Ep #75: How to Get Over Comparisonby Lindsey Mango Coaching | Podcast
This week’s topic is something I’ve seen many of my clients struggle with, and something I’ve had to work through myself as well. Comparison is something all of us as humans indulge in; it often goes unnoticed, but letting it go under the surface can be detrimental to your life.
This is such an important issue to unravel so today, I’m giving you some tools and coaching around how you can identify it within yourself and heal it from the inside out. Most of us try to put a Band-Aid over what seems to be an external problem, whether it’s trying to get your business as far as Sally’s, or having the kind of body Suzy has, but this work is going to require some deep inner exploration and I’m going to hold your hand along the way.
Tune in to find out what is really happening when you’re comparing your life to someone else’s. Letting this cycle repeat itself without addressing it is going to turn vicious and ugly, so I’m giving you some questions you can use to challenge yourself to start seeing your own life from a different perspective.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE
- What comparison might look like in your life and why we do it.
- Why we don’t address the fact that we all compare.
- What comparison actually is and how you can work to heal it.
- 2 places that comparison comes from.
- How comparison can turn into an ugly cycle that isn’t serving you.
- The difference between inspiration and comparison.
FEATURED ON THE SHOW
- If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream business a reality, join my Mango Magic Business Academy.
- Or if you don’t have a business and you are ready to bring your dream life to reality and know you are meant for more, my Mango Magic Life School is also available.
- Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Soul CEO aha! moments!
- Don’t forget to grab your free training of my High-Vibe Formula (how I created a multiple six-figure business, attracted the man of my dreams, and created a life with complete time freedom…in less than 18 months)!
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hi girl, welcome to Soul CEO; a podcast for women who know they’re destined for more. I’m Lindsey Mango and I’m going to show you that you can have it all and teach you how to get it by becoming the CEO of your soul, life, and business. Let’s get started.
Hello, how are you guys? Welcome back to another episode. I hope you guys are having the most beautiful week. I have got to tell you, you guys have been pouring some amazing love on this podcast and on me on social media by sharing these episodes so I just want to express my deepest gratitude for that.
Seriously, so many new listeners have been able to find me and connect with me and do this work and change their lives, and I am so grateful at every single opportunity I get to do that and it wouldn’t be possible if it wasn’t for each and every one of you guys.
So I am so excited to talk about this week’s episode as always, but this is something that I think most people struggle with and don’t really like to admit it much. And I realized how important this topic was when I actually sent an email out last week and I talked about comparison.
And I talked about why we compare and where it’s coming from and I got immediate responses on it and it’s something that I have to coach a lot of my clients on. It’s something that I have had moments of really struggling with and so if you are listening to this, I’m willing to bet that you have struggled with comparison at some point in your life, or you might be struggling with it now, or at some point, you might struggle with it again.
And so I just thought this was such a beautiful and important topic to talk about because so many of you connect with it and so many of us as human beings struggle with it. And I wanted to be able to give you guys some tools and some coaching around how to actually work through it.
So let’s talk about what this looks like. Maybe you own a business and you find yourself scrolling on social media for – an hour has passed and you’re looking at Suzy Q’s coaching business and you’re calculating when did Suzy start her business, oh my gosh, we started our businesses at the exact same time and she’s created 10 times more income than I have and she’s already left her corporate job and oh my gosh.
Or maybe you’re watching Sally and Sally is going on all these magnificent vacations or living in this beautiful home and you’re like, yeah what I have is great but it’s just not enough and look at what she’s doing. Or maybe your ex-boyfriend posts a picture with a woman who you’re down the tunnel and you’re just stalking her and realizing like, oh my gosh, she’s got a better body than me and she’s hotter than me and she’s blah, blah, blah.
Like I said, I’m willing to bet everyone, including myself, can raise our hand and admit that we’ve done this. And yet we don’t talk about it enough because I think we are ashamed of it and I think we feel guilty about it or feel bad about it, and I think the biggest thing and the most important thing is we often think it’s true.
We get sucked into thinking like, no, I really should be further along or I should be more fit or I should be more successful or whatever it is. And so instead of actually seeing comparison for what it really is, it’s just this symptom of something below the surface that we can heal and work on within ourselves, we see it as something we need to fix and resolve or something that’s actually a problem with us and on the external level, and we just try to address it by putting a Band-Aid over it.
And so when it feels like it’s something like that, when there’s something wrong with us that we need to fix in terms of an external level, it feels embarrassing to admit or embarrassing to talk about, and I want to be here to share guys, I have been there, I have done it, I do it, and it’s something that I’ve grown a ton in and it’s something that all of my clients struggle with.
So let’s talk about why we actually compare. So you guys know how I am. I’m not just looking for the diet pill of change. I’m looking for the deep inner work of change because if we can heal that, we can ultimately heal what’s causing this symptom of comparison instead of blocking everybody you know, not getting on social media ever again, and trying to do all of these things to avoid comparison instead of actually healing the real issue.
So I’ve identified two main places that comparison typically comes from. One is not being happy about where we’re at or not thinking that where we’re at is enough, whatever that pertains to, whether that be life, business, your body, your health, your relationship, whatever it is. And the other thing is not seeing and recognizing our own uniqueness and our own value as it is. And that kind of ties back into enoughness but I want to talk about these two different things.
So I want you guys to think about if you believed that your life was absolutely amazing and you were in love with every single part of it and you were growing, how differently would you look at the other people on social media that you’re comparing your life to? Probably much differently.
So what’s typically happening here is they are mirroring back to you something that you desire for your life but you don’t have. Now, I will say this potentially could be valuable because it’s really amazing to realize that you desire something more for your life and then realize I’m going to go for it. Like I could quit my job and build a business or I could go live this amazing life of freedom.
But it kind of changes gears when it turns into self-deprecation and just like, hatred of yourself or even anger at this other person for sharing their amazing life because you don’t think yours is enough. And that is where it can turn into an ugly cycle where now you think that even though you have a great life and you have amazing results and you just started your business and you’re comparing yourself to somebody who’s been in business for three years, you’re starting to see all of your life, your result, yourself as not enough, and that is the heart of the issue.
Because the thing is I’ve seen so many amazing humans, I’ve even done this myself, who have amazing lives and amazing results and are doing a great job, but then feel like they’re not enough because they’re watching all these other people and again, this is just a symptom of not seeing your results as enough.
It’s an amazing and beautiful thing to see your life and your amazing results as enough and then desire more. That’s a totally different energy. You would be inspired by the people you were comparing yourself to, versus seeing everything as not enough and then feeling really crappy about following and watching all of these other people.
So how do you actually heal this? You have to go to work to see how your life and your results and what you currently have is enough. And that might take some work. So that is something where you’re going to have to challenge yourself to look at different perspectives.
Maybe your body isn’t where you want it to be but how can you see it’s enough right now? How could you see that you’re worthy and enough right now exactly as you are? How can you see that the results you’re getting in your business are enough and feel good about them? How can you feel good about the life that you’ve created so far?
These are the questions you need to ask yourself. Now, that doesn’t mean that you can’t want more, and that’s kind of the vicious cycle that our mind will take us through is making us feel really crappy so that we’re in enough pain that maybe we’ll do something about it, instead of realizing that we can feel amazing and good about the lives we have created and realize there’s a dissonance between what we want and what we have, but not make ourselves feel bad about it.
Because when you guys are comparing and when you feel really crappy and when you feel like everyone’s doing better than you in all the things, does that inspire you to change or does that cause you to just spin out and do nothing?
I’m going to guess that most of you are going to spin out and do nothing, and if you are taking action from that place, it might not be coming from a really aligned place. It might be coming from a place of trying to prove your enoughness and some of you guys I’m sure have experienced that, where you’ve hit the goals and you’ve done the things and it’s never felt like enough and that’s because you’re trying to prove something that is already inherently there but you don’t believe it to be there, meaning your enoughness.
So that’s the first piece. The second piece is not seeing your unique value. So somewhat similarly but the email that I sent out, I talked about when it came to business. When you’re comparing yourself to someone else, you’re not recognizing the unique value and the unique spin that you bring to the table, whatever that is. In a relationship, in business, in friendships, in whatever avenue you are working on this area in.
You are not recognizing that you are unique. Every single one of you listening to this. I don’t even have to know you personally. You have unique talents, you have unique gifts, you have unique perspectives. You have a unique story. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be on your journey because someone needs to hear it that way. You are unique and you are enough and you are whole and you are amazing exactly as you are, and just because Sue or Sally is moving faster than you or is more fit than you, or is whatever than you, it doesn’t take away from your unique value.
So the next piece of this is how can you see that you have a unique value to offer the world? How can you see your uniqueness and amazingness? How can you recognize that there is no you? Because there isn’t. There is literally no other human in the world that is you.
And so there’s no one else that needs to show up and either do your work in business or be the type of person you’re being in a relationship or show up at your job the way you’re showing up other than you because there is no you. And it doesn’t matter what every other person in the world has that’s different than you.
It’s good to desire and want to grow and change and want things, but remember, it doesn’t have to come from this place of brokenness. It doesn’t have to come from this place of seeing that you’re not valuable or that you’re not unique. It can come from this place of recognizing your unique value, your uniqueness, how amazing you are, and inspire you to change.
And that’s the difference. So I think it’s so important that when you do compare, you turn inward and you say why am I doing this? Why am I finding myself spending hours spinning on social media? It’s not actually about Sally or Suzy or whatever, and if that’s your name, I apologize. I’m just using that as an example. It’s not about them. It’s about you. Let’s bring up the mirror and figure out why this is happening and why this continues to happen.
And I can guarantee if you can see your enoughness and you can constantly see your unique value and still desire more, you won’t find yourself spinning out in comparison. You’ll be inspired by the people you follow. You might desire more for your life, but you won’t spin out in the gruesome, ugly nature of comparison and not thinking you’re enough because you are.
You are exactly as you are, you are where you are in your life, your results are enough right now. You have unique value to offer. Nobody is you and you can want more from there. I love you guys. I’m so excited to hear your feedback on this topic and I would love if you guys even shot me a message on Instagram and said like, oh my god, this resonated with me, it really hit home, I’ve struggled with this or just what was your biggest takeaway.
I would so be eternally grateful. I love to hear from you guys and I love you so much and I hope you have a beautiful week and I will talk to you next week. Bye.
Thank you for tuning into today’s episode of Soul CEO. If you are ready to take this work deeper and you want to bring your dream business or a reality, I wanted to make sure that you knew that Mango Magic Business Academy was available to you. Head to lindseymangocoaching.com/mangomagic.
Or if you don’t have a business and you are ready to bring your dream life to a reality and know you are meant for more, my Mango Magic Life School is also available. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/mangomagiclifeschool for all the details. These programs are both life and business changing and you get access and coaching with me to walk through the modules and ask questions and get support to make your dream life or your dream business, or both a reality. I love you. I can’t wait to see you in there.