offer.

So remember, any time you’re comparing, you are selling yourself on someone else instead of selling yourself on you. The way out is to sell yourself on you. Look for what you do have. Not what you don’t have. That will be a game-changer for your confidence, for the way you show up in the world, for your coaching business and for your clients.

I want you to think about it like that. Selling yourself on you is the best thing you can do for the coaching business you want to start, or the coaching business you have because the more confidence you bring to the table, the more you’re going to let other people have the opportunity to work with you, believe in the work that you’re doing, be drawn to you, and ultimately change their life.

This is one of the biggest things I have to help clients with, even when they first get started. They start to think things like there’s too many coaches, or what am I going to bring to the table that’s different, and they’re already comparing themselves before they get started.

I want you to remember this isn’t a problem. This is just the pathway to the other side. This is your opportunity for growth. So just remember there’s a way to get around this and if you are finding yourself wanting to start a coaching business and seeing this drama showing up, make sure to join us in Anything but Average where I teach you how to start your coaching business.

Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. I walk you through the entire process from becoming a great and confident coach to identifying your unique purpose as a coach so you can sell yourself on you and what you have to bring to the table, launching your business, putting it out in the world, to signing clients and changing their lives.

I love you guys and remember, sell yourself on you, what you do have, what you do bring to the table, and not on other people. I love you guys. I will talk to you next week. Bye.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything but Average, where I will walk you through the step-by-step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.

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