Hey guys, before we jump into today’s episode, I want to make sure you know the next enrollment dates for Anything But Average, my program that teaches you how to become a great coach, start you coaching business, and sign clients.
Anything But Average will open for enrollment January 5th and close January 11th. Make sure to mark your calendar. If you are ready to join this round go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. Click the button that says join the wait list, it’s right at the top, and you will be put on an exclusive email list where you will get sneak peeks in the program, sneak peeks of our live coaching sessions, as well as bonus content until the program re-opens. I love you guys and I can’t wait to see you on the inside. Let’s jump in.
Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.
Hello and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Guys, Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you have amazing plans with your family and I hope you’re able to spend this holiday with your family and eat amazing food and feel a tremendous amount of gratitude.
Now, I have an interesting topic for this week. When I was planning out these episodes I was like, “Is this the right topic to talk about the week of Thanksgiving?” And I really think it is because I think our families, in the best way, can hit all of our buttons.
So what we’re going to talk about today relates to that, and relates to being coachable, and relates to your growth and your transformation. But before we get there, I want to share a celebration from one of the students in Anything But Average.
Here’s what Sherry had to say. “I just wanted to celebrate my first consultation call and signing my first client.” Guys, that means she signed her first client on her first consult call. We have a process for this in the ABA portal.
She said, “It felt so good to finally talk to someone who is excited, ready, and wanting coaching. My heart was full and grateful as I felt all the confirmation that this has been a part of my purpose that I have been missing. I have a second consult on Thursday.” What? Congrats, Sherry, that is so huge.
And I just want to share with you guys, this is why so many students in Anything But Average create such fast results when they join. It’s how we lay the foundation. We start with your own transformation, with your own breakthrough so you are so profoundly impacted by coaching you can’t help but go out and share it with people.
And that’s why she’s attracting people who are excited, ready, and wanting coaching. That’s why so many students start and sign clients so quickly. Congrats, Sherry, I am so freaking excited for you.
All right, so today what I wanted to talk about is resistance. The reason is because resistance is something that our brain does to protect itself, as always, right? When really, resistance is a sign that you have to go deeper. Resistance is the biggest opportunity for your growth.
Most of us, when we feel resistance, we listen to it. We want to argue, we want to defend, we want to fight for our limitations or just fight for what we think is right. And every time we do that, we block ourselves from the growth that we could have, that will change our lives and change our businesses.
So today what I want to talk about is what does it look like to feel resistance? What does it actually mean? I’m going to give you guys a quick story about my experience with resistance and why I’m really doing this episode today. And then walk you through kind of like a simple process of how I approach my own resistance so that I can get to the breakthrough. Y’all ready? Let’s jump in.
So resistance, to me, feels like energy is stuck in my body. It looks like wanting to defend myself. It looks like wanting to argue. It looks like wanting to be right about something. I imagine it’s like if there’s a waterfall it’s like there’s a dam, it’s stuck in my body.
Now, I don’t want you guys to think that I’m talking about standing up powerfully for something, not at all. That looks different. That looks clear, that looks like you are certain on your stance. You don’t feel the need to argue because you feel so powerful about where you’re at with it.
Resistance feels like you’re not actually that powerful because you need to argue and you need to defend yourself. Now here’s the biggest thing I want you guys to take from this and then I’m going to tell a story so that you can see why. But resistance is where you have to look the deepest. It’s where you have your biggest opportunity for growth.
I noticed for myself any time I want to argue, I want to defend, that doesn’t mean I need to argue and defend. That means I need to look deeper. Some of you guys might be resistant to even hearing this. I would get curious about that and use the process that I’m teaching you today.
Because a lot of us, our brains are really tricky and that will say things like, “It’s my intuition. It’s saying it just isn’t right.” Or, “I just have this feeling.” And you want to defend and you want to argue. When really your growth is in looking deeper.
Now, the reason why I wanted to talk about this is because this is something I’m constantly practicing, especially in being coached. This concept helps make you so much more coachable and open to growth. And that’s how you compound your results and actually get results with coaching and be open to coaching.
And I do this all the time but the other day I had such a profound experience with it and that’s really why I wanted to share this episode with you guys. So the other day, I asked for coaching. I am in a $2 million mastermind and my coach offered coaching, pointed something out actually, about what I was saying. It wasn’t even interesting, I actually was just sharing, “Hey, these are the decisions I made. Here are the reasons why.”
She pointed something out and I immediately felt defensive. I really wanted to argue with her and tell her all the reasons and how what she said could not possibly be true. But for me, I’ve gotten to such a place with my mind and awareness that anytime that shows up, instead of actually arguing because I know that’s not going to get me anywhere, I become very aware and curious.
I’m like, “Oh, interesting, I really want to argue. I really want to defend my decision.” I did a little bit. But I even said, “I see and feel resistance here, so I know there’s something deeper.” And so I looked. I just sat with it and I got really curious about why I felt so much resistance.
Now here’s the thing, resistance pops up when we want to hold on to something we believe as truth. When we want to hold on to a decision we make or a story that we have. And here’s the thing, your current stories, your current beliefs, your current decisions are what have created your current results.
It’s part of our job as coaches to question those things for our clients and for ourselves. And so the more tightly you hold on to them, the more tightly you hold on to the results you’re creating right now. So this is going to happen a lot. If you’re getting really good coaching, which is what we do in Anything But Average, get lifetime access to that, this will come up.
But again, for me, and I’ll share with you guys the process that I went through, I was like, “Oh, something’s here.” And I got really curious. And I went deeper, and I went deeper, and I went deeper. And then it hit me. Usually we’re actually resisting because what the person is bringing up is actually true and we don’t want to believe it. That’s really what it was.
And so when I saw it, I had one of the most profound transformations and shifts I’ve had in a really long time. I know it changed the trajectory of my entire business for the next year.
Now, what I want to share with you guys is if I hadn’t looked deeper, if I had fought back and decided she’s wrong, then I wouldn’t have had that transformation and I might have spent another year holding on to the same limitation and the same thought and creating the same results. This is why looking deeper when you have resistance is so powerful and so important.
So, what process did I go through? I actually developed it after the fact, I just got curious, like how did I actually get myself here for this transformation? And the first thing I did was when I felt resistance, I had awareness. I was like, “Oh, I really want to defend and argue here. Okay. Ding ding, ding. Here’s a sign. I have resistance.” Okay, good. We know that we always look deeper when there’s resistance.
The next thing I did was I got really curious. I asked myself like, “Why? Why do I have resistance? What would it mean if this were true? If this perspective she offered were true.” Oh, and then the list of things came. It was like, I’ve wasted all this time, I’m doing it wrong, then it’s my fault. Then I’m the reason I’m not getting the results, right? All of these victim-y shameful thoughts.
Now, that tells us right there exactly why I felt resistance. I didn’t want to feel all of that. I didn’t want to see all of that. That’s why our brain is like, “Here’s resistance. Argue, defend, I’d rather have you not look at the shame or feel the shame or feel the self-blame. So instead, we’re just going to resist this point of view.”
But again, that’s where we go digging. So I’m like, “Oh, interesting. No wonder why I’m resistant.” Then I asked myself, “How is this not true? How is it not true that I’ve wasted time, that I’m doing it wrong, that I’m to blame?” And I found all of the reasons.
Everything has led me to this moment and I’ve gotten amazing, mind blowing results. So it can only get better, nothing’s gone wrong here. There’s no one to blame, there’s just an opportunity for responsibility. All of this has gotten me one step closer to this transformation that’s going to change everything. Then I started to feel really empowered.
At this phase is where I also offer myself a lot of compassion. Compassion looks like, of course you don’t want to feel wrong and bad and like you’ve wasted all this time. Of course, you have these thoughts, you have a human brain. Welcome to being human, none of it’s a problem. It just really allows you to be where you are and not make it a problem.
Then the last thing I asked myself was, “What is this here to teach me?” Now the transformation already, because I saw it and I was like, “Oh.” So instead of taking my own responsibility, I wanted to blame. And that was the transformation for me. Because anytime we want to give our responsibility away or blame something else, we give our power away to create our outcomes.
So that in itself was such a huge transformation. But when I dug deeper and just asked what is this here to teach me? It was there to teach me that I am in control. That I get to create the results. That it isn’t about anything outside of me. It’s about me, and not in a shameful way, in an empowering way.
And I get to choose to do things differently now. If I want to create better results, I just have to choose this instead. That’s what it was there to teach me. And that’s the process I walked through. So I’m just going to sum that up because I kind of told my example walking through it.
When you feel resistance, first, it’s awareness. Like taking a step back, not owning the resistance as your own, and just witnessing it and being like, “Oh, here we go deeper.” Second, get curious, why? What would it mean if this were true?
Next, how is it not true? How can I have compassion for myself here? Last, what is this here to teach me? If you guys do this every time you feel resistance, you’re going to go from maybe spending a year listening to your resistance and letting it drive the car of your results and holding on to these limitations or these thoughts and these stories that aren’t creating the results that you want, changing them faster.
When you do that, you get better results. The faster you do that, the more your results grow exponentially. So if you’re feeling resistance this holiday season, or when someone offers a new perspective or a new thought, or when your coach offers a different thought. Like when I, on this podcast, offer something that you feel resistant to, go deeper, your growth is there.
I promise you if you do that, you will change your life, you will change your business so drastically so quickly. You will never be the same.
I love you guys. I hope you have a beautiful week and I will talk to you next week.
If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.
