Ep #8: Unconditional Commitment

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This concept I’m discussing on the podcast today is something that came up in the mastermind group I’m in, and I had to bring it here because it’s going to blow your mind. Whether it be your health, business, finding your purpose, or finding your soulmate, applying this concept is going to absolutely change your life.

Unconditional commitment is something we usually think about in terms of our relationships, but what if you thought about your goals this way? I know that I used to think of my goals as a tug of war. If I wasn’t getting the results I wanted, I got frustrated and pulled back. This kind of power struggle that exists in any relationship isn’t going to lead to what you want, so it’s time to start showing up and loving on your goals no matter what.

Join me on the podcast this week as I show you what unconditionally committing to your goals looks like, and how this is going to create massive results everywhere in your life. Showing up from love, doing your part, not expecting your goals to keep you committed or happy is the key, and I’m offering some questions you can ask yourself to stay in this place of unconditional commitment.

If you are ready to finally commit to the change you want to create in your life, whatever area that may be, you need to join my Anything but Average program. You’ll learn the step-by-step process on how to make real change, and you’ll also get a lifetime of coaching with me and support in a wonderful community. Click here to find out more and I can’t wait to see you there!

What You'll Learn on this Episode

  • What the concept of unconditional commitment means and how, when applied, it can change every area of your life.
  • How to start thinking about your goals.
  • What I’ve discovered about my relationship with my goals.
  • How to create massive results in your life.
  • Questions to ask yourself to help you unconditionally commit to your goals.

Featured on the Show

LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE

Click to Read Episode Transcript

Welcome to the Anything but Average Podcast, where I, life coach and mindset expert Lindsey Mango will teach you how to master your mind, yourself, and take massive action to create a life that blows your mind. Let’s get started.

Welcome back to another episode of Anything but Average. I am so freaking excited to talk to you guys today and before we jump in, I am cracking up because we actually haven’t shared this publicly, but my husband and I are so excited. We are moving back to Kentucky. That is actually where we moved to California from.

We want to be closer to family as we start to think about growing our family. Don’t get crazy. That won’t be for a couple of years, but our long-term vision is to have a home there and a home here in California. So we are moving and getting some things ready to go.

And the reason why I’m laughing is because guys, I finally figured out the setup in my closet. And we are leaving in like, three weeks. Normally I’m like, on the floor, there’s blankets all over so the sound quality can be as amazing as humanly possible. And what happens literally every time I record is, I’m kneeling and talking into the mic because I put the mic on my hamper.

Seriously, you should see the mess that I create in here when I’m recording podcasts. But I’m usually kneeling and my legs go numb, which I know this probably isn’t good for my legs, but they go numb and I literally have to sit for like, five minutes to get the feeling back in them before I stand up.

And finally, I’m like, I’m just not doing this anymore. And so I found the perfect height chair and the perfect height – I have like a jewelry stand and I’m finally sitting comfortably and I was just thinking about how, why did I wait so long to figure this out?

I just kept kind of dealing with it, and here we are, three weeks before we leave and we are moving. Anyway, it just kind of made me think about how in life, we just wait and wait and wait and put something off for so long that we know we need to do. So we’re going to take this as a learning opportunity.

Actually, Chris and my long-term plan, we’re building a brand new house. Our plan for the house is to have a podcasting studio in the basement. So it is best sound quality, I don’t have to hook up things every time I go in there. And who knows? We might even make our own CDs or something. I’m totally kidding.

But you know, if you follow me on Instagram, @lindseymango_, that I like my good night of karaoke and Chris is an amazing guitar player. So we’ll see. Maybe that’s the next venture. I’m just kidding. But anyway, I will stop boring you with my stories about my closet podcasting setup and dig into the goods, which is why you are here.

So today, what I want to talk about is a concept that I have developed and really, I took it from a conversation that I had in the mastermind that I’m a part of. And it’s called Super Thinking. Spent time literally super thinking about this topic for myself, for my clients. It’s something that I talked about inside my signature program, Anything but Average. Not to be confused with this podcast.

And the women, their minds were blown, and so I knew it was something that I had to share some nuggets with you guys because it was so, so epic and so, so powerful for me and for all of them. So what I want to teach you guys today is what I call unconditional commitment.

So you guys have heard me talk about committing no matter what and being all in no matter what. And this is kind of a new level of that. And it’s combining a word, unconditional, that we usually associate with unconditional love and a marriage and unconditional love for our children, and mashing it up with the word commitment, which we usually think, of course, in a marriage, but also when it comes to our goals and our lives.

Whether it be like, health, business, anything, finding your purpose, finding your soulmate, all of it, this is going to apply. And this is going to be something that will be a cornerstone of creating results in your life. And you guys know that’s why I’m here. That’s what I’m all about. That’s what this podcast is here for. That’s what this work – what I’m here to teach you is how to create massive results in your life so that you can literally have it all.

And as I’m kind of getting on a tangent, that’s why the work that I teach is so powerful and so important because you can have it all in every area of your life using these tools. You don’t just create a result in one area when you take these tools in and you apply them. You will create results in all areas of your life.

So anyway, let’s talk about unconditional commitment. So my coach in the mastermind that I’m a part of, we were talking about if your goal and you were in a relationship, what would that relationship look like. And so I really started thinking about that for myself and I realized that there were some gaps in my relationship with my goal.

And so I want you guys to think about that for yourself before we jump in. If you think about one specific goal you have in your life and you were to imagine that you were in a relationship with your goal, like a real relationship, what would that relationship look like?

How would you be experiencing it? What would it look like on both sides of the relationship? Really sit with that for a second. Because here’s what I realized for myself. I am committed no matter what to my long-term goals, but I realized that my short-term commitment to my goals or relationship to my goals wasn’t a healthy one.

It was one where I call it tug of war. It’s like a tug of war game where if my goal isn’t showing up for me, then I pull back. Or if I’m all in, it’s like the goal’s pulling back and we’re constantly going back and forth. And so what I realized was that my “love” or my commitment was conditional in the short-term upon my goal delivering.

If I wasn’t hitting my goal or if I was mid-launch and it wasn’t happening, or if I was mid-exercise routine, 15 days into a 30-day plan, I realized that my commitment was conditional upon like, am I seeing results? Am I getting the results that I want? Do I feel like it’s happening?

And then based on that, using that energy to approach the rest of the execution of the goal. So it’d look a little bit like this. It would look like me launching something, being halfway through and maybe not quite – being under-delivering on my goal, and then getting frustrated and pissed and pulling back and being like, fine.

I still show up but my energy was like, “Fine, this isn’t happening,” and get frustrated and show up in fear and all of that. So what I realized was that my relationship with my goal was conditional upon my goal showing up for me.

And I thought about how that’s actually how I used to treat relationships. And it created this space where it was consistently like this kind of power struggle. One person was all in or the other person was in fear, and it was constantly going back and forth.

And literally, I used to do this in relationships where it was like, every time they wouldn’t show up for me the way I had expected, I would pull away. And over time, eventually, I would run away and leave them because I wasn’t unconditionally showing up and unconditionally committed and unconditionally loving them and myself and the relationship, regardless of what was happening.

And so again, I want you guys to reflect on this for your dream life and what you’re trying to create and the goal that you are going after because one of the biggest revelations I have and I want to share with you is that – and I’ll teach you guys some actual questions you can dig into, but when I think about my relationship with my husband, the reason why we have this marriage now, which I’m still getting used to saying, which is everything I ever dreamed of, it actually was build off of something really early on in our relationship when I was having a lot of fear and I got really vulnerable and I had a deep conversation with Chris.

And I expected that because I was in fear, he was going to react and be mad and run away or leave me and be like, “You’re an asshole,” and so I thought, if I show up in fear, he’s going to show up in fear and it’s going to be over. But what happened was something that blew my mind and I’ll connect it back to your specific goal.

But when I shared this and I said I was afraid and I was having some drama and getting in my own head about it, he showed up from unconditional love. He basically showed up to the conversation and was like, “I love you and I care about you so much that this is really painful and if you are scared and if this isn’t the right fit, I’ll be very devastated, but I love you anyway and I want what’s best for you and I’m all in for you no matter what, even if that means letting you go.”

And it blew my mind, you guys. I was like, wow, wait, you’re not going to run, high tail it for the hills? So what that created was a foundation of our relationship where in our marriage – and yes, we are early on in our marriage, but our marriage is based on unconditional commitment and unconditional love, regardless of what’s happening, regardless if we get in little petty discussions or disagreements.

We’re in it for the long haul, which makes dealing with the struggles easier. And it allows me to show up and love him, even when he’s in a funk and just show up to the relationship all in, no matter what. And it allows him to do the same with me, which creates such a beautiful relationship.

It’s like showing up whole, regardless of what the other person is doing and showing up all in on the relationship, regardless of what the other person is doing. Now, let me connect this back to unconditional commitment.

When you think about your goal, imagine showing up to your goal with unconditional commitment. With the same energy that you want to create maybe in the marriage you currently have or that you want to create in your future marriage where it’s literally like, you show up all in and loving the other person regardless of what’s happening in the moment in their life.

Regardless of if they’re in fear. And imagine what would happen to your goal if you didn’t make it your goal’s job or your husband’s job to make you feel love and to make you happy and to make you feel like you’re good enough and to make you feel secure, instead of making it your job and being the person that holds that up and maintains that no matter what the goal is doing.

That is what will create massive results. Because you’re going to not always hit your goals, right? There are going to be moments where it’s not working the way you expected it. There’s going to be failures, there’s going to be all of that. And I mean, the whole time you need unconditional commitment, but that’s when you really need unconditional commitment.

Not when you’re failing and it’s conditional and you’re like, “Oh, well you’re not showing up for me so I’m done. I’m just going to eat all the Oreos in the cabinet. I’m not seeing any results. I’m just over it.” Or same thing with a business goal or launching your business.

It’s like, “Oh, I posted once on social media, I didn’t get the result that I wanted. I’m not showing up for it anymore.” What would change in your life if you showed up with unconditional commitment to your goal, regardless of the results you’re creating? Mind-blowing.

So what is unconditional commitment? It’s commitment regardless of the outcome. It’s commitment regardless of the results you’re getting. It’s commitment regardless of how you feel in the moment. It’s commitment that you decide on ahead of time, no matter if there’s failures, problems, whatever, no matter is there are successes.

You’re all in, you’re showing up from love, you are doing your part, holding the space because it’s not your goal’s job or your husband’s job or your result’s job to keep you committed and to make you happy. That’s on you.

So I want you guys to reflect on this. I want you to think about if I were to look at the goals that I have in my life, what would my relationship look like? And really think about it like it’s a marriage or a relationship. It’s quite interesting to see.

Are you not even giving your significant other or your goal any attention? Or are you just ignoring it? Or are you chasing it away? It’s just fascinating to look at. And then ask yourself, how do I want to be in a relationship with my goal? And what would it look like for me to unconditionally commit to this goal no matter what?

For me, that looked like – when I worked through this and thought about this, I was like, I want to be the ground for my goal. Meaning in my relationship with my goal, I am the ground. Regardless of whether it’s working or I’m getting the result that I want, I am consistent, I am there, I’m always supporting it no matter what.

I’m all in on it for life. I’m all in on it when it’s throwing a tantrum. I’m all in on it when it’s not working. I’m all in on it when it’s working. That’s unconditional commitment to me. So what does unconditional commitment look like to you and your goal? And what would you have to think in order to have that type of commitment?

So for example, I wrote down some thoughts for you guys that you could have that would create unconditional commitment to your goal. It would be something like, “I’m all in no matter what, no matter if my goal is happening or not in this moment. I’m here even when my goal isn’t showing up for me. I’m all in when my goal isn’t showing up for me. I decide how I feel. I’m the creator of that. I’m in charge of my happiness, I’m in charge of how I feel. It’s not my goal’s job to make me feel a certain way. It’s not my result’s job to make me feel a certain way.”

A lot of us do that in relationships and with our goals. We’re like, “Oh, it’s not working, I feel like shit.” Or, “My husband isn’t doing the dishes. I feel bad.” That’s you. You’re in charge of that always, which go back and listen to the model, the episode on the model and all of my episodes if you’re feeling like, wait, I’m in control of that?

So the biggest thing I want you guys to think about as you’re hearing all of that is how could that be true and what would it take for you to show up from that level of commitment, and how can you unconditionally commit to your goals?

And it doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments where that commitment waivers, where you don’t question it, where you’re like, this isn’t working, what’s happening here? But I want you to also see those as opportunities to re-unconditionally commit to your goal, to look at why it’s coming up and to remind yourself that you already decided ahead of time that you are unconditionally committed and this is just your opportunity to build that muscle and build your commitment to it.

So get out there, go unconditionally commit to your goals the way you want your dream husband, soulmate, woman, whatever, whatever your flavor is, the way you want them to be unconditionally loving and committed to you and the way you want to be unconditionally loving and committed to them, and apply that to your goal.

Guys, this will change everything. If this episode blew your mind, this is literally a sliver of how your mind will be blown when you enroll in Anything but Average. I added in an extra live. Everyone in there already gets – we get one group live every single week to coach together in the group. I added in another live, so you get two lives with me every week.

One of those lives is focused on a specific tool that I am teaching you to help you move your goals forward. New concepts, things you’ve never heard of that you learn in one coaching session with me. And then you apply and then you get live coaching with me where you can ask questions and you can get coaching on what you need help with.

That’s on top of 35+ modules, worksheets, lifetime support and coaching and community support inside of that program. You have got to get inside of that program. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you guys on the inside and I will talk to you next week. Bye.

If you want to take this work even deeper and coach with me in my signature program, go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage. In this program, I will teach you how to take this work and create results so you can have a life that blows your mind in the areas of money, purpose, health, lifestyle, and romance. I can’t wait to see you on the inside.

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