Welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.
Lindsay: Hello and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything but Average. Guys, how are you? I am so excited. I know I say that every week, but I truly am because today I am interviewing Renee Weaver, a life coach who teaches people how to create the life they want, where they have true fulfilment, freedom, and purpose.
And I’m particularly excited to have Renee on because Renee is one of our – Chris and my – really good friends. Her and Chris have been friends since they were how old?
Renee: Oh, we were six. Yeah, first grade.
Lindsay: Oh my gosh, so like childhood best friends their entire life. And I think Renee’s story of becoming a coach and starting this career and joining ABA and doing this work is going to be super inspiring for you guys based on her experience and where she came from and her entire story. So, welcome Renee, I’m so excited to have you.
Renee: Thank you. It’s really fun to be on.
Lindsay: Did you ever think this moment would be happening?
Renee: Oh my gosh, no I was just thinking as I listen to you talk, and I’m thinking about Chris and I on the playground at age six, if someone had told us 30 years from now, you will be inspired by Chris and his wife to change your whole world, I just would have never believed it.
Lindsay: I love that. I adore you so much. I’m so excited you’re here.
Renee: I’m excited to be here and I’m excited you guys are back in the area.
Lindsay: I know too. We need to find a time to hang out soon.
Renee: I know.
Lindsay: So, I want everyone to hear your story, where you came from and your journey, whether you have to go back to the time you were six, or whenever that was. Just kind of where were you before and when did you start to realize you were meant for something bigger, and what did that whole kind of journey look like for you?
Renee: Yeah, sure. So, I always knew I wanted to be in a profession where I was helping others. That’s what drew me to psychology. So, I earned my Bachelor’s in psychology and then, you know, a Bachelor’s in psychology doesn’t really get you many jobs, or high paying jobs. So, I went on and got my graduate degree in school psychology.
So, when I found school psychology, I thought this is perfect because it had teacher hours, like school hours, which are off summers, are off 14 weeks a year. And you have a paycheck and you have a pension and you have health insurance.
I was so excited because I thought this is the perfect job where I can, not just work, but live my life. And I so wanted to be present for my future kids. That’s always been big for me. I knew I wanted to be a mom and I knew I wanted to be present for them in their lives. I was really lucky; my mom was actually a speech pathologist. She worked in schools, so she had that schedule, so it was very familiar to me. And my dad, a lot of the time, or maybe half the time I was a kid, worked for himself.
So, they were both around and it was really flexible and I really liked that family time. But the problem that I came to realize was I had been telling myself a story, which I didn’t realize I was doing at the time which was, this is the only I can do where I’m going to have the hours I want and live the life I want. Like I’ll have the most time to live.
So, that was fine I thought, except there was a little voice inside of me that was telling me, “This isn’t right. Something is just off. This doesn’t feel like my real life.” I feel like I was going through the motions and it just didn’t feel right. And I knew it. But I wasn’t doing anything about it because I was telling myself, “But you have a job. You have a graduate degree. You went to school for this. You got in student loan debt for this and you have a job that people would really want, good hours, a fine paycheck.”
So, that balance of trying to push down my voice because I was too scared to leave what I thought was the only option for the life I wanted, it was really hard to get to the place where I could come away from that and see that something else was possible.
So, I remember, I was sitting outside of a school. And this was only a couple years into my job and I was getting ready to go into a meeting and I was talking to my parents on the phone. And I was just sharing, this doesn’t feel right. I know it’s a fine job. I should be happy. I should this or that. I should be happy. I’m helping kids. But it just doesn’t feel like the right thing.
And I remember my dad saying, “Renee, you’ve got to let go of the banana.” And I was like, what are you talking about? So, he said there’s some story how people used to catch monkeys by they would take a box, cut a hole in the top, and put a banana in it. And when the monkey would go to grab the banana, the hole was just big enough to get the banana in, but small enough to where when the monkey tried to pull it out, it didn’t know to turn it so they could get it out of the hole, so they were stuck in there.
And so, I was clinging to my time off, my paycheck, my benefits, and telling myself there’s no other way I can get the life I want where I have the freedom to go on vacation and travel like I want to and be with my kids and my husband like I want to, and just relax and garden and do whatever it is I want to do.
I was so used to, like, this is the path. This is the path society tells you you’re supposed to take. You go to school. You go to grad school. You get the job. And the idea of veering away from that was just honestly scary and overwhelming. So, I just pushed it off and was like, I hear my inner voice, I feel it in my bones that this doesn’t feel right. But it’s so scary and overwhelming, I’m just going to push it off and decide later.
But what I didn’t realize I was doing was I was already making a decision. And that was, I’m going to live inauthentically from eight to four 36 weeks a year.
Lindsay: So good.
Renee: So, last year, 2020 was obviously crazy and hard for all of us. And something about that space, I took a year off for maternity leave, so I have a daughter who is three and a half and I have a son who just turned one. So, I was off from school during the 2020 school year.
So, I had a lot of time and space to be away from the path that I had been on for so long and time to think and really evaluate my life. And I had known the answer for years for myself. It’s not like I didn’t know. I might have told myself I didn’t know what I wanted. I don’t know if I really want to not do this job. I don’t know if I want to do something else. I knew. But it finally clicked for me that I was ready to do whatever it took to make a life that lit me up, where I just felt really good in all areas.
Another hard thing for me was I loved my life, except for the work part. And there were parts of the work part that were fine, but it just wasn’t right. It just wasn’t in alignment. So I’m like, why would I leave it? I have time to travel. I have time with my kids. I’m happy. My coworkers are great, I have some great interactions with kids at school. But it just wasn’t right.
And learning that that was enough to listen to my inner voice of like this just doesn’t feel right, that that was enough, life’s too short, too precious. And I was finally like, “Okay, I can’t just slog it out. My picture of my future right now is me flogging it out until I retire. And so, I don’t like that picture, like finally the risk of doing nothing, continuing on autopilot, like default mode, it was greater than the risk of just going into the unknown, making a change to start to feel alive. Like, I wanted a new picture, and that’s where you and Chris come in.
Lindsay: So, I think you can keep going.
Renee: I feel like I’m rambling but okay.
Lindsay: I think actually I want to point one thing out that’s so good. A couple things. All of it’s so good. But that was the same thing for me for a really long time too and I think so many of our listeners. It’s like, we tell ourselves that everything is good enough. We’re like, all these other things are great, it’s just this one thing. I should be happy. This should be fine. And just to try to quiet that voice.
And the reality is, it never goes away. It just stays there below the surface. And one of the most transformative things for me, and it sounds like for you too, is just being at a place where I just accepted it, where I was like, this is just a part of me, this obviously is on my heart for a reason. I wouldn’t keep having this thought. It’s good to feel happy, content and grateful with what I have and that doesn’t mean I have to stop here. And it sounds like you went through that kind of same journey too.
And then I think the other thing was getting to that place where the discomfort of doing something different became less than the discomfort of staying the same. And that, to me, that’s when the change really starts to happen when you’re like, okay, I can’t imagine going on this way. That is way more painful than the pain or the discomfort to try something else or go after what I want. And to me, that is like, for everyone, that’s where the change happens.
And I think that takes awareness. You could ignore that for as long as you want, but you really have to be willing to look at that and say, what is the cost of not going for what I want? How painful is that when you really see that and make that connection, then you’ll be willing to do whatever it takes. And I think that’s just such a huge part of your story and something I think so many people need to hear.
Renee: Yes, it’s like you said, it’s that yes and. My life is like great and yes, some people may have it worse, some have it better, but I can have this and I can aspire for more and that’s okay. It is okay to want something different. It is okay to change my mind. And I know you’ve talked about this and I feel the same way, this resonates, of I am not willing to come to the end of my life, which who knows, it could be sooner or later, let’s hope later. But I’m not willing to get to that place and be like, gosh, what could have been?
What could have been if I listened to my gut instead of working what if, this, that? Just try. Because I think it’s riskier to sit not knowing and just creating in your mind all these stories of why it can’t work. That’s just fake. I’m just making that up. So, why not just try? Because otherwise I’ll never know. And then you’re dead.
Life is so precious. I think about my mortality and honestly it inspires me to live now because now is all we have. Life is right now. And if I’m going to keep putting it off, that’s putting off living in my authenticity.
And a big thing, a lot of things converge. Because I’ve been feeling this in my being for years. But I kept putting it off because I just thought, you know, I put so much into it, why would I switch course now? And I have kids, why would I switch when I have a perfect schedule for them?
And one thing that was helpful for me – I mean, it was a lot of pieces, but one was, what I want more than anything for my kids, first and foremost, is them to feel at home in themselves, to be able to really know themselves and feel so confident and worthy in their skin and in their being that they take action from that place in their life for themselves.
And I can’t give them that gift by just telling them and doing lip service to that. The best way to help them do that is to embody it myself and show them that it’s possible. That’s the greatest gift I can give them. So if you’re not able to hold that space for yourself, being able to do it for someone you really love is one of the things that helped me take that first scary step. Like, it’s not worth it. I would never want them to have this dream and hope and desire and not go after it. So, I’ve got to do that for myself too.
Lindsay: So good. I love that so much. So, in walks, at the time. Chris’s new girlfriend, she’s a life coach, and then Chris decides to be a coach and you’ve got all this going in the background. And I’m not sure if I’m intersecting the story at the proper time. But what was that whole process like? What were your thoughts?
Because you’re a school psychologist and, you know, here we are going out and helping people just in such a different way, what were your thoughts and what was the next part of the whole journey?
Renee: I will never forget. So, you guys had just started dating, so Chris came up just by himself to hang out with Kevin and I at our house and we were in our living room and he was sitting in the brown leather chair, I remember, and Kevin and I were across the room in our little pink teacup chairs and we were looking at each other. I think it was Saturday morning and we had gone out the night before, we were just hanging out talking. And there’s Chris, looking alive and talking about life coaching.
And I just remember him talking about it and how you were a coach. It took him a minute, he didn’t do it right away, but obviously he was moving that way once he met you. He was business coaching through Keller Williams. But he was talking about it and using terms like holding space for people. I’m like, wait a second, that’s a psychology term. You’re not a psychologist. You’re not a counselor. Who are you? What are you doing? Almost this who are you to use those terms, you were going to be a lawyer and then you’re in real estate, what are you talking about?
But also, and I’m interested. What is this thing that’s making you look like you’re so alive right now? But I did notice that, I don’t know what I want to call it, this switch that got flipped of, wait a second, how are you using these words? I didn’t know this was a thing that you could just do. And really, I don’t think I’d ever heard of a life coach…
Lindsay: Yeah, I didn’t know until I met my first life coach. I was like, wait a minute, what? This is a thing? I don’t understand.
Renee: Right, I’m trying to think, it feels crazy to me now that I had never heard of them because it just feels like, “Oh my gosh, well of course they’re out there and they’re so helpful. Go find one.” But yeah, I don’t think I had.
And I guess coming from my background, I was a school psychologist, so I had my degree in that, my minor was in counseling, it was just a very different world and it was hard for me to switch my brain to allow another possibility of how I could help people.
So, I went to school and was like, okay, if I’m going to help people in a different way than being in schools as a school psychologist, then it has to be a therapist or a counselor in this traditional setting. And it has to be someone with a diagnosable mental health problem. Like, changing the script on what it could look like, opening my mind and expanding possibilities instead of just thinking whatever thought I’d come up with is truth.
So, that has been a huge thing for me, to be able to open my mind. I’m thinking I’m a fortune teller in my thoughts, like if I have this thought then it is true, I thought the only job I could do where I could have the life I wanted was school psychology. Well guess what, I have found something that tenfold gives me fulfilment, purpose, and freedom. It’s insane. I just would never have even believed that was possible.
So, being able to open my mind to another way that I could help people, use all the skills I gained from graduate school and the 10 years I worked as a school psychologist, and help people in a different way, to meet them where they are now and help them get to that place where they’re listening to their inner voice so that they can feel just aligned and authentic and good and fulfilled and free in their own lives. Like, holy moly.
So, when I first heard it from Chris I was like, “Wait a second,” and I really had to flip my brain around because I just hadn’t heard of it before. So, that was some work I needed to do.
Lindsay: I feel like I could totally understand that, like going from that professional setting, going to college all those years and then having somebody walk in like, “I’m coaching people,” and they haven’t done any of that. I can totally see how – my brain if I went for that path would be like, wait a minute, what’s happening?
And I also think it’s such an important thing – because I do have lots of people who are psychologists, therapists, counselors, anything like that that follow me, and I think sometimes have a similar thought process, or even people in general, they’re like, what’s the difference? And I think it’s important to know. And I can get your opinion on this too, Renee, that the difference is psychology, therapy, counseling, that is focused on the past and healing that, whereas coaching is more focusing on where are you now and where do you want to go.
And I think that distinction too, having an explanation for like, “Well, I studied all these things and I did this and that,” that’s so needed in the world and serves a very specific purpose. And understanding that there’s a difference between that and what coaching is, I find very helpful. What are your thoughts about that?
Renee: Yes, I agree. I do think that’s helpful, that a life coach would not be doing trauma work with someone. They would not be digging in deep and figuring out the root of this depression so we can try and work to help that. The life coach, like you said, this is where you are right now and you have this goal for yourself that you want to reach moving forward. I’m going to help you get there. Let’s do this together. I’m not going to be looking backwards and saying let’s work on the trauma that happened so then we can help your trauma responses now to live a better life.
So, I do think that’s helpful, looking backward versus where you are looking forward, definitely. They’re both needed and they’re both different.
Lindsay: 100% yes and they’re both important, they serve very different purposes. And people ask me that a lot, so I think it’s really good to touch on that. So, Chris is talking about this. That was what, four or five years ago?
Renee: It was when you first met, so when was that? Literally, you had just started dating, so a long time ago.
Lindsay: So, I guess four and a half years ago.
Renee: So, that was a four and a half years ago. And then I don’t even think, so when Ada was born, my daughter was three and a half, I didn’t post a ton, but I used to post on social media. And then, when she was born, I just kind of made a decision, her beautiful little face, I just wanted to stare at it. And I took off six and a half months with her and I just felt like I wanted to be present.
And for me at that time, it meant I just wasn’t on social media. So I don’t think we were friends. I wasn’t friending people. I wasn’t going on there and doing a lot. So, I wasn’t even in that world.
And so, I mean, I was friends with Chris on there and we would talk obviously. So, I would talk to him on the phone or see what he was putting online if I happened to be on. And it just was like these little seeds that kept getting planted. And I kept seeing, well he’s out there and he’s doing it and he’s so happy, I might talk to him. It’s working for him and he’s creating this for himself. Like, what is this? What is it?
I just kept being tweaked to, what is it? But I was a new mom and so I just, it was on the periphery of my mind. It was never far from there. But really, this past year, like I said, with the pandemic and being home and being off for a year and away from that grind that I was in gave me so much space. And I started listening to podcasts, like personal growth podcasts. And Brené Brown is one I love and I was reading Pema Chodron’s work and just really diving in.
And I knew that I was looking for something and I knew I had to tell my job if I was going back or not. And I just knew I didn’t want to go back. I just knew that wasn’t going to be right for me and I had this feeling that, if I did, I would never leave. And I knew I could have, but if I went back after being off, I knew I was almost betraying myself if I was going to go back because I knew it wasn’t my path.
I was being called for something more, something different. And if I couldn’t listen to that, I just didn’t know when I’d be able to. And the thought of going back, it absolutely terrified me because I just, like I said, the picture of my life, I didn’t want to be doing something that was, like, fine and honorable, but didn’t feel right to my soul.
I want to feel like I’m living my truth, in my authenticity, and in alignment with myself. And so finally, I started listening to Chris’s podcast, and there was one with Todd Paxton, so that’s a mentor of Chris’s and they used to work together too. And something he said really stuck with me a lot.
And basically, what he was saying is he wanted a job that just made his heart sing. And he talked about how he was an ICU, I think in cardiac care. So, he got his degree, that takes studying in school, that takes earning your degree, it’s a good job, it’s an honorable job. And I was hearing him talk about how he just decided it wasn’t right for him anymore. He switched. And it was just like saying…
Lindsay: I decided to wear a blue shirt today…
Renee: Yeah, like I don’t want to wear purple anymore, I’m just going to wear blue. Like, what? It’s so easy. And I was kind of blown away by it. and he just sounded so aligned in his life and happy and authentic, like wow. So, it was this permission that here’s this person, they’ve gone to graduate school, they’ve earned a specific degree and said, “I’m doing this.” And they did it and it was great when they were doing it, but it just wasn’t right anymore and they decided to switch.
Like, I can change my mind and I can do this. He can do this. I can do this. I want something that makes my heart sing too because I believe it’s possible. And so, I just really wanted every part of my life to be on purpose, not just the parts when I wasn’t at work.
And I know I had told you this when we were talking before, I realized, yes, I have a lot of time off, 14 weeks, I have a pension, I have a paycheck, I have insurance. But that’s 38 weeks a year that I’m still doing something that just doesn’t feel aligned from eight to four. That’s a lot of my life. I’m not willing to do that anymore.
So, I was so scared, but when I finally had this moment of I cannot go back, I’m not going to go back. It sounds weird, but it’s 100% truth. I felt tingles start in my toes and go up my body and out my chest. Imagine in Cinderella when the Fairy Godmother waves a magic wand and she just twirls and she’s in that beautiful white gown and everything was different, like what she’d always hoped for. But instead of a Fairy Godmother, I had done that. I created this feeling because I had created a new reality for myself. I wasn’t going to be back, 100%, and I was going to do something else.
So, yeah, Fairy Godmother might sound like I was waiting for someone to save me, this Fairy Godmother to come save me. Like, I just kept thinking, I know I have so much potential. I know I could do something else and I know that what I’m doing is just not aligned with me. But I don’t know what I’m going to do.
So someone’s going to be like, oh wow, you have this potential problem, work for me, or someone’s going to tell me what to do. That’s not going to happen.
So, I learned, and I remember talking to you and you were like, well how could it be possible – because I’m like I have this paycheck, blah, blah, blah – how could it be possible that being in charge of my own destiny is actually more freeing and more secure? And it’s like, well holy crap, I can transform myself. I don’t need to wait for a Fairy Godmother to come do it for me.
And that was just, I mean, huge, just that switch of going from, “Oh my gosh it’s too scary to be in charge of my own life, making my own decisions, I’m going to mess up,” to, “I am the best person to be doing this and I can do this and I’m going to start right now.” Like, I can’t take it back.
Lindsay: So good. And when was that?
Renee: That was recently, like March of 2021. It took so much for me, honestly, so I’m thinking about my personality, I want things to be safe and secure. I had a path. I don’t want to switch if I don’t know that the next thing’s going to be safe and secure and right for me, right?
So, I keep taking about talking to you. So, you were gracious and had some conversations with me before I even signed up for your program. And I remember telling you like, I’m not sure yet and I have a lot going on with the kids and we’re moving houses and we have all these vacations coming up, so I’ll start in August with the program and it’s kind of like, you said, what if you don’t need to be 100% ready to start? What if you could just be like 90% ready?
And I’m like, okay, 100% is perfection. And honestly, I’m a recovering perfectionist. 100% is exhausting and it’s untenable. Like, it never feels good enough. But I can do 90%. When I can take action from, like, if I call it a place of knowing in me, like from the whispering of my inner voice, from the feeling in my gut, if I can take action from there, I don’t need to be at 100% in my head. I just don’t. It doesn’t come from that place of exhaustion of trying to be perfect before any action is taken, then you’re never going to take any action. And that’s where I kind of was.
I need to know it’s going to work out perfectly and everything’s going to be perfect before taking action. But what you said really landed with me, like well maybe that’s not the best place to come from because it’s not reality. Nothing is ever 100%. And I can’t pretend to know right now what’s going to be great for me, what I’m going to think is perfect for me tomorrow. So, it’s constantly changing.
So, it’s just so freeing to start taking those even small actions from that mindset of, I’m going to do what feels right to me right now. I can change tomorrow and that’s okay, but I’m going to take a step forward.
Lindsay: Yes, it’s kind of like that quote, “You don’t have to see the whole staircase. You just have to take the first step.” It’s so easy. I mean, I’ve totally done this, especially when I first started, wanting to know the whole path. And I think a lot of people listening do that too. They’re like, “Well, can I start my business now? Am I ready right now?” And they’re not. But the reality is that you have to take that one step and that’s what leads to the next step and the next step.
And even if that means, like for you, when we talked about that, I remember, what if that means just honing in on your coaching? I mean, you have your psychology degree already, but honing in on your coaching skills, getting clear on what you’re going to do, kind of dipping your toe in until you decide to start.
And I also knew, by being in the program and getting coaching on all the drama you had, just like we all have, it would help you create the readiness that you needed in order to start. Because again, I actually have a post I think going – well, by the time this comes up it’s going to be long past, but I talk about how being ready is a decision. It’s not a destination that you arrive at and it feels so uncomfortable when you make that first decision.
But isn’t it so much easier, once you make that first one, then you can really see it and you’re like, okay yeah, it’s just a decision every time. It’s just that first step every time.
Renee: It truly is. I mean, it’s hard to even explain. But once you start to exercise that muscle, like I say, I really do need to be ready. Just give me time. I’ve got to get all my ducks in a row. This is just how I work. It just feels safer to do that. But once you are able to kind of say, “Okay, I am worth it. I am going to choose this. It feels really scary,” like you said, but I’m just going to take one tiny step and see what that’s like, it changes everything.
And you’re like, oh, I have some momentum in that direction. I didn’t die. Everything’s fine. And I learned something. And now I can take another step, and in that way, I will get to where I want to go, which is a forever journey. Like you said, it’s not a destination, but where I want to go is to be walking forward in alignment, walking forward unapologetically as myself.
And ultimately now, what I’m doing to use my experience from my background in my new business as a life coach, to help others do the same. And you do that. You inspire others by leading the life that you lead, that it is possible to live life how you really want. So, I’m hoping that I can do that too, that it is possible, and I can help you get there.
And gosh, once you take that first step, it’s like a snowball. It just gets easier and easier and bigger and bigger. It just expands. It’s expansive.
Lindsay: And you are a living, breathing example of it. You’re doing that every day, like the decisions you’ve already made. And I think that’s also something that I talk about a lot is that being in integrity. And I think sometimes people hear that and they’re kind of like, what do you mean by that? Well, what I mean, as a coach, is you can’t ask other people to make these decisions without being willing to make them yourself.
It’s like asking someone to exercise when you’re not exercising at all and you’re, you know, you have all these things that are keeping you from doing it. And so, that’s one of the biggest things is making the decision or doing your own work, is leading by example. It’s knowing from this deep sense of – I don’t know if it’s security, but I guess it’s like knowingness that you have made that decision and talked that path and now you’re on the other side. I almost imagine like a river, you’re on the other side and you’re leaning back and you’re like, “Okay, it’s really scary, but take my hand. You’re going to have to cross when you don’t feel ready.”
And every time you do that, you help create belief in other people and confidence in yourself to be able to help people walk that same path. It’s like, we have to go first as coaches and that’s the really scary and hard part. But you’re right, it is a muscle that gets stronger the more you do it.
Renee: Right, it’s something that can be strengthened. It’s not something that you have or don’t have. It’s something that you can grow. And like you were saying, as coaches, we have to take that first step and we have to be living, breathing examples of the work.
And I mean, I’ll have you forever. I have a coach. And doing my own growth work is utmost important to me and it’s just honestly a joy. It’s an honor that what I’m so passionate about, it’s something now that is my job and I can inspire others to do the same and help them as they start that journey. I know the feelings and I’ve been through them and I was in them for years and then I learned how to move out of them and move forward.
And it’s just such a joy to be here now in a place. And I’m not at a destination. I’m just on the other side of that fear. Like, on the other side of that fear of taking that first step and of moving forward, it’s just honestly, like I said, it’s expansion, it’s endless possibility, and it’s really exciting. It’s so exciting.
Lindsay: I love it. It’s so good. So, a couple things I jotted down, and we’ve kind of touched on these, but what was the biggest drama you had about getting started, about joining the program and starting your business and everything that came with it?
Renee: Oh, my goodness, I think one thing for me was there is a right way to do it, and I don’t know that right way and I’ve got to figure it out, that right way. Versus there is no right way to do it and if there is a right way, basically it’s just by taking step after step and moving forward, and then you’re learning how to do it.
I know you’ve used the example of you’re not going to learn to swim sitting outside the pool, so just get in, start kicking, and you’re going to get somewhere and that’s how you’re going to learn. So, thinking there’s some right way that I don’t know and I’m going to try to figure out before I can start, that was just blocking me from getting going.
So, that was a lot of drama that I was dealing with, but learning that I could just step into the pool and start swimming, and that’s how I’m going to learn, make mistakes, learn from them, keep going forward. I have a website, and doing the copy for that, that was so helpful to just get clear on what it is, what I’m offering people, and old me might have been like, “Oh gosh, this website has to be perfect, it has to look great.” I know I can change it. I have the login; I can change it whenever I want and that’s okay.
Lindsay: Yes, I have the login for my life, I can log in and change it at any moment.
Renee: Exactly, and no one cares. Like, there’s no people out there that are watching me like, “Oh gosh. She changed her website,” or, “Oh gosh, she used to say she wanted to be a school psychologist and now she’s a life coach.” No, we’re all growing. We’re all trying to become better versions of ourselves. And when we give each other the grace and the space to do that and when we are doing that, we’re inspiring others to do that. And that’s just honestly creating better families for ourselves, better communities, a better world.
Like, when we’re all just inspiring and encouraging others to be the best versions of ourselves possible, I just think it’s the best thing we can do.
Lindsay: I love it. One thing I wanted to add about jumping it in the pool, because it really does feel like that, I’m always like it’s like you’re leaping off a mountain, that’s how it feels. Going from whatever thought it is, that it has to be right, or that you have to be ready, it doesn’t matter.
But I also like to think about it, as you were talking, it’s also this. We’re not like three-year-olds jumping in the pool that’s nine feet deep with water. There’s also a coach in the pool who’s going to be holding you while you still have your floaties on, helping you and showing you the way.
And it’s so interesting how we want to avoid getting in when really we have to get in to, like you said, learn and kick our feet and start to try things. But also, we keep ourselves from the help. We keep ourselves from the coach who’s in the water who’s like, “Hey, come here, I can help you. I can show you. I can coach you on all the drama.” And that’s what keeps us sitting on the sidelines.
So, I also think it’s fun to think about, like, Renee’s in the pool. I’m in the pool. We’re there. We’re not just going to jump in and drown. We’re going to take you and walk you through everything to make sure you grow the skills and ability that you need to create the fulfilment or to start the coaching business.
Renee: Exactly. One thing I think about too, and that I was thinking about, was so you have the belief, there’s someone with me in the pool that’s going to help me. And I think something that was hard was what if I – this idea of changing your mind. I think a lot of us struggle with, this is what we’ve been doing and so, if I were to go to a coach and tell them I wanted something different, that means I failed. That means I haven’t done it right, I’m broken, I need fixing, I couldn’t figure it out on my own. And so, I failed, you know how to do it. Help me.
When in reality, I am stopping to get really honest with myself. I am quieting and pausing to check in with my core to see what it is that I want for myself. And when I realize that I don’t have that yet, I’m going to take action to create it. I’m going to get help from someone who can help me take a straight path there versus 10 years of, “Where do you make these changes?” I’m going to get help, just like you would get help if you were wanting to learn how to play an instrument.
You could teach yourself. That’s just going to take longer. So, someone that can really just help you create what it is, like, you are being honest with yourself and you’re deciding that you are the most important thing in your life and your dreams for yourself. I know some of you will love that quote my Mary Oliver, and I do too, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
And when you are answering that question for yourself, that’s when it’s like, “Well heck yeah I want some help.” It’s everything, and I want it to start now. I don’t want to put it off anymore.
Lindsay: This is so good. I love it. Okay, so the other thing I jotted down was, so you joined the program, you were like, “I’m 90% ready…” you join and then one of your things was waiting to start, right? You were like, “I’m going to wait until August because we’ve got lots of summer plans, kids.” You just told me before we started this podcast you just moved. I mean, you probably couldn’t have more on your plate than you have right now.
And I think that’s such a common thing. And so, I’d love for you to share. Because now you’ve launched, you have a website, you’re doing consults, all the things, versus when you first started you were like, “I’m going to wait to actually launch my business until August.” What had to change in order for you to make that decision and start?”
Renee: What had to change? Let’s see… I think what I realized, and when I talk with you about that 100% ready versus 90% ready, I realized I needed to start making choices and making myself a priority in those. And I think it was just a way to push off, “I don’t know what I’m doing,” so I’m just going to push it all back and kind of save these other reasons.
Oh, my goodness, it’s really crazy right now with the young kids. They haven’t finished daycare yet so they’ll start after our next trip and when we get back in mid-August. So, I’ve had them both full time, at home with them, and all these other things going on. So, it is a lot going on.
Lindsay: Moving, selling the house, vacations…
Renee: I was renovating, literally, many, many weeks of vacation the last two months, quitting my job, making the website, everything, launching. It’s insane…
Lindsay: Launched her business from her car…
Renee: I did. I quit my job from my car on our way down to our Florida vacation. I launched the business on the way down there, doing work at other times too. But it’s like, I don’t know, life is now. It’s not in three months from now. And if I am going to show my kids that what I want for them, that you’ve got to start with yourself, I’ve got to do the same thing.
I’m not going to be helping them by just kind of making myself a martyr instead of a model for them. And so, yes, it’s been really hard. But at the same time, it’s shown me what I can do. It’s showing me what I can do if I show up for myself and I say, I’m going to do this. I can do it, it’s amazing.
Lindsay: That’s so good. And I think the other thing is – I remember you getting coaching on it too that one day where you were like, “Okay, I think I’m going to wait to start until August, because I really want to spend time with my kids…” of course you do. That’s part of the reason you started this business, to spend time with them during the summer.
And I remember, I think I just asked you one simple question and I want everyone to hear this. It was something about, well, how could you actually just get everything you wanted? So often, we think it’s an either-or decision. Like, I start now and I don’t get to spend time with my kids, or I start later and I do. And I remember framing it up, like what if you do get to start your coaching business now and start selling spots and signing clients and have them all start in August?
How can we make sure you get everything you want? And we push your growth and we get through all the drama at the same time. Like, how can it be, “And?” And I remember you were like, “That’s so simple. I didn’t realize I could start signing clients and start them in August…” But it’s such a simple thing that I’ve learned from coaching and from being a coach is I always ask myself, how could I do both? How can I get everything that I want? Versus how our brain typically looks at it is all of the limitations. How isn’t this going to work instead of how is this going to work? And I think that was also such a huge catalyst, you were like, “Oh, okay, then I will start. I will just do it.” And you did.
Renee: And that’s the power of coaching, is having someone help you really examine your thoughts. And again, at least for me, it’s like I’m a school psychologist. I literally have a Master’s degree in this. I’ve been doing this for 10 years, helping people, the brain, psychology, I should be able to do this myself.
But it’s like when you’re too close to it, it’s hard to see the forest through the trees. It’s like a coach on the side of the court, a basketball coach, they can see the whole court. The player only has the ball right in front of him. So, having you to help my coach, you to help zoom out and be like, let me challenge you on that thought in a compassionate, supporting, loving way, let me challenge you on that thought. Let me offer you a new perspective.
Because right now, I can see your thoughts, you believe that that thought is 100% set in stone and true. But no thought is because it’s about the future. It’s not in the moment. So, that was huge to be like, okay, I wouldn’t have done that for myself, so to have you be able to challenge my thoughts, to help me see that new perspective and see that I’m just making something up, why don’t I make up the helpful story instead of the harmful story? Why couldn’t I? And you’re right. I did it.
I just chose a different thought. And that takes action, but it starts with a thought. So, being able to have someone help you to zoom out when you’re all up in your stress of really zoomed into what’s going on, to help slow down, zoom out, and just challenge it so you can think a different thought. It can create different results, and it did for me.
Lindsay: Yes, I think of it – I love the example of like, it’s like we’re in a jar. You can’t see a label when you’re in the jar. No matter how skilled of a coach you are, I’m like, my drama is in my head all the time too and I have a coach to point it out because I don’t always see it. It really is – because our brain is also really tricky and smart. It likes to hide things from us. It’s trying to protect us at all times.
And so, when you get to a place where you’re like, “Oh yeah, I’m just in the jar and I need support and help seeing what the label is saying so I can get the outcomes I want, I think for everybody listening and for anyone who’s like, “Renee is someone I want to reach out to and work with or talk to about working together,” making sure you have that perspective of like coaching doesn’t mean something’s wrong, there’s something wrong with you, you don’t get it.
I honestly think all the time, I’m like, I don’t know how human beings function without having coaches. And honestly, I think most of the time, they’re functioning but they’re not thriving. And that’s really what coaching is about, is taking you out of that and helping you thrive. So, it’s not like something’s wrong. Your brains really good at doing its job and having somebody on the outside to help you work through that is what’s going to help you create a different life.
Renee: Exactly. I mean, yeah, love it, exactly. I like that jar example. It just makes sense.
Lindsay: So good. Okay, so how is life different, this 10-year journey, feeling like you’re living out of alignment and all of that, to quitting your job, starting your business, how is life different today because of that?
Renee: It’s almost hard to even put it into words. I almost feel a little lump forming in my throat because to go from just thinking, “This is where I am. I should be happy with what I have. Other people would be happy with what I have. Why can’t I just be fine with this?” in terms of my job, to, “It’s okay to want something different. It’s okay to listen to my inner voice that’s telling me this isn’t it anymore. I’m being called to do something different.”
That shift, it has been everything. Being able to change my thoughts through coaching with you, through the work that I’m doing on myself to create this life for myself, it is everything. Like, the moment that I decided to make the change, the world literally just got so much bigger. All of a sudden, it wasn’t like, alright I’m just kind of doing this job until I retire, and then I’m going to be old.
It’s like, oh my gosh, I can create anything I want. I can make this business and do these ideas I have and help people. And we’re getting ready to go on a three-week vacation to Colorado and California with our two kids, both working as we want during it. And we’re going to be gone on the first day of when School would start for my old job.
People just don’t really – you have lots of breaks obviously when you’re working in schools, but people don’t generally take a week here or there to go on a trip. So, if you want to take a trip, you generally do it on the breaks.
That’s okay, but I kind of limits things. We’re going to be doing this trip when we want to and when works for us for three weeks and two of those weeks would have been my first two weeks of work. You know, I couldn’t have done it.
And it’s just like, wow, I am so excited at finally making this choice because it means that I get to be here even more for my kids, you know. Before, I had to get there at eight, like when they’re going to school, I can take them in because I’m having them go to before-care or after-care. I just have so many more options.
I’m not going to work five days a week. I don’t do that. I’m choosing what I want and, above all else, the feeling in my body of feeling aligned and like I am truly the me-est me I am, when before I didn’t have that feeling and I just dreamed about, pictured what it could be like if I did. That’s everything. That’s everything.
Lindsay: So good.
Renee: Thank you for your help getting there.
Lindsay: Of course, I’m just like – it makes me tear up. It makes me feel just so excited for you. And that you’re showing other people the way, helping them live in alignment and create fulfilment, you are a living, breathing example of taking the touch decisions it takes to do that. And now you’re on the other side and it’s just so cool because so many people’s lives are going to be impacted because of that, because of those decisions you made.
Renee: It is cool. And it’s really exciting. And it’s so fun to talk to the people I’ve got to talk to so far and inspiring and I’m like, how is this my job? This is amazing. I never…
Lindsay: This is a thing?
Renee: This is a thing? I never – you can ask people I talk to, I would never talk about my job before. I just didn’t bring it up. Because it didn’t light me up. It was fine, but it didn’t light me up. And now, I’m doing something where I am helping people live how they really want, and not just on autopilot or default. It’s possible and I’m helping people do that and it’s just amazing. I mean, it’s amazing. I love talking about it now. It’s so cool. It’s so fun. And I love it.
Lindsay: It’s like when you texted me, you were like, “I used to run out of work and I never understood why people were working on Friday nights. And now I’m sitting here working on Friday nights and so excited about it.”
Renee: And it doesn’t even feel like work. It just feels like me. I don’t know. It just feels good. It’s wonderful.
Lindsay: So, on that note, tell everybody where they can connect with you and find you.
Renee: Yeah, so I am @reneeweaver_ on Instagram. Facebook just Renee Weaver. And then my website is reneeweaver.com.
Lindsay: Guys, go check her out. So good. The links will all be in the show notes, so you can connect with her, ask her questions, set up a consult with her. Renee, I am just so grateful. This was so fun. And now, since we’re all entrepreneurs we all get to go on trips together and do all the things whenever we want.
Renee: Let’s do it. I’m ready.
Lindsay: I’m so excited. Thank you so much. And for those of you listening, if you are ready to take that step and start creating a coaching business and living in alignment, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and you will get to be surrounded by people like Renee who are growing their business. So, I will see you guys on the inside and thank you so much, Renee and I will see you in the inside of the program this week for our coaching call.
Renee: Thank you, it was awesome being on today.
Lindsay: Yeah, of course. Alright, I’ll talk to you guys soon. Bye.
If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything but Average, where I will walk you through the step-by-step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.
