Ep #126: Deciding What Rules to Live By

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Since I came back from maternity leave, I’ve been navigating being a business owner, a coach, a wife, and all the things while being a mother. There have been highs and lows, and it’s created a kind of rebirth in me. I’m no longer available for things that I feel are out of alignment, and this meant things in my life started to change.

We learn rules from society and just the way things normally are. For me, I felt like I was supposed to go back to those rules, even though I didn’t actually want to. But at the end of the day, we are our own rule makers. We decide what our rules are, and if we don’t like the way things are going, we get to choose again as many times as we want. So, if you’re deciding on the rules you want to live your life by, this episode is for you.

Tune in this week to decide on the rules and standards you want to uphold in your life. I’m sharing how doing this work is what helped me take control of my life, and I’m showing you how to see the choices that are available for you in how you want to move through the world.

The Anything but Average Coach Mastermind is now closed for enrollment. If you want to be in the fall class, make sure to mark your calendars for August 31st, 2022.

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • Why it’s 100% up to you to decide on your own rules for your life.
  • What happens when we default to living our lives according to other people’s rules and standards.
  • How to see the rules you’re following that are creating your current reality and whether you want to continue following them.
  • My experience of realizing that it was up to me to decide on my own rules.
  • How to decide on the rules you want to live by, and why you’re always allowed to decide again as many times as you want.

Featured on the Show

  • If you are ready to take this work deeper and make your dream coaching business a reality, join my Anything but Average program.
  • Join me on Instagram and tag me in all your Anything but Average aha! moments!

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.

Hello, and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Guys, how are you? I hope you’re having a beautiful week. I know I am. I actually just got back from Chicago yesterday. The timing of this won’t be accurate because this episode will come out in a week.

But we just got back from Chicago visiting my family. I got to meet my nephew for the first time and my brother-in-law got to meet Eva for the first time. It was just such an amazing weekend spending time with family and being fully present.

And this actually isn’t the point of this episode, but I was thinking on our way there, we drove up on a Wednesday and just spent the entire time with family, not working, just totally present. And I just remembered how badly I wanted that when I first started my coaching business and I was working a full-time job.

One of the biggest motivators for me was I actually missed Christmas with my family one year because my job didn’t have, like I didn’t have enough PTO days. And I felt so angry and just committed to finally doing something about it because I just wasn’t okay with that. And so it was such a full circle moment to just be leaving on a Wednesday to go spend time with my family and be fully present with them.

And I just felt in total awe of that. And I think it’s really valuable because oftentimes we work so hard for a goal or for something really important, we create it, and then our brain likes to focus on what’s next instead of being in awe of what we have created. And so that was just such a shift for me in that moment. And I felt such deep gratitude and awe.

And I can promise you guys that feeling in awe and gratitude of what you have created instead of focusing on what you haven’t sets you up to create so much more. So anyway, that’s not the point of today’s podcast, but just a little thing that I wanted to share.

I’m actually excited because I normally write down an outline and some notes to record an episode. And I literally just came up here from my day and hit record. And so this is kind of going to be off the cuff, but I think it’s super important to share because I’ve realized something that’s happening in my life. And I know, it’s something that happens for a lot of my clients and for a lot of the listeners.

So just to backtrack, since I came back from maternity leave I’ve kind of just been navigating being a mom, being a CEO, being a business owner, being a coach, being a wife, being all of the things. And I just felt a lot of highs, a lot of lows, and it’s been an interesting journey. And in the best way, I think it’s kind of created this rebirth in me where I’m just not available to do things that I feel like are out of alignment for me. And I’ve just been evaluating that a lot.

And so the other day, Chris and I, we were on our way home from Chicago, and we were talking in the car and I just kind of had this blah feeling as we came back. And I had this realization that I have been living my life in a lot of different areas, in being a mom, and being a CEO, and all of these different pieces, following all of these rules that I learned from society, from other people, from just the way things normally are.

And I noticed that my brain was defaulting to these rules. And that’s why I was feeling that blah feeling. Because I felt like I was coming back to doing all these things that I didn’t really want to do and living my life in a way that I didn’t really want.

And it occurred to me that at the end of the day, I’m the rule maker. I’m the one who decides what the rules are, and if I don’t like the way things are going, I get to choose again. I get to decide on new rules. And this is something I’ve had to realize over and over and over again.

Just like when I first started my business and when I first started this personal growth journey, I felt very dissatisfied with where I was. And what I realized was I was living life by other people’s rules and standards. The rules that say like go to college, get a degree, go get a job and work that job for the next 30 years. Like get a house, be comfortable, be safe, save for retirement and all of these standards that I just picked up over my life that I just let run my life.

And I wasn’t questioning them and that’s why I felt like at the beginning of this journey I was checking all these boxes and I still wasn’t feeling the way that I wanted. Because essentially I was playing a game by rules, like the game of Life, by rules that I didn’t really want to play. And so it took a process of figuring out what I really wanted, not what society, family, what the norm was. Getting clear on what I really wanted and then going out and creating that.

And that’s how I started to create and build the life that I really wanted. That’s where I really took my power back and decided I have a choice here. I don’t just have to live my life this way, I get to choose. I get to choose again, I get to do things differently.

And so to bridge this to the current moment, I’ve realized that with this adjustment and with being a little tired, I’m going to blame it on that a little bit. Like having a more tired brain than I normally have, I see that my brain has defaulted back to following rules and standards.

And I will say it’s not just in like post baby. I actually see that I’ve been doing this for a while in an effort to reach bigger goals because my thought was, oh, if I follow these rules, then I’ll get “there.” And there is where I finally get to feel the way that I want, which isn’t actually true.

We get to create the way we feel where we are in this moment right now. So I’m just kind of walking you through the realization that I was having. And the thought that I came back to, and I want to share with you guys, is I am the fucking rule maker. Like at any moment, if I don’t like the way things are going, I get to choose again.

All of the shoulds, all of the supposed-tos, all of the this is how it should be done, this is how life should be, this is how it should look are clues for myself and for you that you are following someone else’s rules. Whether they’re your brain’s rules, or just rules that you picked up from other people.

And they are a sign that you need to question them because no matter where you are, if you just blindly follow your brain and blindly follow rules and what you should be doing or what you’re supposed to be doing, you’re going to end up creating a reality that wasn’t something that you consciously chose.

And that’s what I’m kind of, I think you guys have seen I closed Anything But Average launch a little bit early, there’s been a little bit of figuring out, and I’m kind of coming out of the storm. But it’s from this, it’s from me thinking that I needed to follow these rules of life in order to get to this next level in my life and in my business.

And what got me to this life that I have today was breaking all the rules, was doing all of the things that society, and other people, and my logical brain like didn’t make sense, but I really wanted. The more I followed that the more I created the life that I really wanted.

And so that’s who I want to be in my life and business, is break the rules. I know I’m already doing that, but I want to do that in an entirely new level. That’s how I’m going to create my next level of success, my next level of life as a mom, as a CEO, as a business owner, as a coach, as a wife. And if I don’t consciously choose them, then my brain will choose them for me. And that is where we fall into just living life by default.

So what I really want you guys to take from this episode today is get really curious about what rules you are following, and deciding whether you want to follow those rules. Asking yourself, what rules are creating my current reality? What things am I doing because I’m supposed to or I should be? And are they going to create the life that I want?

And if the answer is no, then you have to get clear on your individual desires, on what you really want, on what rules you want to live your life by. And start making decisions based on that. When you do that, you will start creating a reality that lines up with what you really want. You will start to live life by rules that line up with what you want, and in turn create results that line up with that.

And at every level I see people do this. This is actually something I’m going to be implementing into my mastermind in the next round on a much deeper level because I want to help my clients create their own rules for their life. I want them to decide what the rules are that align with their desires, and their life, and their business, and what they really want, and help them go out and create that.

I don’t want you to play life, play business by my rules. Because my rules are the ones that work for me and the life I want to create. So I just want you to sit with that.

And again, I think it’s really powerful to not just look at that in your business or in your work setting, but also look at that In motherhood if that’s part of your journey, or being a wife if that’s part of your journey, or just your lifestyle in general, or being a coach, or being any type of business owner.

I know a lot of people have messaged me, like some of you guys are in sales, some of you guys do all different kinds of jobs. I think it’s such a powerful thing to take a step back and ask yourself, what rules am I living by? Where am I thinking I don’t have a choice and this is how it has to be? And start questioning them, whether that’s true and start deciding and consciously choosing the rules that you want to live by and play by.

That’s how you create a life that blows your mind. That’s how you create a life that’s in total alignment with you and what you want to create. That’s all I got for you.

Some updates on the mastermind. We are moving around the date a little bit on the open enrollment. Those updates will be on my Instagram, we will also share them on the podcast. I don’t have a clear definite date. I think originally we were going to re-open the mastermind on August 31st. I think we’re going to push that back just a little bit. But I will keep you guys updated.

I love you, I hope you have a beautiful week and I want you to go out and decide the rules you want to play life by. All right, talk to you guys soon, bye.

If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.

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