Welcome to the Anything But Average podcast where I will teach you how to create a coaching business one step at a time. I’m Lindsey Mango, a life coach passionate about helping you create the life of your wildest dreams by creating a coaching business. Let’s get started.
Hello and welcome back to another week and another episode of Anything But Average. Guys, how are you? I’ve gotten such amazing feedback from the last two podcast episodes where Chris coached me and where I coached him, I thought it would be fun to do another episode where I am live coaching. But this time I took some volunteers from my Instagram, coached them live, recorded it, and you are going to hear one of those recordings today.
Now, here’s what I’ll say about today’s episode, it’s a little bit longer, but there is so much value packed into it. Lindsay gracefully, a different Lindsay, not me, gracefully volunteered to be coached and she was vulnerable. We went deep, she had many tearful breakthrough moments and the entire hour and a half is jam packed with so much value.
You’re going to get breakthroughs from your own experience, you’re going to get breakthroughs as the coach hearing how I coach her. And there’s honestly so much I could say about it, but you just have to listen to it.
At the beginning of the episode Lindsay talks about where she is in getting started in her coaching business and then we dive right in for what she wants coaching on. So, thank you so much, Lindsay, for volunteering and being willing to do this. Let’s dive in.
Lindsey Mango: Awesome, okay, so if you want to go ahead and just kind of tell me, tell everybody where you’re at in your coaching business and then what you want coaching on today.
Lindsay: Okay, thank you. I guess I would consider myself still in a very newborn stage of coaching. I have been dabbling in it for almost five years.
Lindsey Mango: Okay.
Lindsay: Long story short, I have two clients right now and that’s the most I’ve ever had at one time. And what I would like help with today or coached on today is how do I explain, as a life coach, what I do and how I can help the people that I am meant to help or that represent my coaching?
Lindsey Mango: Perfect. I have a couple of questions just generally. The dabbling in coaching for five years, I’m just a little curious about that. I don’t know if it will connect at all to where we’re going. But what did the dabbling mean, I guess?
Lindsay: So five years ago I left a corporate job in pharmaceuticals. The day I left they offered me an $89,000 salary and I told them no, I’m going to quit and become a health and wellness coach.
Lindsey Mango: Love it.
Lindsay: And I got certified on health and wellness coaching within a year and I waitressed as I was “building up” my health and wellness coaching business. And in the meantime a gym manager position opened up at my gym and I took that opportunity to work there with hopes to build my business.
I did not build a one on one business, I had a baby, got married. Then I pursued life coaching because I knew I still wanted to do that one on one coaching. And then I trained in that in 2020 and then I got pregnant again and then had another baby. And then when she turned about eight months old this year I said I’m going all in.
So I have somewhat gone all in, I still don’t feel like I’m all in because I am confused with what I want coaching on. And now I’m pregnant again and so I still want to do this as much as I can. I believe I can, I’m still a stay at home mom, but I totally believe I can do this if I can work through all this mind drama and figure out what’s going to work best for me and my clients at this stage of my life.
Lindsey Mango: Okay, perfect. This is very helpful because we’ll coach on what you want to talk about, but I might coach you on a couple of other things if you’re open to it, some stuff that I’m seeing.
Lindsay: Okay.
Lindsey Mango: So my first question is actually about the being somewhat all in, like tell me more about that.
Lindsay: I feel like I know I’m not all the way in because I’m not 1,000% comfortable talking to people about life coaching, especially those close to me. I’m a recovering people pleaser, which we can talk about that another time. And then I also know I’m not all the way in because I’m having this confusion of like who my client is or how I can explain how I can help people.
And I basically am working off of inspiration right now versus consistency, discipline, or whatever. You know, it’s more like when something comes to me, that’s when I post it or things like that.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. Is that how you got your two clients?
Lindsay: Well, the two clients, the first one I got was when I was like, “Okay, I’m going all in.” I was consistently posting, I was talking about how I left my corporate job or this and she wants to leave her job for her truest passion, so that like resonated with her and drew her to me. And then I went to, what would you call it? It wasn’t like a networking event but it was a place where I could set up a booth.
Lindsey Mango: Oh, cool. I forget the name of it, but go ahead.
Lindsay: Yeah, like an expo or something.
Lindsey Mango: Yes, that’s it.
Lindsay: And so I set up a booth there and a woman working at another booth actually came over right away and knew she wanted a life coach. Like she didn’t even ask me what I did, but she was like, “I want a life coach.”
Lindsey Mango: So your brain was like, “Phew, I don’t even know how to explain this yet.”
Lindsay: Yeah, like okay, I can help you. And her thing is she’s ready to retire. And so many of the clients I’ve had over time, like the ones that I’ve coached for free during training and have coached here and there, a lot of women come to me that want to make big career choices. Whether it’s within their career, they want to leave a career, they want to retire. It’s like those are the most like magical, I want to say, coaching sessions I’ve had or the ones that resonate with me as a coach.
Lindsey Mango: Like where they get the most value and you love coaching them.
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: Okay, perfect. Okay, awesome. So here’s the first thing I’m seeing and hearing, you’re saying I know I’m not all in yet. And it seems like the answer to being all in is to get past this discomfort of what people are going to think, like your close family, and get past this confusion around who you help. Does that feel kind of like how your brain is working right now?
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. And what I want to show you is, well, let’s dig a little bit deeper into that. When you think, “Okay, I’m not all in. I’ve got to figure this out, I’ve got to get past this confusion and past this discomfort,” what do you spend your time doing?
Lindsay: Oh my gosh, all I do is like think about it and stress and get frustrated that I’m not doing anything. And then I will go listen to other coaches. And basically like analysis paralysis is how I would define it.
Lindsey Mango: Yes, okay. And what’s the result you get over time?
Lindsay: I’m getting the same result as I’ve always gotten. Like I get a little bit, you know?
Lindsey Mango: You like dip your toe in and then you’re like, “Ah, I don’t know, I’m not all in yet, I’ve got to figure these things out to be all in.”
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: And so here’s what I want to offer, the all in has to come first. Like the decision to be all in has to come first because in order to get through the discomfort, in order to find the clarity and make decisions around the clarity, you have to be willing to get messy and uncomfortable, and fail, and do it wrong, and do it right, and do it all these different ways. And that’s how you’re going to get the outcome.
Lindsay: Okay.
Lindsey Mango: That’s how you’re going to get past, think about it like this. It would be like if somebody was saying, I’m going to use like a gym example. If they were saying, I’m not all in yet on losing weight. I first have to be really clear about what I have to do and I’m really uncomfortable with coming to the gym. So I’ve got to figure those things out first before I’m all in.
Lindsay: That completely resonates because a lot of prospective clients that walked into the gym I worked at would say I need to get fit first. And in my head, no.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, you’re like, “Wait a minute, no.” Yes, so that’s what you’re doing, right? You’re making the decision of being all in contingent upon being past the discomfort and having the clarity, which just keeps you stuck in this loop.
You’re never going to find the clarity because part of the clarity is going to come from taking that massive action and getting into more conversations and explaining coaching to people in 100 different ways, and then figuring out what resonates. And then what’s going to get you through the discomfort is that commitment.
Another example would be like, I mean, I’m a new mom, right? And you’re on your third round so it’s probably like old news to you, but it would kind of be like, okay, I’ve got to get past the discomfort of being a mom before I become a mom.
Lindsay: Yeah, that doesn’t make sense.
Lindsey Mango: It doesn’t work, right?
Lindsay: No.
Lindsey Mango: The part is you get pregnant and you’re like, “Okay, we’re all in on this.” And then I’m sure with having more kids it’s like that too, your like, “I’ve never had three kids before. But because I’m committed and because I’m all in, I know that whatever gets thrown my way I’m going to figure it out because I’m committed to this.”
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: No matter how uncomfortable it is, like I just can’t even imagine right now. Just with one I’m like, “What?” You’re like when one needs lunch, and one’s crying, and this is happening, it’s like… But there’s no other option in your mind, right? So you’re like no matter how uncomfortable this is, no matter how confused I am about how to do something new for the third kid, because I have the commitment I know I’m going to work through it.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: So then my question is what’s keeping you from making that level of commitment here or making that decision?
Lindsay: I think in my head, like the first thing that came to me was talking to family members about it. Like I feel like I’m going to have this judgment of when they ask me about it that I can’t even explain it. And honestly, this hasn’t even happened. My dad asked me about it one time and he’s like, you know, basically you help people get their stuff together.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, that’s a great way to explain it.
Lindsay: I don’t know why I have that thought, maybe I feel like I’m just a person who presents herself as like having it all together.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. Okay. And what happens if you decided to go all in on this and you see yourself, your identity is I’m a person who has it all together, where is this clashing?
Lindsay: That like things are going to be continually changing. And I have this thought that things are going to go from like this direction to this direction to this direction. It’s like what direction is Lindsay going, you know?
Lindsey Mango: Mm-hmm, what would that mean about you?
Lindsay: That I don’t have it all together.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, and if you don’t, what does that mean?
Lindsay: That I’m not as good as people think I am.
Lindsey Mango: How does that feel, that emotion coming up?
Lindsay: It feels frustrating because I feel like I’ve done a lot of work over the last six years of being vulnerable and breaking my people pleasing habits. And it feels like part of me is like looking at me thinking like, it’s okay to not have it all together, nobody does. And it’s so important to be vulnerable and be real. And then that other part of me is like, but that’s not how you’ve done things, you know?
Lindsey Mango: And I do sense a little bit of like, this again? We’ve been working on this for six years.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: But what if this is just your thing? I want you to think about where did you build this, like I have to have it all together? If you were to think about where this might have come from, and we don’t need to dig up the past. But if you were to think about the version of you who thought she had to have it all together, how can you have compassion for that version of you that’s showing up again? What did she think having it all together would mean for her?
Lindsay: Like that’s what makes a successful woman.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, and does that keep you safe? Does that make you feel safe and certain? Like what does that create for you? If you feel like a successful woman, what does that mean?
Lindsay: That I’m doing things right.
Lindsey Mango: Mm-hmm, if you’re doing things right, what does that mean?
Lindsay: I don’t know, maybe like the people in my life won’t criticize or something. Like I have this thought that, I don’t know.
Lindsey Mango: Keep going, that people in your life will think what? Whether this is true or not, right? Like that’s probably not the case, but in your head it is, right?
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Lindsey Mango: So like what will they think?
Lindsay: I can’t explain it, I guess just this like if the people in my life think I’m a successful person, I don’t know if it’s that I feel like they just won’t be able to say anything bad about me or they’ll just say like, Lindsay is successful and that’s great. I don’t know, I feel like, oh, maybe like I’m not, it reminds me of your podcast name like maybe I’m just trying to be average and not like be too big.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. And if Lindsay is average, what does that mean?
Lindsay: That kind of like hides me. Like I feel kind of, I guess it’s like a safety thing. It’s like, okay, if I play this average game then there’s not going to be much to say and worry about.
Lindsey Mango: I get to be safe and maybe comfortable?
Lindsay: I think for me it’s really uncomfortable. I know it’s very uncomfortable where I am. But maybe I’ve done this always, like trying to make other people comfortable.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. And what happens if they’re not comfortable with you and what you’re doing?
Lindsay: Then part of me is uncomfortable.
Lindsey Mango: Okay, can you be okay with that? What part of you is uncomfortable?
Lindsay: How they perceive me.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. So it makes you uncomfortable that they perceive you in this way. And what happens when you make your decisions and live your life that way?
Lindsay: I just stay uncomfortable.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, it’s like a different discomfort. And what’s that discomfort?
Lindsay: It’s really painful.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. Yeah, what’s happening is like you’re sacrificing your own pain and discomfort for their comfort for you are, instead of the other discomfort of them being uncomfortable and you being who you really are and like being authentic in that. And the question is, which would you choose?
Lindsay: I want to choose myself. And like for my kids, you know?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, what does that mean for them when you choose yourself?
Lindsay: That I’m an example for them to always choose themselves.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. How does that feel?
Lindsay: A little bit frustrating. I know, like I see it, you know? It’s like one of those things that’s like I know this is what I want to do. I know that’s who I want to be. So why am I not being that?
Lindsey Mango: I think first there’s just an opportunity to have compassion. Like I want you to think about one of your kids who really wants to do something unique and different that isn’t “normal,” right? And if you saw them and they kind of hid themselves away and were like, “I don’t know, but all the kids on the playground are going to think this thing about me.” How would you have compassion for them?
Lindsay: I guess I would say I get the feeling of wanting to feel like you belong and you fit in. And then I guess I would just ask them like, what do you love about whatever you’re doing? And that’s all that matters.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. So I think the first part for you is like you’re getting frustrated with yourself. You’re like, I see what I want. I know I want it and I know I’m afraid of what people think and that leaves me frustrated. Instead of having compassion, like thinking, of course Lindsay wants to feel accepted. It’s literally part of our survival, right?
Because back in cave woman days it was pretty hard to survive alone, we had to go in groups of people. And so our fear brain is literally like, okay, if we go outside of the norm and we get like exiled out of our “group of people,” we will die.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: So don’t make any noise, don’t ruffle any feathers, don’t go against the grain because out there you’re getting eaten by tigers. And there’s just so much compassion for that, right? It’s like of course you want to be loved and accepted. And when you’re not being who you truly are, are you really being loved and accepted?
Lindsay: No.
Lindsey Mango: You’re just being loved and accepted for the version of you that you’re letting them love and accept. So in the back of your mind you’re like, you love and accept me, at least I feel safe here. But it’s not actually who I am and who I want to be.
Lindsay: Yeah, I think when you asked that question, like if you’re not showing up authentically, are you loved and accepted? I said no because it starts with ourselves first. If we’re not loving and accepting our authentic self, who else could? We don’t give other people the opportunity to.
Lindsey Mango: Yes, and it’s really scary. I don’t know if you listened to the episode about emotional risk, but really putting your true self out there and having the potential of someone not loving and accepting it feels like a really big emotional risk.
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: It feels really scary because it’s like at least if you don’t love and accept the version that’s not really me, then like that doesn’t feel as bad or at least if you accept the version, like that feels okay, too. But I think if you can go back to the idea of like, but really I’m just rejecting myself. So it’s like, I’m already creating the experience that I’m afraid of having.
Lindsay: Yes, I’m already creating the experience I’m afraid of happening.
Lindsey Mango: And how does it feel to see that?
Lindsay: That’s like the aha moment. Like I’m creating what I’m afraid of and maybe that’s also like a safeguard. Like if I create this, no one else can, you know?
Lindsey Mango: No one else gets to reject me because I get to reject myself first.
Lindsay: It’s like let me do this so no one else can hurt me and do that.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. So now how do you feel about it?
Lindsay: I feel like I see it more clearly because what you just said about I’m creating what I fear, that’s really big. And then also what you said in the very beginning, like it’s all in first. I can be all in and not know a whole bunch of things.
Lindsey Mango: Yes, I promise. Trust me, I’m still figuring it out. Yeah, just like with being a mom, right? I’m like, I’m all in but we’re definitely going to forget some diapers and some backup clothes sometimes, but we’re here for it.
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: So do you feel like you’ve made a decision? Or what would it take for you to make a decision?
Lindsay: I think having that thought that, I guess when I think about like talking to family members, having the thought that it doesn’t have to be perfectly written or perfectly said about what I do or how things are going. I guess, just like being honest about the experience I’m having and being open about how much I really love it.
That’s also where I play small, is like how much I feel one with the universe in coaching, whether I’m being coached or coaching.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, me too. It gives me such like warm, fuzzy feelings. It’s so uncomfortable but it’s like so amazing, right? It’s so funny how it can be both things at the same time.
Lindsay: Yeah, I think just being honest about the experience is what would make me decide that I’m all in. And knowing that I don’t have to have anything figured out takes a load off.
Lindsey Mango: Here’s what’s fun, you already have two clients and you didn’t have it figured out. So I promise you you can fill your entire client roster not really having it all figured out, but just having this one thing.
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: And what would you be doing if you were all in, right? Because here’s the reality, your brain is going to want to like run back in this, like I almost think about it as like the closet. It’s like we’re going to run back in the closet. Like it’s going to get uncomfortable, we’re going to poke our heads out, we’re going to try something, right? You’re pregnant, another baby is going to come, it’s going to be easier to go back in there.
Lindsay: If you say so.
Lindsey Mango: I mean, do you think it will be? I can’t speak for you.
Lindsay: Yeah. Yeah, I hope so.
Lindsey Mango: Oh, do you mean to like stay out and to be all in? Is that what you’re saying? I just want to make sure I’m clear.
Lindsay: Were you meaning like it’s going to be easier to jump back into coaching after the baby’s born or?
Lindsey Mango: No, I’m saying that the closet is like your safe place where like, right now you’re feeling like, yes! But life is going to happen, you’re going to have to tell somebody about what you do, you’re going to have to fumble over your words talking about coaching. And your brain is and be like, oh no, let’s run back in or let’s wait until the baby comes or till after this thing and it’s going to step out of this.
Do you know what I’m saying? It’s going to want to run back in the closet and be like, we’ll just wait to figure all this out.
Lindsay: Yes, absolutely because I’ve done that so many times.
Lindsey Mango: And my question is what would you do to guarantee you’re going to be all in, to make sure that when that happens you don’t let it pull you back into the closet and keep you from your dream?
Lindsay: I don’t remember if I heard you say it, but it was like I’m committed to this for a lifetime. Like just like I am my husband, just like I am my children. And there’s nothing I’d rather be doing career wise. I’ve already established that.
There’s nothing better for me and for the people I want to help than this. And there’s no timeline of like, okay, you’re going to do something different if you don’t make this amount of money. I’m committed to this for a lifetime. That’s one thought, I guess.
Lindsey Mango: How does that feel?
Lindsay: It feels good, but there’s that little part of me that’s like, well, that’s what you’ve been saying and you keep going in the closet, you know/ There’s still that little like demon on my shoulder.
Lindsey Mango: Let me ask you this, and I could be totally off. But I feel like you said, did you tell me you were going to enroll in ABA?
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. So what’s kept you from doing that?
Lindsay: I would spend all of our, like I would spend the money immediately. It’s getting my husband on board, which has truly not been, he is not on board with it right now.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. How is this potentially showing you the same thing again? Like what if he’s not on board? Because here’s my thought, right? It’s like getting in the program is what’s going to help you have the support you need when you run back in the closet.
Lindsay: I 1,000% agree.
Lindsey Mango: Okay, so if getting in the program is what you need to guarantee that I’m not going to back out on my dream, I’m going to give myself the support that I need. Then what would keep, like okay, your husband doesn’t agree.
Lindsay: Yes, he has these thoughts of he wants to be in a different financial place. He has these like financial milestones. And so I’ve been pondering like, okay, I’ve been using my coaching payments to just put in our normal bank account and use for our bills and whatever.
So I’ve had this thought like maybe I just start pulling the money I’m making from coaching into a separate account. And then once I have that, that’s when I can enroll.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. And what’s kept you from doing that?
Lindsay: I think the thought of not having enough money for all the bills. Like if I didn’t put my coaching money in there, then we wouldn’t have enough money. But I don’t know.
Lindsey Mango: Is that actually true?
Lindsay: No, because my clients could quit today and we’d be out of that money and we’d still be paying the same bills, you know?
Lindsey Mango: Mm-hmm. So here’s what I want to offer, I think this is shining light on something more than just that. Because you’re like, right, your brain is like, “We need the money.”
Lindsay: Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: But you don’t actually. So then why wouldn’t you take that and enroll? Because that’s going to be the thing that’s going to help you close this gap and create the coaching business you want.
Lindsay: Are you saying why don’t I take the money I’m making from coaching right now?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, but let’s just use it as an example, right? Like you were like, “We need it.” But you’re like, “We don’t actually need it.” So it’s kind of interesting how your brain was convincing you that you needed it, but you’re like, “No, I actually could take what I make from coaching and enroll or figure out how to enroll from there.” But you haven’t. Why?
Lindsay: This thought just came to me like this week, that I’m like, okay, I wanted to enroll in it this round. I didn’t get to. I really want Lindsey to be my coach. And part of me is not like, I need this to continue my coaching business. But I’m like, I know if I have a coach that I want, I’m going to thrive even more, you know?
And so it’s just come to me probably like this week, like okay, when I get paid, I get paid from a client today. It’s like when I get paid from her, I’m taking that money out of the account right away and putting it aside.
Lindsey Mango: Okay, and how does that feel?
Lindsay: It makes me feel excited, like how can I get money faster?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, because you know it’s still open, right?
Lindsay: Yes, I know I have like a week.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. What if you were committed to getting into this round no matter what? What would that look like?
Lindsay: Well, I’d have to find clients while I’m on vacation.
Lindsey Mango: Okay.
Lindsay: Which is doable.
Lindsey Mango: Okay, there’s that. Let’s look at that as one option.
Lindsay: I mean I can have another conversation with my husband and see how much he’s on board with it.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, what happens if he’s not though, right? Because this is going to happen for your clients. And I’m not at all in the business of promoting to just secretly invest in things or anything like that. But typically, our significant others or the opinions of others are really just a reflection of our own fear.
Because my question for you, Lindsay, is if you believed, like you enrolled in this program and you signed, you know, you had the support, figured out all these little details, because there is processes for that as well. And you hit the ground running and you made your $2,000 back in the first 30 days, or even more than that, would you wait another four months to enroll?
Lindsay: I don’t want to.
Lindsey Mango: But would you? If you knew, if you were guaranteed to get in there and in the next six months create the coaching business that you really wanted, why would you wait?
Lindsay: Why would I wait? I don’t know if I feel like, like I feel okay with waiting for some reason. And I don’t know if that’s because I feel like I have to earn the money first to be able to enroll.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. Why?
Lindsay: Maybe because I have this thought of like I’ve already invested money into another coaching certification that my husband helped pay for. Even though this is much different, maybe I have that thought of like he doesn’t want to because he’s already seen me invest money in another coaching certification and I am where I am.
Lindsey Mango: What does that mean? You are where you are. So it’s like we already invested money and I am where I am, meaning what?
Lindsay: Meaning like maybe he thinks if we invest more money I’m still going to be where I am.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. Is that actually your thought?
Lindsay: It could be.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, some part of you is afraid that’s true. Because if you really just knew, like I’m making money, I’m signing clients, it’s a done deal and this is where I’m going to go to do it, how would that feel differently?
Lindsay: I don’t feel like I’d have to convince him.
Lindsey Mango: Yes. Because really what you’re doing is you’re kind of convincing yourself. And that’s why I’m saying, like our significant other, like external circumstances usually reflect our own thoughts. But we’re like, “Well, they’re not on board.” But really, it’s like you’re not on board fully.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Lindsey Mango: And that’s the only reason that you’ve continued to wait.
Lindsay: Dang it, Lindsay.
Lindsey Mango: Your husband might not like me, no I’m kidding. Obviously the decision is yours, but I think it’s you’re thinking that so then you show up to the conversation in the uncertainty. And then you have this thought in the back of your mind and then he just proves that true.
Lindsay: I agree.
Lindsey Mango: So what’s keeping you from believing this is it?
Lindsay: I think it’s that like going in the closet thing. There’s always something that comes up. Like I felt so sick first trimester so I was like, I cannot help people right now. And maybe that was the best thing to do.
Lindsey Mango: Totally.
Lindsay: But what happens when I have three kids? Am I going to go in the closet again or?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, do you see what’s happening? It’s like you’re not putting yourself in the program that’s going to help you from going back in the closet over and over, right? And part of it too is like, of course you haven’t taken this step because you haven’t committed, right?
Because if you were 1,000% committed, let’s just take this to an extreme example. If your husband lost his job or whatever happened and your kids needed to be fed, is there any part of you that would not find a way to make that happen, that you go out and get money somehow to make sure that they get what they need?
Lindsay: No, it would happen.
Lindsey Mango: It doesn’t even matter if somebody else was like, that’s not a very good idea, or you can’t do it that way, or I’m not sure about that.
Lindsay: Yeah, that wouldn’t matter.
Lindsey Mango: You’re like, to hell with that, I am literally finding a way no matter what.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: And do you see how this is your dream so it feels, I’m guessing, a little bit different. Like that’s like these are my kids, but do you see how claiming that for yourself and deciding your dream is that important and your desire is that important is that gap of like, I’m willing to go to bat for this, I’m willing to be all in on this no matter what. I’m willing to get uncomfortable and let other people have opinions about it because I’m that all in.
And that’s essentially what’s kept you from getting the clarity that you originally came for, looking for getting in the program and all of that. And that’s part of what we, again, work on in the program. What are your thoughts?
Lindsay: I think all of the barriers are showing up of like when I do have more clients on my roster, you know, I have what feels like limited time.
Lindsey Mango: We could argue that’s a thought or a C.
Lindsay: Yeah, like is it? Do I have limited time?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, but I mean you can even go to the place where you do and like figuring out how to make that work. But again, it all comes back to that like, even if you had limited time, again, and you needed to find a way to get food to feed your kids, it just doesn’t matter. It’s that important.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: And what would make this feel that important to you?
Lindsay: It’s like what if this is the thing that keeps me from going in the closet again?
Lindsey Mango: Yes, that’s the challenge, this just in general is the commitment to invest and to make this decision always brings up the exact things that are keeping you from the result, right? And the same thing will be true for your clients.
So it’s like for them to prioritize their, you know, whatever it is, like themselves, right? I’m guessing one of their biggest drama or thing that’s gonna stop them in their life is that they think it’s selfish to prioritize themselves.
And by investing money and hiring a coach, they have to go through the discomfort of saying like, I’m important enough to prioritize this, even if people in my life think I’m crazy or don’t agree with it. This is me claiming that and saying, and I’m doing this so that I continue to do that.
Lindsay: Yes, I agree.
Lindsey Mango: And that’s what makes this so challenging, because it’s like the decision to get in the room is going to bring up all your stuff. It’s going to bring up all of what people think, right? That they might not be on board with it, that you want to try to keep yourself small so other people can be comfortable with that. That you’ve got to figure these things out before you’re all in, the commitment piece of it.
Lindsay: I have this thought of like what’s another question that could make me understand the importance of joining ABA? And it was like what if I don’t join? Then what happens?
Lindsey Mango: What’s your answer?
Lindsay: I stay where I am.
Lindsey Mango: And what does that mean?
Lindsay: It’s tricky because I’m a coach. So one part is like, well, you don’t need Lindsey to have a business. And so part of me is like, you don’t need that, you can do this.
But then the other part of me is like, I want a coach in my life who’s going to help me expose all of these things. Who’s going to help me grow my business. Who’s going to all of the things that you’re going to do, I have no idea. But I know what it’s like to have a coach in my life previously. And I know how important that is to have in my life, especially as a coach.
Lindsey Mango: So you don’t need it, you want it. Go ahead, what were you going to say?
Lindsay: Yeah. And so I guess it’s just kind of like my ego is kind of ranking a little higher right now than what I truly want. Like my ego is like, nope, you don’t need it. You don’t need to spend the money. You need to figure it out yourself, that kind of thing. Or probably preventing me from getting uncomfortable.
Lindsey Mango: And what happens, oh go ahead. Sorry.
Lindsay: Go ahead, no.
Lindsey Mango: I was going to say, and what happens when your clients think that way? You said that some of them go through big transitions, they want to take that leap, right? What happens when they think like, I want this, I don’t need it, but I want this. And then they approach it the same way you’re approaching this?
Lindsay: Like they’re light kind of dims and they go back into like, well, this is what my life is right now. And everything that’s happening in my life takes priority over the thing that I really want.
Lindsey Mango: Mm-hmm. Are you seeing some similarities?
Lindsay: Yes.
Lindsey Mango: And so it’s like this is part of what’s so powerful, is getting past this is what is going to help you coach them through this, right? If you’re on a consult and they’re like, “I don’t need to, but I really want it.” You’re like, “Yeah.” In the back of your mind you’re like, yeah, probably shouldn’t do it because I agree. I agree with you on that one.
So it’s like you taking a stand for what you want and believing that that’s a good enough reason, is taking a stand for all of them. And I think what else is so profound about this is so often, and I know people are going to listen to this, and like in my own brain we all believe it’s like the circumstance.
We’re like, if we can just wait. If we can wait a little longer. If I can save the money. If I can do this, then I’ll make the decision. But here’s the reality, right? You take the brain with you, so it’s like your growth is going to still be there. It’s like this gap doesn’t close on the growth just because time has passed. It’s still going to be uncomfortable to do what you want when you don’t need to do it.
It’s going to be uncomfortable to take money that, even if it is in your business, could go towards the financial goals. It’s going to be uncomfortable to decide to do something when you’ve already invested some money, and should you really do it again? What if you end up in the same spot again?
All of that thinking is still going to be there, no matter how much time passes. The only way to change it is to change it, to make a decision that’s going to help you to change that, right? The decision really is a reflection of what I want is important, I am going to get this result no matter what. I’m committed, I’m going all in. I’m willing to prioritize me and what I want and let myself be big and bold, and be who I’m meant to be. And this decision is just a reflection of all that.
And it’s like in my soul I can feel like the, I’m like why? Why does life have such a nasty way of learning this? But it’s like the only way through that is through. The only way is through the decision. And again, it’s not about like you have to be in the program to do that. But you know the decision would be, if you did all of those things, to be in the program. To prioritize it now.
Lindsay: It really hit home when you said like taking a stand for me is taking a stand for all of them. That like brought me to tears because that’s why we’re in this, right? We just want to help the people that have been where we’ve been, you know?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, I’m like tearing up too. It’s like for me that’s why doing the next uncomfortable thing, it’s just like not an option even though it sometimes makes you want to like curl up in a ball in the corner and be like why?
Like sometimes in my brain I’m like, “Why me? Why do I have to do this?” But it’s like I just can’t not because literally, like I think about this in this moment. I’m like, if I’m not willing to do this, then I can’t hold space for you to do this. And if that happens then think about all the people who aren’t helped.
It’s just like as much as it’s uncomfortable, it just isn’t an option. And then I think about Eva too, right? And my daughter I’m like it just isn’t an option. Even though I’d prefer not to sometimes.
Lindsay: I get it though, why me?
Lindsey Mango: Right? You’re like why? Why? And then also when I think about that I’m like, my husband and I were talking about that the other day, I’m like why do I always have to be the one who’s just like, I mean, and he’s like that too. And I’m always like just pushing it and like I’ve got to do the crazy thing and take the risk.
And I’m like oh can I just not be this person? But then my thought is like literally this is what I was made for. My destiny was like imprinted on me like my fingerprint. I was meant to be this person, with this passion, with this drive, with this mentality and I just can’t deny myself of that.
Lindsay: Why would we? Because we don’t want a single person on this planet to deny theirs. So it’s like why would I say it’s okay for me too?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, exactly. What’s happening?
Lindsay: I was just thinking, like the why me, I’ve said that to my husband. Like why couldn’t I just be content?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, like why can’t I just chill out and just sit by a pool and go by my day to day and live a regular life?
Lindsay: I brought it up yesterday. I’m like, you know, I don’t remember my job being that bad. Because I was telling him your story, how you coached while you were still working and made your salary. And I was like, why didn’t I do that? And he’s like, “Lindsay, you were suffering.” And I was like, “I don’t remember suffering.” And he just said, like I worked from home and he said he’d come home and I’d just have glazed over eyes and I couldn’t really converse with him because I hadn’t talked to anybody all day.
And I know, this is what I was made for. And it’s painful, like when I hold myself back from it. And it’s really uncomfortable. But I know the pain of staying somewhere I knew I didn’t want to be would be much more painful and a life not well lived.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, so good. So now what?
Lindsay: I want to say like I’ll enroll today, you know? I see it, like I see it. The things that I want to work through to help my clients and the things I want to work through to be able to make the biggest impact and not deny myself and my destiny. But there’s still like that something, like still something saying like you can wait.
Lindsey Mango: Why?
Lindsay: I don’t know if it’s like we’ve waited this long, what’s a little bit longer?
Lindsey Mango: I think the question you really have to ask is like, here’s the thing, of course you can wait. And honestly, everyone listening, I think it’s important, like of course you can wait. But what is the waiting for? And why? Is it waiting because the discomfort is there and you’re thinking waiting will remove that discomfort? Is it waiting because your wants can wait? Or is it like genuine desire, like I want to wait? That’s really what matters.
So when your brain says it can wait, why does it say that?
Lindsay: It’s not a genuine desire. But it’s also like saying you’re going to be okay if you wait.
Lindsey Mango: I think that’s a great thought to have. Of course you’re going to be okay if you wait.
Lindsay: Oh, what if it’s like on the flip side, like I have a thought like what if it’s going to be okay if you join right now?
Lindsey Mango: Okay, tell me more about that.
Lindsay: Because I think my husband and I both have some financial fears or scarcity thoughts, you know? And so what if the thought is like, if I join now we’re going to be okay?
Lindsey Mango: And how could that be true? Let’s have fun for a second thinking about that.
Lindsay: I think because it’s like I would be homeless with my husband, I’ve always said that. If we had to be homeless, we would thrive. And so not that we’re at that level at all. But I’ve had that thought of like if things got that awful, we would be fine. And we’re not at that place at all. And if I do enroll now, yes, we’ll be out some money right now. And we’ll be okay. And we’ll have more this year and next year.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, my thought is like you’re going to sign some freaking clients and lots of them. Why would you want to wait on that? And yes, of course, you can do it on your own. But again, if you keep listening to this gap, or like the fear brain, it’s like you keep staying in the same cycle. How does that feel to think about the possibility of it?
Lindsay: My brain has a hard time going to big possibilities, which is obviously something I would work on in ABA. The thought of like we’re going to be okay resonates with me. And it’s like, yes, of course, it’ll be okay if I enroll now. We’ve always been okay. But the thought of like, oh my gosh, I’m going to sign so many clients, I’m going to have so many breakthroughs, I’m going to be able to help so many more people, my brain doesn’t want to go there.
Lindsey Mango: Why?
Lindsay: Because I’ve never done that before. I’ve had breakthroughs before, I have learned so much, I have had amazing coaching. And I know I’m going to get all of that. And what I’ve gotten from my coaching thus far is how I’ve helped people. And so I know that’s all possible. And so my brain is playing it safe, like yes, you’ll get all those things. But will you really get more clients? Will you really make more money? Will you really keep going all the way in?
Lindsey Mango: And what happens when you have those thoughts?
Lindsay: I want a coach?
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, because you can see what happens when like your brain goes there and then you take action in your business and you’re like, well, what if I don’t find more clients? And what if it doesn’t work? And what if, right? How do you show up in your business when you’re thinking that?
Lindsay: Oh, very like scarce minded or playing it small.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. And then what result are you guaranteed to get when you do that?
Lindsay: Like a small client roster and small thoughts and everything feels small.
Lindsey Mango: And what’s possible when you actually believe in all of those possibilities for yourself? When you take that brain and you start taking action from like, I could literally sign so many clients in the next six months.
Lindsay: Yeah, like I would totally be in a room of coaches. That’s on the top of my list, like having a coach, being in a room full of coaches, doing the work. Like Brene says, like in the arena. Like I’m in that room and then I’m also all in, like you said. Just like, let’s see if this works, let’s see if this works.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. And what result will you get when you do that? When you’re like, “Let’s see if this works.” Like the same commitment you would have if you needed to get food for your kids tomorrow. What’s going to ultimately happen?
Lindsay: The people that I’m meant to coach will start being attracted, like they’ll start finding me and I’ll have clients and I’ll have my own coaching business.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, you’ll actually get everything you want.
Lindsay: Yeah, I’m going to I start thinking more like that.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. And the challenging part is following that thinking up with decisions, right? That’s the risky part. That’s what feels risky. It’s like, if I believe that and then I make decisions from that, then I might not be safe. But if you think about it, the only option, the other option of not believing it and not making the decisions has guaranteed you to get the result you don’t want.
So it’s like the only option is believing in the possibility and making decisions from there. Yes, there’s the risk of failure, 100%. But that’s the only way that the possibility of success exists.
Lindsay: Yes. Well, I’m going to talk to my husband about it today.
Lindsey Mango: All right. What do you think he’s going to say?
Lindsay: I guess I don’t have a thought of what he’s going to say. I think I’m just going to talk about what I want and the possibilities that I believe in.
Lindsey Mango: But what do you think he will say? Let’s just go there for a second.
Lindsay: What do I think he would say?. My first thought is he would say like let me think about it.
Lindsey Mango: Okay.
Lindsay: Or he would say like, okay, let’s look at all of our bills and see what money is coming in and coming out before we make a decision. I don’t think he’s going to say no.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. And what happens if he says let me think about it, or let’s look at our bills and see what that looks like?
Lindsay: If he says let me think about it, I’d probably let him think about it. He’s a pretty like, he’s an analytical guy, deep thinker. I’d probably say like, I don’t know, I’d say like what information do you need for me to think about it? I don’t know that I’d say that. I’d probably let him think about it for like a day.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. And then what?
Lindsay: And then I’d ask him like what he’s thinking.
Lindsey Mango: Okay.
Lindsay: And coach him on it. No, I just kidding.
Lindsey Mango: Let’s just go there for a second, right? Let’s just say he comes back and he’s like, I don’t see space for this.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: What happens?
Lindsay: So we were going to take a trip this year to Africa.
Lindsey Mango: That’s so cool.
Lindsay: Yes, which it didn’t end up working out, and I got pregnant and we wouldn’t have been able to go anyway. But we would have spent well over the amount of money it cost to enroll in ABA.
Lindsey Mango: Yes.
Lindsay: And so I have this thought, and I think I said it to him before, like what if we use what we were going to use for Africa to let me enroll, like I enroll in coaching? And I think he just kind of like shook it off. I didn’t really like pursue it after that question. So that’s one thing.
It’s like if we’re so willing to spend money on all these things, it kind of feels like sometimes it feels like my dreams are getting put on the back burner just buying things that aren’t necessities. It’s like when I see him buy something that’s not a necessity, I’m like, okay, we could totally invest that into my dream, you know?
Lindsey Mango: And why is your dream being put on the back burner?
Lindsay: Because of me.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, you’re letting it be put on the back burner.
Lindsay: I am.
Lindsey Mango: Because if it was Africa, what would happen?
Lindsay: There was no discussion. It was like, yes, we’re going.
Lindsey Mango: What would it be like to show up to this with that level of certainty?
Lindsay: I think just like, I mean, fully believing in myself, fully expressing what I want and what possibilities I believe in. And then I get, I’m having this thought of asking him if he trusts me, or if he, not if he believes in me. He believes in me, like he’s so supportive. And he never, like he’s always, yeah, so supportive.
But anyway, maybe it’s just like, yeah, just fully expressing what I want and what I believe is possible in the next six months before this baby is born, and what I’m willing to do. And Yeah, having that question of like does he trust me? Like if I enroll now, do you trust me that we’ll be okay or that I will make the money back?
Lindsey Mango: And what if you ask that question to yourself? I don’t think he’s going to say no, he sounds great. He sounds supportive, but what if he says no, I don’t know if you’re going to create results or whatever. What’s keeping you from trusting you? From being able to show up to it with the same level of certainty that it’s like, we’re going to Africa. We’re going to go to Africa so we’re going to move whatever we got to move, we’re going to figure out whatever we have to figure out to make that happen.
Lindsay: I know, we were going to miss Christmas with our family. It comes back to me being all in, like me being all in, stop holding myself back, stop going in the closet. Like believing that I am a great coach and that I can make more money than him.
Lindsey Mango: Imagine if you thought that.
Lindsay: I say that a lot.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. So it’s like you’re looking for him, like do you trust me? But really you’re asking yourself, do I trust me?
Lindsay: Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: And what would it take for you to be like, hell yes for yourself?
Lindsay: What would it take me to say that I trust me? Saying I’m all in isn’t working. Like saying I’m all in, yes, I believe that. Like you’ll figure it out, you don’t have to have anything figured out right now. I get that, but that still doesn’t say to me like, maybe it’s like I’m committed to this like I am my husband and my children.
Lindsey Mango: Okay. And what would you do if you were that committed to this?
Lindsay: No matter how hard it is, I show up for them every day. Yeah.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. And really what this is saying is like no matter what happens, I show up for me every day.
Lindsay: Yeah. That’s what I’ve been missing. Saying that my dreams can wait is saying all of me can wait, you know? it’s not just holding back my coaching business. It’s like holding back every part of me.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah. Which is so interesting, right? Because it’s like our brains are like, it’s about the coaching business. But it really isn’t at all. It is, but it’s not.
Lindsay: Right.
Lindsey Mango: It’s about so much more than that.
Lindsay: Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll say and believe. Like I would die with so much regret if I didn’t coach. And I will live such a full life if I do.
Lindsey Mango: And just think about the full life you live, coaching is the expression of that, but like prioritizing what Lindsay wants to the level that she prioritizes everybody else.
Lindsay: Right.
Lindsey Mango: That’s what’s going to be, like the coaching business is a reflection of that, right? That’s like your soul’s work. But that is what you’re claiming right here, right now by making this decision is you claiming that. And that’s how you’re going to live a full life. Not just with your coaching business, but just like in everything. And that’s how you’re going to help other people live full lives.
Lindsay: Right. Yeah, that’s it.
Lindsey Mango: It is. How do you feel?
Lindsay: I feel really good. Like this morning I was journaling before our session and I already felt a little bit more free knowing I was getting a coaching session. It’s been a long time since I’ve had one. And I already felt the freedom of knowing I got this hour, now almost hour and a half just for me, you know?
Lindsay Mango: Yes.
Lindsay: And I feel a lot lighter, I feel like more certain in myself because I feel like I’ve given myself permission to not feel like I have anything figured out and that the recognition that putting my dream on hold is like putting me on hold.
Lindsey Mango: Yeah, it feels like the all in-ness has been decided now.
Lindsay: Yeah. Oh yeah.
Lindsey Mango: It’s not like maybe, right? I can feel the shift, it’s like the decision has been made.
Lindsay: Yes. Yeah.
Lindsay Mango: All right. Then I’ll see you on the inside.
Lindsay: Thank you so much.
Lindsey Mango: I just want to honor and celebrate you too, for just leaning in because I coached you hard. You went there though, you allowed your mind to be totally open and neutral and be willing to see all of it, which is what helped us get here.
Lindsay: I loved being coached.
Lindsey Mango: Me too, this is the best. No wonder why you’re meant to do this.
Lindsay: I am open.
Lindsey Mango: You are very coachable and it shows, it’s so good.
Lindsay: I really appreciate this. And I really, I want to say hope to see you soon, but I will be seeing you soon.
Lindsey Mango: Perfect. And also remember, once you join you can literally get in the community immediately and ask for coaching. So if you have lots of drama after the decision, you always can go in there for that too.
Lindsay: Okay. Yes, I feel good. Now I’ve got to go have my emotional hangover.
Lindsay Mango: Yes. I love it. Well, awesome. Lindsay, thank you for playing ball with me. And I cannot wait, like this is going to be so valuable for people to hear. And I’m just excited for you because I can just, I can feel a shift. And I know, I mean, I feel like every decision on every level is like so huge. And I just know that I know the feeling you’re having right now. And it’s so powerful and amazing and really scary. But that’s so good.
Lindsay: Thank you.
Lindsey Mango: You’re welcome. All right, I’ll talk to you soon.
Lindsay: All right.
Lindsey Mango: All right. Bye, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Bye, Lindsey.
If you’re ready to take this work deeper and create your own coaching business, join us in Anything But Average where I will walk you through the step by step process to become a coach, start your coaching business, and start signing clients. Go to lindseymangocoaching.com/anythingbutaverage and I will see you on the inside.
