Welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast, where I, life coach and mindset expert Lindsey Mango will teach you how to master your mind, yourself, and take massive action to create a life that blows your mind. Let’s get started.
Hello. How are you guys? And welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything but Average. By the time this episode comes out, I will be settled into Kentucky. I am so excited. And I think, by the time this episode goes live, we’ll be moving into our new house. So, if you want to follow along in the journey of me decorating our dream Kentucky home and see all the behind-the-scenes, make sure to follow me @lindseymango_.
I already just know it’s going to be an amazing trip home and we are just going to be so excited to get into our house. And I just love sharing the behind-the-scenes with you guys. And so many of you guys ask me about it. So, check it out on there.
Alright, so I’m super-excited about today’s episode, as always, because it is something that I have had to really actively work on in my own life and my own business. And it’s something that I see show up with so many of my clients in Anything but Average and I just know you’re going to get so much out of this episode.
So, today, what I want to talk about is the difference between certainty and urgency. So, I’ll tell you guys a quick story. I joke all of the time that when I was born, I was born with urgency. I came out of the womb feeling like I need to rush around and get things done as fast as humanly possible.
Do any of you guys feel like that? Like you’re just always in a rush, even when you don’t have to be, you’re just always in a rush or you’re just knocking out your to-do list one thing after the other and going as fast as possible to try to get to the end.
And here’s the thing. As I’m saying this, some of you guys might be thinking, “Hell yeah, that’s me. I wear that like a badge of honor.” And I have worn that for a badge of honor. If you wanted to put me in a contest to see who could get as many things done as humanly possible in a day, I’d be all in for that.
And I will tell you guys that this urgency served me in a lot of ways in my life. And when I look back, I can see why it exists. My family is very urgent. Any time we were leaving for a dinner when I was growing up, it’s like, we were in a rush, always, even if we didn’t have to be.
And I played college volleyball. My volleyball commitments in high school were super-committed. So, it’s like, I never really felt like, my mindset was that I never had enough time to get everything done. And so, I was always rushing around to execute everything as fast as possible.
Because I would literally go from school, I’d do my homework in the car eat a snack, jump out, go to volleyball practice for four to five hours literally every day except for Tuesdays and wake up and do the same thing every day and play in a tournament all weekend. So, it was like, I had to operate at the highest efficiency ever. And I took that and I applied it to my life all the time every day.
So again, it sounds like a great thing. And it can be useful in some ways. But what I’ve realized is that urgency is not always a useful feeling that serves us to create a life that we want. Like, when I’m on vacation, there’s no reason for me to be urgent, or the life I’ve created right now, I don’t have tons and tons of stuff to do. Like, I get to be present.
I wanted to build a life I could be present in, so my urgency isn’t really valuable there. But then also, when it comes to creating results, urgency also isn’t a valuable thing. Now again, when you guys hear this, some of you guys do need a little kick in the butt and a little bit of urgency. And you’ll still take something from this episode.
But a lot of you guys run around like marching around, trying to get everything done as fast as possible. And what I want to share with you guys is this. Urgent energy isn’t certain energy. I’m going to say that again. Urgent energy isn’t certain energy.
Now, again, that’s not like a guaranteed rule. Sometimes I still am urgent and it doesn’t come from a place of uncertainty. But for a lot of you guys, when it comes to trying to hit a goal, urgent energy isn’t certain energy.
I’ve seen this even recently with my health journey, that I want to get to my health goal as fast as possible or I want to hit my income business goals as fast as possible and I want to get my to-do list done as fast as possible. And what I’ve realized is it’s actually coming from this place of uncertainty and from this place of thinking that if I don’t get it fast enough then I’m going to run out of time and it’s ultimately to help me try to believe even more that it’s happening instead of consistently show up in the journey, be present for it, and be certain without the urgency.
So, I want you guys to hear that again; urgent energy isn’t certain energy. And today, I’m going to talk about a process to look at where your urgency is coming from and how to actually work through it so that you can show up certain.
And here’s what I will tell you guys. Certain energy is calm energy. It is peaceful energy. It draws people in. When it comes to business, relationships, anything. I want you guys to think about this for a second.
If you feel like you’re, quote, running out of time to have babies and you’re looking for your soulmate, right – this was something that used to get in my head too – imagine how that urgent energy shows up when you’re on dates or every single conversation with significant other or potential suitor, right?
There’s this urgency coming from this fear-based place, and that’s really what I’m getting at here is you want to look at where your urgency comes from. Is it serving you? Is it coming from an aligned place? Or is it coming from fear? And what I’ve found is, a lot of times, our urgent energy is not coming from love and abundance.
So, if you start to realize, as you’re listening to this, that you are very urgent all the time and that you’re trying to hit a goal as fast as possible or you’re trying to lose the weight or you’re trying to find your guy or girl, whatever, it doesn’t matter, the first thing I want to share with you guys to work on shifting this is, one, having awareness.
So, what you’re experiencing right now and as you go out into your life and do your day to day life, you’re going to start to notice when that urgent energy comes up. Beautiful. That’s the first step. So, I just want you to elevate your awareness to start to notice when are you urgent, and just realizing that it’s there.
The next piece of that awareness is, “Okay, like, why do I have this urgency? Where is this coming from?” I can’t tell you guys how many times I have to remind myself that I’m not in a rush and I’m not going to be late to volleyball practice, like in my head.
Like, I joked before – I’ve changed a lot in this, but I joked that literally when I open my eyes first thing in the morning, it’s like there’s a woman with an intercom yelling in my ear being like, “Go, go, go, it’s time to go.”
And again, that wasn’t serving me. It was coming from this place of fear that there wasn’t enough time, that I had to get things done as fast as possible, and so on and so on.
So, one, you start to notice this and you realize this is something you do. You want to elevate your awareness when this shows up. And then you want to elevate your awareness around why this urgency is there. Why are you urgent? What’s actually driving it forward?
Are you afraid you’re going to run out of time? Are you afraid you’re not going to hit your goal? Are you afraid that if you don’t hit your goal fast enough then that means something about you? Really examine that and identify what that is. So, that’s step two.
Step three is you want to look at, “Does that serve me?” is this coming from a fearful place? Is this coming from a place of lack? Is this something I want to continue doing? Do I want to live my life this way? Do I want to go after my goals this way?
For me, I realized that being in a rush to hit my fitness goals makes me go crazy and be super-hardcore and I can’t maintain that, and that’s what creates up and down and up and down and up and down results. Or being in a rush every day kept me from being really present in the life that I’ve literally created so that I can actually live it, and it just keeps me running around in circles. It’s like, “Okay, this isn’t serving me.”
So, I want you to identify, is this serving me? And then, what else could be true that would actually help me show up in certain energy? Like, could it be true that there is plenty of time to find your guy? Literally, take a step back and think about that and sit with that. Think about the feeling that that creates.
Think about, if you felt like there was plenty of time to hit your goals, or that there was plenty of time to lose the weight. And I don’t mean in a spiritual-bypassing sort of way where you’re letting yourself, quote, off the hood of your goal. What I’m saying is, if you knew that you would hit your health goal in a year, you would just consistently show up from that place of certainty. You would sometimes probably eat a cupcake, oftentimes eat a salad, and that’s how you would approach it.
So, third step of this is like, “Okay, is this serving me?” And if it’s not, “What else do I want to believe? What else will help me show up in certainty instead of feeling this urgency?”
Then, the next thing I want you to think about is, “What would I have to believe in order to not be urgent?” Again, some of you aren’t super-urgent and you have to look at that too. But if you’re one of those people that runs around crazy, I have a feeling you’re just like me, so you probably are doing that. What would you have to believe in order to not be urgent?
Would you have to believe that there’s plenty of time? Would you have to believe that of course you’re going to hit your goal and you’re learning and you’re figuring it out? Would you have to trust yourself that you are a committed person and just because you don’t hit your goal the first time, that you’re going to keep showing up and working through it? What would you have to believe in order to let go of that urgent energy?
And the last piece of this that I want you guys to look at is, “What would I have to think and believe to feel certain?” Could it be that it’s inevitable that you’re going to hit your goal? That if you commit and you take the actions consistently long enough, you know you will hit your goal?
Do you have to believe that everything’s happening in perfect timing? I’m not kidding, you guys. When I was like 26, I felt in a rush to get married. In Kentucky, people get married super-young, so I was like, “Oh my gosh, I’ve got to hurry up. We’ve got to have kids…”
And when I finally let go of that timeline and started trusting that everything was happening in perfect time, it allowed me the freedom to actually, like, let go of that relationship that I realized wasn’t fitting me. Because again, when you feel urgent, it’s like, you don’t really care if it’s the right thing or not. You’re just urgent, you’re trying to get the goal as fast as possible.
And when I did that and I let my foot off the gas, I realized that the person I was with wasn’t the person that I wanted to be with. And removing this urgency gave me the freedom to make an aligned decision instead of being so urgent that I married the wrong person.
What it also did was keep me very open to finding my soulmate and trusting that it was also happening in perfect time and actually, what this does is when you remove this urgent energy and you replace it with certain energy, my soulmate came even faster.
And now, I’m 31 – I had to think about that for a second – and we’re talking about our future and when we want to have kids. And I have to really pay attention to where am I stepping into urgent energy? Is that serving me? And what is going to create certain energy?
And making sure that I’m focused on thinking that creates that, so that I can allow us to make a good decision about when we want to have kids and when it’s aligned for us, and good decisions in anything, right? Like, when you have urgency, it’s hard to make good decisions because your goal in that frame of mind is to be there and get there as fast as possible. When you’re in certain energy, you know what’s happening so you make good wise decisions that align with your highest and future self.
So, I want to offer you guys the opportunity to let go of the urgency, the fear-based urgency, and work on building the belief that everything’s happening in perfect timing, that of course, you’re going to do your part. But that the universe has your back, as Gabby Bernstein says, and that you are being supported, and work on building thinking and beliefs that allow you to show up certain.
And again, I’m telling you, the frantic urgent energy is not as magnetic as the certain energy. There’s a certain feeling. People can feel it when you walk in a room.
So, dig into this. I’m so excited to hear about your feedback and make sure that if you found this valuable, if you know someone who’s in always-urgent energy, frantic energy, send this episode to them. Tag me on your Instagram story, @lindseymango_. I love you guys and I will talk to you soon. Bye.
If you want to take this work even deeper and coach with me in my signature program, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. In this program, I will teach you how to take this work and create results so you can have a life that blows your mind in the areas of money, purpose, health, lifestyle, and romance. I can’t wait to see you on the inside.