Ep #9: Goal Validation

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Have you ever found yourself grinding and pushing to reach a goal you’ve set for yourself? You might have set it from a really authentic and aligned place that doesn’t feel forced, and yet, on your journey there, you find yourself grasping for it, stressing out about how you’re not there yet.

This is what I call goal validation and I’m diving into it on this episode to show you why it’s so important to let go of, and what you can create for yourself once you do. Whatever your goal may be, whether it’s business-related, for your health, or to find your perfect partner, you’re probably thinking you’re not enough in some way yet, and that the goal is what is going to make you that person.

Join me on the podcast this week as I show you how goal validation plays out in your life and why it’s crucial to get out of it to create results you love. I’m sharing the process you need to practice to start letting go of it, and how this will help you harness the kind of energy that will get you out there and creating the life of your dreams.

If you are ready to finally commit to the change you want to create in your life, whatever area that may be, you need to join my Anything but Average program. You’ll learn the step-by-step process on how to make real change, and you’ll also get a lifetime of coaching with me and support in a wonderful community. Click here to find out more and I can’t wait to see you there!

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • What goal validation means.
  • Why we end up creating a lot of pressure to hit our goals.
  • The first thing to realize if you’re in goal validation.
  • How to get out of goal validation.
  • The kind of energy you need to harness to create results.
  • What happens when you’re stuck in goal validation.

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream business a reality,  join my Anything but Average program.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast, where I, life coach and mindset expert Lindsey Mango will teach you how to master your mind, yourself, and take massive action to create a life that blows your mind. Let’s get started.

Hello, how are you guys? And welcome back to another episode of Anything but Average. I am so pumped. I literally think I start with that every single week. And I’m not kidding you. I am always this pumped. My clients in Anything but Average, the program, are always like, “Are you always this energized and this excited?”

And I’ll be real with you guys. I am most of the time, but I definitely have my moments. I am human. But here’s what I will also tell you is that the fact that I get to wake up every day and do what I am meant to do on this planet, it creates energy. I can work and coach all day, the women in Anything but Average and my clients inside there and it gives me energy.

So I just want to put that little seed in your head that when you do what you deeply love and what you’re passionate about that it will give you energy. And those are always little nudges from the universe, like, what’s giving you energy? If you’re at that stage where you’re trying to figure out what the heck you want to do with your life.

So I will say I have a little help from my mindset that makes me feel this happy and excited and pumped up all the time. I will also say that I’m a human and I have bad days and bad moods. Just ask my husband. And I will also say that when you do what you love, it makes things a lot easier and flowy and fun, but then I also have to show up and do my mindset work because the circumstance doesn’t always dictate how you feel.

So just a whole bunch of little nuggets right at the start of that. If you are someone who is trying to find your passion and you want to start a business from that passion, or even go to grad school and figure out what that path is, you got to get inside Anything but Average. And those aren’t the only results we create.

We create health results; we create relationship results. We create results in literally every single area of your life because when you master your mind, yourself, and your action, you can create results in every single aspect of your life.

So if you want to join us on the inside, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. You guys get all of my love, energy, and attention and coaching in there. You get 35+ modules and worksheets. You get lifetime access to weekly coaching where you can ask me anything.

So taking even what you take on the podcast, sometimes you go to apply it and you have questions. That’s what the group is for and along with 35+ videos. So if you’re not in there, you have to be in there and if you’re not there quite yet, remember it’s going to feel uncomfortable.

I’ve had so many women join that are like, “I literally can’t sleep. I’m so nervous and excited.” That’s how it should feel. That’s where the growth is. But make sure you start to save your money to get into that program.

Alright, let’s jump into today’s episode. You guys can probably tell that I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about goals and results and all of those things, and that’s – I mean, that’s why you guys are here. So that you can change your lives, change your businesses, change your health, change everything.

So I want to talk about something that I developed and it’s called goal validation. So what is goal validation? Before I define it for you guys, let me illustrate what it looks like. Have you ever set a goal from a really genuine place? You’re like, “I’m going to launch this program and I’m so excited, I can’t wait to help women with it,” or you’re like, “I’m going to launch this business. I can’t wait to do x, y, z with it. This is going to be amazing.”

Or, “Oh, I’m going to lose these five pounds from this really loving place, or go on a health journey, or I’m going to go find my guy.” Like you set out on a goal and it’s from this really authentic and aligned place. It’s not forced. It’s just you’ve decided this is what you want.

But then in the pursuit of the goal – I said that weird. Getting my Kentucky accent back before I go back there. As you pursue the goal – oh my god, I’m such a dork. I can only imagine what my producer is thinking as he listens to this.

Anyway, then in the pursuit of the goal, as you start to take action and you get midway through and you’re starting to do the things that you need to do every day, you turn into a psycho. Seriously though, you create all this pressure and you get all in your head and you start forcing stuff and you start stressing about not hitting the goal and it’s just this grind-y, hustle-y energy.

And it’s just like you’re pushing and pushing and pushing. And it’s like, sometimes you just have to work on being aware of that because sometimes we don’t realize that we set this goal from this really authentic place, but then we are going after the goal from a really pushy, pressure-y place.

And that’s what goal validation is all about. And that’s why – looking for goal validation is why this happens. So the reason why we end up creating all this pressure, and let me just remind you that the pressure isn’t created because you have a goal. It’s created by you.

So the reason why the pressure and the push and the, “Oh my gosh, what if this goal doesn’t happen,” all of that overthinking happens because you are tying some sort of validation to the achievement of that goal. So you are tying something about you to the achievement of that goal. That’s what goal validation is.

It’s looking for your goal to validate you in some ways. Now, when you have goal validation, what you do as the symptom of that is you get pushy, you get pressure-y, you get grind-y, you force all of the things. And so the first thing that’s really important to look at with goal validation is that there is no such thing as getting validation from a goal.

I know you guys might be like, “But wait, once I hit this goal, I’m for sure successful, I’m for sure enough. Once I get to my dream body, then I’m enough for my dream guy.” All the things. But have you ever – I’m sure you all have accomplished something in your life, you thought you were going to feel successful at that point or you probably have something in your life right now that you thought this will make me enough, this will make me successful, this will make me feel validated and smart enough and knowledgeable and all of the things.

And then you have it, literally right now, and you still don’t feel validated. You’re still looking to something else to create that validation. It’s never-ending because accomplishing something does not validate you. Accomplishing something does not make you enough or make you feel the way that you want. That’s your mind.

So what happens is you set this goal from this aligned place, from this whole, I’m enough, I’m successfully, I’m amazing – maybe you didn’t. You also need to look at that. But when you go to pursue it, you start to get in your mind that if I don’t hit this goal, what does that mean about me?

So how do you actually get out of goal validation? First, you have to have the awareness. So recognize when you get into that pushy, pressure energy. Maybe you’re in it all the time. And just bring awareness to that.

The second part of it is understanding what you’re looking for validation. What are you seeking? If you don’t achieve this goal that you set out, what do you make that mean? That will immediately tell you what you’re looking for validation for.

And once you identify that, that’s where we get to do the real work, the real deep work so that you can keep pursuing your goal from this really aligned, abundant place that feels really good, that feels really authentic, that creates energy, that actually creates better results. And that’s why this is so important. Understanding this, having the awareness of it.

So how do you actually change it? There’s two ways to do it. Once you identify what am I going to make it mean if I don’t hit my goal, and you see, oh, I’m making it mean that I’m not successful or that I’m falling behind or that I’m not good enough or any of those things, now that you have the awareness of okay, this is why I’m in goal validation mode. I’m looking for my goal to validate myself and make this thing true about me.

There’s two ways to handle this. The first way is to identify how is that thing that you’re seeking validation for, how is that already true? So if you’re making not hitting your goal mean that you aren’t enough or that you’re falling behind or that you’re not successful, how is it true that you are enough right now?

How is it true that you are successful right now? How is it true that you’re not falling behind, that you are amazing and you are doing amazing work no matter where you are? How is that true already?

Now, this might be a mind-bender for some of you. You’re not used to seeing evidence of this, but there is evidence. I always tell the women inside Anything but Average that there’s always evidence to support the story we want to believe to be true.

And trust me, you want to believe you’re enough and you’re whole and that you’re successful already. That energy creates more results. The graspy, needy, pressure energy does not. It will keep you stuck where you are. So how is that already true?

The other way to do this is to – I’m literally looking at my notes, you guys, and I’m cracking up. I basically wrote the same thing for both one and two. So it’s not two things. It’s one. This is me just being totally authentic and real with you guys. The work literally is just to see how that already exists for you.

Another layer to that, that’s probably where the second thing came in, is when you imagine hitting the goal and you think that it’ll mean that you’re successful or that you’re enough, identifying why. Why does hitting this goal mean that you get this validation? And then bridging the gap between that and where you are now.

Again, how are those things true now? How could you have the thought I’m successful now? Where is there tangible evidence of that? Here’s the thing; if you get stuck in goal validation, there’s a couple things that are going to happen. You’re going to keep creating the same results. You’re going to make yourself miserable in the pursuit of your goals, which is not going to make you want to continue to grow and show up and set goals and achieve them.

And that’s going to impact your journey to having the life that you really want. Because at the end of the day, all of you guys are achievers. All of you guys want to create amazing results and create a big life. So you’re going to be on the pursuit of goals. Would you rather be miserable on the pursuit of them for your whole life and seeking goal validation or having goal validation, or would you rather just already validate yourself and see that you’re amazing, you’re a badass, you are enough, you are whole, you are successful where you are.

Take that in. Where you are, right now. I don’t care where you are. Those things are true about you. You have to see evidence of it. And then deciding to go create new achievements, new goals from that place. I will also tell you, you will set different goals when you come from that energy.

And some of you guys, this is going to be a practice. Your whole life, you may have pursued goals to validate yourself. And so it’s going to feel really wobbly and uncomfortable. You’re going to be like, “Wait, so I’m already successful, so I’m just doing this for the desire of my soul?” Yes. Yes, you are.

You are doing this for the desire of your soul, to help people, to feel amazing. I think about for my health, the reason why I keep showing up for my health even though I love my body and I think it’s amazing where it is is because it makes me feel good. I do it for me. I do it from that place of desire.

So that might be a little wobbly for some of you guys, and that’s something that we work on in Anything but Average, inside the signature program because that can feel like putting on a new pair of shoes that doesn’t fit yet, but it’s how you evolve. It’s how you grow. It’s how you become the woman you need to become to have the life that you really want.

So are you doing this? Are you seeking goal validation? Do you have this? I don’t even know how I describe it. I just created this. So do you have goal validation? Be aware of when you set a goal and you jump into goal validation. And work on setting your goals without needing that validation. This will change everything.

I love you guys. I cannot wait to hear your feedback from this episode. If you got value from it and you know someone else needs to hear it, please share it with them. Share it on your Instagram story, tag me, and I will see you guys on the inside of Anything but Average. I will talk to you soon. Bye.

If you want to take this work even deeper and coach with me in my signature program, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. In this program, I will teach you how to take this work and create results so you can have a life that blows your mind in the areas of money, purpose, health, lifestyle, and romance. I can’t wait to see you on the inside.

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