Ep #17: Remembering Who You are When You Fail

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How many of you guys have been putting off starting your dream business or making a commitment to your goal? Failure is an inevitable part of the journey when you’re pushing past the limits, but it’s easy to forget this at times. Success is built on a pile of failures, and if you want to create an anything but average life, you are going to fail.

We typically make failure mean something terrible about us. We start to fail and we collect these failures, making who we are contingent upon them. The power that lies in failure though is remembering who you are while you’re failing, and I’m showing you how to use this concept today.

Listen in this week as I show you how failure is simply part of the journey to creating an anything but average life, and why remembering who you are when you’re failing is so important. I’m sharing four questions you can ask yourself in this process, because discovering the answers is going to show you that you can have the dream life and business you truly want.

We are changing the structure of Anything but Average, and enrollment will be closing at the end of July. In honor of that, I’m giving you guys the opportunity to talk with me one-on-one for 15 minutes to discuss whether Anything but Average is a good fit for you. So if you’re been thinking about it or you’re on the fence, schedule your call by clicking here and we’ll get chatting!

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • How failure is a part of the journey and why it’s really a win-win situation.
  • 2 reasons why remembering who you are when you’re failing is so important.
  • How to maintain a powerful self-concept while you’re failing.
  • What typically happens when we’re failing.
  • The value of failure.

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream business a reality, join my Anything but Average program.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast, where I, Life Coach and mindset expert Lindsey Mango will teach you how to master your mind, yourself, and take massive action to create a life that blows your mind. Let’s get started.

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Anything but Average. You guys get to have your coffee with me again today. Last week, I had to start recording my podcasts very early in the morning because they are building some houses around our house, which I’m not sure I’m so happy about.

Luckily, it’s so funny actually, my husband grew up on 80 acres of land and I’ve always made fun of him for like, wanting to live on property away from people, not in a neighborhood. And literally yesterday, we back up to a forest, which is amazing. Luckily no one can build back there, but they’re starting to build houses next to our house, and right now we’re like, kind of secluded.

And I had the thought like, oh my gosh, I get it. I’m going to have to tell him I’m wrong, which I don’t mind saying I’m wrong when I am, but I will tell you guys, I’m usually right. He would tell you that too. He knows. He knows how it goes. Happy wife, happy life.

But literally, I was like, oh my gosh, I get it. Our next house, I don’t think I want to be next to people. I think I want a couple acres. And literally, I’ve ragged on him for it for years. So anyway, I’m going to be eating my lunch on that one.

Alright, so excited for today’s topic. Before we jump in, I want to read a celebration from one of the women in Anything but Average. I’m going to start doing this because guys, the results these women are creating are blowing my mind. They’re absolutely insane, and I want to celebrate them here and just share with you guys what shifts are happening, what results they’re creating because I know so many of you guys are going to be in that program, are meant to be in that program, and I want you to hear what people are doing in there.

So, this week, here’s what one of the women was celebrating inside Anything but Average. She actually just joined I think like, two weeks ago. She said, “I’m celebrating putting myself out there to conduct one-on-one sessions for emotional eating so that I can gain experience, actually doing and not just learning through courses.”

So, she’s been spending years learning and gathering more information. She said, “I have someone signed up for next Tuesday. I’m so excited and scared, but I feel like I’m finally stepping into the health coaching world that I’ve wanted to do for four years.” Guys, four years.

“And I’m talking to my husband more about it. I typically just keep it all to myself because I am worried of what he will think of me wanting to pursue it. I know this is just a reflection of my own insecurities. I will definitely be working on this in the program and I have made a shift to not trying to lose weight. I am in this forever. I am not focused on weight loss goals since this gets my thoughts and feelings and actions off track. I feel lighter already.”

So good. How many of you guys have been putting off starting your dream business? Or how many of you guys have been making your commitment to your goal conditional upon a result? That creates that up and down cycle. We’ll talk about that on another episode, but let’s dive into today’s topic.

So, what I wanted to talk to you guys about was remembering who the hell you are when you’re failing. My coach actually calls it your self-concept. I like to say who you’re being in the world. And the reason why I want to talk about this topic is because here’s the thing; when you are creating an anything but average life, when you are constantly pushing the limits and what’s possible in the world, you are going to fail.

I’m going to say that again. When you are creating an anything but average life, you are going to fail. I fail all of the time. Success is literally built on a pile of failures. Now, some of you guys might be like, what? But today will help with that, and again, I’m sure I’ll do another episode on actual failure.

But the reason why is because failure is like, I imagine failure as like, the weights you lift to become the person you need to become, to learn the things you need to learn to get the results that you want. If you aren’t failing, you’re probably not setting your goals big enough.

And I think sometimes it gets so easy to follow people on social media, myself included, and think like, they never fail. But the truth is I fail all the time. And if they’re not talking about it, I’m sure they’re doing it, and if they’re not doing it, then I don’t know what the heck they’re doing.

But I just want to offer that failure is a part of this journey and you get to see it as a win-win situation. So why is remembering who you are so important when you’re failing? Here’s what happens typically. People fail, even people who have created lots of success, they go for an even bigger goal and they start to fail or maybe you’re just starting out and you fail.

And they make who they are based on that failure. So, they start to collect these failures in this little pocket of theirs, and they start to make it mean something about them. They start to use it as proof of who they are now.

So I’m going to give you guys a quick example of what this actually looks like, and then I’m going to talk about how to maintain your self-concept and who you’re being, a positive self-concept, a powerful self-concept while you’re failing, because it’s going to happen.

Let me give you a quick example. I’ve always thought about this like, if Tony Robbins went to go start a new project or a new leg of his business, he would fail. Even though he would probably create success in our mind from the beginning, I’m sure that he would have a goal that he might underdeliver on, which would be failing to hit his goal.

And the thing is that Tony Robbins is still Tony Robbins when he fails, even if he failed hundreds of times. Who he is doesn’t change when he fails. He’s still the same badass amazing powerhouse mindset guru, even if he’s failing. But what most of us do is like I said, we start to fail and we start to collect all of these failures and remember them, and we start to make who we are contingent upon those failures.

And you’ll see it happen with yourself or other people. You start to kind of like, lose your power. You start to think like, I’m just not who I used to be, or I just keep failing, I don’t know what I’m doing, I suck, I can’t figure this out. And the more you have that stuff feeding your mind, the more you start to think who you are is a reflection of those results.

Now, the most powerful thing you can do is maintain your self-concept, maintain who you are, even when you’re failing. Because what that does is that allows you to problem solve from that failure in a much more powerful way. It’s hard to problem solve for failure when you’re making it mean you suck and you don’t know what you’re doing and you’re just old news or whatever.

When you have that in your mind, it’s hard to show up powerfully to the failure and take what you can from it. So really, there’s two main reasons that you want to do this. One, it’s going to allow you to feel a lot better as you fail, which is actually going to help you create results faster.

But two, it’s going to allow you to problem solve and think differently about the failure and actually use the failure for you, because you’ll have a clean mind. That’s what I call it. A clean mind. You’re not in drama about yourself.

Your mind is clean, so you can look at the failure and evaluate it, versus a dirty mind, where you’re making it mean all this crap about you and you can’t even see what potentially you need to change or do differently to not fail the next time, which is what the value of failure is. Learning from it, right?

So that’s why it’s important. Now, how do we actually maintain our self-concept when we’re failing? I’ve got some questions that I want to offer you guys, and I’ll give you guys some examples as I go through it so that you can use this for yourself when this happens.

Because we need to remember who the hell you are. Because who the hell you are does not change when you fail. And honestly, the reason why I’m talking about this is because this is something that I think for a year and a half there in my business, this was happening to me.

I’m creating a new level of growth. It’s uncomfortable, it’s stretching me, I’m failing all of the time, and for about a year and a half, I was just swimming around forgetting who I was during it and it kept me from bouncing back and showing up and learning the way that I could.

And now I remember who I am, and even though I still fail all the time, it doesn’t feel the same way. And it’s allowed me to show up so much more powerfully and create even better results and evaluate in a more powerful way. So, what do you do? How do you maintain this when you’re failing?

First, I want you to ask yourself, what’s true about you regardless of if you’re failing? What’s true about you regardless of if you’re failing? Are you still powerful? Are you still courageous? Are you still brave? Are you still a brilliant mind? Are you still an amazing human? Are you still honest?

What is still true about you regardless of the results you’re getting, regardless of if you’re failing? It’s really important to get clear on this for yourself because this is what you’re going to want to go back to when you are failing.

When you want to make one result mean like, oh, I’m just old news or I don’t know what I’m doing. You can remember, but wait, look at the years of accomplishments that I have under my belt, or look at just who I am. Even you don’t have a lot of accomplishments. So, what’s true about you regardless of the outcome and how can you use that to be powerful and see that you’re powerful?

Two, what would you believe about yourself once you have the result that you want? And how is it true now? So, we all do this thing, this destination thing where we’re like, when I get there, then I’m this, this, and this. The work to actually create the result faster is to work on believing those things about you now.

So let’s just say you’re like, when I hit the goal, when I have the dream business, when I have the dream guy, when I’m going to believe that I’m amazing, I’m a badass, I’m brilliant, people love my work, I’ve got something unreal or unbelievable and life-changing to offer the world, I’m lovable, I’m enough.

Whatever it is, figure out all of the things you’re going to believe about yourself once you have the result and then ask yourself, how is that true now? How is that true right now? It is, and look for evidence that it’s true. How is it true that you already are powerful? How is it true that you are already a badass, that you are already enough, that you already have so much to offer the world?

When you make that connection, you’ll remember who you are. Number three, preparing yourself ahead of time. Who do you want to be when you fail? Who do you want to be when you fail? For me, I want to be the person who shows up and doesn’t make it mean anything about me. And is like, alright, this is data, this is information, let’s learn from it.

I want to show up, like the word for me that I really resonate is power. I want to show up powerful, and to me, power means being in control. Being in control, not like a control freak, but being in control of what I can be in control of, which is me. And I want to show up from a place of let’s evaluate what happened.

I’m a badass, I’m brilliant, look at what I’ve already created, even though I failed. There’s gold here. This failure is going to get me one step closer to where we’re going. This failure is something I’m going to talk about on stage one day. This failure is something I’m going to look back on and I’m going to go, thank god that failure happened because I was able to figure this, this and this out, and that’s when everything just blew up and I was able to get the result that I want.

So, who do you want to be when you fail? Prepare yourself for that right now in this moment. Who do you want to be when you fail when you go for your dream? And number four, why are you willing to fail? And what does that say about you? Like, in an amazing way.

Like I think the fact that you are willing to chase your dream and go out there and actually fail reminds you of who you are already. The fact that you’re willing to be courageous, the fact that you’re willing to be all in, the fact that you were willing to fail and put yourself out there says all you need to know about yourself.

That you are a badass, that you are courageous, I’ve said that 100 times, but I want you guys to remember that. And it’s important for you to answer these questions for yourself so that you are clear on who you want to be when you’re failing. So that you can remind yourself. But really, why are you willing to fail?

My thought is I’m willing to fail because going all in on everything that I want and spending my lifetime all in for it and failing is like, what I choose a million times over not trying at all. I want to spend my life doing that instead of just sitting and being afraid of what will happen if I fail.

Why am I willing to do it? I’m willing to do it because of who I become in the process of it. I’m willing to do it because doing that is a gift to my future self. So why are you willing to fail and what does that say about you and how can you remind yourself of who you are because you’re even willing to do that?

I want you guys to remember that when you fail, it doesn’t mean anything about who you are. You get to maintain your self-concept. And when you can remember that, you’re going to grow so much faster through the failure.

I love you guys so much. I am so excited to announce that Anything but Average is usually open all the time, but we are changing the structure of that and it is going to be closing at the end of July. So, it won’t be an open enrollment where you can enroll at any time.

In honor of that, this one time, I am giving you the opportunity to actually talk with me one on one for 15 minutes to discuss Anything but Average and if it’s a good fit for you. So if you are on the fence, if you hear all of this, if you get so much from this work and you are like, Lindsey’s my next coach, I want to work with her, and you’ve been thinking about Anything but Average, sign up for a 15-minute chat.

Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/abachat and schedule your call. You have to schedule it before July 31st. I think that’s the last day of July. I can’t wait to talk to you guys, help you make that decision. Again, those calls are to help you decide powerfully whether it’s a yes or a no. My job isn’t to get you to sign up for my program. My job is to help you navigate your mind and make the most powerful decision that’s going to help you elevate and become who you need to become to create the life that you really want.

And if you’re not considering it, I would look at why. Why are you not even considering it? What’s blocking you? Because that is the thing that’s blocking you from creating your anything but average life. I’m so excited to chat with you guys and talk to you guys next week. I will see you then. Bye.

If you want to take this work even deeper and coach with me in my signature program, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. In this program, I will teach you how to take this work and create results so you can have a life that blows your mind in the areas of money, purpose, health, lifestyle, and romance. I can’t wait to see you on the inside.

I love hearing from you!

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