Ep #95: Failure

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The term “failure” gets thrown around a lot in the coaching world, and we’ve discussed it numerous times on the podcast. We know we have to accept failure as part of our business-building journey and learn from it to grow, but my vantage point on it today is wildly different compared to even a year or two ago.

Cognitively understanding the value of failure is one thing, but feeling it in your bones and allowing for the experience is another. I used to pretend I was fine with expecting and accepting failure, but deep down, it haunted me into staying small. I know this comes up often for you guys too, so listen closely if you can relate.

Join me this week as I offer 4 things that have helped me approach failure differently. I’m showing you why we have to integrate and utilize failure, and how changing your relationship with failure will in turn change your relationship with success and make all of your dreams inevitable. 

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The next round of the Anything but Average Coach Mastermind opens on February 23rd for the spring of 2022 class! If you missed out on this current round, make sure to mark your calendars so you don’t miss out!

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • How my relationship with failure has drastically changed. 
  • What you have to believe if you want to change your relationship with failure.
  • 4 things you need to have to utilize failure in a way that will benefit you and your business.

Featured on the Show

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Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.

Hello, and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Guys, how are you? Make sure to get on the wait list for Anything But Average to get the dates when it opens, as well as sneak peeks into the program. We’re getting such amazing feedback. Even students who have already joined Anything But Average are like, “Oh my gosh, this is so valuable.”

So make sure to go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage, click the button that says join the wait list. And you will get access to all of those sneak peeks and all of those exclusive emails.

All right, so today what I want to talk about his failure. And I’ve talked about this on previous episodes before, it’s something that we go deep into in the Anything But Average coach mastermind, which is opening up the last week of February. And so stay tuned, all of those updates will be coming on the next few episodes, as well as some amazing interviews with our students who have created insane results in the last six months.

But I really wanted to go in depth on this topic because I feel like my vantage point today is so different than when I’ve done episodes in the past about it. And failure is a thing that gets thrown around a lot and we have to accept it. And it’s all a part of the journey.

And I think cognitively understanding that is one thing. But deeply in your bones, feeling and experiencing that is another thing. And learning how to really handle it and grow from it and learn from it is another thing. And we can say all day that we get it, it’s a part of the process and all of that.

But if we haven’t truly integrated failure and feel and learn from failure the way that we could, we are never going to grow to the level of success that we could have. And so I really wanted to deep dive into it today. Because my relationship has drastically changed with failure. And it’s so interesting, of course, the more I’ve made friends with it and literally have zero thoughts about it, the less failure I have. The more success I create.

And so I want to share really, essentially four things that you need to have in order to really utilize failure and integrate failure in a way that will work for you and your business, as well as your life and with your clients. So I spent some time, and I do with every episode, but I really spent some time thinking about what has changed with my relationship with failure. And why does it feel so different now than it did even, I would say a year ago, two years ago?

It’s like two years ago I pretended failure was okay, but it really wasn’t. It hunted me. It ate at me. It was a constant struggle to pretend it wasn’t happening and resisting it, which of course created more of it. And so what I’ve really done is I’ve narrowed down the four things that have helped me approach failure so differently. And if you guys really dig into this, you are going to completely change your relationship with failure, and in turn change your relationship with success. So let’s dive in.

The first thing that you need in order to be able to learn from failure the way that you need to in order to create the success that you want, is you have to believe that your success is inevitable. This is an episode I actually did, it was episode number 14. So you’re going to have to dig back in the archives, I highly recommend listening to it. It’s one of my student’s favorite podcast episodes, they refer to it all the time. We talk about this concept in the program as well, in Anything But Average.

And the concept of inevitable success essentially means that you believe no matter what happens, no matter what failure happens, no matter what circumstances are thrown your way, you are going to create the results that you want. And when you have that, every failure that happens is literally just a little bump along the way of you getting closer and closer to the success that you want.

If you don’t have that, if you don’t believe that your success is inevitable, and again, refer to the episode and join the program when it reopens so you can learn how to do this, every single failure is another piece of evidence of why you should quit. Of why you’re never going to get there.

And what ends up happening is the more evidence you build for that story, the further and further you get from the success that you want. The closer and closer you get to quitting or believing that you are ultimately going to create the real failure, which is quitting on your dream.

So if you want to change your relationship with failure, you have to believe that your success is inevitable. That every single thing that’s happening in starting your coaching business, and building it, and signing clients, and building the life that you want, is bringing you one step closer to that success.

Now, in the theory, this sounds great. In practice, it can be a little bit more challenging, right? When something terrible or unexpected happens that feels like it’s going to crush your goal or crush your dream, it’s about seeing it from the lens of this is happening for you. This is getting you one step closer. And looking for that lesson and learning from it.

When you do that, every failure will lead you to success. And that’s when those little bumps in the road of failure become a lot easier to handle. Because they’re not going to cost you your dream. You know your dream is going to happen. You know creating a six figure, a multiple six figure coaching business that creates the life you really want and helps the people you really want to help is going to happen. So you’re able to handle those bumps along the way so much differently.

Now, the second thing that I’m so excited to share with you guys, is that we have to see failure as an investment in the future. Once you believe that your success is inevitable, then if you really want to learn from failure, the way that you could, the way that’s going to make your success happen so much faster and so much bigger, is you have to see every failure as an investment.

There is no such thing as wasted time. There’s no such thing as a failure that shouldn’t have happened. A failure is an investment in your future success. It’s an investment in learning. You failed for a reason. You failed to hit a goal, it didn’t work for a very specific reason. And if you see it as an investment, you’re going to show up with curiosity. You’re going to show up willing to learn from it and grow from it.

And guess what happens when you do that? You get stronger, you build stronger beliefs. You will make adjustments the next time. And the next time it will be better. So failure isn’t like taking money out of your pocket or any of that, like I’m talking about the investment idea here. Failure is truly an investment you’re making in the today, in the right now, for the future you want in a year, in two years, in 10 years.

I will tell you there is no single successful person that you follow in this world that has not had massive failures. And the reason why they got where they got is because they saw it as that investment in their future.

The third thing you need in order to really use failure for you is to stop believing that your results and your success, and anybody else’s, means that they or you are better or less than. This is a really freaking hard one. This is one that took me years to unravel.

Coming from an athletic background where there are winners, there are losers. There’s somebody who gets the gold, and then everybody else is after that. There’s somebody who wins the position or the scholarship. This was so hard for me to unravel. It’s like my entire framework of life was built on this idea that there are people who are better and there are people who are less than when it comes to their outcomes. And it served me for a long time. But it did not serve me when it came to business.

And so the third thing you need is to really unwind that story that any of the coaches around you, any of the people that are around you are not playing the same sport as you. You guys are all playing different sports, you’re all on a different journey, you’re all in a different starting point. There is literally no competition. There is no someone’s better if they have bigger results, if they’re making more money, if they’re signing more clients.

They’re not better than you, they just learned how to create different results than you. So what if you truly believed that? What if you truly believed that there is no playing field, no one’s in front of you, no one’s behind you? That you’re all running laps on your own individual track. And that you having a better result doesn’t mean anything about you as a human.

When you let go of that, when I let go of that, everything changed. My life became so much better outside of my business. Because when you’re in a race in your head, even if you don’t want to admit it, you wake up thinking about that race. You go to bed in the back of your mind thinking about that race. You’re on vacation, that race is there.

That anxiety is there, building and building and building telling you that you’re behind or someone’s in front of you and you need to catch up. It is never ending. To get out of that you have to really see that nobody’s results being bigger than yours means anything, more or less about them or you. This is something we really dig into in the mastermind, because that’s how you create an anything but average life with your business.

Otherwise, if you hold on to that story you might create a successful business, but your life will be hell around it with all of that anxiety, and pushing, and constantly trying to catch up, or be at the front, or be the best. Now, this doesn’t mean striving for being the best coach and learning the most. And ultimately, that will be what makes you “top of your class.”

You’re not going to lose your edge by letting go of this, you’re going to create an edge that pushes you further. That allows you to run the marathon of this business. Not one that lights a fire under your ass for a short period of time and then makes it so painful because you think you’re not worthy or less valuable because your results aren’t as good as someone else’s.

Here’s the reality, there’s always going to be someone in front of you and there’s always going to be people behind you. No matter how big you grow. If you can learn to accept this now, your life and business are going to be a hell of a lot better and your failure is not going to mean so much.

The final thing that you need when it comes to failure is you have to stop believing that having a result is going to make your life so much better. I know that sounds crazy. You’re like, “Lindsey, if I had like 10 more clients there would be a lot more money, things would be a lot better.”

If you believe that you will feel better when you get there. to that outcome, when you fail, when you don’t hit the goal, you will feel like shit. There’s of course going to be disappointment with failure. We’re not trying to remove all negative emotion, that’s a part of the journey.

But if you think I can’t enjoy my life. I can’t feel free. I can’t have fun, I can’t feel as impactful or like a badass until I’m there. When you fail that means that you have no power. It means your results have the power. And they are in control of how you feel. And that makes the weight of failure so much heavier.

Instead of on the flip side, now some of you guys are like, “But I have a goal and I want your life. That’s why I’m starting my coaching business. That’s why I’m doing this.” The reason why I’m saying this is your job is to learn how to feel the way that you want right now, in this moment.

When you have 100% ownership over that, when you fail it doesn’t matter. Because the result wasn’t going to give you more or less of anything. It was just going to be for the sake of growth, for the sake of desire. And you can learn from it in such a different way.

This has been so huge for me. I know one day I’m going to make $10 million, $20 million, maybe $50 million, who knows? And I used to think when I got there life would be so much better. And so every moment that passed, everything that didn’t work out, every failure that happened felt like I’m not in control of living my life the way that I want. I can’t feel the way that I want until I get there.

But I slowed down to really do this work. I truly believe that yes, making $10 million, $20 million, $50 million is going to be amazing. It’s going to mean that my company is helping so many people, which is so fun. But I don’t believe I’m going to feel better when I’m there. And why? Because I know how to make myself feel good and happy and satisfied and sufficient where I am no matter what happens.

That is a power that no one can take from you. That no failure can take from you. That no result can take from you. And some of you might be thinking then what’s the point of going after a bigger goal? Just because you freaking want to. Just because it’ll be fun. Not because your life and the way you feel everyday depends on it, but just for the freaking hell of it. Just for the sake of growth.

This transition feels very strange. This is one that a lot of my mastermind members have to go through when they start making six figures or beyond that. They are like, “Yeah, of course I want to make more money, there’s always more things that I can do.” But they have to find a new internal motivation.

And the motivation that’s going to last for the marathon of life is for growth, for service, for the fun of it. Not because when they get “there” things will be better. Because here’s what I will tell you, if you believe that story, no matter how much money you make, no matter how much success you create, you will always continue to believe when I get there, I’ll be happier. Guess what happens? You spend your whole life going after there, never allowing yourself to feel the happiness you could.

And take a step back, look at your life, there’s something you accomplished, there’s something you desired that you have right now that you thought, “When I get here, life will be so much better.” And your brain went back into the same pattern and is now thinking, “When I get over there, things will be so much better.”

I say all that to say your job is to take ownership and responsibility over how you feel right now. To create the happiness, to create the abundance, to create the feeling of freedom and the experience you want to have in this moment and be 100% empowered over that. And know that every result you add on top of that is just like icing on the cake.

When you have that, failure will be so much lighter. You will learn so much more. And success will happen so much faster. And in such bigger ways,
I will tell you from my own personal experience. I love the saying that your pile of success, like the level of success that you’re asking for will be equal to your pile of failure. I think of it as like this is a law of the universe. This is how you learn, this is how you get there.

Failure is something you have to expect and accept as a part of this journey. And if you want to truly be able to do that, you have to do these four things.

I love you guys, if you want to take this work deeper and you haven’t started your coaching business or haven’t really signed those first few clients, make sure that you get on the wait list lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. If you have signed your first three clients, made your first $5,000 and you’re ready to take this work to the next level, the mastermind will be opening up the last week of February, more details on that to come.

I love you guys. I hope you have a beautiful week and I will talk to you next week. Bye.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.

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