Ep #105: Frantic Commitment vs Calm Commitment

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We know that commitment is a non-negotiable part of creating the lives and businesses of our dreams. Without developing an unshakeable commitment to the results we want, we simply can’t reach our goals. But have you ever stopped to consider how you’re showing up in your commitment?

This week, I’m introducing you to a concept I call frantic commitment versus calm commitment. This idea came out of coaching conversations I’ve had with students and peers because I see this at both the foundational level with coaches who are just starting out, and at the highest level where coaches are scaling to millions of dollars, and it is an absolute game-changer.

Tune in to discover the difference between frantic commitment and calm commitment. I’m showing you how, depending on which type of commitment you practice, your results and overall experience will be vastly different, and how to show up with certainty and calm in your business.

The Anything but Average doors are opening on April 6th and closing on April 15th. For exclusive sneak peeks of the portal, the program, the community, and to apply as soon as doors open, click here to join the waitlist!

The Anything but Average Coach Mastermind is now closed for enrolment. If you want to be in the fall class, make sure to mark your calendars for August 31st.

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • The difference between frantic commitment and calm commitment. 
  • Why approaching your goals with frantic commitment isn’t effective. 
  • The type of thinking that often leads to frantic commitment.
  • How frantic commitment has you showing up with needy, urgent energy. 

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream coaching business a reality, join my Anything but Average program.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.

Hello and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Guys, how are you? Welcome back. Before we dive into today’s episode make sure to mark your calendar, April 6th Anything But Average opens for enrollment and closes on April 11th.

One thing I want to offer you guys, I was actually talking about this in my free training that I did in January. And one of the things I see happen is people, coaches specifically, will waste six months to a year not addressing the cause of what’s keeping them from launching their business and signing clients.

And so because they don’t what’s actually know what’s causing that they try, right? This isn’t a matter or trying or not trying, they’re attempting to make these changes and the changes don’t actually produce the result that they want. Which gets very frustrating, right? And you can spend lots of time doing that.

Being in Anything But Average is about understanding exactly what’s creating your results and why you’re getting the results you’re getting so that you can address that, make the shift, and go out and change your outcomes.

So I’ve seen people go from six months to a year of doing this on their own and hitting their head against the wall and trying really hard and burning themselves out because they can’t get the outcome they want and they just push harder. And come in and address something that takes one week, that they get a live coaching session and they know exactly what they need to change.

They change it and they change the trajectory of their business. Or they walk through the modules and find that one shift that they needed that’s causing and creating the results they’re getting, and it impacts every result they get in their business.

So what you do when you enroll in Anything But Average is you don’t just give yourself the process to becoming a great coach, launching your business and signing clients. You don’t just give yourself access to weekly coaching, lifetime access to that as well as unlimited access to posting and asking questions in the group.

You give yourself the gift of time. Of saving time, of saving effort, of losing out on money and opportunity to help clients and sign clients. Because instead of spending six months not addressing what’s creating your results, you address it immediately, you make that change, and instead it takes two weeks.

So again, get on the wait list, it opens early for the wait list. Anything But Average opens April 6th and closes 11th. Go the lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage for details on the program as well as the link to join the wait list.

All right, today what I want to talk about is what I call frantic commitment versus calm commitment. And this actually came up because this is something I had to deeply work on in my own life and in my own business. And I was actually coaching a peer, I’m in a $2 million mentorship mastermind and I was coaching one of my peers on it. And it was a concept I just created in the moment as we were talking.

And so I say all this to say that I see this at the foundational level with coaches who are just starting out and just becoming coaches. And I see this at the highest level, where coaches are scaling their business to millions of dollars. And it makes such a huge impact on your business and on your commitment. And it makes such a huge impact on the experience of you in your business and the actions that you’re taking, and ultimately the results you get.

So what’s the difference between frantic commitment and calm commitment? First, in order to create the results that you want, you have to have commitment. You have to have a level of commitment to your coaching business, which we’re going to talk about this in the next episode, where it’s not optional.

If your coaching business is optional at all, you will not create the success you want. That’s one of the biggest reasons why I see people not create the clients and the business that they really want, is they are like, it’s optional. We’ll see. I’ll try it until X, Y, Z happens. I’ll try it until I fail enough times and then I don’t get the results that I want and then maybe I’ll stop. You might as well not even start.

And this is actually a concept I teach in Anything But Average from the beginning. It’s one of the hugest transformations I’ve seen in so many people. Is hugest a word? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. We talk about the types of commitment and how to create the not optional commitment. And I see it show up for a lot of people when it comes to putting themselves in the room. They say, “Oh, I’ll join ABA on the next round.” And the reason why they do that is because their dream is optional.

Versus if you treated that investment, if you treated your coaching business and getting access to the tools and coaching you need the way that you treat your rent, or the way you treat your mortgage, that’s the kind of commitment it’s going to take to make your business successful. It’s not as hard as you think. Don’t listen to that and think it’s overwhelming and hard.

Commitment actually makes everything easier, right? You don’t have to spend a bunch of time thinking about your rent, you just know it’s paid because you’re committed to it. And that’s how you’ll feel when you have that commitment with your business. So you have to have the commitment piece.

But then there’s different types of commitment. There’s what I see as frantic commitment and calm commitment. And they come from two very different places. It’s not that both don’t work, but they really change the experience you have in your business and the results you’ll create.

And here’s what I mean by that, when you’re in frantic commitment, it’s a very like urgent, needy, burnout type of commitment. It’s where if you set a goal, you feel very frantic, you’re freaking out, it’s all you can think about, it totally overtakes your entire life.

And the reason why this doesn’t work is because you’re not here to just build a great coaching business. You’re here to have the life that you want. And if your business sets you up to feel, and it’s not your business, of course, right? It’s the way you’re approaching it. But if you’re approaching it this way, it sets you up to feel miserable. It costs you so much in your life when you’re feeling this way. So frantic commitment, essentially you’re just needy, turn into a crazy person.

Calm commitment is where you are just committed to the result no matter what. You’re calm, you’re certain, you take simple steps everyday towards that. You are willing to do whatever it takes, but not from this place of franticness and neediness. And what I want to talk about today is the difference and what causes it so you can be aware of it and make changes.

So the definition essentially, I was just kind of sharing some symptoms and what it looks like. But the definition of frantic commitment, or my definition because I created this, is you’re trying to fill a void by creating a result. And your commitment is a reflection of that. Whereas calm commitment is you’re committed to something not because there’s a void, but just because you want it.

So I’ll give you guys a quick example. People get into frantic commitment when they think they’re not successful unless they hit a certain goal. So they’re filling this void inside of themselves, where I don’t feel successful unless I hit this goal. You might be very committed to that because your brain is very committed to you feeling good enough, and surviving, and feeling safe, and feeling successful. So it appears as commitment, but it’s more self-focused and it feels very frantic.

Whereas when it’s calm commitment, you know you’re successful now. You believe you’re successful now and you believe your success is inevitable. And I don’t care where you are, you can believe that about yourself. And you’re committed to your goal because you want to do it. Because you’re already a successful person. Because you already believe what you want about yourself, not because you’re trying to fill a void. That is the difference.

So here’s some examples of frantic commitment. When we don’t feel safe or supported financially, and I don’t mean that as a circumstance. I mean when you don’t feel safe within yourself, that you’re going to be okay, that everything’s going to be taken care of, then you’re going after your goal and you’re committed to your goal to try to fill the insufficiency that you feel.

You will be in frantic commitment. You will feel needy, you will feel a rush, you will feel urgent. And that will show up in the results that you create. It will show up in your entire experience of trying to create the result.

Another place, I already kind of mentioned this, is when you don’t think you’re good enough. When you’re comparing yourself, when you’re fighting to hit a goal because achieving means that you’re good enough and you’re successful. You’re also in frantic commitment. Again, you’re filling this void within yourself and you’re trying to use the goal and your commitment to that void, filling that void to do that.

So frantic commitment essentially comes from when you don’t have a feeling that you want to have and you try to fill it with a goal and your commitment to that goal is a reflection of it. So anytime you feel like you’re lacking, or you’re missing something, or your goal is going to give you a feeling that you don’t already have, you’re going to get in frantic commitment.

Calm commitment looks like you’re whole, you have the feelings you want to have now, there is no void. And now you go after the goal because you want it. That looks like I already feel whole and successful and have everything I need, and I’m proud of myself. And so now I’m going after the goal and I’m committed to it because more people need what I have to offer. I’m committed to them. I’m willing to do whatever it takes for them. So still the same level of commitment, but it feels very different.

Now, when you make this transition, what I will tell you is that calm commitment feels very jarring when you’ve only been in frantic commitment. You almost feel like am I committed? What’s happening? I almost think I’m too calm. Because you’ve only known how to go after something and chase a goal or chase a result from a place of survival and filling a void.

When you’re not filling a void, it doesn’t feel frantic. I almost think of it like, actually, using your love life is a great example if you’ve experienced this. I’ll never forget when I was constantly trying to fill a void within myself. I didn’t feel good enough, I didn’t feel special enough, I didn’t feel all these things. And I always made my significant others responsible for that. The relationship felt very needy, and I needed them to make me feel better all of the time.

Whereas today in my current marriage, I feel totally whole and love my life on my own, and feel special, and feel amazing, and feel good enough without my husband. And so he just adds to it. There’s no franticness, it’s calm. My love is certain, I’m not constantly like chasing this feeling. And that’s very much what it will look like in your coaching business.

So the first thing is like using this for awareness. The second thing is you might be wondering, well, okay, how do I make this change? Because here’s the thing, again, when you’re in frantic commitment, you actually push away more of what you want. And it’s almost like you’re trying to fill this black hole that never gets full.

So I’m sure a lot of you have experienced this, you think, “Once I get here, then I’ll feel good enough.” And you get there and then you’re like, “Oh, but once I get over here, then I’ll feel good enough.” And it continues on and on and on because it’s this void that you can never fill from something outside of you, it’s only something you can fill within you.

Now, how do you actually close that gap? You look at why you’re committed to it and what void you’re trying to fill if you’re in frantic commitment. And you work on creating that ahead of time.

So something I ask myself all of the time, and this is a huge transition I’ve made in my life and business, and it’s changed my life entirely. In fact, it’s made my entire pregnancy so calm, and my business so calm and certain, and it’s made me hit bigger goals than I’ve ever hit because I’m not trying to fill something inside of myself. I’m going out and serving people because I want to.

But the question I always ask myself when I have a goal, and I can feel it. The more aware you are, the more you really just like drop into your body, you’re going to be able to feel it. I almost call it like a stickiness. I can feel like a stickiness in my chest when I’m in frantic commitment. And I always look at like, what am I thinking will happen if I hit this goal? What am I looking to this goal, or this accomplishment, or this result to give me?

And if my answer is certainty, like safety, success, feeling good enough, then I know I’m filling a void. I’m trying to fill a void inside of myself. So then I go to work to create that ahead of time. And this is a process I coach people on and teach people in Anything But Average.

So I work on looking at how I can be safe, and certain, and secure right now. And how I don’t need the goal in order to do that. And this really very much coincides with result unattachment, I definitely recommend listening to that episode as well. But once I create that, then I ask myself, okay, now why do I want to hit this goal? Why would I want to hit this goal if I didn’t need this goal? And I use that as the driving motivation over and over and over again.

This will change so many things. This will change how you experience your business, how you experience yourself and your life. And it will change the results you create because people, I actually was coaching on something today and someone was saying that they feel so shameful over the results that they’ve created so far in their business.

And I said when you’re using that as the driving factor, you’re essentially going out and you’re marketing your business saying, “I’m feeling shame and I need you to buy so I don’t feel shame.” And imagine how that feels. Now some of you guys might trick yourself and think there’s no way. Now, they don’t know what it is, but they can just feel it.

The way you speak, the way you show up when that’s what you’re thinking, when that’s what your commitment is based off of is very different than when you’re like, “I feel good about where I am. I love where I am. And now I’m here because I want to help you make the best decision for your life.” Totally different. And you will sell to so many more people, you will help so many more people, your life will be better, and your business will be better.

I love you guys. I hope you have a beautiful week. Again, go join the wait list, lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. And we will see you on the inside on April 6th when you can enroll in the program. I’ll talk to you guys next week. Bye.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.

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