Hi girl, welcome to Soul CEO; a podcast for women who know they’re destined for more. I’m Lindsey Mango and I’m going to show you that you can have it all and teach you how to get it by becoming the CEO of your soul, life, and business. Let’s get started.
Lindsey: Hello, how are you guys? And welcome back to the third edition of the Chris and Lindsey Show. We are so excited for today’s episode. We are going to talk about how we build successful businesses while building a thriving relationship all mixed together in one beautiful jumbo pot of life.
Lindsey: So there’s three things that we really want to touch on when it comes to building a successful business while being in a relationship. And I think the number one thing that I want both of us to speak on is to build a successful business, you cannot rely on your significant other to believe in you, for you, to take action in your business.
This is one of the number one things that I see people do is they ask for their husband’s permission to take action in their business. They ask to make sure it’s okay that they do the thing or they feel like they can’t go all in in their business until their significant other fully supports them.
And what I want to share on that first is your significant other will always reflect back to you your level of belief. Here’s what I mean by that. You might believe in your business because you started it, of course. But your significant other might show up in fear or doubt or you might believe that you want to invest in your business or hire a coach but your significant other might think it’s crazy.
They will always trigger your own fear and your own lack of belief. So Chris and I were just talking about this. One of the number one things that we see clients, potential clients, people do is they feel discouraged when their significant other doesn’t believe in them or they ask for their opinion to make decisions in their business.
And we operate in kind of a different way when it comes to our businesses. We work on creating our own belief and making decisions from there and then having the conversation in your relationship.
Chris: So let me highlight something as an example because this is a foreign concept I feel like to most people. But I tell – especially the guys that I get on consults with in coaching is they say I need to check with my wife. I’m not sure if she’s going to believe in this kind of step. Or if I’m coaching a current client and they say well, I’m not sure if my wife’s going to be on board with that.
And I use the example, I like to fish. I’m a bass fisherman sometimes. And it would be like me saying I’m not going to be able to fishing today because Lindsey doesn’t think I’m going to catch any fish. We all have a good laugh because it’s so silly, right? How is this different as it applies to your business and what you’re telling me right now? It’s not. It’s not.
It’s just that the wife in that made up scenario is reflecting back to that guy his own doubt, his own potential disbelief that he could fail, that he could screw this up. So what Lindsey’s saying pretty eloquently is your significant other can be a mirror when they show up in doubt. And it’s a test for you. How certain are you in your talents, in your capabilities? And how much are you willing to put into this to go for it?
Lindsey: Yeah, and I think that it’s really important to – I’ve asked this to moms before and I’ve said, is there something in particular for your kids that you are like, so sure that they have to have? Like organic food or something that your husband or your significant other kind of thinks is silly, but you believe in it so wholeheartedly that you will spend the extra money, you don’t call them and say can I buy the organic apples? You do the thing because you believe in it so much that it must be done.
That is the level of belief you have to create in yourself and in your business. And if your significant other doesn’t support it or doesn’t believe in it, that’s an opportunity for you to say well, why don’t I believe in it that wholeheartedly that I just am so certain that this is going to happen that I can show up even if they fear or doubt it and be certain of myself and certain of what I’m creating.
So I wanted to kind of talk about this because Chris and I have had experiences where I say yes to something or I go all in on something and might make him uncomfortable or vice versa. And I would love Chris’s perspective from his side of how that feels when I make a decision or when I look at him and I say this is the aligned decision and I know it’s really uncomfortable for both of us but I know this is the thing I need to do, how you deal with that.
Chris: Well, let’s not talk in generalities. Let’s give them an actual example.
Lindsey: Okay. So Chris and I moved to California and we paid for our own very, very nice wedding and I’m working on scaling my business to a million dollars, and so many things on our plate. While we have very successful businesses, we took on a lot of expenses all at once.
And in a time when we were trying to pay for all of these things, I realized that one of my aligned decisions was to hire a Facebook ads agency. And I realized that I wasn’t doing it because in my mind, somewhere subconsciously, I was saying like, well he’s going to be nervous so I probably shouldn’t do that and I was making him responsible.
Until I realized that I was only afraid that I wasn’t going to create the result, which is why he was kind of in my mind, he didn’t know this was happening. The scapegoat of that decision and saying like, well, he’s going to be nervous and really, it was me being nervous.
And so I had to come to this point where I realized it was my own lack of belief, and I had to show up and I had to look at him in the face and say like, hey, I’m going to make this really giant, really uncomfortable investment at a time when it’s probably the worst possible time and I’m doing it.
And he looked at me and he said I trust you more than anyone on this planet so if that’s what you have to do, it makes me uncomfortable, but if you can look in the eye and say we’re going to make it, we’re going to be fine, then I trust you. And it was a conversation that I grew immensely in because again, I realized that I had to take responsibility for myself that I was using him as the scapegoat of my lack of belief. So I would love your perspective on that when those moments happen.
Chris: Well, I wish I could say it’s just easy, you just say you trust each other and you move on. Those conversations are sometimes years in the making. The ability for me to look at her and say I trust you, that’s a three-year process if you go back and analyze it of how I could do that. And in that process, I’m learning how to be aware of my own fears and how I catapult them into conversations.
So here’s how that conversation could have gone. Oh my god, are you kidding me? This is so ridiculous, this is the worst possible time for you to pick up and decide out of nowhere that you’re going to spend tens of thousands of dollars. Just constant fear, doubt, insecurity. Instead, I decided to hit pause on that and say are you sure?
And basically, let’s validate this decision before we just move forward. Even though I know her and I already know she’s done her homework on it. But I wanted to be sure for my sake like, can I jump into this decision wholeheartedly with her? And not hold it over her head like I think most people would in that moment, or against her if it does go south, and say we’re both going to take ownership at this moment, that this is what we decided to do.
Lindsey: And I think it’s important to understand that in that moment, Chris mirrored back to me my belief because he could have reacted that way and some of you guys might have significant others who do react that way. In the past I had a significant other who reacted that way, and I had to show up in belief.
And I, of course, respect Chris, I love him, we’re going to be married when this comes out and we of course need to make decisions together and all that, but when it comes to my business and when it comes to my belief, I take full ownership of those decisions that I’m making. And so I think that even though it would have been really uncomfortable if he showed up in all that doubt and fear, I would have had an opportunity to look at where my level of belief was and still go for it.
Chris: Yeah, and I want to add that your relationship is going to grow the extent that you do and you might hear little sayings like that all the time, but it’s moments like those that test whether or not you actually believe that. If I was not in the personal growth and development and coaching space, maybe I would have handled that conversation differently.
Not out of anything other than just not knowing any different, but I understand that if I want to go to an entirely new level for myself, for our relationship, for our family, it’s going to require new levels of courage. And that’s going to require new levels of discomfort. So if you are playing small in your relationship, it’s time to really take a hard look at why and decide as a couple, is this where we want to cap our relationship and our opportunity together? I didn’t want to be the cap in that moment.
Lindsey: Yeah, and I think – I mean, a lot of you guys will listen to this and be like, damn, I wish my husband would do that. And that’s why I’m like, Chris showed up in that moment and just chose to trust, but what I want to share the importance of is that I believed and I worked on building that belief and I would have done it. I hate to say it but truthfully, regardless.
Chris: And yes, I know that.
Lindsey: And that’s the thing is I think for a lot of you guys, you have to look at if you are relying on your significant other to believe, to believe in you enough for you to take action, then that is your work. That is not their job. That is not their responsibility. And I’m really grateful because again, Chris mirrors back to me my level of belief.
I was in a relationship that wasn’t like that. That I had somebody who was very angry at me for hiring a coach and doing this work and I chose it anyway because I knew that’s what I needed and what I wanted. So I think it’s also being able to hold space and understand again, that their feelings are their feelings and you get to take responsibility and look at your level of belief and yourself and your business and what action you’re willing to take and be willing to do them even if people get uncomfortable about it.
Because again, the question you have to ask yourself is if you were guaranteed 100,000% that you were going to get the result that you wanted, would you do the thing? Would you take the action? And if the answer is yes, regardless of whether your husband or significant other was gung-ho about it, then what you have to look at is the fact that if you don’t do it, you’re only doing it because you don’t actually believe and that’s where your work really, really starts.
So that’s the first thing on building successful businesses in a relationship and somebody actually had asked a question about that when it comes to belief and being a relationship. So the other two things that we wanted to cover is making our businesses a priority in our relationship and what that looks like, as well as making our relationship a priority in our lives.
So I think one of the biggest things for me is that my business is a priority in my life because I know for me, doing this work makes me show up as the human I need to be, to be the person I need to be in our relationship. And so for me, growing my business and serving my purpose and helping women and doing what I’m meant to do adds to how I show up in our relationship.
And so my business is very much a priority and I think it’s really important for people to understand to grow a successful business, your business does have to be a priority. There are some days where Chris might have time to go play and I don’t, and I have to choose to work my business or vice versa.
And I don’t know if you have any perspective on this but I think it’s really important to really hold your ground when it comes to your commitments in your business and understand that – look at it from the perspective of this is important to me and to my relationship.
Chris: My perspective is we could overcomplicate this all day long, that there’s always time for what’s most important in your life. And if your business is most important in that moment, then we find time for it. If your relationship is the most important thing in that moment, then we make time for it.
If your family is compromising more time than you planned on, that you know that they need you, then you make it work. And the word that comes to mind over and over and over is prioritize. So many people want to create excuses and avoid making something a priority and the truth is culturally, we let that happen.
Like oh yeah, you get really busy so you didn’t have any time to work on the business and it failed and you had to close shop and that sucks, that’s life. That’s not true. That’s not true. Not all the time anyway. I don’t want to be too much of a hardass on this but the idea is that if you were crystal clear on your priorities and you can get buy-in from your partner that this is where I need to be right now so that I can be with you later, and that’s how we work.
We joke when we’re in go mode, I know not to come in and be all lovey-dovey or ask 50 million questions about what she wants to do this weekend or what she wants for dinner. Whatever. Any kind of small talk does not fly if Lindsey’s in go mode and vice versa. We’re different animals when we’re both in go mode and we respect that. There’s a boundary there.
We both own businesses and live and work and play in the same house. We run these businesses from this house and it is up to us to enforce those boundaries because we know our priorities. So there are times when Lindsey will be like, can I just have you for a second, I want you to read this, or I want to ask you this and I’m like no, really, not right now. Well, it’ll only take a second.
Lindsey: I’m very convincing.
Chris: She’s very persistent, rather. And I’m like really, not right now. And she’s like, no really, it’ll only take 30 seconds. I’m like, but it’s not only going to take 30 seconds, number one, and number two, it’s going to rob me of my concentration for whatever it is that’s my priority in that moment.
Lindsey: And I think that’s such a great example of Chris being strong on his boundary. Because we as humans, especially as entrepreneurs, want to push the boundaries. I want to get what I want so I’m going to ask a couple of times, right? And that’s up to Chris to say like, no, this is my boundary, and then I also get the opportunity to respect that boundary and vice versa.
If I am working and Chris wants to play and I’m like hey, no, I can’t do that right now, this is a priority for me. And so I think it’s really important when it comes to your relationship, when it comes to your business, and really what we’re getting at here and what we want to finish up this episode with is this idea that your partner is just a mirror for you and it’s your biggest opportunity for you to grow and you to learn how to prioritize yourself and your business and your dreams and you to learn how to take responsibility for your belief in your work and in what you’re creating in the world.
And that your relationship is of course a huge importance. It’s a priority as well, but it’s also your greatest opportunity to continue to grow in all of those areas. Do you have anything to add on that?
Chris: I want to add that guys, we don’t have this all figured out. This is not a paint by numbers situation where you can go out and listen to one podcast and go have a perfect relationship. That would be awesome, but you’ve got to jump – we use this analogy all the time in my coaching anyway, that we’re jumping into a canoe when we get into relationships.
And we go down the river and we have no idea what’s around the river bend. We could guess all day long, like it looks like it’s going to look like this, and it could be completely different. And it’s the same way with a relationship because if you’re an entrepreneur, you know that the only thing that’s predictable is that there’s going to be chaos.
There’s going to be rapids for the canoe while it’s raining and thundering and lighting and there’s a hole in the canoe one day. And so we do the best we can with this but we also stay clear on our priority, which is obviously our relationship is a priority, our free time with and for each other is a priority. We have a date night on our calendar at least once a week.
We purposefully turn our phones off and leave them behind sometimes. I’m trying to think of other concrete examples that would be helpful. We have coffee together every morning. We talk about books together almost every morning.
Lindsey: We also set the standard of I can talk until midnight about business and Chris is like hey, let’s not talk about business after 10. And again, I think the biggest thing we’re getting at here is also communicating and speaking what you need and speaking your boundaries and showing up and being the person you want to be in a relationship and be with in a relationship. Were you going to add something on that?
Chris: Yeah, the cut off time is actually 9pm. So if we’re talking about communication, I need to be more clear.
Lindsey: This is true. But I think Chris had such a great example of this being an experiment. It is. One day we’re going to have kids in the mix, don’t start asking that question yet. But there’s going to be so many different new paths that we get to walk down together and I think that’s the beauty of a relationship is you choose that person through all of that and knowing that it’s your opportunity to grow and it’s always a doorway to the next level. So whether it comes to business, whether it comes to life or it comes to anything, I think the biggest thing – Chris has something to add. Go ahead.
Chris: Whatever you just said made me think of this. I wanted to share it with you guys. If you’ve never heard it, that everything in nature is either growing and dying, and we extend that to our relationship. Everything in nature is either growing or dying. If your relationship is not growing, regardless of whether you have businesses, especially if you both have businesses, it’s probably dying. So let’s make both a priority at the right time so you don’t have to close shop on either one.
Lindsey: Love that. We’re going to leave it with that truth bomb. Love you guys. Would love more feedback on this and we cannot wait to continue to have you guys follow along with our journey and we will talk to you soon. Or I will talk to you next week. Chris is getting the axe after this. Alright, I love you guys. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.
Thank you for tuning into today’s episode of Soul CEO. If you are ready to take this work deeper and you want to bring your dream business or a reality, I wanted to make sure that you knew that Mango Magic Business Academy was available to you. Head to lindseymangocoaching.com/mangomagic.
Or if you don’t have a business and you are ready to bring your dream life to a reality and know you are meant for more, my Mango Magic Life School is also available. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/mangomagiclifeschool for all the details. These programs are both life and business changing and you get access and coaching with me to walk through the modules and ask questions and get support to make your dream life or your dream business, or both a reality. I love you. I can’t wait to see you in there.