Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.
Hello, and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Hello, how are you guys? I hope you are having an amazing week. I am recording this episode early on in September but I’m hoping– See, I told you on the last episode that there’s lots of air in my esophagus from being pregnant. It’s no joke. I’m hoping by now though, that I have a little baby bump by the time this episode comes out, but we’ll see. Sometimes they say it takes a while for your first one.
Anyway, I am so excited to talk about this episode because this is a concept that I’ve spent lots of time thinking about. I actually keep a note section on my phone, anytime I have a concept or an idea I want to talk about on a podcast and the list is getting a little out of control. So sometimes ideas sit on there for a while, which can be good because it gives me time to like really marinate on the concept and speak about it in a really powerful way.
And this is something that is going to change your coaching business. When your coaching business changes, your life changes, your client’s lives change, the amount of money you make changes, all of it. Now, if you’re just getting started or you’re in that possibility phase, this is something to keep in mind because this is going to show up right out of the gate when you start your coaching business. As well as I see it show up for coaches who are making six figures in their business.
So all across the board this is going to be hugely valuable for you to bring awareness to. All right, so what’s this juicy topic? It’s the difference between what I call serving versus saving. So as a coach, our job is to serve people. Our job is to help them change their lives in many different ways. We have all kinds of coaches. You name it, there is a coach for it. And if it’s not created yet, you name it, get in Anything But Average and we will create it together.
And our job as coaches is to help people create different outcomes in their life. We do that by serving them at the highest level. Now, the reality is that serving them can look different than what we think. Serving a client as a coach is about believing in them, believing in their ability. Holding them responsible, pointing out when their brain is getting away from them or they’re stuck in a pattern, or they’re doing it again, so that they can actually change.
Our job as a coach is to say the things that no one in their life is willing to say to them. And sometimes that can be really freaking hard. Sometimes that’s saying the thing that you know is going to break them in a thousand pieces for the end goal and ultimate purpose of serving them to change their life and create different outcomes. That’s how we change.
If we just keep doing and feeling and thinking all of the same things, and as a coach you’re just saying all the things to make them feel good. Again, your job is not to make them feel like shit, it’s about doing what serves them that will help them create the ultimate result that they want. Then you’re just like a friend, you’re doing exactly what everyone in their life does. That’s not our job as a coach.
And this is one of the foundational things you learn in Anything But Average, is first how to change your own life with coaching tools and be a living example and see how profound this work is, even when it’s tough. So that you can do the same thing for your clients. That’s what serving your clients is all about.
Now, what I see happen a lot, and I did this when I first started, is saving, not serving clients. It feels like a very slight difference, but the end result can be massive. The end result for your clients and the results they create is going to be huge. The end result for you and your business and the type of business you create and the type of clients you attract is profound.
So what I’m going to talk about is the difference between what does it look like to be saving people as a coach versus serving them? How does that play out so that you can become aware of when you’re doing it and make the adjustment? And I’ll talk about like what end result will you get when you’re saving people versus serving them.
All right, so let’s jump in. I’ll give you guys a quick story actually. Early on in your coaching business, one of the big things we focus on in ABA and one of the things I focused on was just signing clients, and helping people, and getting out there and coaching people. And so I see this happen early on, again, I see this happen later on in people’s business.
And I had signed this client who wasn’t fully committed, you can tell, and I wasn’t calling her out on it. And one day she just missed one of our coaching calls for like a meeting at her job. And it left me really dumbfounded because for me, I couldn’t imagine missing a coaching call that I had put my calendar, that I had paid a bunch of money for, and just like totally forgetting about it. And that’s what this client did.
Now, there’s an opportunity for compassion and learning and growth. And my job as a coach is to say– Sorry, that was my shoe. My job as a coach is to be like, “Why did this happen? This is so interesting. This is showing up elsewhere in your life. Where are you forgetting about things that are important to you?”
But instead I chased this client down. I didn’t ask those questions. I didn’t call her out. And I kept trying to reschedule our appointment and she wasn’t putting it on the calendar. And I really was trying to save her because I wanted to help her. That was the thing, saving clients and trying to save people can feel like it’s not coming from a bad place, you really want to help them. But it’s not of the highest service for them and it’s not of the highest service for you and your business.
And the reason why this girl wasn’t showing up, but she wasn’t that committed to her outcome. And in order for coaching to work people have to be highly committed to their outcomes. So that’s kind of like just to give you an example of what it can look like when you’re saving somebody.
But here’s the thinking behind saving clients, and this is how it plays out. When you think things like, “They need my help. They’re helpless without me. They can’t do this on their own.” When you have those thoughts about clients, or about people. I put here, “They can’t do this without me. They won’t be able to see this. They won’t be able to make changes. They aren’t committed. It’s my fault.” It’s blaming yourself if they don’t get results. Like it’s my job, like I’m the only person responsible for giving them results instead of having them responsible.
It’s really just a bunch of disempowering thoughts about them. And these can show up really sneakily. Sometimes you don’t think you’re having these thoughts about people, about your clients. But here’s what it looks like when you’re doing it. You use your action to try to fix the thoughts you have about them.
Meaning you try to overcompensate by staying on calls way over the amount of time you’ve committed to because you don’t trust that they’re actually going to do the work in between their call. You chase them down. You convince them to sign up with you.
You let them walk all over your boundaries, and their own boundaries, and their own commitments. So it’s like you’re trying to make up for the disempowered thoughts you have about them by doing something about that.
Now, if you’ve been listening to me for a while, if you do this work you know that taking action from the thinking isn’t going to change the thinking. Your thinking is going to be what produces the results. So no matter what you do, even if you’re trying to help, even if you’re trying to make a difference, what you really have to change as you’re thinking about your clients because they also have this thinking about themselves.
And it can play into a story even, we’re not going to go there, but it can play into their own story that they need to be saved. That they’re not responsible. That they aren’t committed. That they need someone else to hold them accountable instead of believing they’re capable of holding themselves accountable.
So it can look like chasing them down. You attract what it also creates in your business. For you, as the coach, it looks like you using your action to try to make up for the doubt you have in them and trying to fix things and solve things that way.
Now, for you as a business owner what this looks like is you attract uncommitted clients. You attract clients who will miss calls. You attract clients who are very needy, who need all of your time, who want to make you responsible for why they’re not getting results.
You attract clients that you have to chase down and that you have to babysit. That you need to be like constantly involved with and constantly doing stuff for because you don’t believe they’re responsible and they don’t believe they’re responsible. Which is why they don’t get the results that they want.
Now, at the end of the day what this will create in your life and in your business is a very exhausting business. You will be drained, you will be tired, you will need constant breaks from your clients and your business. You will feel like you want to run away from them because you are so tired of babysitting them.
And you will take time off and you will still feel like you’ll come back and you’ll still feel exhausted even after one week of working with them because you are trying to save them. You are trying to make up for your lack of belief in them and their lack of belief in them by doing something about it, which is exhausting.
And when you are trying to save your clients, you are not serving them. They are not learning how to save themselves. They’re not learning how to create different results themselves. They’re not learning how to take full responsibility over their life and their results. Which in turn just perpetuates the cycle that’s already created the life that they have.
Again, I want you guys to hear this, if you’re listening to this and you’re like, “Oh snap, that’s me,” I don’t want you to feel shitty about it, I just want you to be aware of it. And know that your job is to change your thinking about your clients.
This is something we do in Anything But Average, this is something we do in the mastermind is learning how to believe your clients are capable, that they’re responsible, that they’re committed. That always starts with your belief about yourself, that you’re capable, that you’re committed, and knowing how to take that level of responsibility. Because then you know how to hold your clients to that level of responsibility.
But again, don’t make yourself feel like crap, just see this as an opportunity. I know this is coming from a genuine place, you really want to help people, but saving them is not helping them.
Now, what does serving clients look like? Serving looks like believing they’re responsible, and that you’re going to teach them how to be responsible. That they believe they can create any result that they want no matter what.
It’s believing that your clients always get results, that they’re capable of getting results, no matter what. It’s believing that they’re capable, it’s believing that they do their own work. That they’re not leaning on you to do everything, that they are willing to do their own work, that they are committed.
Now, again, these might be things they have to learn in your coaching, but it’s your job to point this out to them instead of you trying to take action to fix their lack of commitment. Meaning try to hold them more accountable, like text them all the time or whatever.
That’s just fueling the belief that they’re not committed, that they’re not accountable. Which is why, again, they don’t have the results that they want. So it’s your job to change your thinking about them and then coach them on why they’re not committed, on why they’re not taking responsibility.
So you have to have thoughts like that about your clients, thoughts that feel very empowering about your clients, about their capability, about their ability to create results. Now what this does for them is they get results. They take a higher level of commitment and responsibility.
They will get results if you’re on vacation. They will have transformations in between your calls. They will have realizations, they will grow, they will do massive, amazing things, when it feels like you’re not even doing anything.
And what it will look like for you as a coach is you will coach them hard. You will call them out. You’ll say, “I see you’re not committed. You showed up 10 minutes late for our call.” This is coming from, of course, love and compassion, not from judgment. So you have to catch yourself if you’re doing that.
Again, this is why having a coach is so valuable, is that awareness and making sure where you’re coming from when you’re doing it. Because calling them out and saying, “Why?” “Well my boss said I had to stay over.” “What’s keeping you from setting a boundary and saying I have a hard appointment at this time.” “Well, I’m scared,” right? These are their growing opportunities.
What you will also do is you will attract amazing, committed, responsible clients who create results like I just talked about. In between calls they get results no matter what. They get results if you’re gone for a month. They show up to do the work.
And then your business becomes a lot more fun. Your clients get better results, you get better results. You attract more clients who are like that and your business is fun and easy and amazing.
Now, where are you trying to save your clients? Where are you waiting to be saved yourself? That is the work. Changing your thinking about your clients to more empowering ones. And it’ll feel like you’re doing less, and in reality you’re serving them more.
The most empowering thing you can do as a coach is believe in your clients. Believe the thinking that you need them to believe about themselves first. Not fuel the thinking they already have, the disempowered thinking, by trying to make up for it for them.
That’s your job. That’s what we do in Anything But Average. That’s what we do as coaches. That’s what I do as your coach, pointing that out, knowing when you’re doing that so you don’t create an exhausting business with a bunch of clients you don’t like to serve, who don’t get results. So you actually create a business that is amazing, that works, that attracts awesome clients who always get results. That’s the difference between saving and serving.
If you are ready to do this level of work, to become that kind of coach, to create that kind of business go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage where you will learn how to start your coaching business and sign your first client, sign your third client, and run your business in a way where you are serving your people at the highest level.
I love you guys go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside. Bye.
If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.
