Ep #124: Not Letting Your Brain Bully You

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I recently hired a new life coach, and it’s made me super aware of everything going on between my ears. One thing I’ve noticed coming up more and more is a kind of inner bully. I can see my brain constantly trying to pressure me into doing things, and I know a lot of you listening will experience this as well.

The truth is, if your brain is bullying you, it’s stopping you from creating the life that you really want. So, if you’re ready to stop letting your brain run the show, you’re in the right place because I’m diving into all of it in this episode.

Tune in this week to discover how to stop letting your brain bully you. I’m sharing why this happens, especially if you’re an entrepreneur, some stories from my own life about how ignoring my brain allowed me to get back into desire, and how to override your brain so you can create the life and results you really want instead of defaulting to what your survival brain wants you to do.

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What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • My experience of feeling bullied by my brain.
  • How to see where your brain is bullying you and trying to run the show.
  • Why your brain likes to jump in and try to influence your behavior.
  • How to take your power back and stop letting your brain bully you.

Featured on the Show

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Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.

Hello, and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Guys, how are you? I am doing amazing. I think we are going through a little bit of sleep regression with Eva. I heard about this and I was like, “Maybe we made it past the time,” where she’s like almost 20 weeks, I think. And then she started to get a little fussy to put down to bed and waking up at like 2am screaming.

But here’s what I have to tell you, I don’t sell this, but I’m going to sell you on it because this is literally the best thing that I bought for Eva. The SNOO is the most amazing purchase ever for a baby. It literally responds to their sound and like rocks them back to sleep. So while she’s been a little bit fussier with sleep, it’s taken care of it. So she wakes up, it rocks her back to sleep.

Of course, if she cries for like longer than three minutes, it means she needs something so we handle that then. But it works like a freaking charm. And if I could sell all of the things that I got for Eva and get one thing, it would be that. She sleeps like 12 hours a night and it has been magic. I can also say that I don’t know if it works for every baby, but it really works for our baby. So anyway, today I’m just going to say that I’m super grateful for that bed because I get lots of sleep as a new mom because of it.

All right, so today what I want to talk about is how to not let your brain bully you around. I actually put a post out about this today and I’ve been paying a lot of attention to my brain, which I always do. But I recently hired my own life coach and it’s elevated my awareness of what’s happening between my ears.

And so that means you guys are going to get so many golden nuggets from that work that I’m doing. But it’s just brought a lot of awareness to what I’m calling kind of this inner bully. Like I can see my brain constantly trying to bully me and pressure me into doing things and how to handle that. Because that is essentially what keeps us from creating the life that we really want, is letting our brain run the show.

So really quick, I’ll just tell you guys a quick story. I wake up most mornings and I feel like my brain is bullying me around. And the reason why I want to share that is because sometimes I think people watch people like me, follow up people like me, listen to people like me and they think like my brain is unique and it doesn’t do the same things other people’s brains do, which isn’t true.

My brain most mornings when I wake up in the morning has some sort of anxiety, wants to focus on what I’ve got to get done. It like wakes up in speed demon mode and it’s just like, honestly, sometimes I joke that it’s like a person is sitting on a, what’s it called? Like at a pool, they’re like a lifeguard sitting up on their lifeguard stand with a, what is it, a megaphone.

And it’s like yelling at me. It’s like, “Go, go, go. It’s time to get up, we got to get going, we got to get moving, we got to get coffee, we’re running out of time.” And what’s so funny, right, is if you guys follow me on Instagram, you know I like drink coffee quietly and journal and all of that. But that takes me kind of like pausing and not listening to my brain.

And I have tons of time, and this is how you know that circumstances don’t create results because I have lots of spaciousness and time, more than most people have, and my brain still does this. And it’s like literally yelling at me for all the things we have to get done as fast as humanly possible and things we’re running out of time and all of this BS.

And so actually this morning I was paying attention to it, and so instead of listening to it I decided to go on a walk. And then it got really loud and it was like, “We definitely have to get our workout in and go do all these things.” And I decided not to listen to it again and I went rollerblading. And that was really fun and really connected me to my body and got me back into a place of desire instead of listening to my brain bully me.

And it made me think about brains and how they work and how to override them, essentially, so that you can create the life that you really want and the results that you really want. Because here’s the thing, our brains are wired for a couple of things. They are wired for survival and they are wired for efficiency.

So they are wired to keep us, as humans, alive. Meaning they want to make sure that we are eating enough, we are not in any danger like lions, tigers, and bears, oh my, and we are not potentially going to die from something that we’re doing. And while we no longer live in a society where that is something that’s prevalent, my husband and I have been watching this, I talk like you guys don’t know him.

Chris and I have been watching the show on Netflix where it’s called Alone and they have to survive. And it’s just been interesting to watch how their brains have to think like, I might run out of food, we need to go hunting and gathering, and that really serves them because that’s how they’re going to stay alive.

But I’ve been thinking about how our brains still operate that way, even though we’re not in Alaska in the wild trying to live off the land. They still do the same things and serve the same functions. And so it might not be about like food and water and survival in terms of like having a shelter anymore. It becomes about making sure we’re making enough money, or survival when it comes to feeling good enough and loved, or survival when it comes to getting things done as fast as possible.

Our brain still loves to divert to survival emotions because it believes it’s really served us. And it has, because it’s kept us alive. It’s kept the human race alive generation after generation. And so it still likes to jump in and work that way because its ultimate goal is survival.

The other side of it is its other goal is efficiency. Because back in cave woman in caveman days we wanted to expend as little energy as possible. And the brain actually uses, I think, 20% of our daily energy when it’s being used and thinking and doing things. And so if we’re trying to survive off the land and use as minimal calories as possible because we have to hunt and gather and all of that, then it doesn’t want to burn up a bunch of energy thinking. It wants to be efficient.

And how our brains are efficient is it programmed things into our subconscious mind. Meaning I like to think about it like a computer, it basically puts an application, that’s what we call it on Macs, like an application on your computer so that when you click the button, it goes automatically into the set pattern you’re supposed to like play out.

Let me explain that a little bit better. Basically, what your brain does is if every morning you get up and you make coffee, and you eat breakfast, and then you drive to work, like over and over again. Eventually it wants to do that without having to cognitively think about it. And so you kind of go into unconscious mode, your brain is like, “Oh, this again. We woke up for the day, let’s go on to our subconscious programming, we know exactly what to do. Lindsey doesn’t have to think because she already knows what to do.”

It’s the reason why have you ever driven to work every day and then you are going somewhere else on a Saturday morning and you accidentally start driving the same way to work? That’s what our subconscious programming does, is it programs our brain to just do the same thing so it can be efficient and not have to cognitively think.

Now the reason why this is important is because while this has kept the human race alive, it is not helpful when it comes to creating our best lives, when it comes to creating a life that blows our minds. Because, first, when it comes to survival, if you’re always operating in survival emotions and making decisions to survive, the result you’re going to create is that you will survive, but you will not thrive.

You will not make decisions and do things that create an amazing life because your brain does not want to take risks. It doesn’t want to do uncomfortable things. It doesn’t want to put yourself out there because even though it’s not reality, your brain feels like it could mean death. It could mean that it’s going to get eaten by the tiger, so it would rather not do that.

So if it operates off of survival, then you’re always keeping yourself “alive and safe.” But by making safe decisions and doing safe things, you don’t create the life that you really want, you create more of the life that you have.

Same thing goes for efficiency. If you’re always operating off of subconscious programming, the thoughts and feelings that are just kind of filed away in our bodies and in our brains over and over and over again. You just keep playing out the same reality over and over again.

This is why have you ever created like maybe a different circumstance in your life, gotten a new job, gotten a new significant other, gotten a new something and at first it feels really exciting. But then all of a sudden you wake up a year later and you feel the exact same way you did like two years ago? That’s because our brain is set to do what it normally does and do the efficient thing.

And I think this is really powerful information to have because when you can understand what your brain is doing, then you have the awareness to choose something different. You have the awareness that while your brain is trying to keep you alive or keep you safe, or be efficient, that that’s not actually helpful and you take your power back.

And that’s really what I want to talk about today, is your brain is going to want to bully you into thinking the same things, feeling the same things, doing the same things, staying safe and being efficient every single day. That’s probably why you notice you wake up feeling the same way and thinking similar things most days. And why you move about your day, kind of almost, I think of it like going through the motions.

And that’s because your brain is bullying you into safety, into survival and into efficiency. And my brain does this every single day too. It bullies me, it wants to tell me that we need to get things done faster. It wants to tell me that if I don’t do X, Y, Z, then we’re never going to get to our goal and that means this. It wants to default to one of its standard emotions, which is anxiety. And anxiety back in cave woman days was useful because it kept you alert to make sure that you didn’t get eaten alive, right?

But while your brain is bullying you, you don’t have power. You are just operating from survival and efficiency. And when you’re doing that, you don’t have the power to choose, you don’t have the power to make the decisions you need to make to create the life that you want every single day.

So one of the first things and most important things for changing your life and creating any result you want is to start being aware of what your brain is doing. Start to notice it, start to see your brain as separate, like the thoughts you’re having as separate from you instead of truth and fact.

When you start to do that, then you have a new awareness and that awareness gives you the opportunity to make a choice, do I want to do what my brain is telling me here? Is this going to help me create the life and the results that I want today and every day? Or do I want to choose again?

And when you get to make a different decision, when you get the power of choice back, then you get back in the driver’s seat of your life instead of your brain bullying you around to keep creating the same life and the same result over and over and over again.

So again, the first thing is being aware of that. The second thing is then not listening to it. Like today, had I done what my brain wanted me to do I would have just drank my coffee, did my journaling. It can even take fun things like my morning routine and turn it into this like robotic act. I don’t even know if I’m saying that right, but whatever. It turns into this like robot thing because it just wants to bully me around all day.

And so the second most important thing when it comes to not allowing your brain bully you is to choose something else, is to not listen to what it’s telling you to do. The more you start to do this, the more you are going to be, again, in the driver’s seat of your life, empowered to make decisions that will change your life instead of operating off of survival and autopilot.

So if you want to change your life, if you want to create different results, you have to stop letting your brain bully you around. You have to get back in the driver’s seat. I love the quote, I think Brooke Castillo said it at some point, that your brain is like an untrained child, it will just wreak havoc on your life if you don’t train it. If you don’t teach it how to act. If you don’t give it boundaries. If you don’t consciously choose, it will make choices for you.

And if it makes choices for you, then you are just going to keep repeating the same results. The same feelings, the same thoughts the same actions over and over and over again. So if you want to change your life, don’t let your brain bully you, be aware of what’s happening, and start to choose again. I love you guys. I will talk to you next week. Bye.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.

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