Ep #32: Comparison

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Something I’ve noticed myself doing a lot lately is comparing myself to others. We think getting to a certain level of success or achieving certain things in our lives means this stuff goes away, but it’s unfortunately not the case. This is such an important topic to discuss, so I’m bringing it to the podcast today so you can learn how to identify it and shift out of it.

You might think that comparison isn’t something you do often, but it’s a sneaky habit that even I’m unconscious of on many occasions. It is never useful to us, and I want to show you the kinds of actions we take from this place and how it is detrimental to the results you’re trying to achieve.

Listen in this week to discover the biggest reasons we compare ourselves to others, and why these reasons are actually lies. You don’t have to whip yourself into action through comparison, and I’m offering a different way forward so you can create an Anything but Average life that you’re proud of.

I’ve realized that so many of you want to take the steps to create an Anything but Average life, but are still on the fence about joining. If you know you want to create a business doing something you love or create something purposeful so you can live the life you truly want, schedule a 15-minute call with me here to talk about joining!

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • My definition of comparison.
  • The biggest reason we compare ourselves to others and why it’s a lie.
  • 2 types of actions we take when we’re in comparison.
  • Why comparison is never useful.
  • How to shift out of comparison.
  • The only reason your results will never feel good enough.

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream business a reality, join my Anything but Average program.
  • Click here to find out more information about my Anything but Average Coach Mastermind!
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Hey guys, welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast, with your host, me, life coach Lindsey Mango, where I am going to teach you how to change your life, find your purpose, and change other people’s lives because that’s what it takes to have an anything but average life. Let’s get started.

Hello and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything but Average. Y’all ready? I think that’s going to be my new intro. Y’all ready? I feel like every single podcaster has the same thing they say at the beginning of every episode and I think that’s going to be mine.

I am so excited to be back here in the podcasting closet. We just got back from our anniversary trip at the Biltmore in Asheville, North Carolina. Guys, if you have never been to Asheville, North Carolina, and if you’ve never been to the Biltmore, I highly recommend it.

I mean, Chris and I are obviously a little partial to it. It’s where we got married, so special to us. But it is just the most amazing place. The views are unbelievable, and the Biltmore is just one of a kind, which is actually why we picked it.

So it was amazing, and I highly recommend it. Alright, let’s jump into today’s episode. So I want to talk about comparison. And I wanted to share with you guys the reason why I want to talk about comparison is because I realized how much I’ve been doing it lately.

Yes, me. I have been comparing myself a lot lately. And the reason why I want to share that with you guys is because I often think so many of us expect that when we get to a certain level of success in life, that the stuff just goes away. I mean, I really take a step back and I’m like, I literally have everything I ever wanted.

I have the husband, I have the house, I have the business, I have all of the things. And yet, if I don’t stay aware of my brain, if I just let my brain run the show, you guys, this is what happens.

And so I was thinking a lot about comparison and how many of my clients go through it and how many of you go through it, and I wanted to share some perspective on what it is, how to work through it, how to take a different perspective so that it doesn’t hold you back.

Because here’s what’s so fascinating. I was literally just talking to Chris and I was like, what do you think the world needs to hear about comparing themselves? And he was like, that it’s literally just not useful at all.

And I was thinking about that, how funny it is that so many of us do this consciously or unconsciously, and I will tell you guys, I don’t really think of myself as a person who compares herself a lot, but it is sneaky. And I do do it a lot more than I think I’m even conscious of.

And so even if you’re listening to this and you’re like, oh no, I don’t compare myself, really just look for this and just pay attention. Because I’m sure there is somewhere where your brain is doing this. And so it’s just so funny to me that something that is so un-useful and actually pretty painful is something that our brain just automatically does.

It’s like, what is the purpose of it and why is it happening, which is actually something we’re going to talk about today as well so you can understand it on a deeper level. Bring awareness to it and know exactly how to shift out of it.

So the one thing I want to offer you guys before we jump in is that the only reason your results will ever feel not good enough is because you’re comparing yourself to other people. I’m going to say that again. The only reason your current results, your body, your business, your finances, your relationship, your house, your whatever it is, the only reason that won’t feel good enough is because something in your brain is comparing you to either someone else or maybe a past version of yourself, which is comparison.

I was actually thinking about this, that if we were in our own little bubbles and nobody else in the world existed and we couldn’t see anybody else’s accomplishments or any of those things, how differently we would feel about ourselves and our own lives and our accomplishments.

How any result we got, we would feel amazing about and we would celebrate because it was awesome. But because there are other people in the world, we don’t feel like our results or our accomplishments, or our failures, whatever it is, our tangible things that we create in our lives are good enough because somewhere along the line, we’re comparing it to what’s possible.

Now, I want to be clear. It’s good to believe that more is possible. That’s why you guys are here. I’m here to be a representation of what’s possible for you and to help you believe that anything you want in your life is possible.

But when you use other people’s accomplishments or the possible results you could have against yourself, and you’re comparing yourself to them, that’s when it becomes un-useful. So what is comparison?

I made up my own definition of course. And it’s spending time – I can’t even read my own handwriting. Spending time measuring your results against other people’s results. And not in a useful way. Not in a, okay, I’m here and they’re over here, this is what’s possible for me. I mean spending time measuring your worth and your business and your life’s value, measuring that against other people.

Now, why do we do this if this is something that is so un-useful? I thought long and hard about this, and I really came back to one reason why our brains do this. And it is this; our brains think that if we compare ourselves, it will motivate us to get into action.

It will push us. It will keep us from being complacent and it will help us be like, okay, it’s finally time, I got to get my shit together because that’s where I want to be. Where I am right now isn’t good enough, who I am isn’t good enough, so we need to get into gear.

Our brain lies to us basically and tells us if I make you feel shitty enough about where you are and where your results are right now, then maybe you’ll do something about it. And here’s why this is a lie.

This is a like because this creates space where you whip yourself, where you put pressure on yourself, where you rush and feel negative to get into action. Now, I’m not saying that this doesn’t work. Trust me guys, my whole life has been about achieving and it’s something I still consciously have to work on.

Achieving to be worthy and valuable. And yeah, it gets me into lots of action. But that action is full of pressure, it’s full of – when I think about it, it’s like I’m holding a glass ball and it’s like, I’ve got to be really careful because if it drops, if I don’t hit the goal, if I don’t do the thing, or if I don’t get myself to the result that I want, then everything crumbles and I feel devastated.

And so our brains think if I make you feel bad enough, you’re going to do something. And like I said, people will do one of two things. Some of you guys use that and you’re just in constant fast motion. Some of you guys don’t do anything at all as a byproduct of that.

But here’s what I will tell you is you will always create the same results. Even if you get into action because you don’t feel good enough or you’re comparing yourself, even if you do get results, you’re still going to feel like those results aren’t good enough because that’s the thinking and the perspective that you took action from.

So your thought always ends up in the result line. And if the thought is this isn’t good enough, other people are better than me, even when you get a new result, you will still have that same thought. That’s why this isn’t helpful.

So I have a couple bullets on why this isn’t helpful to really sell you guys on why you want to get out of this. And it’s because it motivates us in a stressful way. It makes our results never good enough and honestly, it just makes you feel terrible.

Have you ever felt good scrolling on social media or maybe you’ve even compared yourself to me and thought, “Lindsey started her business here, she got here in x amount of time, she moved faster than me, she’s better than me,” does any of that make you feel good?

No. And like I said, when we don’t feel good, some of us sit on the couch and eat bonbons and we eat our feelings, or some of us turn into a crazy person and burn ourselves out and work, work, work, work, work, and constantly feel like we’re in lots of pressure, like a pressure cooker all the time.

That’s me if you guys haven’t noticed that. But either way, it doesn’t help you create the result that you want. So here’s the perspective I want to offer you, and I actually posted about this on social media so go find me @lindseymango_ and go find this post. By the time this comes out it shouldn’t be too long ago.

And I talk about how, can you imagine if you have a baby, and the first time your baby walks, you’re like, not impressive, so unimpressive. You know how many billions of people have walked before you? Walking is not that hard, it’s not that cool. Good for you.

Or can you imagine thinking like, oh, my friend’s baby walked two months faster than you. So great job, but you should have done it sooner. No, we would not do that to our babies. I don’t have a baby, but I can only imagine how exciting and how proud you are when your baby walks for the first time.

And it doesn’t matter that billions of people have done it before and it doesn’t matter if somebody did it faster than you. What matters is that they did it. And that’s amazing. And that’s something to be proud of. That is how you get to feel about your results in any area of your life all of the time.

That is how you get to celebrate yourself, even if it’s been done 100 times, even if it’s one tiny result. If you showed up to the gym every day, if you posted on social media for your business, if you finally put your first post up about your coaching business, even if you just did that, that is huge, that is something to celebrate.

Because you are a human and you had to fight and you had to push and work really hard and fail probably a lot to get to that point, just like that baby had to fall, push itself back up, get up and keep going. That is you.

And if you could feel that way, if you could feel that excited and that celebratory about every result you create in your life, do you want to know what’s going to happen? One, you’re going to feel a hell of a lot better on your journey to creating the results you want, but two, you’re going to get even bigger results faster.

I forget who said this quote, but what you appreciate appreciates, meaning what you appreciate, what you celebrate only gets bigger. That’s why comparison is just – I think this is also another quote. I’m like Chris Goodman today.

He’s like the quote master. It’s like they say comparison is the thief of joy. Comparison never allows your results to be good enough. And if your results aren’t good enough now, they never will be.

So here’s what I want to offer you guys. Here’s what I want you to think about. If there was no one else in the world, how would you see yourself and your results differently? How would you celebrate them the way you would celebrate your baby walking for the first time?

Or I have a client who has five babies and the fifth baby walking for the first time is just as exciting as the first one. How could you feel that excited about your results now, even if there are other people in the world? And how can you be that happy about the results you have created?

When you feel like that about your results, you’re going to feel even more motivated. Because that’s really what we’re creating here. We’re creating anything but average lives. And creating that is about doing what you really love, reaching new levels. You don’t need to whip yourself to get into action. You want it. That’s why you’re here.

And that’s what I’m helping my clients create in Anything but Average. So here’s what I want to offer you. If this is something you suffer from, look at it from this perspective. Look at what you have accomplished. Recognize that this other person went through their own journey to get their results and that you’re on yours too, and that your results are just as beautiful, just as amazing, and something to be just as proud of, even if they’re not where you want to be yet.

Comparison is something that our brains like to do, and we get to decide how we handle it and how we work through it and how we grow past it. But if you keep doing it, if you keep listening to it, you’re not going to continue to grow the way you want to.

Guys, this is something that I work with a lot of my clients in Anything but Average. Anything but Average is making a slight shift. You guys know it’s about changing your life, finding your purpose, launching your business, changing other people’s lives, but here’s what I’ve realized.

That is creating a coaching business. That’s what I’m helping women do inside this program. That’s what I want to help you do. A coaching business can literally be anything. It can be fashion coaching, it can be life coaching, it can be fitness coaching, it can literally be anything.

It’s about taking your passion, turning it into a purposeful business. That’s how you create an anything but average life. Guys, if you’ve been following along with me for a while, I opened and closed Anything but Average a week and half ago I think by the time this episode comes out.

And I was thinking long and hard about all of the women, all of you guys who listen to this podcast, and all of the women on my email list and on my social media who want to create a coaching business, who want to have their Anything but Average lives, but haven’t taken the step.

Because they’re afraid, because it’s uncomfortable, because their brain keeps telling them that if they do this and then they fail, then they’re just screwed, or if they do this and they don’t show up, then it’s just another sign of their lack of commitment, or any of it.

And I realized that there are so many of you who want to take this step, who know this is the step you want to take. And I want to help more of you do that. So I’m keeping Anything but Average open and I’m giving you guys the opportunity to set up a 15-minute call with me to talk about joining.

So if you’ve been on the fence but you know this is what you want, you know you want to create some sort of business doing something that you love, you know you want to be a coach, you know you want to create something from your purpose so that you can live the life you really want, schedule a call with me at calendly.com/lindseymangocoaching/abacall.

The link will be in the show notes. I can’t wait to chat with all of you. And just remember that the uncomfortable steps are the steps that create your growth. That all the thoughts you have that keep you from saying yes and keep you from making this commitment are the things that we will work on inside the program because those are the things that hold you back.

If you keep making decisions from the same thought process, you’re going to keep creating the same results. So if you’re on the fence, if you have questions, if you need coaching on making this decision, go to calendly.com/lindseymangocoaching/abacall and we will talk for 15 minutes about whether it’s the right fit for you.

Alright, I love you guys, I will talk to you next week. Bye.

If you want to take this work even deeper and coach with me in my signature program, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. In this program, I will teach you how to take this work and create results so you can have a life that blows your mind in the areas of money, purpose, health, lifestyle, and romance. I can’t wait to see you on the inside.

I love hearing from you!

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