Hi girl, welcome to Soul CEO; a podcast for women who know they’re destined for more. I’m Lindsey Mango and I’m going to show you that you can have it all and teach you how to get it by becoming the CEO of your soul, life, and business. Let’s get started.
Hello, how are you guys? Merry Christmas. It’s really crazy to think that this episode is actually going to be going live on Christmas. I actually kind of hope that – I mean, it’s really important to continue to do the things that help you show up the way that you need to, so if listening to podcasts is one of those things, I hope you’re doing that.
But I kind of hope you’re just soaking up the day and the morning and just all of the things. So Merry Christmas, happy holidays. I hope you have a beautiful day. And I’m just going to share something – it was so funny. I actually had something completely different planned for this episode, but then when I thought about what – the time of year that this was going to be coming out on, I literally changed it as I hit record, so we’re just going to roll with it.
So one of the biggest things I find when it comes to the holidays is it can be just this amazing, magical time if you choose to allow it to be. But what I typically find, even a lot of clients and myself is that sometimes being around family and kind of maybe people you’re not around all the time, while you love them, it can also be a triggering experience.
And I think that is one of the things that can kind of suck your joy out of the holiday and get you spinning out back into a cycle of being triggered and frustration and all the things, which is going to take away from your fun with your family and the people that you love.
So what I wanted to talk about today was this idea that when you are triggered, it is literally the pathway to your growth and to your new level of success. So first of all, before we get into how to actually work through this, let’s talk about what a trigger is.
A trigger is basically when something happens, somebody says something, somebody does something, whatever, and it kind of triggers this emotional response out of you, whether you actually say it out loud or that you feel it internally. It’s kind of interrupting your kind of peaceful state.
It makes you mad, it makes you whatever. It triggers a bunch of emotions for you. So the thing is triggers are basically things that kind of hit a nerve when a belief system that you have or a fear that you have is kind of hit by someone else or by something that happens.
So I’ll give you guys a quick example of that to make it really clear. Let’s just say my whole life I grew up feeling like I needed to be the best, most successful person in my family. And I’m afraid that if I’m not that, I’m not enough. And let’s just say at the Christmas dinner table – this is literally just a made-up example.
But at the Christmas dinner table, dad starts talking about my sister and her amazing success and doesn’t say anything about mine. And that makes me feel terrible and awful and all of the things. Do you see what I’m saying? So this belief system that I built to keep my safe and protect me and to keep me loved is literally being hit and challenged and making me feel really awful.
So literally, anything can really just trigger you. And the less that you really worked on your belief systems and all of these things, the more easily you can be triggered. So it’s kind of like have you ever had somebody say something like, really simple, like, “You look nice today,” and you lose your shit because you’re like, today?
The thing was neutral. They were just saying something nice but you took it a different way. And so the reality is when you are triggered, it is literally showing you your wounds. But usually where we go wrong or where this doesn’t help us grow is we react.
So you yell at your dad or you get really mad, or your mom says something or whatever, and you react to it and you blow up and you make it their fault, and you make it about them and all of the things that go along with it. That is literally fueling the trigger. It’s fueling the wound. It’s continuing to confirm that this wound, that this fear-based belief that you have within you is true and you need to protect yourself.
The best thing you can do is turn inward and say this trigger is an opportunity for my growth. Why did, when my mom said, “Are you going to eat another cookie,” why did I spin out and feel angry and feel hurt and feel like she was judging me and all of the things?
Well, because I made it mean that I gained a little weight, or that she thinks that I’m not healthy, or whatever it is. So again, the biggest thing is one, when you notice a trigger, something inside of you kind of being hit and hurt, recognizing it, not making it about the other person, and really turning inward and saying, what am I making this mean? Why did this hurt or bother me so much?
Then letting kind of the truth come out within you about that. Now, this doesn’t mean that we can get to this at the end, but this doesn’t mean people can just waltz around and say whatever, right? Because maybe this is something that really hurts you and you have to work on it.
But the biggest thing is showing up for that lesson and asking yourself, what do I make this mean? And just sitting with that and really letting whatever bubbles to the surface so that you can really see what it is. Maybe it’s like, well, this really triggered my fear that if I’m not fit and pretty, then I’m not the best, and if I’m not the best, then I’m not enough and I’m not loved.
So the next part of this is awareness. Notice the trigger, ask yourself what does this mean, and then have compassion. Usually we’ll judge ourselves like, why did you make it mean that? Why did you blow up? Why did you do that?
But the best thing you can do is have compassion and realize, I must have built this when I was a kid because I wanted to be loved by my parents, or I wanted to be loved by my family. I wanted to be accepted. And to me, this meant lovability, so I can have compassion that of course this triggered something in me. Of course, this made me feel terrible. Of course, all of those things, and allowing yourself to really be there with it and have compassion for yourself.
Once you really find that compassion, the next step is asking yourself, what else could be true? What do I want to believe? I want to believe I’m lovable no matter how many cookies I eat or whether my dad talks about me at the dinner table or not. And reminding yourself, I am loved no matter how many cookies I eat, no matter – this is a silly example, but you see what I’m saying?
Reminding yourself, telling yourself what you need to hear. Telling yourself what you wish the other person had said. And creating that feeling you want to have within you. Again, triggers, especially as they hit deeper and deeper levels, it can really feel true that it’s the other person’s fault. But I just want you guys to remember that triggers are the pathway to your next level of success and to your next level of growth.
And if you show up for those lessons, you are going to grow so, so much. So the last piece of this is let’s just say you’re working on really feeling loved as you are, and maybe your mom does say something that has some meaning behind it. You do your work, you do this process, and then maybe the next time she says it, you’re like, hey, I’m really working on feeling whole and enough as I am. I’d appreciate it if you just didn’t mention anything about how many cookies I ate.
You can’t control her, but you can still work on setting a boundary and kind of keeping yourself safe and creating space for you to grow the way that you really, really, deeply want. So I want you guys to think about whether it’s today with the holiday or just in general, what’s very triggering for you.
Whether you scroll on social media and something bugs the crap out of you, or somebody says something, I really want to challenge you guys to say like, what is this here to teach me? Walk through this process. Show up for that lesson.
Because when you heal this, it’s like you become bulletproof. And it doesn’t mean you don’t feel and it doesn’t mean that stuff doesn’t happen like that, but what happens is you really grow and you heal so much of yourself so that you can be the light and you can be the person and the human that you really, really want to be.
So anyway, I love you guys. I hope you have a beautiful holiday. I know I’ll be enjoying it with my family, and I will talk to you guys soon. Bye.
Thank you for tuning into today’s episode of Soul CEO. If you are ready to take this work deeper and you want to bring your dream business to a reality, I wanted to make sure that you knew that Mango Magic Business Academy was available to you. Head to lindseymangocoaching.com/mangomagic.
Or if you don’t have a business and you are ready to bring your dream life to a reality and know you are meant for more, my Mango Magic Life School is also available. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/mangomagiclifeschool for all the details. These programs are both life and business changing and you get access and coaching with me to walk through the modules and ask questions and get support to make your dream life or your dream business, or both a reality. I love you. I can’t wait to see you in there.
