[SCEO] 73: How to Love Yourself to Change

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What I’m addressing on the podcast this week is something that I’ve seen so many women – myself included – deal with on a daily basis, especially as high achievers. You might experience some guilt or anxiety bubble to the surface and it shows up in your inner monologue like, “Come on, get your shit together,” whenever you are pushing yourself to change or grow.

Something I’ve realized is that this simply doesn’t work. We try to shame ourselves into change, but that just doesn’t create lasting effects. I’ve got a different way to approach this that will transform the way you process your negative emotions. This week, I’m sharing my three-step process to help you move through your negative emotions when you’re trying to make changes.

While it feels amazing achieving goals and doing all the things you set out to do, there’s a huge difference between forcing yourself into it and getting yourself in alignment. The next time you find yourself “should-ing” and shaming yourself, practice this method to move through it faster and experience your human emotions in a deeper way for change that lasts a lifetime.

You guys have been sharing these episodes on your Instagram stories, which has led to so many new listeners joining us here on the podcast! I am so honored and grateful for all of you spreading the love. There are so many more women I would love to have the opportunity to help, so please keep sharing!

If you are ready to finally commit to the change you want to create in your life, whatever area that may be, you need to join my Anything but Average program. You’ll learn the step-by-step process on how to make real change, and you’ll also get a lifetime of coaching with me and support in a wonderful community. Click here to find out more and I can’t wait to see you there!

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • My three-step process to help you move through negative emotions.
  • What is really happening every time you feel guilty when you feel you should be doing something.
  • Why you shouldn’t resist your negative emotions.
  • Questions to ask yourself to guide you through the third step.
  • How practicing this process has affected my human experience.

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream business a reality,  join my Mango Magic Business Academy.
  • Or if you don’t have a business and you are ready to bring your dream life to reality and know you are meant for more, my Mango Magic Life School is also available.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Soul CEO aha! moments!
  • Don’t forget to grab your free training of my High-Vibe Formula (how I created a multiple six-figure business, attracted the man of my dreams, and created a life with complete time freedom…in less than 18 months)!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Hi girl, welcome to Soul CEO; a podcast for women who know they’re destined for more. I’m Lindsey Mango and I’m going to show you that you can have it all and teach you how to get it by becoming the CEO of your soul, life, and business. Let’s get started.

Hey guys. Welcome back to another week and episode of my podcast. I’m so freaking pumped you guys are here. I feel like I have a lot of new listeners, so if you are new, welcome. I am so honored to be over your headphones, speakers, wherever you’re listening to me on and for those of you who have been with me from the start, thank you so much.

I am grateful, I am honored, and for all of you, I can’t wait to continue helping you create a life where you have it all. So one last thing before we jump into today’s episode. I just want to tell you guys how truly appreciative I am when you share my episodes on your Instagram story.

I’ve had a lot of new women find my podcast and they have found it through your stories, and if you weren’t sharing it, that might be one more woman who I haven’t had the opportunity to help, so thank you so much for that. And I interact with you guys as much as I possibly can when you share that, so keep doing it and I will continue to celebrate you guys for it.

So today what I want to talk about is something that so many women, and myself included deal with. And it’s something that I’ve really been focusing a lot of my energy and growth into, and I’ve seen such major transformation. I’ve been working on it with my own coach, and I know that it is something that most women struggle with.

And this is the idea of shaming ourselves or guilting ourselves when we don’t do something we wanted to do, or when we don’t do something we should be doing. Or when we’re not motivated and doing all the things that we need to be doing. And I’ve talked about this before with the inner mean girl, that negative chatter that we go through, and for me, I don’t think about this as an inner mean girl. I think about it more as like, a tough football coach in my head.

So here’s what I mean by this. I might be feeling negative or I might have some anxiety bubble to the surface, and how this shows up in my internal monologue sometimes is like, come on Lindsey, get your shit together, or why do you feel this way? You have such a great life.

And it’s kind of that guilt and that shaming to try to shift myself and get myself out of the current state. And I didn’t realize how much this impacted me and I’d love to hear any of y’alls feedback on Instagram or wherever you follow me, if you experience this. But I just find so many women and high achievers, we have that inner monologue of trying to force ourselves to do stuff.

Like, why aren’t you more motivated? Or get your stuff together. Let’s do this. Or why do you feel bad today? And pushing yourself to try to move through it. And what I’ve realized is that doesn’t work. It doesn’t work. And this whole concept of trying to push ourselves and force ourselves into change doesn’t really create change.

It’s kind of like this concept of you can love yourself to change or you can hate yourself and push yourself to change. And one works and one continues the repetition or continues the cycle of the lack of change. And I think for me, this shows up a lot, like I said, when it comes to negative emotion because I feel like so many things in my lifetime have built this story that it’s not okay to feel bad and that for me, I think about sports.

It didn’t matter how I was feeling. I just show up and I had to do my job on the volleyball court and I know so many of you guys are bosses at kind of this concept of “powering” through. Ignoring how you’re feeling and ignoring what you really need in the moment, and shame yourself or guilt yourself or force yourself into doing things.

And while it’s not like it always feels good to do all the things, but there’s a huge difference between forcing yourself into doing it or getting yourself in alignment in order to do it. So I came up with this three-step process to help you guys and myself kind of move through when these negative emotions show up, and to move through when I find myself should-ing all over myself and telling myself I need to be doing something and what’s wrong with me and why do I feel this way.

And it’s allowed me to move through it that much faster and experience life in a deeper way because I truly believe that if we avoid negative emotion and we avoid kind of the lows of our life, then we are also avoiding the highs. And this is for me actually what inspired me to do some deep work on this because I started to realize I was feeling a little bit numb to really happy moments, and it was because I was blocking myself from really experiencing the negative emotion and kind of football coaching myself through it.

So I want you guys to know that your negative emotion and how you’re feeling, it’s all okay. And when you don’t do the things that you should be doing, it’s all okay and it doesn’t mean that we’re not going to push to grow and take action on the things we want to, but there’s a totally different way to do it instead of just like, forcing yourself.

I always say you can only willpower yourself through something for so long. If you want to make lasting change, you have to change at the core. You have to grow at the mind level and that’s what’s going to create the ripple effect of real change. Not just instantaneous change of like, I forced myself to do the thing or I forced myself out of this negative emotion.

So that was kind of a long intro into this three-step process, but this is really for if you are in a negative emotion or you are feeling bad that you didn’t do the thing you said you were going to do or whatever it is, this is my three-step process for it.

So the first step is to celebrate it. And I know this sounds very strange, but what I’ve realized is any time you have that negative emotion come up, or that I should be doing this and that guilt come up, really what’s happening is you’re growing.

You have an opportunity grow and you’re doing something maybe outside of your comfort zone, you’re doing something outside of your normal, and the fact that your mind is even having this guilt bubble to the surface or having this tough coach come out in your brain to force you into the things, it’s because you are growing. It’s because you’re doing something different or working to do something different.

So the first step, and I know it sounds weird, especially if you’re in a really deep negative emotion, but it’s to celebrate it. Celebrate the fact that you’re here. The fact that you can experience this emotion. The fact that you are growing, which is why this stuff is bubbling to the surface.

Now, the next piece of this – this is one of the hardest things for me. I’m like, let’s change it, let’s fix it, and I know a lot of you guys are like that too. So step two of this process is to accept it. So how I work on accepting it is I will actually feel it in my body. I’ll experience it. Maybe it’s like a tightness in my chest, maybe it’s like a pit in my stomach. Maybe it’s like a tightness in my stomach.

I just will let it be there and kind of experience it. Here’s what I’ve found. When we resist some negative emotion or when we resist kind of the guilt and the pain of things, we actually prolong it. We give it that much more power. I was using this example the other day with a client.

I’m like, if there’s a monster in the closet and you’re just avoiding going in the closet, the monster in the closet is still running the show and this negative emotion, even if you try to ignore it or just push it away and don’t accept it is still lingering and running the show. The best thing you can do is open the closet for the monster – this is a funny example, but really open it up and experience it and let it be there.

So number one, celebrate. Number two, accept. And once you’ve gotten to a place where you accept it and you feel it and it’s okay that it’s there, the third step is move through it. And that would be like, digging into what’s creating this. Why am I feeling this way? Not from a judgmental place. From a compassionate place.

Understanding why and saying like, what else would I need to believe to move through this and step out of it? But that cannot happen until you do the first two steps, and I’m totally the type of person who does that where I just want to jump to let’s just fix it. But this process is really important for your human experience, for your growth, for your ability to grow without forcing and shaming and guilting your way into doing it.

Because here’s the reality. Like I said earlier, you can – I always like to use fitness and health as an example, but you can love yourself to skinny or you can hate yourself to skinny. And one will be an amazing growth, good experience, and one will suck. And it’s the same way here. You don’t have to shame yourself or make yourself feel like crap for falling off the wagon. You don’t have to make yourself feel like crap for having a negative emotion. You are a human.

This process for me has really allowed me to just accept it and let it be there, and it’s amazing how different my human experience has been, and how much more powerful I am in growing to new levels. Some of you guys heard the episode on negative emotions at the next level.

When you get better at experiencing them and letting them be there, they don’t run the show anymore. And you can still do the things, even if they’re there. So I just wanted to share that with you guys because I have had such a deep growing opportunity in this, and I know so many of my clients love to be like, why do you feel like this? You need to fix this, whenever they feel bad or whenever they’re not in the vibe.

And I want you guys to know that you can grow, you can still create amazing results, and this is going to create a much different human experience. So I love you guys. I would love to hear your feedback and I will talk to you next week. Bye.

Thank you for tuning into today’s episode of Soul CEO. If you are ready to take this work deeper and you want to bring your dream business or a reality, I wanted to make sure that you knew that Mango Magic Business Academy was available to you. Head to lindseymangocoaching.com/mangomagic.

Or if you don’t have a business and you are ready to bring your dream life to a reality and know you are meant for more, my Mango Magic Life School is also available. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/mangomagiclifeschool for all the details. These programs are both life and business changing and you get access and coaching with me to walk through the modules and ask questions and get support to make your dream life or your dream business, or both a reality. I love you. I can’t wait to see you in there.

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