Ep #123: Lindsey Coaches Live: Getting it Right vs. Believing it’s Working

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I’m back and bringing you another live coaching session on the podcast this week. I put a shoutout on Instagram looking for volunteers, and today I’m coaching Alison on the show. Alison came to me wanting help with her copy and content so she could generate more consults.

She recently changed her niche to focus more on what she’s passionate about, which I love, and she felt like if she could just nail her marketing and content, then she’d get more consults. But as you’ll hear in this episode, getting those things right isn’t necessarily what creates the results. Believing that it’s working is what makes the difference.

Whatever area of your life or business you’re working on, tune in this week to discover how Alison’s brain was getting stuck in the exact same way as the clients she helps in her business, and how we worked through all of it so she can start coming at her business from a place of unconditional belief instead of worrying about getting everything 100% perfect.

The Anything but Average Coach Mastermind is now closed for enrollment. If you want to be in the fall class, make sure to mark your calendars for August 31st.

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • Where Alison is in her coaching business and what she wants to achieve in the future.
  • Alison’s experience of feeling like she wanted to change her niche after a year in her business.
  • Why changing your niche doesn’t have to create mental drama.
  • Alison’s reasons for wanting to get her marketing and content right for her new audience.
  • How I helped Alison realize that her marketing and content is not as important as she thinks in generating consults.
  • Why, ultimately, believing what you’re doing is working is so much more important for creating results than getting everything “right.”

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream coaching business a reality, join my Anything but Average program.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!
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Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.

Hello, and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Guys, how are you? I hope you’re having an amazing week. If you follow me on Instagram or you are on my email list, you found out that the enrollment period for Anything But Average closed early. And I plan to do a podcast about that at some point, but not yet. Today, we are actually going to do some more live coaching.

Allison came to me really wanting to hone in on her copy and content so that she could create more consults. She recently changed her niche to focus more on what she was passionate about. And she felt like if she could just nail her marketing, her content, then she would get more consults. But what you’ll hear in the episode and what you’ll see is that getting it right isn’t necessarily what creates the results, believing that it’s working does. Believing that people are ready to buy it does.

So it doesn’t matter what area of your life you’re working on, whether it’s your business or your health or anything like that you’ll hear us talk about, she specifically worked with weight loss. And you’ll hear how her ideal clients get stuck in their weight loss journeys and how her brain was actually doing the exact same thing with her coaching business.

So if you are somebody who likes to do things right, life right, business, right, everything right, I definitely recommend tuning into this episode. And thank you so much, Allison, for being willing to be live coached. Let’s jump in.

Lindsey: All right, so Allison, tell me a little bit about where you’re at in your coaching business and what you’re wanting help with.

Allison: So I started my coaching business like two and a half years ago, maybe three and a half years ago. And I started out with a different niche and for about a year into it, or like I had done it and then for about a year I felt this like tugging. So basically, I lost 85 pounds seven years ago.

Lindsey: Oh my gosh, that’s amazing.

Allison: Thank you, when I got into coaching I just assumed I would be a weight loss coach. And when I went through, I’m a Life Coach School certified coach, so when I went through that certification the way that they taught weight loss coaching is not the way that I lost the weight. And so it never really resonated with me.

So then I kind of, I always said I like fell into this other niche, which was like business coaching for network marketers. And I loved it, but I had never been a network marketer so I really struggled with my own belief. Like I had a ton of thoughts about me not going through what they were going through. And I kept having this pull and this pull and I kept just coaching myself through it basically.

And then finally, after about two years of staying in that niche I decided to make the shift. So I did that at the beginning of this year. So even though I’ve had my own coaching business for a while I feel like I’m starting a whole new business because it’s completely, I mean, I’m basically starting from ground zero.

Trying to grow my audience. Trying to really hone in on my ideal client, really describe their problems, their solutions, really create copy that really resonates with them, that compels them to take action, creating freebies, webinars, you know, all of the things. So I would say I’m like six month into starting a coaching business.

Lindsey: Cool. Okay, perfect. I want to point out, I told Allison when we got on this, like we’re just going to act like we’re coaching and I wouldn’t normally do this on the coaching call. But I just want to point out that I think this is actually something I see a lot of coaches go through.

And some of my clients have done that too, where they kind of pick a niche that they feel like they’re supposed to have or it’s just clear and there they want it to be really narrowed down. And they just pick something that, I don’t know, like somebody recommends. I’m not really sure, how did you specifically pick network marketing? I’m actually curious.

Allison: Well, so before I even got into coaching I owned my own digital marketing consultancy firm. And so everyone was like, you should be a business coach. And I kind of always thought like, oh, I mean, I just helped boutique hotels with their digital strategy. So I never really was like, I was almost like a fraud, you know? I’m like I don’t really know that much about business.

And so then when I was trying to find my niche I went to this event with one of my girlfriends, and it was a network marketing event. And it was amazing. Like I stayed in a house with 28 women, I loved them all. And they were all with the same company. And so after that, I was like, hey, I’m going to offer this six week business coaching at this discounted price or whatever, and then it just kind of grew from there.

And I always say I kind of fell into it just because that was not even on my radar because number one, I’ve never done it, like I’d never been a network marketer. But I loved the people so much and I love coaching, and so it just kind of melted together.

Lindsey: Got it. Okay, perfect. I love that. So, yeah, basically, what I was going to say was a lot of people have their own personal transformation from something, but then I see it happen where they choose something else. And I, obviously, there’s so many different ways to start a coaching business and you obviously did well with it. And I think one of the most important parts when you’re getting started is just to like get messy and start trying things, which you obviously did and it really worked.

But I really find that the thing that we have our own personal transformation in is typically the thing that we feel the most passionate about. And I did an episode a long time ago with one of my mastermind students who, she originally got in and did interior decorating coaching because that’s what her background was in. And then like a year in I was like, “What has been your biggest transformation?” And she was like, “Oh, I lost 50 pounds.” And I was like, “Oh, why aren’t you doing that?”

And it’s just, it’s such an interesting thing and I’m just curious, really quick before we start coaching, how you felt differently by choosing the thing that you have a transformation in versus kind of just choosing something that you were good at or had some, you know, I guess, information on?

Allison: Yeah. Well, and that’s kind of been my biggest aha is that when I was doing the business coaching I loved it, I loved the people. But it looked more like I would create something and then I felt very disconnected. So I would teach it and I would be like, “Well, I hope that works.” Like I had kind of no idea.

My belief in what I was teaching definitely was there, but it wasn’t like, oh, this is what you should do. I know that this is the mindset you need to be in, you know, that kind of stuff. It was kind of just guessing. And I felt a lot of doubt. And I could tell that I was in a lot of hustle to prove that I could do it.

So I needed to get more and more clients just to prove that I knew what I was talking about because for me that would mean that okay, I’m successful, I can do this, even though I haven’t actually worked for a network marketing company.

And it was all mindset stuff, it wasn’t like strategy. But it was just that limiting belief on my end. And so when I shifted, I feel like I was really resistant against shifting because I didn’t, you know, it’s all the things we hear. It’s like the niche doesn’t make you successful, it’s how you think, you know?

Lindsey: Yeah, totally.

Allison: So I knew that shifting wasn’t going to be any better than it was where I was at. But what changed for me was that I was so much more connected. And I do believe that my belief now with weight loss is like, listen, I know I can help you. Like there is not a doubt. I can get you where you want to go, I know the thoughts you need to think, I know the feelings you need to have. Let’s go.

Lindsey: That’s so good.

Allison: Where before I was more like, I hope this works.

Lindsey: Yeah, I think that’s such a good point. And who knows where these conversations are going to go, I love it. But I think it’s such a good point because I think the reality is you can put yourself into anything, right? I mean, that’s the power of this work.

But I think the real question is, it’s like if I could do anything, what do I want to do? And you’re going to have to coach yourself either way, right? Like you’re going to have to coach yourself on other things, you’re going to have to coach yourself on what we’re going to talk about today, right, doing what your passion is. But it’s like which one do you feel more compelled to have to go through the discomfort and go through the growth to ultimately create?

And I’m guessing you feel like that with weight loss. You’re like, this is what I’m connected to and even though I have to coach myself and work through this, this is what I choose over the discomfort of the doubt in what I have to offer.

Allison: Totally. And I think it was, I’m coaching myself either way but I think in the other niche I also had additional coaching that probably didn’t need to be there. Do you know what I mean?

Lindsey: Yeah.

Allison: So I don’t have that with the weight loss and it’s more if anyone is going through this, I think the most transformational question that I was asked was, what does your heart say? Because I can be very black and white in my brain and so I was like, kind of like you said, like well I’ll just coach myself. Like it’s just my thoughts. I can coach myself through it. And when I was asked like, well, what does your heart say, I knew it was the weight loss, but I was afraid.

Lindsey: Your brain was probably like, “No, we’re two and a half years in.”

Allison: Yeah, I was afraid to listen to myself. I was afraid to listen to that inner voice, you know? Because I can be so black and white, like well my thoughts are creating this

Lindsey: Yeah. So you’ve already messaged me on what you wanted coaching on, and I’ll have you share that in a second. But I have a feeling that this is also coming up with what you need coaching on. So this will be kind of fascinating.

But again, I just wanted to touch on this because that, for my process and what I teach in Anything But Average, is one of the foundational things, is creating your own transformation. So whether that’s you’ve already had it and you need to figure out how you created it so that you can teach it to others, or you just want to be a coach and you’ve like never had a transformation.

We always start with that because I have found like every single time, the thing that people have transformed in their own life becomes the thing that they feel deeply passionate about because they’re like, “Oh my gosh, this is what I needed three years ago.” And there’s so much fire there versus like, well, yeah, I can help somebody with this, but I don’t really believe in it, or I don’t deeply feel connected to this.

And I think there’s just such a massive difference in the level of success you can create with it and just how you feel in your day to day life of running your business.

Allison: 100%, I totally agree.

Lindsey: So good. I love it. Okay, so let’s share with everyone, again, I said let’s not act like this is a podcast. But I have a microphone in my face so it’s so hard for me to be like, “Let’s share with everyone.” But let’s tell me what you specifically want coaching on.

Allison: Okay, so what I’m working on now is I’m really trying to narrow down who I’m speaking to and I want to hone in on their exact problems and kind of my solution. And ultimately, what I really want to do is create more consults, is basically what it comes down to.

Lindsey: Okay, so here’s the thing that I want to, when you messaged me you said, you might have mentioned this already, but you said you work with six figure, tell me the niche again specifically.

Allison: So it’s like mompreneurs who have a six figure business and they want to get to size six. So they want to, like they probably have yo-yoed the majority of their life, but really since having kids they haven’t been able to lose that weight. And they’re doing super great in every other aspect of their life, like they’ve got this business, they’ve got the house, they’ve got the family, but they cannot figure out their weight loss.

Or if they do, what it looks like is a lot of restriction, deprivation, and then they like overindulge. And so it’s kind of this back and forth. And they’re really just like frustrated.

Lindsey: This used to be me like way before I found coaching and had a business. But that used to be me. I have a question though before we jump into the actual like problem solutions that you’re trying to figure out and creating more consults. Why did you choose mompreneurs who are at six figures and want to get to a size six?

Allison: So I feel like that most likely was how I was. And I feel like, and I just actually narrowed it down because I was just kind of speaking to women in general. But I think being more precise, I think there is a difference when you’re an entrepreneur, it’s almost like you just don’t have any more time to think about one more thing.

But also, you are your own brand and so you are putting yourself out there, whether it be in person at in-person events now or social media, and you want to look the part. And it’s like you’ve always kind of, you know, like when you were younger you were very social and into the fashion and stuff like that. And since having kids you’re still there, but you just can’t get the weight part under control.

And I think that, so it’s almost like a high achiever. I think that the way that they think about their life and their food is different than just a stay at home mom, they have totally different problems, right? Or not problems, but things that get in their way, than somebody that has a successful business that’s trying to scale.

Lindsey: Got it. So why six figure and why size six?

Allison: So the six figure just came because I really want to work with people that are in the mode of like they have something in their business where they’re successful. Like they’re not at the entry level. Because I think when you’re at the entry level and you’re trying to work on your weight, it’s just kind of like blah, like so much.

And so the people that I work with, they’ve got a business and it’s working. Now they’re working to scale. But now they also have the time, they probably don’t think they have the time.

Lindsey: Yeah, but they’re like, “I’m nailing everything else. I’m just not nailing this.”

Allison: Exactly. And they are in that mode of like a little bit of personal development or they know that they need something to get them to the next level.

Lindsey: Okay. So I’m asking all these questions because originally what you had said was I want to figure out more specifically the problems and solutions of my ideal clients so that I can create more consults. And a theme that I’m seeing is, and this is why I mentioned this earlier when you were talking about, oh gosh, what was it?

I said something about how you felt like there was kind of the right path to do and somebody had asked, what does your heart say, and that’s where it was really like conflicting. I potentially think this is showing up here again.

Allison: Okay.

Lindsey: Because it sounds to me like you think if I nail the niche, because I think keep the niche, I think it’s amazing. But I think there’s some nuances of it that aren’t necessary and it almost feels like if you nail that and then you nail the problem and solution, then you’ll get consults. Like if you do those things right, then you’ll do consults. Does that feel true?

Allison: Totally.

Lindsey: Okay. And what happens when you think, if I do this right, then I’ll get consults? Like play that out for me.

Allison: So if I’m thinking like if I can really figure out their problem solution and speak it in their way, then everything will fall into place and my business will like take off.

Lindsey: Okay. I want you to think about your ideal client with their health. What happens when they think, if I do this all right, then I will have the weight loss that I want?

Allison: Like what happens to them?

Lindsey: Yeah, like what’s the main feeling they have when they’re like, I have to do this right because then I’ll get the result that I want?

Allison: Probably like very black and white, like maybe a little pressure, like controlling, very tight. I think about like when you’re holding onto something it’s like, oh no, this is the right way. And it’s like very tight.

Lindsey: Yeah, which I think kind of happened probably before in your business, right? Where you were thinking like, oh, but this is what I am supposed to keep doing, not what my heart is saying, right?

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: Okay, keep going.

Allison: And probably they feel some like underneath fear because they don’t know how to handle the gray, right? So it’s like, as long as I am doing it the right way, then I’ll get the results. But if I have to go to a social event, or if I have to, you know, what happens if –

Lindsey: Yes, it’s like if I’m at home and I have my meal prep and it’s like perfectly planned, then we’re good. But you throw a wrench in that and like who knows what happens.

Allison: I don’t know how to handle it.

Lindsey: Yeah. Okay, what else?

Allison: And I think they’re very perfectionistic. It’s funny because I think it feels comfortable, or it feels good almost, because that’s what they’re used to. That’s where they feel in control. And feeling out of control feels very vulnerable to them. But they can become very out of control with food.

Lindsey: Okay. And what actions do they take? You’ve already kind of talked about a couple of them, but like when they’re thinking in black and white, pressure. Go ahead, sorry.

Allison: Yeah, they kind of go very restrictive so they get very like, I can only eat this food. This is the good food, this is bad food. They are very time, like I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, that’s it. Like it’s very regimented. But then what happens is they think about food a lot. And then when they finally do have like a break, like on the weekend, then they just completely overindulge because they’re just so sick of it. It’s just like, I just don’t want to worry about it.

Lindsey: Okay, and what result do they get when they’re like it has to be right like for me to lose weight, and then they go through this whole kind of process? What’s the result they get?

Allison: They don’t lose the weight. They don’t find any way. Like they don’t find a way. They just keep doing, it’s like a very restrict, overindulge, restrict, overindulge type cycle.

Lindsey: Okay. So what does this look like in your business?

Allison: Like for my client?

Lindsey: No for you. When you’re thinking, “I have to do this right. I got to nail the problem solution, I got to say it very specific.” Because you could just say mompreneurs who want to lose weight, and then your copy you know speaks to the successful one right? Like if you’re speaking to their direct problems you don’t even need to say like six figure, they know who they are, they can feel it when they read your stuff.

But like what happens when you’re thinking I’ve got to nail these things, the problem and solution, to get consults? How do you feel? What do you do?

Allison: I think I feel, I mean, there’s probably like a little hope, like I’m a little hopeful.

Lindsey: Okay.

Allison: Like, okay, this is what’s going to bring the consults. I feel a little, probably there’s a little confusion because I want to get it right. And a little bit of pressure. And I think I’m just believing that that is the way. So it feels very much like, yeah.

Lindsey: Yeah, it’s kind of, I’m looking at some of the feelings you were talking about for your ideal client, I would think it’s probably the same. Black and white thinking, pressure, some control.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: Maybe a little bit of fear, like I really got to get this right. Which kind of causes, I would guess, a little bit of spinning and you just keep trying to write stuff, but it’s like but that’s not quite right.

Allison: Yep.

Lindsey: What do your actions look like? I’ve named a couple, but you tell me in your words.

Allison: It’s total spinning, like all spinning confusion. I’ll look outside myself. So I’ll be like, okay, well, what is somebody else, how do they say it and how do they, like how are they communicating it? And then I try to look at mine to see where it’s similar, where it can, you know. Like I kind of look outside myself for the answers.

I keep recreating, so I’m not really like evaluating what is working. I’m basically just like swiping it all and starting over, swiping it off starting over.

Lindsey: Yeah, because it’s either right or wrong, there’s just no in between.

Allison: Yes. A lot of times I’ll get coached a lot on it and then I can go into a lot of like, what am I doing wrong? Like really focusing on what I believe is the problem instead of the solution.

Lindsey: Okay, perfect. And what result do you get when you do that?

Allison: I just, I don’t really ever move forward. I mean, I do. I’ll put stuff out there but it’s almost like just throwing spaghetti on the wall. Or one other thing I’ll do is like to keep honing in on my niche.

Lindsey: Yes, that’s why I was curious about the six figures size six. I was like, there’s just something about this that feels so nuanced and specific.

Allison: Yeah. And so I keep, you know, I’ll change that. There’s a lot of change and not a lot of testing.

Lindsey: Right. And the result you got, which you had messaged me, you said right now I have zero consults.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: So that’s the result you get when you’re doing that.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: So let’s go back to your ideal client, when they have this line of thinking and feelings and the result they create is kind of that yo-yo all or nothing, what is the way out for them?

Allison: It is… That’s a really good question. The way that I teach it is…

Lindsey: Yeah, how do you teach it?

Allison: So I would teach them to connect their mind and body and I teach how to, it’s called nourish you. And so I teach them how to nourish your mind, body, and self. And what that looks like is nourishing your mind, like you learn how to separate thoughts from facts. And notice how are you nourishing your mind throughout the day? Maybe with a podcast, or with a thought download, journaling, that kind of thing.

And then nourishing your body is learning the difference between physical and emotional hunger. And then learning how to listen to your body. So it’s really being vulnerable with like there are no rules, there are no foods off limit. It’s really like learning to connect to your internal body and listen like, oh, I’m hungry, and then I’m full. So learning to be more in the balance.

And then on the emotional side it’s like really learning how to be with all the feelings that come up that have led you to eat, led you to turn to food. And then how to nourish yourself looks like, so a lot of times with food you will feel tired and you’ll eat something. Or you’ll feel lonely and so you turn to food for comfort.

And when you’re nourishing yourself you can see like, oh, I’m feeling lonely. How can I feel connection or comfort? How can I give that to myself? Or like call a friend, or spend time with your husband, or take a bath or whatever. How can I nourish that inner self without turning to food?

Lindsey: Okay. Are you ready for me to show you what’s happening? So your process, like the problem solution and nailing the niche is like your new version of a doughnut.

Allison: Okay.

Lindsey: It’s like you’re turning to the process to feel something instead of turning to yourself to feel something.

Allison: 100%.

Lindsey: And what is that feeling?

Allison: Probably like certain. Some certainty or some success, maybe. If I think about it as a doughnut, like if I think about my process as a doughnut, because I used to go to Krispy Kreme doughnuts, that was like my go-to.

Lindsey: That’s funny, I didn’t know that. My brain was like doughnut, this is like a new version of it.

Allison: Yeah, it’s a perfect correlation. So I would probably be looking for probably like to be assured. It’s like I just want to know that it’s going to work, whatever that feeling is.

Lindsey: Certainty, I would think. Or like belief.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: So what’s happening, oh, go ahead.

Allison: That I’m doing it right. I want to know that I’m doing it right. That’s probably my thought.

Lindsey: Yes, because if you’re doing it right, then what?

Allison: Then it means that it’s working, I’m successful, I have a lot of clients, people are creating consults, I have a lot of clients.

Lindsey: Okay. All right. So just to lay this all out, right? Your brain is really saying like, I’m not sure if this is going to work. And the feeling is uncertainty. And the action is find a process and just like rely on it, right? And it’s like I got to get this process right.

Allison: Mm-hmm.

Lindsey: And the result you create is, I don’t know if it’s going to work, right? It’s not working because you’re not bringing the certainty, the feeling of like this is going to work no matter what, or that’s really a thought, but like the certainty that comes from that, the feeling of success ahead of time and then taking action from there, right? So it’s keeping you in this loop.

Allison: Totally.

Lindsey: Over and over and over again. So again, let’s use the doughnut example. It’s like if you’re turning to doughnuts to feel good, right? Your brain is like, I don’t feel good. Well, what would your thought be for you? Let’s use an actual example. Like when he would turn to doughnuts, what was the thought?

Allison: I was really lonely so I would turn doughnuts for comfort. Like I needed to feel comforted.

Lindsey: Okay, I’m lonely.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: So you wanted comfort, you lacked comfort, I’m not sure what the opposite of that is. But like uncertainty, uncomfortable, the action was doughnuts. And what was the result you would get?

Allison: Like a lot of weight gain.

Lindsey: Yeah, and then probably still feel lonely, right? Still feel empty.

Allison: Yes, I still felt very empty, unsatisfied, I would say. Empty.

Lindsey: Yeah. So what’s the way out with your clients? When they’re looking for food for a feeling, how do you help them through that?

Allison: It would either be the nourish your body or the nourish yourself. And so it’s like if I’m looking for certainty, that would probably be I would go more into your body of like what do I need to believe to create certainty in your business for you?

Lindsey: Yes. What’s your answer?

Allison: That it’s all going to work. And I think here’s where I get confused, because I do believe that, like I really do. I think I just get frustrated and it’s not happening quick enough. So then I’m like, I must be doing something wrong.

Because I can clearly see my future like three year self and it’s totally successful. But that’s like three year, you know what I mean? So I’m like, oh, it doesn’t feel like – So I’m like, oh, that will all happen. But then I’m like, but why isn’t it happening now? Do you know what I mean?

Lindsey: Yeah, but think about that for a second, what evidence do you see when you think it’s not happening right now?

Allison: I’m just looking at the number of consults and the number of clients.

Lindsey: Yes. So it’s like you literally set your brain, this happens so often with like literally everyone’s human brain. It’s like we have this long-term vision, we believe in the certainty of that. But then in the in between it’s like either all or nothing, right?

We’re either thinking, which is kind of what you said is something that happens in your brain and in your clients brain, it’s like I’m either there and it’s like I’ve just signed 20 clients and crushing it. Or I’m here and like nothing’s happening. It’s like we expect that we’re going to turn around and that’s going to be the change in like one day.

And so when that doesn’t happen or when all these consults don’t come pouring in, our brain is like, it’s not happening. Instead of, like I like to think about let’s use weight loss for example, right? There are small little changes that are happening even when the scale isn’t moving yet, right?

Little celebrations, little things that show them that it’s working. But they have to pay attention to that, tight? They have to look for it. And that’s what creates the continuous feeling that it’s working and helps them show up with certainty. And that’s what builds that end result, that three year vision over time.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: What are your thoughts when I say that?

Allison: I mean, I think it’s funny because I was thinking like, yeah, my brain just wants to give a lot of resistance because it’s like if I look at my emails, right, like I get usually a 42% open rate, which I think is really, really great. So I’m like, oh, people are wanting to read, but then my brain is like, yeah, but why are they clicking? And then I go into that same thing. I’m like, oh, because I’m not saying it right.

Lindsey: Yeah.

Allison: I think it’s like, yeah I can see, I think it’s connecting the feeling to the thought, right? It’s so habitual for me to be like it’s not working, it’s not working, and feel that defeat, that now when I look at things, like let’s take that example of my email. I’m like, oh, people are reading my email. Logically I want to believe that that is working, but I’m not feeling it in my body.

Lindsey: Yes. Okay. I want you to imagine a world where you used to have 5% people opening your emails and all of a sudden it was 40%. How would you feel about that then?

Allison: Oh, I would feel like totally proud.

Lindsey: Okay.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: And what would your thought be about the fact that it’s working or consults and things like that?

Allison: That yeah, they really want to hear what I have to say. Like if I had a full client load right now and consults set up, the thoughts that I would have is like people want to work with me, they really believe I can help them, what I have created works.

Lindsey: Mm-hmm. And could you have that thought right now? Like all of those thoughts?

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: Think about this, I want to show you how this translates into action, right? Because you’re like, well, I still want to create consults. How would this help you create consults?

If you’re thinking like, holy crap, 40% of people are opening my emails. Like it’s working, people want to hear what I have to say, they want this. How differently does your action line look when it comes to writing the next email or saying the next thing?

Allison: I feel like there has to be some sort of energy shift in what I’m saying. But this is where I get confused too, I think, because I feel like I’ll have that where I’ll write this email and I’m like, they’re going to love this. And then nothing happens.

Lindsey: What if they are loving it though, right? I think the problem is you’re almost seeing it as like, think about weight loss, right? It would be like I nailed today.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: And they’re like, why haven’t I lost weight?

Allison: Yeah, I’m like really, in the minute details, like the minutia. Instead of looking at the macro level, I’m really looking at the micro level of like every day.

Lindsey: Every day I should be losing a pound. And if I’m not, then it’s not working.

Allison: Yeah, I’m like, they should click on this email. And then what happens, here’s kind of the process with emails. It’s like I’ll be in that energy where I’m like, oh my gosh, this is exactly what they need to hear. It’s going to blow their mind, like this is really going to help them. And then nothing happens and then I shift into, I’ve got to create something to get someone to click.

And just in that one shift, because I’m looking only at that, and that’s what my clients do, right? Like they have a day where they weigh in and they haven’t lost or maybe they gained a pound and then they go back to eating instead of like holding the belief like, oh, yeah, this is… And it just shifts their energy just like that.

Lindsey: And then think about that over time, right? I think so often we think about, like you said, the micro level. And we’re like, okay, but like one day where I’m like it’s not working and I change all of these things in my email.

When I think about health they always say what, like one piece of cake isn’t going to cause you to gain 10 pounds, it’s also not going to cause you to lose 10 pounds, right? It’s just like one time isn’t going to do it. But it’s like the addition of it over, if you have one piece of cake every day.

Allison: Right, yeah.

Lindsey: So how does that look if you take that out macro, that when you like send it and you’re like, “Nailed it. This is amazing.” You don’t get the immediate result and then your brain goes, “Oh my gosh, I’m doing it all wrong. I need to get that click.” And then you write the next email from that and then, again, you don’t get the click. And then you write the next email from that or take the next action from there. What happens over time?

Allison: Well it just keeps going down because then I shift into, “Oh, I must have the wrong problem or the wrong process.” And then I create something new and then it’s like a cycle. I mean it’s like the overindulge restrict cycle, then I start it all over. I’m like, “Oh yeah, they’re going to love this.”

But I’m not doing this enough. Do you know what I mean? I’m only giving them a few of like, you’re going to love this, style things. Like this is what you need, before I go into more like needy energy and then I just scrap it and create something new.

Lindsey: Yes. So what are you realizing?

Allison: Well, number one that I was even doing that in the first place.

Lindsey: Yeah.

Allison: That I was really tied that the process is what creates consults. Really, or like my problem solution content will create consults, instead of going back to my thoughts. And also, it’s like the belief, it’s like my thoughts over and over and over and over again, not just like one time.

Lindsey: Yes.

Allison: Like well I got the right thoughts for that one email.

Lindsey: Yes. Yeah, I always say you know when you’re really believing your thoughts when they stay there even when you don’t get the result from it., right?

I see that happen a lot where, and my brain does this too, where it’s like, but I had the belief and then I didn’t get the result. And it’s like, no, belief, and you know that you really believe, you know that you really have the thoughts when no matter what the result is, no matter what the circumstance is, you still hold that as like truth.

Allison: Yeah, that’s the work for me with the continued like I can help them,  I know what I can create for them, this will help them, like that. Because I do believe that, and it’s just continuously going back to that when I’m not getting the result I want.

Lindsey: Yes. And one way to do that is to literally make it your job to spend all day looking for evidence that it is working, that it is happening.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: A lot of people don’t like, our brains really don’t like to do that because they love to think that if I believe it’s working and it’s not, then I’m not going to fix the problems.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: But you actually problem solve at such a higher level when you believe it’s working. Like I think the same thing with health, it’s so funny when you described your ideal client, that was exactly how I used to be. Like binge, like go all in, Monday I’m starting over.

And what I would find was when I actually started to, that’s actually how I changed my relationship with my body and my health, was I started to look for all the little ways it was working and all the things I loved about my body. And that made me feel really good and that made me not want to eat crappy food and binge because I wanted to keep going.

And that actually motivated my action from this place of desire, instead of from this place of, like I call it whipping yourself, right? Like telling yourself you’re doing it wrong and there’s all these problems that you have to fix. It’s just part of a function of our mind, our brain thinks if I don’t tell her something’s broken, then she’s never going to fix it.

But really, when you believe that it’s working and then you want it to work better, then you can solve it in such a different way.

Allison: Totally. Yeah, I love that.

Lindsey: So, a couple of things. The first is what are the like, I like to call them like red flags for my clients or white flags, whatever you want to call them. What are the flags that pop up that need to be like triggers in your brain when you’re like, “Oh, I’m doing it again,” right? Because what ends up happening is we kind of go unconscious and our brain just starts running the show.

So what are the things that you need to, the feelings, the thoughts that you need to pay attention to to go, oh, I need to go back to creating the certainty, the feeling of success, the feeling and the belief that it’s working and look for evidence of that? Instead of what our brains love to do is be like, oh, the process isn’t working. I’m doing it wrong. So I need to spend all my time figuring out how to do it right. And then essentially we spend all of our time kind of solving the “wrong” problem.

Allison: Yeah, for sure the thought like this isn’t working, or what do I need to, not even what do I need to do different but it’s more just like, it’s probably that thought. Like this isn’t working. Why aren’t people coming? Like just a lot of that frustration, I think, can be a flag for me just to kind of take a pause.

And I think just really, let me think what feelings really trigger it? It’s probably like defeat. When I get really honed in on like one thing where I’m like, well, I did this and it didn’t work. That definitely needs to be a red flag of like pulling back to the big picture or the whole picture. Yeah.

Lindsey: I’ll point out a couple things too. They’re not feelings, but I think that thinking your niche needs to be changed in any way, like that it has to be more clear, it needs to be adjusted, I think is an immediate flag.

Allison: Okay.

Lindsey: Thinking that you need to get your problem solutions more like right. Like you’re not clear on them, they’re confusing, you need to address those and fix those.

Allison: Okay.

Lindsey: Yeah, I think those are the two things. And I also think like the black and white thinking. Like I’m doing it right or I’m doing it wrong.

Allison: Yeah.

Lindsey: And trust me, because this is how my brain works too, so I literally spent like a year and a half being confused on my niche and keep changing, scrapping everything and starting over. And I kept thinking, this is it, right? Until I started to see what was happening. And so I think for you it’s also being aware, I think it’s that I’m going to start on Monday feeling.

I remember I used to feel that very, like it’s almost like an anticipation of like scrapping and starting over. It can feel almost good, but it actually creates that up and down. So I think paying attention to when you’re feeling like I want to scrap everything and we’re going to start over and getting into curiosity about why. Because that immediately is coming from that standpoint of it’s not working and so we just need to start completely from scratch.

Allison: Oh, 100%. And I see that a lot with what I create for my clients. Like I’ve created modules but I’ve never recorded them because I keep thinking, I just want to make sure that they’re right before I spend the time. Instead of like, okay, here’s what I know they need right now and I’m going to create it and get it to them so that it will help them. I really spin in like, I’ve got to get it just right so then I can talk about it in my copy.

Lindsey: Yes, that’s so good. And here’s the beautiful thing about this, and this is truly why I teach what I teach the way I teach it in my mastermind and in my program, is that we lead by example, right? And so these little gaps in you are also, it’s like the people who need your help aren’t being drawn to you because it’s like your brain is doing exactly what theirs is. Of course it’s for your business so it’s a little bit different.

So just closing this gap is going to shift who you’re being and how you show up, and in turn attract these people because they’re going to watch you getting out there and doing it messy, and just like having fun and not “starting over” and getting it right. And that’s going to be what creates so much value for them. Even though it’s related to your business, it’s still like they’re going to feel that from you. And that’s what’s going to pull them into you, right?

They’re going to be like, “Whoa, this is what I need.”

Allison: Totally.

Lindsey: Because think of it like that, if you’re running your business, this is such a fascinating way to look at. If you’re running your business like super strict and like doing all these things right, and what’s not working for them is a diet and changing their diet and being super strict and doing it right. It’s like it’s the same thing that’s happening, you know what I mean?

Instead of them being like, oh, look at how fun and flowy it can be, and that’s the kind of relationship I want with my health. And you’re going to talk about their health from that standpoint as well when you are in that energy.

Allison: Totally. Oh, totally.

Lindsey: So what do you feel like are the next steps? Do you have any last questions? I feel like we really unwound this.

Allison: Yeah. No, I feel like, yeah, I love the thought like everything I’m doing is working. And then how do I problem solve from there? Like I just really think about like, okay, how can I take what I know and just create from there?

Lindsey: Yes, I want you to even try on not problem solving. And I don’t mean it from a place of like don’t get curious. But I think that it won’t feel like problem solving. Like I really want you to think about if we flash forward, like I just have this gut feeling you’re going to use this.

We’re going to flash forward in like two weeks and you’re going to message me and be like, “I scheduled like five consults.” I want you to take yourself to that place, and how you’ll feel in your body and like what you’ll be thinking. And I’m guessing at some variation of like it’s working. I want you to think about how you will show up for the next email you write.

Allison: I mean, I can just tell in my body it feels completely different.

Lindsey: Yeah, are you like, we got to problem solve?

Allison: No. No, I mean, even just like this, I can feel like a smile. I could like picture myself sitting there just like a lot of ease.

Lindsey: Yeah, and you’re like, I want to help more women, more mompreneurs, right? And you’re like, what else can I say to them today to help them? To compel them into action?

It’s such a different, like yeah, you’re being curious and someone could call that problem solving. But it’s really not the same at all. It’s like I want to help more of these people. This is working, what else can I say? Instead of like, this isn’t working, I need to problem solve and figure out what to say to finally get them to click that button.

Allison: Yeah, no. And I mean, just as you were saying that, like it just felt more, I can picture myself just more relaxed. Like more fun, more like playful from a space instead of I feel like a little bit more, right now I feel like I’m a little unsure. Like I hope this works, you know? And when you were just describing writing the email after I had consults, it’s like a totally different energy, totally different feeling.

Lindsey: What if that’s literally all you have to do is tap into that every day? Like get your body and mind into the place of like five consults are already scheduled and just take yourself there. And then be like, okay, what do I want to say from here?

Allison: So good. Yeah. And I mean it’s so funny because that’s the same, the exact same thing with the weight loss, right? It’s like if you’ve already hit your goal, and how are you feeling in that body? What decisions are you –

Lindsey: Yes, that’s what changed my health completely. I was like, oh, I actually want an avocado, instead of like I have to eat egg whites and oatmeal.

Allison: Yeah, it’s like how do you feel in your body and how are you fueling yourself instead of from where you’re at now? I mean, it’s exact, it’s very parallel.

Lindsey: I love it.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.

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