Ep #50: Contingent Commitment

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If you’re a regular listener here, you’ll know that I so often stress the importance of cultivating all-in commitment. Whether in your coaching business or any other area of life, this is a foundational skill you need to build anything you want, but it’s also often what I see missing in many clients that I work with.

This week, I’m introducing you to a concept I call Contingent Commitment. Being all-in is about being 100% committed to your goal no matter what, but it’s so easy to get caught in thinking you’re committed when you’re really not, and I saw this on my own journey too. And if you’re not sure if this is you, I’m laying out some examples today to show you how this might be showing up in your life.

Tune in today to discover what Contingent Commitment means and why we get stuck in this place. It’s so detrimental to your ultimate success in your coaching business, and so I’m guiding you through how it’s keeping you stuck and what you can do to let it go so you can harness real commitment instead.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in my signature program, Anything but Average. It’s where I’ll walk you through everything you need to know about starting a coaching business, so click here to enroll and I’ll see you on the inside! 

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • My definition of what Contingent Commitment means.
  • Why we get stuck in having our commitment be contingent.
  • What real commitment is about.
  • Why Contingent Commitment doesn’t work.
  • How to let go of Contingent Commitment and create real commitment.

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream coaching business a reality, join my Anything but Average program.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.

Hello and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything but Average. How are you guys? I hope you are having a beautiful week. This episode is actually going to be going live when I am in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico with my very best friend Sarah and her husband as well as my husband.

And I am so excited because we are going to celebrate her 30th birthday and I’m just having a ball making it an amazing experience. I have so many surprises, so many fun things planned. Don’t worry, I checked with her husband. I was like, I’m not stepping on your toes, right? I’m just a psycho best friend who wants to make her friend feel so celebrated. And he’s like, you’re good, run with it.

But I just feel so grateful because when I first started my business and when I was growing it, I remember thinking, “One day I’m going to be in a position to spend money freely and openly how I want on the people that I love and care about.” And so this week is just a manifestation of that moment, of being able to spoil my friends and spoil my best friend on her 30th birthday and make her feel so special.

So just remember – I love what Chris Harder always says. When good people – I’m going to butcher this, but when good people make great money, they do great things. If you make lots of money, you are going to do amazing things. That’s just who you guys are. So don’t feel guilty about wanting that.

So follow me @lindseymango_ on Instagram. I think most of you do. And you can follow along with the fun we are going to have in Cabo. So let’s jump in. Today, what I want to talk about is a concept I created called Contingent Commitment.

The reason why I wanted to talk about this is because I see it pop up for my clients in Anything but Average who want to start their coaching businesses. I see it pop up even for the women who are in my mastermind. And I saw it pop up a lot in my life before I found this work.

And you guys have heard me talk about commitment before and how important it is and how it’s a foundation – it’s like the foundation of a rock-solid house. If you don’t have the commitment you need, even if you’re working really hard to build your house, it’s like building a house of card. A gust of wind could blow it over.

But what I was thinking about was why Contingent Commitment is so detrimental to our ultimate success when it comes to our coaching businesses. So today what we’re going to talk about is what is Contingent Commitment, what is this concept, what does it mean, why do we do it, why do we get stuck having our commitment be contingent, why it doesn’t work, and how to actually change it so you can produce different results.

So my definition of Contingent Commitment is when your commitment to something is contingent upon another factor. So what I mean by that is that your commitment to a program, to a mastermind, to your husband or wife, to your business is contingent upon you getting a specific result in a certain amount of time, you feeling a certain way, like you having a good day or a bad day.

Essentially, it is when your commitment varies based on the experiences or the things that are happening. So what that would look like is if this happens, if blank, then I’m committed. Here’s what that actually looks like so you guys can pay attention and bring awareness if you’re doing this in your life.

If I sign a client the first month of starting my coaching business, then I’ll be committed to it. If I get good feedback on social media when I make my first post or even when I inquire if people would be interested in coaching with me and they actually show interest, then I’ll be committed to starting my business. If I get results in the timeframe I want, or if I get results in general, then I will be committed to this mastermind, to this program, to this process, to my end result.

Now, here’s the thing; when I say the word commitment, I want to be clear. Commitment is more about the way you think and the way you show up than anything else. Yes of course, the actions you take are a reflection of your commitment. But commitment isn’t just about showing up and going through the motions. Real commitment is about 100% being all in to your end result or your goal no matter what and then your actions will automatically reflect that.

So some of you guys might be hearing this and you’re like, well, I show up, I show up for the program, or I show up for my business, or I show up for my husband or wife. This is all applicable to things outside of a coaching business. And I’m thinking I am committed, right? My ring is still on my finger, I’m still in the program, I still show up, or I still show up to the mastermind, or I still post for my business.

But energetically, you’re not actually committed. It’s really going through the motions. It’s like you’re doing the things but you’re not fully behind what you’re doing. You’re not fully committed to what you’re doing and the end result you’re going after, which doesn’t matter.

Going through the motions, just showing up without having the commitment behind it isn’t going to produce the result that you want. And it kind of tricks your brain into thinking, “But I’m doing it and it’s not working.” And the reason it’s not working is because you have Contingent Commitment.

Now, the reason why Contingent Commitment doesn’t work is because as you guys know, if you’ve listened to my podcast before and done this work with me in any way shape or form, your thoughts create your results. I’m going to say that again. Your thoughts always create your results.

Now yes, there’s feelings and then there’s actions that take place that produce the result, but the thought is the driving factor behind every result you get in your life. So if your thought is if I sign clients within this timeframe, or if I feel in the mood, or if I get the results, then I’m committed, the foundation of that thought has nothing to do with the certainty that you’re going to create the result that you want.

It’s coming from a place of I hope this happens. I’m not sure it will happen, and if it happens, then I will be committed. Which if your thoughts always create your results, then the result you will create is a reflection of that uncertainty. It’s a reflection of part of me doesn’t actually believe this is going to happen, and the result you will produce is not signing clients. It’s not growing your business. It’s not getting the result from the mastermind or the program that you want because the thought that was behind all of the action you took wasn’t certain. It wasn’t committed. It wasn’t I’m going to get results no matter what.

It’s if I do, if this happens, then I will get the result, then I will be committed. And what that does is ends up in your result line. So I’ll just give you guys a quick example. If you’re like, if I sign clients in the first two months of my business, then I’ll be committed to my business, the result you will produce is not signing clients because you’re not showing up with the certainty and the belief and the commitment you need in order to sign clients. Then you post, let’s just say every week, and you’re like, “But wait, I’m not getting clients.”

And then you start to get frustrated and you start to feel like it’s not working, I must not be cut out for this, I’m never going to be successful. You start to look at it as evidence of that. Then it continues to prove the original thought, the uncertainty of if blank, then I’ll be committed, and it creates this cycle where you go deeper and deeper and deeper, and that’s when eventually we get to the point where we quit.

Where we first quit energetically. We’re not behind every action we’re taking. We’re not believing in every action we’re taking. And then eventually, we quit in our actions too. That’s why Contingent Commitment doesn’t work. Because foundationally, you are not committed. You’re only committed if it feels good or if you get the result that you want, or if it happens in the timeframe you want, which inherently will never produce the result that you want.

This is for me – I was actually reflecting on this. I hired one coach at the beginning of my growth and there was a point where I changed coaches, but I always focused and worked with one coach and one coach only. And I’ve been pretty – I don’t want to say loyal because it’s not about loyalty, but I’ve been very committed to that coach and I still work with her today.

And the reason why I always got results was because I wasn’t jumping around from thing to thing to thing to thing, thinking my coach is what creates my results or I’m committed to this coach and this process only if it feels good, only if I get results in this timeframe. I was committed no matter what, which is why I produced results no matter what, which is why I still produce results in my life and in my business no matter what.

So how do you actually create commitment? Real commitment and not Contingent Commitment. You have to ask yourself what’s keeping me from being all in on this result no matter what? What’s keeping me from being all in on creating the coaching business I want no matter what until the end of time? What’s keeping me from being committed to this process or this program or whatever I’m in no matter what?

This doesn’t mean you can’t take different steps, or you can’t add things into your business or you don’t adjust and figure new things out. But what this does do is puts all of your energy behind what you’re doing and produces the result. Then you can make changes once you sign clients. Then you can make different decisions and add different actions once you’re producing the result.

Because if you change before then, if you change your action or what you’re doing or circumstances because it’s not working, you’re not committed and in turn that’s why you’re producing the result that you’re getting.

So I want to ask you guys, where is your commitment contingent? What result are you wanting that you are not fully committed to? Are you waiting to start your business because you’re like, I want to know that it’s going to work before I start? Or are you jumping around from thing to thing because you’re thinking, well, this isn’t working, I need to try something else, instead of being committed to the process at hand and what’s in front of you?

If the answer is yes, nothing’s gone wrong. This is just your opportunity for growth. So what would make you all in on the result you want no matter what? What would make you committed to your coaching business and what you’re creating with it no matter what?

If you don’t have that, you don’t need to be focusing or thinking about anything else. It starts there. This is actually one of the processes I teach inside my program Anything but Average. How to be 100% committed. How to actually do that. How to address everything keeping you from doing that, how to know if you’re doing it, how to take the action necessary in order to be in that place so that you can produce results.

I teach it at the very beginning because I know how vital it is for you to be in that place to start your coaching business and start signing clients. So even if you have Contingent Commitment right now in your business, it’s not a problem. Just know this is where you need to grow and make sure you join us in Anything but Average where I teach you how to start your coaching business and sign your first clients.

You can join right now. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. And remember, Contingent Commitment creates contingent results, meaning results that go up and down based on your level of commitment. So let’s bring what I call all-in commitment to everything you do, to your coaching business, to the process, to the mastermind, to the program that you’re in, and you will produce massive results. I love you guys; I will talk to you next week. I hope you have a beautiful week. Bye.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything but Average, where I will walk you through the step-by-step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.

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